At the last-minute Bar 9 party on Sunday, they had a pillow fight. In the immortal words of Marcellus Wallace: "In the fifth, your ass goes down." As pictured above.
Then the next day, at Death Guild, some guy asked DJ Sage to play Bela Lugosi's Dead.
The guy kept nagging him, and then started laying bills on the DJ booth until there was at least $120 there. Sage still refused, so the guy took his money back, lit one of the bills on fire, and tossed it in the corner of the room.
Dear goths, that is not how you make it rain.
I wonder if it was this guy again.
Oh, and last month at a Battle of the Bands, some jackass started burning her name into the parklet surface with a crack torch. Then when security told her to stop, she tried to set him on fire. She went to jail. We had to sand and re-stain the whole thing.
Oh, and last week we had to do the same thing to the bar inside pizza, because some other jackass carved their happy pirate name into that.
Oh, and also last month, we had to replace something like thirty tiles in the men's room, because some other jackass had carved his happy pirate name into each of them.
Oh, and a couple weeks ago, some dumbass in a U-haul trying to make an illegal u-turn in the middle of the street crashed into our parklet with enough force to actually move it. I guess that plastic sheet we put down over the road before we poured the concrete base actually worked! I'm surprised. So the parklet is now about 6" closer to the curb than it used to be on one side, and doesn't drain properly any more. We had twelve guys out there pushing on it and it didn't budge, so we're going to have to use machinery. Hooray. Oh, also it's bent.
Will you people please knock this shit off??
So many photos this time that I feel the need to categorize them!
So Deep, Go Stoked:
Hubbashack and whatnot:
I guess I should have guessed this was coming when, a couple months ago, they announced that they were jettisoning their video archives, but when they did that at least they gave a week's notice.
Oh, and they're shutting down because they figured out you could make money by letting people post only videos of video-game speed-runs. Double-you tee fuck?
I keep meaning to look in to the Youtube live streaming interface, but the last time I looked at it, a year or two ago, it was completely incomprehensible and I couldn't even figure out whether it's possible to do what we need with it. If you have used it, let me know what your experience was like. (E.g., can I pump FMLE into it 24/7 and get an embed?)
I am inordinately pleased that the phone number printed on flyers in 1985 is still our phone number. That little bit of continuity makes me happy every time I notice it. No 404s here, Mister. Data integrity's kind of a thing for me.
But we've gotten only a little bit of press about this so far, so please help us spread the word, ok? (Here's the Facebook invite.)
Meanwhile, let's meet our early-bird contestants! You can look forward to being served drinks by these fine robots, and more:
- "The Cocktail Engine makes drinks the old fashioned way -- with punch cards. No fancy microcontrollers here! Pure analog might will deliver the ingredients you've punched on your card into your cup within seconds."
- "Shaped like a 1950's style rocket ship, the Cosmobot makes three types of drinks: Cosmopolitan, Cape Cod and Kamikaze. It uses old-school knobs and dials to add to the retro-flavor, combined with the latest in Arduino programming to make a fun and exciting drink adventure."
- "Bar-Letta Bot makes my favorite martini-style drink called a Saturn and many yummy fruity beverages. It cleans itself between drinks, and can make 5 drinks in a series. Yeah. You should see it go. It could be blinky and multicolored, we don't know yet."
- "ANT Product Data (TS//SI//REL.)
PREDATOR-class intoxicant drone designed to passively distribute mind-controlling liquids in form of legal intoxicants. In-field operational reprogrammability allows for selective target capability. Architecture provides for a robust, drinking platform resulting in a dramatic performance improvement over obsolete human operatives."
- "Our robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to sobriety.
Our robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would prevent a human from getting funky.
Our robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law or prevent it from setting itself on fire."
- "Tikibot makes the original Trader Vic Mai Tai with exacting measurements from peristaltic pumps. The mixture is auto shaken, chilled and poured. Do NOT taunt Tikibot or you will end up like Bobby Brady."
- "The Manhattan Project puts together an explosive combination of whiskey, vermouth and bitters for your post-apocalyptic pallet."
- "Come experience the miracle of transmogrification. Featuring Manischewitz."
- "Bartendro makes really tasty cocktails...a lot of them, and we've sacrificed our livers to make sure each and every one of them is delicious. Drinks are selected with a smartphone and are poured in seconds. But be careful, because Bartendro loves you drunk!"
- "'Aight, new drink: one part Alizé, one part Cristal.' With these iconic words, rapper Tupac Shakur launched 1,000 booze-filled ships. In one master-stroke of this genius's pen, a drink designed for and marketed to 45- to 55- year old white women changed forever into a staple of the modern hiphop-inspired alcoholic diet.
With our Personal Alcohol Companion 2.0 (P.A.C. 2.0, for short) we have once more turned the tables, defining anew what it means to be a discerning consumer of mid-range champagne. No more shall we wonder, exactly what constitutes a Thug? How best should we summon his Passion? The answer is here: P.A.C. 2.0. "
And here are a few glamour shots:
So, do you think your robot can take these guys, and win you a thousand bucks?
A while back, we stopped really celebrating the July 13th anniversary and switched to the anniversary of the club itself, which is coming up on DNA Lounge Day, November 22, but you should come out to the Star Wars party we're having tonight and ponder with me how god damned long we've been at this.
Let's see if we can get that "events per month" number up to around 60.
We still have some of those 25th Anniversary posters for sale, by the way. Hint hint.
There have been a lot of changes since I took the last one, so I re-took the panorama that is on the DNA Pizza site. Check it out! The old one predated the connecting doors, and we had about half as many posters on the walls back then.
Have you noticed anything different about the pizza place in the last few days? You probably didn't. We removed the front doors entirely to widen the entrance. BTW, if you want to buy the old doors, let us know. They're big glass doors with wood frames and in pretty good shape.
Some recent photos:
Verizon shot a TV commercial here, and it was an impressively large production. Their trucks lined all of 11th Street and half a block of Folsom. It looked like they had hundreds of costumes on the rack. They set up the club to look like a runway fashion show, and then like a rock concert.
Anamanaguchi were fun, and that show contained more crowd-surfing than I've seen in quite some time, and a surprising amount of it occurred in furry onesies. Also, the "crowd-surfing selfie" is now a thing.
We have six contestants entered in the Cocktail Robotics Competition already! We need more, though. Tell your robot-building friends to get off their butts and register, ok?
There's a little lie-down in the middle, but I recommend you just leave this on in the background with the sound up. It's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to.
If you can't get enough of this, you can compare and contrast it to the last time we did this, in 2001. That's the same sewer. Look at how far this technology has advanced in only 13 years! Now it's... color. And it has sound.
We're super exited about this event we're putting together:
Do you have a drink-serving robotic contraption whose powers of automated intoxication must be shared with the world? Have you created a pulsing, apocalyptic juggernaut of booze and steel?
Can it go the distance? Do you think your cocktail robot has a chance at winning the title of Best Robot Bartender?
Judging will be based on:
- Style and Grace: How clever, how dapper is that robot of yours?
Efficiency of Intoxication: Are the drinks it makes good?
Full-Assery: The opposite of halfassery. Does the infernal device actually work, or do you have to stand there tweaking it constantly?
This Will End Badly: Extra consideration will be given for terrible ideas and Mad Science.
Please pass the Facebook invite along to your robot-enthusiast friends, especially anyone you know who might want to enter. Or, you know, people who like robots and drinking. Which is everybody, right?
We have some feelers out already, but if you have any awesome ideas for people we should hit up to be on our panel of celebrity judges, or suggestions for a flyer artist who gives good robot, please send them along!
You may recall that we hosted a robot-bartender event here back in 2010. It was a lot of fun, but is now sadly defunct. One key difference between that event and this new one is that our event is a contest rather than an exhibition. My hope is that competition will bring us robots that are a little more... rugged... than most of what I've seen before.
You people. I can't even.
And here's some great news: apparently ABC has been bragging for months about how they're about to bring drug charges against "five large SF clubs", so we're all waiting for the shoe to drop on that one and find out who they're running their sting on.
In the past, the way these operations have gone is like this: an undercover ABC agent says to the bartender, "Hey man, do you know where I can buy THE DRUGS?" and the bartender says, "I dunno, go ask someone else." Then he goes and asks someone else and is eventually able to buy something, and testifies in court, "The bartender directed me where to buy drugs." And who's the judge going to believe, the cop or the bartender?
Some recent photo galleries:
Best Futuristic Nightclub: DNA Lounge
DNA Lounge evokes a sense of the future in its iconic interior design. Step through the door, and you'll swear you've been transported to some battle-scarred spaceship traversing an obscure corner of a resource-depleted universe. That aesthetic also manifests itself in the club's tech savvy, which includes interesting touches like hacked ATMs (bearing ironic and strangely dystopian slogans like, "This machine dispenses your god!"), a 24-hour online webcast, and free, high-speed WiFi throughout the club. Next door, DNA also runs a pizza place that serves slices 24 hours a day -- along with coffee and booze (when it's allowed). If that's not the future, we don't know what is.
We've finally solved the Blurb Problem! It's always been tough for us to get blurbs written for our events that actually do ay good. The point of those blurbs is to convince someone to come to the show: to move them from "I've never heard of these guys" to "oh, that sounds relevant to my interests." I've complained about how hard this is before.
Anyway, back when we did that Limousines show in February, that we co-promoted with Noisepop, I noticed that the Noisepop site actually had a great blurb for the show! And for their other shows. So I said to Barry, "Find out who wrote these and hire them." And what do you know, he did! May I introduce you to Lauren Rosenthal, who has been writing all of our calendar blurbs ever since! She's awesome.
So the limes thing is still ongoing. Currently our limes cost us more than our beer. I've heard a lot of people buying the line that this is because of a "storm" or vague "shortage" but no, it's because of the Maltese Falcon. Let's set the record straight, here:
LA RUANA, Mexico (AP) -- The farm state of Michoacan is burning.
A drug cartel that takes its name from an ancient monastic order has set fire to lumber yards, packing plants and passenger buses in a medieval-like reign of terror. The Knights Templar cartel is extorting protection payments from cattlemen, lime growers and businesses such as butchers, prompting some communities to fight back, taking up arms in vigilante patrols. [...]
By late last year, the cartel wasn't just extorting money from lime growers and packers. It had started charging per-box payments from lime pickers, who make only $10 to $15 per day laboring under the scorching sun.
With officials doing nothing to help, self-defense groups started to spring up in February to fight back. Heavily armed men in masks and baseball caps began manning barricades along highways and patrolling the countryside, sometimes openly battling the cartel.
Then the cartel shut the warehouses, forbidding brokers to buy limes and cutting off work for the pickers who had revolted. [...]
Meanwhile, in Mexico City, the federal government recently declared a lime emergency because prices had doubled to about 70 cents a pound. For a fruit so central to Mexican cuisine, it was a crisis.
The government announced last week it would tackle the shortage by importing limes from Brazil. The government attributed the local scarcity to crop pests and "seasonal fluctuations" in production.
Also, you look like you could stand to learn a little bit more about scurvy, and how its cure was discovered, lost, then found again.
That DJ transformer thingy that they build at So Stoked really is a marvel of foamcore engineering. They start building that thing at like 2pm. The projection-mapping works out pretty nicely too.
Might we recommend:
- 15. Best Dance Party
18. Best Gay Friendly Bar/Club
21. Best Live Music Venue
47. Best Late Night Bite
49. Best Pizza
51. Best Sandwich
64. Best Event Producers
Broke-Ass Stuart writes on The Bold Italic:
DNA Pizza is a very strange place to get any work done. Loud, angsty music videos flash at you from TV screens, while a staff that looks like members of the Sex Gang Children serves up slices, salads, and sandwiches. Which is to say -- it's actually an awesome place to work from. I go through phases of doing my writing here. Connected to the DNA Lounge, DNA pizza is a 24-hour joint, but it's pretty empty during the day. At night it fills up with people attending whatever weird shit is happening next door. My favorite is to get a slice and people-watch on Monday nights when Death Guild is going on. There are enough goths to make the Roman Empire tremble.
Have you had our Turkinator Judgement Sandwich?
The cops asked if we would just drop it if she paid for what she had stolen, so we charged her for what we charge for shots times how many shots are in a bottle. Plus the shirt. And the pin on the shirt. Oh, and also our ATM charged her a service fee on top of that.
"The customer began to remove the t-shirt, at which point I informed her that her boyfriend had purchased it and that it was now her property."
Wear it with pride, klassy lady.
And of course tomorrow is Point Break Live.
"What are you getting?"
"I'm gonna get the Odd Salon logo!"
"What? Not the DNA logo?"
"I'm in for $5, here."
Pretty soon everyone in the room piled on: "Sure, I'm in for $5." "Me too." "Here's $2." And suddenly he had $50 and couldn't say no.
"Business before pleasure," the tattooist said, and did the DNA logo first.
So here's a weird little ritual we've found we need to go through: when we have a show in Above DNA, even if there's nothing going on in the big room, we can't let our staff ever go through the connecting door during load-in and sound-check, even though that would make things like stocking the bars and re-filling the ice wells easier. They have to go down and around.
This is because we've found that we need to basically hide the fact that the big room exists from most bands who are playing up there. That's the 250-capacity room, and if they get a look at the fact that we have an 800-capacity room, they tend to say, "Aw, man, what are you putting us in here for! That's bullshit!" and then they're cranky and hard to deal with all day.
As alegedly-professional performers, they should know better: they should realize that they're only going to get 50 people, and 50 people in the big room would be throwing a hot dog down a hallway. But they don't typically like to think of themselves as bands who only get 50 people, so we can't say to them, "Dude, you can play in that room when you're more popular", or they'd just be even crankier.
So we keep the doors closed and hope they don't notice it's there. So silly.
Hey look, photos: