Broke-Ass Stuart writes on The Bold Italic:
DNA Pizza is a very strange place to get any work done. Loud, angsty music videos flash at you from TV screens, while a staff that looks like members of the Sex Gang Children serves up slices, salads, and sandwiches. Which is to say -- it's actually an awesome place to work from. I go through phases of doing my writing here. Connected to the DNA Lounge, DNA pizza is a 24-hour joint, but it's pretty empty during the day. At night it fills up with people attending whatever weird shit is happening next door. My favorite is to get a slice and people-watch on Monday nights when Death Guild is going on. There are enough goths to make the Roman Empire tremble.
Have you had our Turkinator Judgement Sandwich?
The cops asked if we would just drop it if she paid for what she had stolen, so we charged her for what we charge for shots times how many shots are in a bottle. Plus the shirt. And the pin on the shirt. Oh, and also our ATM charged her a service fee on top of that.
"The customer began to remove the t-shirt, at which point I informed her that her boyfriend had purchased it and that it was now her property."
Wear it with pride, klassy lady.
And of course tomorrow is Point Break Live.
"What are you getting?"
"I'm gonna get the Odd Salon logo!"
"What? Not the DNA logo?"
"I'm in for $5, here."
Pretty soon everyone in the room piled on: "Sure, I'm in for $5." "Me too." "Here's $2." And suddenly he had $50 and couldn't say no.
"Business before pleasure," the tattooist said, and did the DNA logo first.
So here's a weird little ritual we've found we need to go through: when we have a show in Above DNA, even if there's nothing going on in the big room, we can't let our staff ever go through the connecting door during load-in and sound-check, even though that would make things like stocking the bars and re-filling the ice wells easier. They have to go down and around.
This is because we've found that we need to basically hide the fact that the big room exists from most bands who are playing up there. That's the 250-capacity room, and if they get a look at the fact that we have an 800-capacity room, they tend to say, "Aw, man, what are you putting us in here for! That's bullshit!" and then they're cranky and hard to deal with all day.
As alegedly-professional performers, they should know better: they should realize that they're only going to get 50 people, and 50 people in the big room would be throwing a hot dog down a hallway. But they don't typically like to think of themselves as bands who only get 50 people, so we can't say to them, "Dude, you can play in that room when you're more popular", or they'd just be even crankier.
So we keep the doors closed and hope they don't notice it's there. So silly.
Hey look, photos:
Thank you, thoughtful Trap & Bass customer. Your antics are hilarious, and I'll bet your mom's real proud of you.
I am unreasonably excited about this. They're so awesome you guys. I don't even.
It will be a few days before they start going out with deliveries, because we have a stack of plain white boxes to burn through first, but HOLY CRAP BLACK BOXES YOU GUYS! We've only been trying to make this happen since 2010.
You have probably heard that Red Devil Lounge recently closed. That makes me sad, because I saw a lot of great shows there, and it's always a bummer when we lose another live venue. But, I'm happy to report that these fine Red Devil Chairs now live on at DNA Pizza. They're much more comfortable than the chairs we had before.
It's a live music butt legacy or something.
Also: Sadly, our DNA Pizza restaurant manager has decided to move on, so we're looking for a new manager again. Please see our new CraigsList ad and pass it along to anyone you think might be interested!
Odd Salon is the new version of last year's Atlas Obscura lecture series. There's been an organizational change, but it's the same basic format. It's tonight! (Along with / following Tap Turnover in DNA Pizza, part of SF Beer Week.)
I saw Go Chic at SXSW a few years ago, and they're really fun! Electro-pop from Taiwan.
And finally, we've just announced Terminator Too: Judgement Play, from the maniacs behind Point Break Live! It's the same principle: audience members get to audition for the Arnold role. Very effects. Such budget. Many squirt gun. Wow.
Some recent photo galleries:
The Love on Wheels thing was a fundraiser for the SF Bike Coalition. It was really cute! I was also impressed that they managed to load out their set and all of their props and merch on a couple of bike trailers. I guess in hindsight they are morally obliged to do it that way, but it was still impressive. Also it was raining. Check out all those bikes! The other side of the street was completely full of them too.
I think Cip & Okan's Wedding was our fifth wedding here? If my records are right, that brings us to five actual weddings, plus five wedding receptions. It was our first gay wedding, though. And definitely our first gay metal wedding.
Also, mixtape 137 is out.
Hey, remember that time PRINCE played here? Four times?
Hey, remember that time, just about 13 months ago, when we opened a new venue?
This year in Above DNA we've had 129 shows, which averages out to 2.5/week. We're open a lot these days! Last year we averaged 7.6 events/week overall, which is only possible because we have two rooms now. We also broke a few of our own attendance records, and we won some awards! We've slung quite a few pizzas.
This is also the year when, in addition to our usual run of dance parties and rock shows, we started having a bunch of seated events, which was an unexpected turn: but those events are all awesome.
You must buy advance tickets! They're going fast and there will be none available at the door!
Thank you all for making 2013 a good one. Now let's get drunk.
Anyway, yesterday we received our first prototype of our new pizza boxes! Like most things related to this business, this seemingly-simple thing took an inexplicable two years:
That's pretty awesome, though, right? Those boxes are going to cost us between 25¢ and 35¢ more per box, which is significant, but I think it's great advertising. I know what you people are like: that thing's gonna sit on your coffee table for a week.
I would not be foolish enough as to try and predict when we will get our first shipment of these boxes in. But the prototype exists!
Also, it occurs to me that I never showed you all the parklet postcards I made. A component of most of the kickstarter rewards that we sent out was a "thank you" card. Becca added a note to the back of each, most of it cribbed from Calming Manatee: things like "Your hair looks really nice today." So here's the retro-styled DNA Lounge Parklet travel postcard:
We shot that on Bare Chest Calendar Day. We still have some of the postcards left, if you want one! They're in the office. Ask someone.
Well, this is quite a few photo galleries: I guess it has been a while since I posted!
There's no video in Above DNA yet. Video's a much more complicated and expensive project.
At approximately 1:50am, I responded to a medical call in Above DNA. When I arrived, I discovered an Asian male laying on the ground near the stage. Upon investigation, I discovered that there was no medical issue with the subject and that he had previously assaulted the DJ, two customers and attempted to knock over the DJ booth. The customer did not respond to any verbal instructions, but was responsive to painful stimuli.
I informed the customer that he could not lay on the floor in the venue and that he need to stand up and step outside. The customer refused and closed his eyes. He stated that he was "perfectly within his rights to lay on the floor." I informed him that we would assist him physically if neccesary. Security staff and I lifted the customer and began carrying him to the above door. The cusotmer began thrashing and kicking, striking me in the groin with his foot. After placing him on the ground, we handcuffed the customer and escorted him out of the venue. The customer then stated that he was going to kill me.
Contacted SFPD at 2:00am. SFPD arrived at approximately 2:10 am. The responding officers then left the scene due to a higher priority call. [...the guy sat on the sidewalk in cuffs for 3 more hours...]
At 4:45am SFFD unit M89 arrived. After releasing the subject to the SFFD Officers, they determined that he was not in any medical danger and allowed him to walk home. SFFD left the scene at 5:00 am.
And, in international relations:
At about 11:30 pm I was standing outside the front door when I witnessed an individual try and sneak in behind the door person. I stepped between him and the inside an asked if I could help him. He said he was trying to get his coat. I told him I would gladly get his jacket for him if he could give me his coat check ticket. At this time he started cursing and reciting strings of numbers. I replied in kind, telling him the local zip codes. We seemed to reach an impasse so I again asked him for his coat check ticket. He responded that he had the strongest fences in Sweden. He then proceeded to hug random strangers on the sidewalk and pull their hair. At this time I moved him away from the front door and next to the bike racks. I again tried to get his coat check ticket to no avail.
I stepped away to help some other customers when he started to try and urinate on the bike rack. I told him that he would be going to jail if he did not put away his private parts and move along. He started to re-dress himself and I turned again to help some other customers when I felt urine splashing on my leg.
At this time I took the patron by the shoulder and walked him around the corner. I told him he had two choices: go away, or go to jail. I then left him around the corner. I returned to the front of the venue to tell staff about him when he stumbled back towards the club and fell on two customers in line. At this time Arlo pulled him out of line and I told him, "last chance, go away or your going to jail". He verbally chose jail and called us faggots. I called the police non-emergency number at 11:42pm. Unit 103 responded at 11:49pm. At this time they took Jonas from Sweden into custody. They took him to the station to see more of America.
Last week, David got bit on the ankle -- the ankle -- so hard that it drew blood.
The things we put up with for you people. You don't even know.
Some recent photo galleries:
Here's a fun interview with the director of Point Break Live:
So the original cast members have been supportive of the show?
Busey showed up the first time really early and came in all scary, especially to the guy playing his character Pappas, like 'Don't mess up my show! If you suck I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your throat!' And then he sat in the front row and five minutes into it he was grabbing water guns, and getting up on stage chasing people around. And three weeks ago, Lori Petty, who played Tyler in the movie, came in and auditioned for Johnny Utah and won. That was really epic to have one of the stars in the show.
What's the strangest Point Break Live! related encounter you've had since you've been doing this?
I met Keanu once when we were doing the shows. He's never come, but one night after we finished doing a show, there was a sister bar nearby that called us and were like 'you gotta get over here, Keanu Reeves is here.' It was right around Halloween so I was like, whatever. But I went over there with some flyers and brought a poster and sure enough it was Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, Bill and Ted, sitting at the bar together. And I mentioned the show to Keanu and said you should come and audition and he was like, 'But what if I didn't win, you know, that would suck!" At the show itself we've had all kinds of crazy stories. We've had people visiting from Japan who don't know English audition and of course the audience picks them. So people who can't even read English have gone on and tried to guess what the words are and people still went nuts for it.
Both November Point Break Live shows sold out, both December shows are sold out already, and the two January shows are going fast! Get your tickets soon, people! You really do want to see this. Words don't do it justice.
(We do sell a few standing-room walk-up tickets at the door, so if you still want to come to the December shows, you can probably manage that if you get here early.)
If you have any photos from Halloween, please send them! I can't believe how few photos we have. There were so many amazing costumes, and they're largely undocumented here. Help us out, people.
The first two shows are this Friday, and the early show is almost sold out! Have you got your tickets yet?
Tomorrow's Halloween! Do you have your tickets for that yet? Our staff have been working themselves to the... bone getting ready for you, muaaahahahaha. Thirteen spooooooky DJs in four rooms!
Also, check out our new bike rack! This now completes the Parklet Project. It was installed yesterday, and within an hour of the bolts going into the ground, there were eight bikes in it.
Also, Point Break Live is coming up in just a few weeks. These shows are very likely to sell out, so get your tickets soon! (It's a seated show, and chairs take up more space than bodies, so we can't fit as many of you in.)
One of the hilarious bits about Point Break Live is that at every show, the Keanu part is cast from the audience -- and a little while ago, at Point Break Live in LA, the Johnny Utah role was won by Lori Petty! That's kind of amazing.
And, some photos of recent events: