I’m not sure if you remember last year when I showed you the guy in my neighbourhood whose house is covered with Christmas lights or not. But here it is again.(...)
Read the rest of MEET THE NIERATKOS - CHRISTMAS… SO IT BEGINS (451 words)

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God Americans are obsessed with oil. VBS just went to LA to Beverley Hills to look into the latest crazy LA fad, ‘urban oil welling’. It’s a cross between hide and seek and Monopoly and it’s pretty weird. Click here to watch Oil of LA.

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Post tags: Oil, VBS

For three months now I’ve been living with a prostitute. And, much like any job, over time, she has made friends with her fellow professionals (streetwalking, not-at-all classy friends). Yay! This means by default most of my recent nights in have been spent sitting around my living room with a bunch of whores, listening to them gossip over stories of differing brands of thrush creams and their ever-sagging labia. They always use up all the tea bags, and I swear the other day one of them stole a pair of my tights. But whatever, in the end it’s worth having the skanks around for all the riveting and disgusting stories they tell. Here are a few of the best ones I’ve heard recently.(...)
Read the rest of HANGING WITH WHORES (399 words)

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Post tags: living with them, prostitutes, Sex

A long time ago I lived in an old London warehouse with a guy called Steve, who was a questionable character and a cocktail of mental illnesses. Steve and I were both penniless; I worked full-time for a respectable fashion label but got awful pay for incredible PR, sales, and marketing skills, whereas Steve was a bum and deserved to be broke. On the outside of our building, near our front door, was some graffiti: a Banksy rat. The most famous of Banksy’s work, the one in all the coffee table books, the one that drew in hipster tourists every day to photograph it. I liked the rat. It made me smile a little each morning as I left the house.(...)
Read the rest of I DESTROYED BANKSY’S RAT (1,028 words)

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Post tags: art, banksy, rat

It seemed like a slam-dunk: Head over to the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Beverly Hills with my girlfriend Molly, who’d act as my photographer for the night, to wallow in the sordid spectacle that was the Los Angeles Cougar Convention. Not only would I get a story out of it, but watching the cougars (women over 40 who exclusively date men a decade younger than them) and cubs (the much younger men) play the age-old game of seduction with one another would give us a chance to sit on the sidelines and mutter jokes to each other under our breaths. In other words, a romantic date.

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Read the rest of ON THE PROWL AT LA’S COUGARCON (1,523 words)

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Post tags: Miss Cougar California

Hitler, Shakespeare, Al Capone, Friedrich Nietzsche, Van Gough, Toulouse Lautrec, Gauguin, Manet, Baudelaire – slutty syphilitics, the lot of them. Pretty trendy disease, huh? Which is why a lot of you people on this website will no doubt be interested in it. (...)
Read the rest of SYPHILIS GIVEAWAY (267 words)

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Post tags: Fracastoro, STD, Syphilis

Reunification, woohoo! About a week ago Germany celebrated the 20th anniversary of this wall thing, with Bon Jovi and Domino Stones. However this just brought my mind back to the inexplicable differences between East Germans and West Germans. West Germans like Jurgen Klinsmann, East Germans like taking their clothes off in public.(...)
Read the rest of NAKED BEHIND THE WALL (678 words)

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The problem with the British political system is that it is full of people you would never want to meet who make laws about people they would never want to meet, and even the people who do meet each other really, really hate each other. So Nick Clegg wants to abolish today’s Queen’s Speech, and instead have a Congress of the People for 100 days to draft a new constitution. Well, that’s not even gonna come close to solving the sort of Bakewell Tart of old fuckedness in which the nation is presently charbroiled. Move aside, Nick. We’ve had a think, and come up with some better schemes to remodel Britain’s battered democracy.(...)
Read the rest of IT’S TIME TO MODERNISE BRITISH PARLIAMENT (690 words)

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Post tags: parliament, Queens speech

Dear Vice:
I’m sending you this photo for about the seven thousandth time (this time through the actual post) because I have a rare disorder that doesn’t yet have a name but is diagnosed for symptoms of having too much a sense of “blatantly slightly off and therefore perfect” photo composition and timing, still thinking girls puking/peeing/doing whatever gross thing is “transgressive,” and not knowing when to take a hint that a magazine may not be interested in my work. I think it may have something to do with being Canadian.

(...)
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In 1969, Chairman Mao commanded the construction of a second Beijing beneath the surface of the original city, designed to accommodate all six million of its then inhabitants, so that if nuclear war did kick off, folk would still have somewhere to hang out and play Mah Jong while the rest of us burnt to death in a shower of atomic rain. War never came, but the city is still there.

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Read the rest of CHAIRMAN MAO’S UNDERGROUND CITY (867 words)

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Post tags: Beijing, Chairman Mao, china, Underground City

Take a wild guess what the most dangerous profession in Iraqi Kurdistan is. We’re not going to prolong the game and make it fun for you because these intros are supposed to be short–according to a report issued yesterday, the answer is journalist. It’s no secret the government’s into controlling their image as the safe, sensible region of Iraq; if ever there was proof why you shouldn’t use Wikipedia as a source for your book report, it’s the Iraqi Kurdistan page, where this description smells rotten as a dog fart: “It is the most stable and secure region of Iraq where not a single coalition soldier or foreigner has been killed, wounded or kidnapped since the 2003 invasion of Iraq.”

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Read the rest of JOURNALIST AND MINESWEEPER ARE IN THE SAME FIELD (479 words)

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Post tags: Iraqi, Kurdistan, scary fucking job

We went to the X Factor house. I read somewhere that this year Simon Cowell had hired people with megaphones to point out loudly to the crowd what a waste of time it was standing behind a wall all day. Clearly it didn’t work, because everyone gathered outside had been coming for weeks.

People have written all over the walls, ostensibly in a show of support. Who wouldn’t take comfort from knowing “shayla m luvz u bby”?(...)
Read the rest of MEETING THE X FACTOR CONTESTANTS, JUST AS EVERYONE GETS BORED OF THEM (567 words)

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It’s the 40th anniversary of Page 3 today, so I hope you’re planning to pick up a copy of the Sun. After all, it’s been a fabulous 40 years: tits alongside weird Hillsborough accusations; norks rubbing up against exposés about immigrants stealing from the Queen; boobs bouncing next door to lighthearted accusations of insanity thrown at Frank Bruno. It’s been a real fab time for breasts. If you do go and buy a copy of the Sun today, it’s possible that if you’re very lucky you’ll find Sarah Maple’s face smiling benignly at you from above her plastic titties. This morning the artist and 50 of her buddies were out slipping these pictures into copies of the Sun in a Crass-like protest of two score years of perky objectification. Now, Maple, start returning my calls so we can do a proper interview with you rather than our curt emails, please.

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Post tags: Page 3, Sarah Maple, The Sun

Usually when you go home and dig through your parents’ stuff all you find is a couple porn mags, massage oils, and a tiny bit of weed that’s been there since the last time you went snooping. But every once in a while you find something weird you swipe and take to work and scan to share on the internet. Something like a chart called The Plan of Ages.

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Read the rest of PLAN OF AGES (279 words)

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Post tags: Bible, Finis Jennings Dake, The Dake Annotated Study Bible, The Plan of Ages

Held over three days in Baltimore, the most magical of locations, Faeriecon 2009 brought together children, gamers, Pagans, Ren-festers, steampunks, bellydancers(?!), and the inevitable BDSM faction in their natural habitat: the Hunt Valley Marriott.

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Read the rest of AMONG THE OAKS AND ELDERS (1,421 words)

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Post tags: bellydancers, Faeriecon 2009, gamers, Pagans, Ren-festers, steampunks

All you need to flog is a stick and a tush. It’s surprising, then, that some people have the energy to invent a machine designed entirely to make flogging easier, but in the sixteenth century someone did, and got rich beating the shit out of the King of England’s arse (possibly literally). (...)
Read the rest of THE A TO Z OF SEXUAL HISTORY: B - BERKELEY HORSE, A FLOGGING MACHINE, 1828 (487 words)

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Swansea has seen a 178 percent jump in registered heroin users over the last four years. Somewhat unusually, it is the supply that is driving the demand, as the high unemployment made the lucrative profession of dealing drugs more attractive than ever. Directed by Leo Leigh and Andy Capper, Swansea Love Story, the newest installment of the Rule Britannia series, follows young heroin users in the city, their families and their daily routines. The film will be premiering at the ICA on 8 December. Go here for tickets (they’re free, but limited.) Click through for the trailer. (...)
Read the rest of SWANSEA LOVE STORY - ICA, 8 DECEMBER (4 words)

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Post tags: ICA, Swansea Love Story, VBS

So Morrissey supposedly digs the “fourth sexuality”, right? Well, even that big old pansy would have to draw the line at the fifth. Metrosexuality is Australia’s new plague, according to The Herald Sun. A Melbourne party promoter has successfully banned metrosexuals from attending his new event, on the grounds that their presence encourages bar fights. “Low-cut V-neck T-shirts, skinny jeans, pointed white shoes” and “anyone who looks like David Beckham” will apparently be excluded from Lorca. There will also be a name-and-shame board, where serial offenders will have their photos posted – a line-up that will presumably look not unlike a failed boyband’s publicity press pack. Well, we don’t know about you guys in Australia, but in this sceptred isle, we have laws against discrimination on the basis of sexuality. (...)
Read the rest of Dangerous metrosexuals (268 words)

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Post tags: Australia, metrosexuals, Patrick Bateman, Scott Mellor, The Herald Sun

As a young police student in the early 90s Stephan Harbort became aware of the void in the German serial killer research. Since then he hasn’t let us down when there’s something we’ve wanted to know about people who like to murder lots of other people. His latest book, Ich liebte eine Bestie—Die Frauen der Serienmörder, is devoted exclusively to the lovers of German serial killers and we wanted to know why on earth people date monsters like that.

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Read the rest of MY GIRLFRIEND’S A PSYCHO (2,030 words)

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Post tags: german, pyscho

Lebanon has a lot going for it - a burgeoning gay scene, some of the biggest drugs and weapons traffickers and the deepest hummus deposits in the world. VBS TV has been down there a bunch of times and collected a lot of interesting footage, like an interview with the dude in the fetching red bandana above. Wanna know what he does for a living? (clue: he doesn’t own a falafel stand). Then come to the Old Blue Last on Sunday at 8pm and take a trip through Beirut’s refugee camps and the Bekaa valley in the comfort of our popcorn-infused cinema. You can even rsvp here.

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Read the rest of Hummus for your eyes (0 words)

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Post tags: Add new tag, beirut, lebanon