Gay guy #1: Something's spitting on us!
Amused girl: It's raining.
Gay guy #1: Ooooh.
Gay guy #2: Thank you!

--7th Ave & W 16th

Overheard by: Jodi

Tyler Durden-quoting thug: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
Reference-missing thug: Nah, man, that's fucking gay. There's always other bitches around.

--30th Ave, Astoria

Conductor: I swear, when people get on the subway system, their iq drops. (two stops later) I saw you put your foot in the door, lady, and you had your child with you! Just remember, he sees everything you do. (next stop, as passenger sticks foot in door to get on train) How long you gonna stand there with your foot in the door?

--1 Train

Hobo: Hey, baby girl!
Black girl, freaked out: Hey...
Hobo: You got a boyfriend?
Random black girl: Yeah...
Hobo: He one of dem light skin niggas, ain't he?
(black girl laughs as she runs away)

--N Train

Old hobo: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a pirate!

--West 4th St

Overheard by: Tina

Gay English prof: The pirates need sex!

--Barnard College

Five-year-old boy, in pirate accent: We're at the center of the universe! Yarrr!

--Times Square

20-something to date: This root beer is strong. It makes me feel like a pirate!

--23rd St & 9th Ave

Girl, breathing in deeply with orgasmic look on her face: Holy shit! Smell! Smell! Smell!
Guy: Oh my god! Yes!
Girl: You can gain weight just standing in here.

--Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Andrea Quijano

Girl #1: So we're going to visit your brother?
Girl #2: Yeah, he's working tonight.
Girl #1: What's his last name?

--Grand Central Terminal

Teen chick #1: I just can't tell how he really feels about me...
Teen chick #2: He likes you! He chose you! It's like Pokemon! He took his pokeball and said, "Nicole, I choose you"!
Teen chick #1: But, did he choose me? I think I chose him.
Teen chick #2: I don't know. Which one of you fits into a pokeball better?

--67th & Broadway

Overheard by: Minnie Amelia Rosario

Guy #1: Let's sit in those seats so we can consume our beverages.
Guy #2: No, if we sit together people will think we're gay.
Guy #1: Not if I'm drinking soda!

--1 Train

Guy at bar: Is she ok?
Girl just arriving at bar: My friend? Yeah, dude, she's fine, she just had to pee.
Guy at bar: No, I meant that girl that got hit by the car outside.

--32nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: i couldn't believe it either

Dumb girl: Do you think if I learned Italian I would get an accent?
Dumb boyfriend: You know Spanish and don't have one.

--Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: j. hood

Little girl #1 (from inside bathroom stall): Do you like vanilla or chocolate ice cream?
Little girl #2 (from inside bathroom stall): I like vanilla.
Little girl #1 (from inside bathroom stall): I usually throw up when I have vanilla ice cream.

--Ladies' bathroom, Loews Cineplex

Little girl: Mommy, I want a phone.
Mom: You can't have a phone.
Little girl: But all my friends in second grade have phones.

--Pizzeria, Battery Park City

Overheard by: Bryan

Small white cashier gal: Collard greens, grits... I just love all that stuff!
Large black cashier gal, grimacing: Not me, that's slave food.

--Rite-Aid, Amsterdam & 69th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Short bald rich man: I hate that you go to work and take off your clothes for other men.
Stripper: Then you probably really hate that I have sex with other men in your bed.
Short bald rich man: As long as they're as rich as me. I don't want you fucking my employees.

--Ritz Diner, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Anna B

Five-year-old girl #1: Did I tell you that it took forever for me to find parking?
Five-year-old girl #2: No, really?
Five-year-old girl #1: Yes, there was a big truck in my way and I had to drive around forever, but I am here now. (girls go back to running through the fountain)

--Playground, Long Island City

Random girl #1: What kind of movie is filmed at Jake's Dilemma?
Random girl #2: A movie that won't ever make it to the theaters.

--Amsterdam & 81st St

Ghetto girl #1: Yo, I cannot be with a gemini.
Ghetto girl #2: For real?
Ghetto girl #1: Yeah. I could be friends with a gemini girl, but with a guy... Hell no!

--F Train

Construction worker #1: Oh, my god. Is that him?
Construction worker #2: I don't think so.
Construction worker #1, excited: I think it is! I think it is!
Construction worker #2: No way.
Construction worker #1, yelling: Yo, Howie! (to his buddy) Did he look?
Construction worker #2: Dude, Howie Mandel is not going to be walking around midtown Manhattan.

--Carnegie Hall

Waitress, pouring beer to guy: Is that too much head for you, sir?
Guy, grinning lecherously: No, I can never get enough!
Waitress: Oh my.

--Diner, Midtown