It sure has been quiet in the world of AFL misbehaviour. Sadly, that might end with news that the AFL has backed down on its year-long sanction of Ben Cousins.

We're presently in the grip of a will-he or won't-he media frenzy, with reports that Brisbane, St Kilda and now Richmond might take the risky old player. Adding fuel were reports that the player found the onerous drug-testing conditions too strict.

Meanwhile, the AFL players' union (under Brendon Gale) keeps banging on about how unnecessary all those extra drug tests are. It wouldn't have anything to do with the move essentially conceding that the present regime is inadequate for the job or detecting and deterring drug use, would it? Especially the dreaded long-term "hair test" - though easily bypassed by a shorn 'do, as worn by Cousins. Naturally, the AFLPA would like to renegotiate the players' terms to compensate them for any forced absence of drugs. Mr Gale, feel free to use the online AFL Drug Calculator to work help work out just how much compensation is needed.

Of wider concern is that this climb-down will signal that infamous Malthouse Doctrine is back in full swing. For those who don't know, this is the idea that an elite group of players at each club is so indispensable that they can never be sanction, banned or dropped and, as such, can do what they like. The idea was eloquently articulated by Collingwood's Mick Malthouse after the brutal and vicious car-park kicking involving Chris Tarrant and Ben Johnson:

"The fact that Chris and Ben are crucial to the on-field success of Collingwood has influenced my decision. Had they been youngsters on the fringe of selection, I might have thought a playing ban was in order.

"I suspect I'll be criticised for admitting this - what's new? - but you are kidding yourself if you think it would happen differently anywhere else. Different players get treated differently.
...
Perhaps if we were 15th, like last year, I would be thinking differently." (The Age, 4/8/2006)

Clearly, this is a dangerous idea and one that we at The Speccy believe lies at the heart of so much of the criminal and scandalous behaviour we see. The AFL finally decided to tackle it head on to protect the wider interests of the game in the face of the short-sighted selfishness of the clubs. Cousins' crackdown was the vehicle for that.

To test this idea, we've prepared an analysis of the effect of Ben Cousins being dropped by the AFL on general lawlessness and scandal by AFL players. The Speccy combed through our own copious records plus the ever-useful Wikipedia article (also edited by us). The results speak for themselves: since the AFL crackdown, general behaviour has improved remarkably.



What this analysis doesn't show is that the seriousness of criminality has dropped too: there's still a base-rate of traffic offences and the like, but the bashings are way down and rapes in particular have dropped right away. Of course, this could be a reporting bias, but it really does look like the AFL has cleaned up its image at a time when other codes are still under pressure.

The data points include current AFL players who involved themselves in off-field misbehaviour resulting in either a police investigation, criminal charges, a court appearance or a front-page media story. Data for 2004 is very patchy, since The Speccy only started in 2005. You can check out the incidents in question in this table and find out more using the search engine on the right (enter names into Background Check and click Scan).



The AFL and its fans should keep this in mind over the weekend as the final deliberations on Cousins' fate continue. Any backsliding now could jeopardise the progress seen in 2008, resulting in an unwelcome return to form in 2009.


*** UPDATE ***

A version of the above graph and analysis was published in Crikey for the edification of a wider audience.

Naturally, Ben Cousins was picked up Richmond and despite the above arguments he's now going to play for the Tigers. There were a couple of unfortunate Freudian slips, with Richmond Vice-Captain Nathan Foley remarking that "It's unfortunate what's happened in the past, looking before that he is such a great player and has had so many highs, his ability on game day is something so many people admire." AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou blurted "he sets an example for what can be achieved if you turn your mind to being positive". Hmmm. He then went on to describe Richmond's decision as "courageous", in the best traditions of Yes, Minister.

And, true to form, there was an incident within a few days of Ben Cousins' re-instatement, with Hawthorn's Brent Renouf arrested and expected to be charged over his drunken rampage:

Hawthorn ruckman Brent Renouf is expected to be charged with criminal damage offences after being arrested by police over the weekend.

The 20-year-old premiership player allegedly leapt onto the boot of a car parked on Burwood Rd, Hawthorn near the Geebung Polo Club, the Herald-Sun reports.

Police confirmed the man was apprehended by police on nearby Henry St at around 1am Sunday.

A spokeswoman told the Herald Sun the player would be charged on summons. (NineMSN, 22/12/2008)

Yep, that's one drunken bogan who knows he's beyond reproach since the AFL has once again green-lighted anti-social, arrogant buffoonery. With the shackles now off and the Malthouse Doctrine in full-swing, we're gearing up for a worrying 2009.

Citations: The Age, 4/8/2006

Word Count: 692

In four years of covering the seamy underbelly of Aussie Rules misbehaviour, Carlton's Andrew Walker has set a new bar for shameless arrogance and contempt of wider society. His crime - driving whilst unlicensed - is relatively minor by AFL standards, but his flagrant disregard for the law is truly breathtaking.

On February 22nd, 2008, Andrew Walker had his licence suspended (presumably for traffic offences). He was given a paltry $500 fine (equivalent to one morning's "work") and, naturally, no conviction was recorded. A mere eight days later, on March 1st, he was picked up by police for driving, obviously now unlicensed. He complained he was left "confused" by the Magistrates Court (AFL Division) about whether or not he was allowed to drive. (We can be quite sure there's absolutely no chance that he would be confused about the sentence from the AFL tribunal, but then, that's a legal force that actually matters to Mr Walker.)

Why on earth would he think he could get away with being "confused"? We've heard that he does a very convincing "playing dumb" act, but surely it would be hard to mount a case that, for instance, he wasn't sure who the magistrate was referring to when he was standing in the dock at the time. "Oh right, you were talking about me." or perhaps "Oh I see ... I'm suspended from driving any car. Yep, got it now." Surely any lingering confusion would have been dispelled by his own lawyer?

But let's look at some recent history. His colleague, David Teague, rendered an elderly woman a paraplegic when a borrowed hotted-up hoon wagon spun out of control early one Sunday morning. Teague successfully persuaded a magistrate that it wasn't because he cornered too quickly; no, a design fault meant that the floor mat got wedged on the accelerator.

What about Collingwood's Brody Holland - also caught driving unlicensed and on the tram tracks on Swanston St, no less - who claimed that he believed his Western Australian licence was sufficient even some five years after he allowed it to expire. What an absolute crock.

And then there's Hawthorn's Mark Williams, pinged for driving while disqualified (after earlier speeding offences). His excuse? Didn't realise his licence had been suspended. Oh, and Corey McKernan? Driving while disqualified and using a mobile phone. (He lost his licence for drink driving too, the selfish bastard.)

So, not surprisingly, Andrew Walker tried to bullshit his way out of the charge. And why not? The historical odds are good. But Magistrate Jennifer Tregent suggested that this "beggared belief". In plain English, she wasn't buying that Walker didn't realise the February suspension a) applied to him b) immediately and c) for any car. His lawyer described him as "bemused" and conceded that there was a compulsory jail sentence for disregarding the earlier suspension.

And the fallout for this egregious display of lawless contempt?

Told that Walker was a "professional athlete", [Magistrate] Ms Tregent asked what type and was informed by [Walker's solicitor] Mr Kemp he was a footballer with Carlton.

Ms Tregent suspended a one-month jail term for 12 months, suspended Walker's licence for two months, fined him $500 without conviction, and told him she did not anticipate he would drive during the suspension period. (The Age, 19/8/2008)

And here's the kicker: Andrew Walker drove his car to court to answer charges of driving unlicensed. Setting a new bar for chutzpah, he then had to have a mate give him a lift home, leaving his car behind (apparently opting out of the free priority taxi service for AFL footballers). What the hell was he thinking? Well, we know the answer to that ...

There's a distinct pattern going on here: over-privileged footballers realise that road rules and licensing requirements are for other people. They willfully break the law. They lie or act dumb or just plain old try to bluff it out. The legal sanctions have no effect. The clubs leave them be while they're kicking goals. There's no serious negative public comment. And so things get worse.

Sure, driving unlicensed is a relatively minor crime. But it speaks volumes of the general contempt and feeling of being special that can have much more sinister consequences. Let's not forget that during Essendon's Andrew Lovett's trial he allegedly said he was a "special person" who "could probably get away with murder". Outlandish? Well, Victoria's most senior detective is on record expressing doubt about his detectives' abilities to fully investigate footballers during the Heath Culpitt missing rape evidence scandal. And in one of Daniel Kerr's assault trial earlier this year, a witness gave testimony that immediately after the vicious assault Kerr told the victim "I am too good for the Eagles. They wouldn't delist me." Given the frequency with which he calls upon their services, we assume his brazenness extends to police and courts too.

This attitude must be very disheartening for police trying to do the right thing and downright scary for victims and witnesses trying to seek redress. At The Speccy, we argue that this culture of impunity and being special and above the law starts with minor traffic offences and, unchecked, culminates in serious cases of assault and rape.

Citations: The Age, 19/8/2008

Word Count: 853

Just a few weeks after coming off his "special provisions" contract, troubled Magpie Alan Didak has been unmasked as the secret passenger yet again. No, not in a "hell-ride" involving a drug-dealing murderous Hell's Angel, but in Collingwood's growing Heath Shaw bingle scandal.

But let's back things up. Alan Didak has been a frequent subject on this blog, notably for his 2006 public blue with then-girlfriend, glamazon model Cassie Lane and his confrontation with a taxi driver that saw him charged. (Incidentally, this event caused Collingwood to win the betting pool in the Aussie Rules Misbehaviour Market.)

But what really gained Didak notoriety was his friendship with Hell's Angel Christopher Wayne Hudson. His resulting lift home from the Spearmint Rhino strip club - with shots fired out the window, including at police - and visit to the Hell's Angel's headquarters came to light a few days after Hudson later horribly beat a stripper (Autumn Daly-Holt), shot another one (Kara Douglas) and shot two men who came to their assistance (solicitor Brendan Keilar and Dutch backpacker Paul de Waard). Sadly, Mr Keilar passed away.

Didak attracted criticism for his friendship and association with Hudson, his reluctance to come forwards and his somewhat hazy recollection of events when questioned. That weekend Didak was booed by the crowd in what was possibly the Collingwood cheer squad's finest hour.

As a result of his repeated and accelerating poor judgement, he had special clauses put on his contract with Collingwood, ensuring that he stayed off the booze and kept to a curfew. This for a 25-year-old grown man with a six-figure income! Sadly, these juvenile measures seem to have been necessary. Just a couple of weeks ago, the clauses were lifted as part of Didak's new $800,000 contract. Now we have this.

(You can see why Carlton's Brendan Fevola - himself no stranger to a bingle scandal! - is resisting efforts to have similar "behavioural restrictions" attached to his contract. They actually work.)

Heath Shaw - a relative clean-skin - got pissed on Sunday at a suburban pub, Hawthorn's Geebung Polo Club. He then drove home (at 0.15 BAC or three times the legal limit). Remember, this is a man with a large income and his own free, priority taxi service. Predictably, he ploughed into two parked cars, causing damage and waking the neighbours.

While Didak was spotted at the scene, the pair denied he was in the car. Club president, Eddie McGuire, took that at face value and defended Alan Didak with the memorable line that he "will be accused of the Kennedy shooting next". Of course, the truth emerged within hours and with it the reality: these men had tried to lie their way out of a bad situation.

After humiliating the club and casting a pall over the credibility and competence of Eddie McGuire, they're gone. Alan Didak has been fined $5000 and Heath Shaw has been fined $10,000. Shaw's brother, Rhyce Shaw, has been fined $5000 and suspended for two matches for drinking late on Sunday. Most importantly, Didak and Heath Shaw have been suspended for the rest of the year. Here at The Speccy, we commend the club for taking a decent, sensible and forward-looking stance.

While criticised by some commentators as "a ridiculous overreaction", this indeed sends a powerful signal to players. No, not the bit about getting hammered and driving your car. Hey - many, many players have done that and escaped sanction. It wasn't even the lying about it bit - after all, Scott Thompson's incident also involved a few hours of the who-was-where-doing-what game before the truth came out. No, it was lying to the club and making Eddie looked like a fool that did them in. Headlines like "Magpie lies humiliate McGuire" (Macarthur Advertiser) are just not acceptable given McGuire's, um, tenuous and difficult position at Nine, as failed CEO and TV presenter-sans-show. He can't afford to look like a patsy at this crucial stage of his career.

But just in case we were in any doubt about what exactly the sins were, former club captain Nathan Buckley spelled it out:

Buckley told Radio 3AW this morning that Shaw and Didak's lies were "unforgivable".
"For those players to be out from a football perspective six days before a game, when they have had an eight-day break is just unacceptable and then to top it off by being dishonest to the people in an environment where you rely on honesty and you rely on trust is unforgivable,'' Buckley said. (The Age, 5,8/2008)

Drinking on a school night. Check. Telling lies. Check. Oh, and the drink-driving/jeopardising others' safety part? Well, unless they ran over another listed Collingwood player, I'm not getting a strong sense that Buckley has thought about that too much. Gotta admire his focus, if not his morals.

Another former club great (and uncle of Heath and Rhyce), Tony Shaw, put his oar in by pointing out the effects of a footy club's ingrained tribal rules and over-arching commercial imperative. He also has a sense of where the problems lie:

Tony Shaw earlier told Radio 3AW that by covering for Didak, his nephew had "picked the wrong person".

"I think Heath deserves everything he cops in all ways from the club but the one thing about it, the lying part, there's no doubt there's an unwritten law within footy clubs that you look after your mates and unless they do something that physically harms someone or something against the law ... maybe Heath did the right thing in one way in helping out a mate but he probably picked the wrong person to do it for,'' he said.

...

"I'd be pretty dirty if I was Heath.''

The club legend said the administration had not handled things properly.

"I the (club's) just trying to make an example and they haven't set the scene prior to this - Eddie (McGuire) will tell you I've rung him a number of times about different players doing different things off the field for nearly four to five years and I think that the protectionism that Eddie's trying to give the club to save their image in fact is detrimental to the very thing that you try to build and that's the culture," Tony Shaw said. (The Age, 5,8/2008)

It's certainly food for though and while it doesn't diminish the culpability of Heath Shaw and Alan Didak, it does go some way to explaining how this cultural problem can be tackled. Hint: Eddie McGuire (and his ilk), with their spin and cover-ups and master media manipulation, are part of the problem.

Let's not forget that it was just two years ago that we saw the terrible Chris Tarrant-Ben Johnson car park assault that left a young man in hospital with severe head injuries. Let's recall how Eddie responded to criticism that the two players would be allowed to represent the club the following weekend, rather than face suspension:

"We're playing for the finals and they owe us. They're not getting the night off, you don't get a day off when you're playing the top side in a big game. They owe their supporters and they owe their teammates and they'd better get a kick." (The Age, 3/8/06)

And let's also recall the so-called Malthouse Doctrine, whereby the really good players become beyond reproach:

"The fact that Chris and Ben are crucial to the on-field success of Collingwood has influenced my decision. Had they been youngsters on the fringe of selection, I might have thought a playing ban was in order.", [said Collingwood coach, Mick Malthouse]. (The Age, 4/8/2006)

Perhaps this is the kind of behaviour Tony Shaw had in mind when he made his comments? In any case, public sentiment has shifted a lot in two years and I doubt that even McGuire would try this "they owe us" line again.

So we've had two players fined and suspended for the rest of the year. The Collingwood Football Club has taken steps to ensure that these two players will behave better in future. More to the point, by taking on the pain of absenting two promising young players, they've signalled that the club is prepared to take a long-term investment view when it comes to player discipline. For all this, they are to be congratulated. It's just a shame that it took lies and deceit to trigger this response, rather than the selfish, criminal, stupid and dangerous act of drink-driving.

Citations: The Age, 5,8/2008; The Age, 3/8/06; The Age, 4/8/2006

Word Count: 1466

Convicted hoon and Adelaide Crows midfielder, Scott Thompson, has been found guilty of driving offences after hospitalising a mate. However, the resulting $50 good behaviour bond meted out by the justice system offers scant deterrence to future lapses by other footballers. What sort of a message does this send?

The incident was on November 2, 2007. Thompson - who was allegedly sober - offered to drive three mates home in a car belonging to Adam Samson, one of the group. Sadly and predictably, he engaged in what the court described as "burn-outs". Even more sadly (and slightly less predictably), he crashed the car into a pole, injuring Adam Samson. Samson required surgery.

At this point Thompson "panicked" and a passenger claimed to be driving in his stead. This lie was supported by the fourth person in the car.

To his credit, Thompson did come forward to police shortly after and confessed he was driving. It would be interesting to know the motives for his change of heart, but we can only speculate. Did he speak to a lawyer? A club official? A PR adviser? Who knows?

Thompson, 25, pleaded guilty to one count of causing serious harm by dangerous driving, and one count of leaving an accident scene after causing serious harm.

In sentencing, [Port Adelaide Magistrate Paul] Foley said the crash occurred on Coral Sea Rd, Fulham, on November 2.

...

He said he would have jailed Thompson for six months, but reduced that to four months because of his guilty plea.

He suspended the sentence on condition Thompson enter into a $50 good behaviour bond and be disqualified from driving for 12 months. (AdelaideNow, 9/7/2008)

Just to emphasise the lameness and futility in putting a professional footballer (average income: $250K+) on a $50 bond into perspective, a well-ranked player and Brownlow contender like Thompson could be earning $50 every hour of every day of the year. I mean, why bother? Either make it substantial or it's just an insult to other motorists.

The press release issued by the Adelaide Crows is equally offensive. In it, Thompson expresses the insensitive notion that "this exercise has been a great learning curve for me" and he's looking forwards to "passing on his experience with others".

Somewhat bizarrely, he's been given a role coordinating the "Learn to Drive Safely" program for younger players. I believe the standard text in this subject is by Darren Millane. Perhaps David Teague can step in for a guest lecture on blaming the floor mat when you render someone a quadriplegic. And I'm sure Michael Gardiner can offer a few tips on safe driving while we're at it.

Meanwhile the club has stepped into remedy the lack of punishment by issuing a more credible $5,000 fine (around half a week's pay). Oh, but they suspended the fine. So (as I understand it) he's not actually paying it. And they put him on volunteer duties for his sins (what message does that send the kids?) and the spin doctors are keen to emphasise this started before the court case. Back in April. You know, six months after the crime. But it's not just to look good in front of the beak, honest!

Bah. Criminally stupid and reckless behaviour. A culture of lies and cover-ups. Token slap on the wrist by the courts. Spin and bullshit from club officials. And another young player shrugs off the consequences and is cheered onto the field.

Citations: AdelaideNow, 9/7/2008

Word Count: 595

Mediocre former footballer Sam Newman, 72, is no stranger to controversy. While his playing career in post-War Geelong was of little import, he's created big waves re-inventing himself as a buffoon on the widely-panned AFL Footy Show. With his badly botched face and reputation as a pants man, he gained a public notoriety far in excess of his media abilities. His greatest success has been to take a penchant for abusing migrants, the elderly and teens in the street and turn it into a lucrative earner. (More details about his misogyny, idiocy and hate can be found on Wikipedia.)

Sam Newman's most recent controversy arose after an attack on fellow media personality and football writer, Caroline Wilson. "Caro" is the chief football writer for The Age, and appears on Nine's Footy Classified chat show. Newman attacked her on The Footy Show in a now-infamous sketch involving a mannequin in lingerie, a staple gun, a cut-out image of Wilson's face and biting references to her dress and appearance.

You can see some video footage of Newman's brand of hate-filled puppetry here:



The host of both shows, Gary Lyon, faced criticism for failing to stop Newman during his "skit" and for not standing up for his co-panellist (on another show), Wilson. While a half-arsed sort-of apology was forthcoming from Lyon, Newman has remained firm. Channel Nine wasn't budging and signals from the AFL hierarchy indicated that, while they didn't like it, they weren't going to do anything about it.

So in response, a group of senior women in AFL - mostly board members of the various clubs - wrote a letter demanding that The Footy Show tone it down and receive a seminar on respecting women. Newman's response on radio was to dismiss the women as "shrieking, hysterical, desperate". He announced on-air that he tried to quit, but Channel Nine would not accept his resignation and forced him to continue.

And why wouldn't they? This kind of thing is a ratings winner. And besides, it's unlikely to mollify their critics. So they'll be trying a different tack:



I'm not sure if our football industry - in particular The Footy Show - has really embraced the AFL's policy on respect and responsibility for women. Perhaps attending some seminars is a good starting point.

*** UPDATE ***

For the sake of completeness, we'll provide a mini-wrap on the Sam Newman situation. In a word, he's been boned. Channel Nine management, hoping to ride out the imbroglio, spent eight weeks batting the issue away. Sam kept escalating - calling some critics liars, for instance - and the media (led by The Age) kept pushing. Finally, after ratings slipped 15% and some advertisers took their concerns public, the axe fell.

Sam Newman has been dropped from The Footy Show, indefinitely, by Nine's Melbourne supremo Jeffrey Browne.

Sure, some bland motherhood statements were made (did I hear "gardening leave"?). Newman has been publicly ordered into counselling with a psychologist who specialises in troubled children. Nice one. He's been off the air for three weeks (even nicer). He's also contracted the flu, broken his ankle doing weights and had hospital treatment for a hernia resulting from a coughing fit. (I suspect the collective wishful thinking of Melburnians may have played a role in that run of bad luck.)

In a remarkable scoop, Age columnist Catherine Deveny gives us all an extraordinary insight into the counselling sessions with this transcript.

So I guess we can add Sam Newman to the list of ultra-arrogant football alpha-males to have been humbled in recent months, alongside Ben Cousins and Wayne Carey. Who's next?

*** UPDATE ***
Well, I have to admit to being fooled on this one. I thought Sam Newman would stay off the air for at least a couple of months, maybe until the finals started. But no. Three bloody weeks. In a sarcastic and unrepentant tone, he announced to the host, Garry Lyon, "I actually feel cleansed, Garry ... I feel refreshed, and I have learned a lot about myself, Gaz".


Newman hams it up for bogans.
Source: The Age.

This year, Newman's had cameras up his arse, painful surgery made worse by having Eddie McGuire hovering around asking questions and trying to look useful, broken bones and now he's been publicly dressed down and sent to counselling sessions. How much more humiliation can this idiot take? I look forward to finding out.

*** UPDATE ***

Serial pest Sam Newman has only been back on telly for a couple of weeks, but he's already generating headlines with his hate-filled, sexist "quips". This one relates to his assessment of a female Tasmanian politician, Paula Wriedt, as "worthy of coming on". Credit to the panel, they immediately took him to task - once the guffaws from the audience died down.

You can watch the video of Newman's witty wordplay and read the transcript here. Predictably, Channel Nine have dug their heels in rather than concede they've made yet another mistake in letting this buffoon on air. Nine News describe the offensive remark as a "quip" and referred to Caroline Wilson's ritual humiliation as a "gag".

Come on!

Word Count: 407

With the recent spate of public urination by AFL footballers leaving our cities piss-soaked and and fetid, it's timely to consider the rich history of pissing in footy - and what it has to tell us about darker psychological disturbance of its practitioners.

The current bout was kicked off by Carlton's "troubled" knuckle-head, Brendan Fevola. It seems his ongoing problems with alcohol manifested itself in a late-night piss on Prahran hotspot Candy Bar. Below is the CC TV footage, care of our friends Channel 7:



Apart from the security video itself, the disturbing allegations in this clip include:

• When challenged by a bar tender, Fevola asked him what his problem is! (Dude, you're pissing in public on someone else's shop.)


• When confronted after training, he denied the incident had taken place saying he doubted it "very much". (Despite existence of said security footage.)


• When asked by the bar tender if how he'd feel if someone did it to his business, he replied that he wouldn't mind.

Coincidentally, Fevola has a stake in a restaurant, Fellini's, just a few hundred metres away at 158 Toorak Rd, in South Yarra. (Get off at South Yarra station.) While I'd be curious to see Fevola's reaction to someone pissing on or near his business, in the interests of his wife, restaurateur Alex Fevola, I'd suggest not. After all, that poor woman has suffered enough being married to this idiot, putting up with his moronic actions, violence, infidelities etc to secure funding to start the business. So for her sake, please don't urinate on his restaurant.

The response from Carlton for this transgression from one of its *snigger* "leadership group"? No suspension. A fine amounting to a week's pay. Yet another "one more chance". (What is that Fev? Five or six last chances now? I wonder if his missus has given him that many.)

Given this piss-weak piece of theatrics in lieu of a substantive deterrence, it's not surprising that another player quickly followed suit. This time, Richmond's captain Kane Johnson brought disgrace by getting his cock out in public and having a good spray. Unfortunately for him, he chose to unload on the St Kilda Rd Police Complex. Unlike Fevola, he was apprehended by the police and is now facing charges. Bizarrely, Johnson - with his solid off-field reputation - quickly sanctioned himself by imposing a one match ban on himself. The club accepted his offer (plus a $5,000 penalty).

In a reversal of the normal order of events, I reckon this shows some promise. Credit where it's due I say, and at least Johnson has taken some personal responsibility, is fronting up to the courts and his club will wear the damage for this atrocious lapse in judgement, civility and decorum through his absence this weekend. It just throws into sharp relief the dangerous and selfish stance taken by Carlton over their repeat offender Brendan Fevola.

It should hardly come as a surprise to hear that AFL footballers enjoy splashing their piss about. Remember that pest Heath Black during his 2006 Christmas blow out? He copped a charge and guilty plea for pissing out the front of Fremantle's famed Little Creatures breweries. No doubt dozens or hundreds of other footballers do it regularly and get away with it. It's easy to dismiss this as "boys will be boys" and other apologetics.

But what of the darker side of the practice? AFL footballers had a disturbing little tradition going just a couple of years ago whereby they would literally urinate on women in nightclubs or bars in order to "mark" them of being interest to them. This "marking their territory" practice was reasonably widespread and various reports of it were covered in the mainstream media. And let's not forget a certain Fraser Gehrig and his urine splashing efforts with a young lady at a bar. Nor a rookie, Simon O'Keefe, who explained how his club booked a stripper for a "tag team" encounter and then other players offered her an extra $50 to urinate on her with another $50 to defecate on her.

Why would men want to get together in a group and piss and shit on a woman? There are no nice reasonable explanations for this. Simply put, the footballer selection process, reinforced practices and resulting warped culture ensure that power, dominance and humiliation are the key currencies. In their minds, urinating (and even defecation) are tools to achieve that end. Certainly, Fevola's arrogant and threatening remarks when challenged show up the mindset. And this "marking" women with piss in bars business? Only a caveman morality could inspire that urge, yet alone grant licence to act on it.

In light of this appalling and continuing problem, here at The Speccy we've got the answer. Past experience suggests that there's one thing guaranteed to dry up an AFL footballer quick smart: drug testing. That's right, urine tests looking for traces of ecstasy, meth and cocaine cause all sorts of problems for players. (Remember that Hawthorn player who "couldn't" provide a sample last year when selected, so the lightweight testers just picked another player?) After hearing about the seven out of eight positives from the Brownlow toilets and the ease of dodging the watered-down official tests, we like the odds.

So we're introducing a piss bounty system. We'll gladly pay anyone an easy $100 for every AFL footballer urine sample that is turned up. Whether it's from a bar, nightclub, police station, your own clothes or a sex worker, we'll pay for the sample. We only have two provisos:

• You must provide provenance (ie chain of evidence of origin) for the sample to a level that will stand up in court.


• It must be presented in a form and state that allows rigorous scientific testing for illicit drugs.

We'll take any currently-listed player's piss and pay you $100. Hell, we'll even pay $200 for a sample from Hawthorn's Lance "Buddy" Franklin. If you're interested, use the comment link below to get in touch.

We reckon it will only take one or two of those liberally applied unscheduled late-night samples from AFL players ending up in the lab (and then straight to the media) to staunch the flow in public. Some guy with a test-tube loitering around might just make those dickheads think twice about ensuring their urine is discreetly and safely dispensed.

*** UPDATE ***
I dunno what he's been drinking now, but the loose talk is that Brendan Fevola is off the piss for good. And the punt. Sort of. His well-publicised problems with alcohol (and, to a lesser extent, gambling) will be tackled through counselling, according to The Herald-Sun. Apparently, he won't be drinking during the season and is sworn off the club's end-of-season binges.

Well, good luck to him, I say. While I'm highly sceptical that he'll manage to keep this up given his $500,000 salary and piss-head workmates, getting counselling and going public with his attempt are good first steps.

So, in that same spirit of support and encouragement, if you happen to catch Fev sinking a few during the season, email in your photos so we can publish them here. I'm sure he'd thank us both, eventually.

*** UPDATE ***
Right, well Brendan Fevola's dabble with temperance lasted not much more than a month. After being busted on the turps at the Casino, Fev fell off the wagon again at South Melbourne's Star Bar last weekend. The Age also reported today that he was seen chugging back on beers at the Fenech/Nelson boxing match (along with Mick Gatto, Shane Warne, Kyle Sandilands and other undesirables). Anyone reckon he was on the punt too?

Of course, he's had a good run on the field and is now telling Carlton to piss off about putting special no-scandal clauses on his rumoured $1.75M contract. Carlton allegedly retaliated by offering him an extra $100K if he doesn't generate a scandal. That sure sends a powerful signal of impotence. Looks like the Malthouse Doctrine is alive and well.

*** UPDATE ***

The Mad Monday celebrations have been and gone. And, from the look of this image, it seems that Brendan Fevola is still off the wagon:


Fevola in Nighty with Comedy Dildo Prop
Source: Herald-Sun

Must be a laugh a minute heading out with these witty japesters.

Word Count: 1069

Just because it's been more than a month without a Wayne Carey post doesn't mean he's been keeping quiet. No sir, quite the contrary. All manner of sad, bizarre and disappointing news has been generated by the abusive Wayne and his on-again off-again girlfriend, Kate Neilson. Here's a round-up of the last month or so of sordid activities since we last covered his violent, drug-fuelled exploits back in January.

Details came to light of yet another US-based row, this time in an exclusive New York hotel (the W Hotel) in October 2006. In this case, the security guard, Kyle Banks, reported that he saw Wayne Carey smash a bottle of champagne over his own head. He allegedly went on to repeatedly hit Kate Neilson before attack the security guard and collapsing.

Also in late 2006, it emerged that the pair were on safari in South Africa when, yep, you guessed it, another violent blue. Neilson became so upset and/or fearful that she left the safety of the limo and ran into the jungle. Although lions, leopards, hyenas etc were spotted in the area, she apparently decided they were a better option than a deranged Carey. How bizarre, how sad.


Sure, he looks harmless enough now, but with a bottle he's incredibly dangerous.
Source: Herald-Sun.

This comes on top of allegations of an earlier incident in October 2004 at a Las Vegas casino, where Wayne Carey was placed under citizen's arrest for assaulting a guard at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. (If the man who physically put Carey down and placed him under citizen's arrest comes forward, he will be eligible for both humanitarian and bravery awards.) Carey was taken into custody by police overnight and charged, although nothing came of it.

Cashing in on their new-found notoriety, Wayne Carey and Kate Neilson did a cover-story for New Idea magazine. Scraping a new bottom for disgusting cheque-book journalism, the outlet has given them a PR free-kick for a reported $180,000. While revelations of the pairs' ongoing drug-use (cocaine) are hardly startling, what is sickening is the gloss liberally applied over Carey's violence. Crikey characterised it as "$180,000 to tell the world that his girlfriend accidently "fell into" the glass of wine that he was in the process of throwing over her and that he did not "realise" that the glass had cut her face". Neilson added "Wayne isn't violent - not at all...That's not to say our relationship hasn't been volatile, but that's (only) at times." She also said that they were "as silly as each other". Volatile? Silly? What next - it takes two to tango? Oh dear. Those excuses sounds a lot like domestic violence at work to me. How appalling that this spin was put out in a publication that recently launched its own anti-domestic violence campaign.


New low in cheque-book journalism.
Source: Crikey.

It's looking likely that Wayne Carey won't be charged for his role in the Port Melbourne siege incident that saw him capsicum-sprayed and led off in hand-cuffs. The Herald-Sun is reporting that senior police believe it won't proceed. The Age is still being a bit more cagey, but we'll see. There's still the matter of the Florida glassing incident to resolve. (Not the attack itself - Neilson dropped the charges - but Carey's alleged assault on Miami's finest. He's pleading not guilty.)

Wayne Carey is rumoured to be making an appearance on Andrew Denton's Enough Rope on the ABC. The ABC does not pay for interview subjects, so Carey's motivation is presumably more about re-building his brand than direct cash. It's likely the episode will air on March 31st - stay tuned for detailed analysis here.

Speaking of the Carey brand, there's been more discussion about his diminishing chances of getting into the AFL Hall of Fame due to his appalling off-field record. He's even been compared unfavourably to Gary Ablett, who's bad record at least started after he retired. Carey's been of bad character since the Year Dot.

Adding to the intense scrutiny and sense of intrigue this past month, Kate Neilson was listed to appear in court over some outstanding fines. Somehow or other, this was "fixed up" and she was taken off the list. Corrections Victoria won't discuss details of what's going on with this little side story. Interesting.


Mysterious court appearance cancelled.
Source: Herald-Sun.

Here at The Speccy, we doubt this is over. Not by a long shot. We'll be keeping a weather eye on the hijinx, rumours and allegations as they unfurl. Stay tuned for more.

*** UPDATE ***
NEW!! We've prepared a timeline of events and an interactive map of Wayne Carey's incidents from across the globe. Now you can track and analyse his violent and bizarre behaviour, perhaps even protecting loved ones overseas by predicting where he'll strike next.

Tip: Our preliminary public safety analysis suggests you should not holiday in 5-star hotels in the US during October. Wayne Carey has faced assault allegations on no less than three occasions.


View Larger Map

Naturally, we'll be updating this map as more violent and other incidents come to light. Stay safe!

*** UPDATE ***

In a Miami court, Wayne Carey has admitted to elbowing a policeman in the face and kicking another in the mouth. His punishment? A $US500 fine, 50 hours of community service and some anger management and counselling. Here in Melbourne, the idea of a rich, violent, drunken, drug-addled and misogynistic footballer getting off lightly for his crimes is depressingly familiar. For the Miami police, the reality of justice, AFL player-style, comes as a shock:

"It is very demoralising for the men and women who risk their lives on a daily basis to know there is not a system that backs them up," said Sergeant John Rivera, president of the Dade County Police Benevolent Association. (The Age, 17/10/2008)

Yes, indeed. Welcome to our world.

Word Count: 786

In this Speccy special, we present an interview with the convicted footballer, Kade Carey. Carey - nephew of the notorious Wayne Carey - gives a somewhat guarded insight into the mentality of today's young footballers. While he's never played at AFL level himself, he got close and knows the scene intimately. He's also no stranger to strife, having been found guilty on violence charges stemming from the infamous Federation Square bashing incident in December 2001.

[Editor's Note: This interview was conducted in the weeks before Kade's "Bad Uncle" Wayne Carey got caught up in his most recent allegations of domestic violence, celebrity drug parties, assaults and foreign court cases came to light. As a courtesy to the Carey family, publication of this interview was delayed several weeks.]

The Speccy has been following the Fed Square brawl and trial since 2005. Kade Carey (Essendon, VFL), Dane Swan (Collingwood, AFL) and Aaron Ramsay (Williamstown, VFL) got drunk and, while at Federation Square, Carey kicked off a brawl that resulted in a number of people being hospitalised. Apparently, he threw himself on the bonnet of a passing car, breaking the windscreen. Evidence was presented at trial that he then lead the beating of a cleaner and three security guards, that he kicked a guard until police arrived, and that police had to use capsicum spray to subdue him after he threw a punch.

After several years, the three were finally found guilty at trial. Carey received a suspended sentence, a $3,000 fine and 200 hours of community work. Swan and Ramsay were also convicted, but escaped the suspended sentence and fine and had to do 100 and 120 hours respectively of community work. The judge's sentencing remarks ephasised their provocation. Naturally, we were outraged. Here was a blatant example of the worst kind of thuggish footballer behaviour going more-or-less unpunished by our legal system.

About two years after the verdict, Carey got in touch with this blog via a comment he left in January, 2008. Since this was a prime example of the kind of behaviour (and response) that we've railed against for some time, I seized the opportunity to do an interview, to take a journey into the heart of darkness. After thrashing out some ground rules, Carey agreed.

Naturally, I was concerned for my physical safety. After all, I had repeatedly and publicly described Kade Carey and his mates as thugs, dickheads, idiots etc. Other commentors had described him unflatteringly too. (For what it's worth, he had his apologists and I was abused with far worse threats and insults.) And let's not forget, he has prior convictions for violence and his Uncle Wayne to gave character evidence on behalf of (now slain) underworld hitman Jason Moran. His father, Dick Carey, is hardly the shy retiring type either.

So we agreed to an email interview, with some caveats around legalities (especially defamation). Of course, I can't be absolutely certain that my correspondent really is Kade Carey. I've satisfied myself of his bona fides and he's given me no reason to doubt his assertion. So what follows is the transcript of that interview, where Carey's responses have been lightly edited by me for spelling. The interview took place between 10th and 17th of January, 2008. Carey's response to this post is underneath.

---

Interview

The Speccy: The media reported you as being a VFL player for Essendon, but not in the AFL. How did you get into footy? What's been the highlight of your career to date? Where is your career presently at and what are your plans?

Kade Carey: I started playing footy in Wagga for the North Wagga Saints when I was very young. My father coached the seniors there and with Wayne playing in the AFL it was an easy choice. I moved to Melbourne when I was 16 and started a glazing apprenticeship. I then went on to play with the Calder Cannons for two years. The second year I was lucky enough to play in a premiership, that was certainly a highlight. Unfortunately I didn't do well in the draft, and the best I could do was a [support] list spot at Essendon, which means I'm only on the VFL list. I am currently playing in the EDFL for the Doutta Stars.

The Speccy: So is it fair to say you've been brought up in the footy culture? Was there an expectation growing up that footy was your future? Is the AFL still on the cards? Oh, and did you finish your apprenticeship?

Kade Carey: Footy culture? Your interpretation of footy culture and mine, from whatI have read in your blogs, varies a fair bit. Obviously footy was a big part of my younger years, it was all around me, so yes I always played football, at school, at home, and on the weekends because I loved it. It still is a passion for me but no there was no expectation for me to make the AFL from my family or friends,only myself. It was my goal to make the AFL when I moved to Melbourne, but I started working as soon as I arrived and always intended to make a career for my self, regardless. Yes, I have completed my apprenticeship, and am still working for the same company. I think I gave up hope of playing in the AFL after my court case and all of the bad media surrounding me and my friends. I still play football because it is something that I enjoy doing.

The Speccy: The Federation Square incident was reported as kicking off when you ran onto the road and jumped on the bonnet of a passing car, driven by a young woman, breaking the windscreen. You were then apparently verbally abused by the passenger before being dobbed into the security staff at Fed Square, which is where things got violent. To my knowledge, the public has never heard any explanation or account as to why you smashed that windscreen. Can you recall what you were thinking at the time? What do you think about it now, some four years later?

Kade Carey: The incident with the car and the three young ladies, I've been replaying in my head for the last four years, and I'm still not any clearer on It. You have heard their version of events. From my recollection I just got out of a taxi at Fed square, on Flinders Street. From the video it shows that myself and Aaron Ramsay have a little wrestle and I stepped onto the road, from there the video cuts out. The next thing I remember I was on the ground. The girls said that I ran at the car and jumped into the windscreen 'body-slam style'. I doubt that very much, I would never purposely jump onto a moving car for no reason, I doubt anyone would. The girls said that they were not moving, but the security guard who was patrolling that area, told the court otherwise. Though he said he didn't see what happened, he heard the tyres of the car skidding. I remember the girls getting out of the car and start yelling at me, I told them it was not my fault, but they insisted It was. They were screaming abuse at me and I remember looking at Swany, (Dane Swan) and he didn't want any part of it for obvious reasons. So we just simply ran off because we didn't want any dramas. However looking back on it now I take full responsibility for what happened with the car.

I should not have been messing around near the road whilst under in influence of alcohol. And obviously I should have stayed and waited for the police to sort it out. The situation only got worse from that point on.

The Speccy: The Herald-Sun reported that you "initiated the fight, beating up a cleaner and three security guards with the help of his two mates." It also reported that the "court was told Carey resisted attempts to arrest him, punching a police officer in the face before being subdued by capsicum spray." The Age also reported that a witness "told police that two of the men had stopped attacking the security guards but the third had continued kicking a guard until the police arrived." I think there was one bouncer and one cleaner hospitalised. During sentencing, the judge acknowledged that you were "provoked", while Swan and Ramsay joined the fight to help defend you.

Did you dispute (substantially) this version of events in court? Did you plead guilty to the charges? What was the nature of this "provocation" the judge referred to?

Kade Carey: What happened next was, we were running along the river. Dane was way out in front of myself and Aaron. I was about 20 metres in front of Aaron and he yelled out to me to wait up for him. I stopped and walked for a bit to wait for him. When he caught up we just kept walking. All of a sudden we heard people running and yelling at us to stop. There were from memory five security guys, or bouncers, as they are known. And one other man who I was told after the incident was a cleaner. And the girls following them. At this stage Dane was about 200 metres ahead of us. I remember thinking we are so out numbered by these guys, we are going to get bashed. All the bouncers surrounded me and I felt threatened. I told them to leave us alone. It has nothing to do with them, because we were not in Fed square. I told them to piss off and get out of my way. They said they were not going to let me leave, they then all walked in towards me. (This was all on camera.) I reached out and pushed one of the bouncers. That is when they all attacked me and got me to the ground. Dane must have seen it from where he was standing, and came running back to help me. I remember covering my head up when I was on the ground. I looked up and seen Aaron tackle the bouncers off me. I got to my feet and just started fighting, anyway I knew how. I remember being hit pretty hard with something, but I was that fired up I just kept fighting. When we got the video of the fight, it turned out I had been hit in the head by a mag light. Which is a big police torch, by the cleaner. Which he admitted in court. The three of us ended up getting the better of them. Dane and Aaron started running I didn't see them leave. The police turned up and I took off. One of the officers tried to tackle me. I never punched the officer, just tried to break the tackle. That's when I was arrested.

Unfortunately for us it was a committal hearing so we didn't get to tell our story. From the witnesses evidence we were ordered to stand trial, surprise surprise. We had it on good advice that we had a very strong case. However to this point already I had spent $20,000 in legal fees, and was told that it would go close to costing us another $40,000 each. This put myself and my father under a lot of stain. So I had to plead guilty for financial reasons. It should also be noted that the chargers of assault by kicking [and] assaulting police were dropped. We all pleaded guilty to affray, and I pleaded guilty to criminal damage, for the car.

I suffered a burst eardrum and two black eyes. Aaron had a massive cut under his eye. In hindsight we should have charged them. We were told we may be charged, but we thought it would blow over because they were fighting just as hard as us. We were not charged till one year later.

The Speccy: You mentioned your Dad helping you out. Over the couple of years it took the affair to play out, what sort of support (emotional, financial or otherwise) did you get from your club, mates, employer and family?

Kade Carey: The support I got from everyone around me was awesome. My employer was fantastic, he was happy to give me the time off that I needed and actually came to court to support me. My family were great and my girlfriend's family were just as understanding. I think this was because I am very close to my friends and family and they knew that this situation was out of character and was something that should not have happened. Without my father looking after me financially I wouldn't have got through it. People think cause my last name is Carey, that I'm well off. I assure you I'm not. As you can probably tell this has not only impacted me but also the people around me and forced me to put my plans on hold. Even now I'm still paying for it.

The Speccy: You didn't mention your club. AFL players have no problems accessing lawyers, advisers and publicists when these things happen. Does this support extend to footballers on the VFL list too? If I recall correctly, you and Aaron Ramsay were playing the VFL at the time while Dane Swan was in the AFL. Do you think this off-field incident impacted on your on-field selection and advancement?

Kade Carey: Not at all for myself and Aaron. It was the off-season and had no impact on us. But we both felt for Dane he was copping it from all his peers, but he took it all in his stride and didn't let it bother him.

The Speccy: You mentioned getting "bad media" before. What sort of coverage did the incident itself get? (ie just newspapers, or radio and TV news and current affairs too?) What about the court cases? Did you do any interviews or put out any statements or otherwise try to influence what went on?

Kade Carey: The incident was reported in all the papers, on the news, and on the radio, and for obvious reasons it was all bad. No, we didn't do any statements or interviews, although I wanted too. My lawyer told me not to worry about it. So I have until I come across your blog page. Just seeing what everybody has wrote about us, without knowing what really happened makes me mad.

The Speccy: Obviously it was going to be a news story. What surprised you about the coverage? Were your friends, family or employer worried about the negative media? Did the "Carey" factor play a big role?

Kade Carey: Everybody who knows me was worried about the negative coverage. I was portrayed as a thug and that is not true. Obviously I wouldn't have even been mentioned if it wasn't for my last name. It surprised me that it did get a bit of coverage, but in saying that the media these days are just waiting or even praying for a footballer to get in trouble. I would hate to be an AFL player at the moment, the way it is now the guys have no lives.

The Speccy: The papers referred to some convictions prior to this incident, suggesting it was for violence too. Have you kept out of trouble since the suspended sentence? Is it still hanging over you? Is being out of the top-tier of footy making it easier to stay out of trouble?

Kade Carey: My prior conviction was also for assault, it was a very minor incident that happened in Wagga when I was 17. I actually didn't even throw a punch but was convicted because I was a part of an affray. Yes, I've kept out of trouble since the suspended sentence. I will never put myself in that situation again. The sentence finished in August last year, but if you ask me it will be with me for the rest of my life. Apart from this incident I've never really been in any trouble and don't plan to be, regardless of what level of football I'm playing.

The Speccy: Earlier, you said you think that the media scrutiny means AFL players "don't have a life". In light of their large (and rapidly increasing) salaries, the media work in the spotlight, being kids' role model etc, what do you think is an appropriate level of scrutiny? What "life" would footballers have without the scrutiny (ie what would they do differently)? You also indicated that you don't believe your incident would have made the papers if it wasn't for your surname. What do you think the media would have done with the story if you'd had a different surname?

Kade Carey: One thing I cannot stand is people shooting down elite sportsmen or women about there salaries. To me that just sounds like jealousy. They have worked hard and are obviously good at what they do, so good on them. I'm sure we all wish that we could do the same. A lot of the time footballers are not to blame. It's the dickheads in the bars having a go at a Chris Tarrant, just because he's Chris Tarrant and they support Carlton. Then they taunt him by saying something about his girlfriend. Put yourself in that situation. Happens every weekend. If anything was to come of it Chris would be blamed for it. Firstly by the media, then the public. AFL players can't enjoy there lives socially as well as everybody else, which is disappointing. I don't know one footballer or even heard of a footballer that goes out looking for trouble. If I had a different surname I'm sure the media would have pinned the blame on Dane.

The Speccy: Looking back on the incident and its aftermath, what advice would you give yourself, especially dealing with the ongoing legal and media situation? What surprised you about how people reacted? How would your life be different now if you hadn't jumped on that car?

Kade Carey: The advice that I would give myself would be, think before you act. That would be the main thing. I have learned a lot from this dilemma. I never said that I jumped on the car, but if it all never happened - who knows. I'd like to think that I would have purchased a home somewhere, and maybe have had another crack at making the AFL. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't be sitting here having to explain myself to you.

The Speccy: On The Speccy, I've painted an unflattering picture of you as a dangerous violent thug. I've also criticised the legal system for being too soft on you. Both of these points feed into a bigger theme that our community tolerates off-field bad behaviour from footballers because of their on-field talents, and that we'd all be better off if they were held to a higher standard. How would you respond to the specifics of your behaviour? What about the more general pattern of people being too quick to excuse if someone is good at footy? Do you think the average AFL player is happier and better off now than in the 80s, when most players had jobs?

Finally, is there anything else you'd like to add about the incident, the aftermath or this website?

Kade Carey: The game has changed a lot since the 80s; it is extremely demanding these days. Some clubs train up to three times a day, four days a week. But there are still a lot of players that do have part time jobs. Some even find the time to run there own businesses, or do apprenticeships, to set themselves up for life after football. I don't know about being happier I'm sure the boys would love to only train a couple of times a week. What I find strange is when I [did] my community service I met some interesting people, real criminals! I met one young man who had just held up a service station with a knife. He told me it wasn't his first time. He had 50 less hours than I had and no fine or suspended sentence. Work that one out? I asked around and found out everyone's stories, what they had done in there past, and why they were doing community service. Most of them were drug dealers 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time offenders. Most of them had less hours than me. I told them what I was sentenced to and they all laughed and said that I got punished hard. None of them knew my last name. Everybody should be held to the same standard, regardless of who they are or what they do.

---

Analysis

What surprised me most about the interview was the absence of open hostility towards me, this publication or even the articles I wrote. I'm sure Carey's not happy about it and there's more than a few digs in that direction, but credit where it's due: no threats and insults and a measured - even reflective - tone throughout. (That said, I've left instructions with my solicitor should I suddenly disappear one day soon.)

I was also interested in the financial impact and what that meant for his work and family. In this, I expect Carey's case differs from most the high-profile court appearances we cover here. Thirty grand in legal fees is a lot for a glazier, but a mere piffle for a professional footballer earning on average $250K a year.

However, it seems to me that Carey is downplaying the impact of his actions on his victims. Sentences like "I got to my feet and just started fighting, anyway I knew how." (translation: "I kicked people in the head while they were on the ground") and "The three of us ended up getting the better of them" (translation: "We bashed people so hard they ended up in hospital") betray a certain lack of empathy. And Carey's assertion that the only reason it made the papers is his surname also shows a lack of understanding about how the community views violent brawls in public spaces. His experiences while on community service also show up some warped values. Dealing drugs versus going on a rampage that hospitalises people with "serious injuries, including eye socket, nose and wrist fractures"? Come on. Let's get some perspective.

I find the notion of someone defending AFL in-pub thuggishness by bringing up the example of Chris Tarrant perplexing. I mean, this guy is a pin-up boy for AFL thugs! Whether he's playing for Collingwood (involved in vicious car park assault) or Fremantle (obnoxious arse-baring followed by head-punching), the man is clearly out-of-control and a problem for what remains of the game's reputation. Even hardened AFL apologists are embarrassed by him. Why anyone would bring up his example just seems nuts to me.

Lastly, Carey's views on AFL players with their part-time jobs, apprenticeships, businesses and higher education just seems to be two decades out of date. These days, it's sponsorship deals, "Playstation Syndrome", hanging out at the salon and wasted educational opportunities. The reality is that AFL players are getting treated better than ever with skyrocketing incomes and celebrity hero-worship to boot. Sure, a lot of footballers would love to keep the money and drop the scrutiny, especially if it means getting away with taking more drugs more often. But that ain't gonna happen.

Perhaps the best thing that can be said about this whole fiasco is that Carey has paid a price for his "moment of madness" and subsequent violence. Is it just? I don't know, but I'm sure he's had plenty of chances to ponder his actions as a result of the court case. Let's hope that his tale serves as an effective warning to others following on the same path.

Carey's Reply

As part of the interview process, The Speccy offered Carey the right of reply to this article. He initially accepted this but, for reasons best known to himself, has chosen not to follow through. Perhaps it's related to a Carey family media blackout, arising from Uncle Wayne's ongoing personal, legal and publicity problems. However, like everyone else, he is welcome to comment.

*** UPDATE ***
Another chapter has closed on this long-running saga, with one of the victim's of the three footballers settling with them in his civil suit:

Former cleaner Claudio Celano had sought at least $200,000 in damages from [Magpie Dane] Swan, Kade Carey and Aaron Ramsay after he was injured in a fight at Federation Square in December 2003.

The parties agreed to a settlement yesterday in the County Court, removing the need for a retrial. The terms of the settlement were kept confidential. (The Age, 2/9/2009)

From the above interview, I doubt Celano would have gotten much from Kade Carey. Dane Swan, on the other hand, must be worth a few bob ...

Word Count: 4123

One of AFL footy's greatest ever players, Wayne Carey, has imploded in a stupefyingly spectacular outburst of anger, misogyny and violence. It seems his entire post-football career is finished, with his employers falling over themselves in a rush to ditch him. Facing police assault charges in Miami and with the prospect of more in Australia, earlier questions about his behaviour towards his girlfriend, model Kate Neilson, have been raised again.

Disturbance in Port Melbourne

The current controversy kicked off when Wayne Carey, a regular topic of interest here on The Speccy, (allegedly) called police to his exclusive Port Melbourne apartment. Apparently, he wanted them to remove his girlfriend, the "grid girl" and "glamour model" Kate Neilson, and her friend Sabella Sugar:


Kate Neilson, working to promote bogan-sports.
Source: Herald-Sun.

When police arrived, it's alleged that Carey became out of control:

Senior Constable Wayne Wilson said police were allegedly assaulted at the apartment front door.

"Police arrived and then at the front door the fellow from the address allegedly assaulted police officers," Sen Const Wilson said.

"They struggled with him, sprayed him. He was arrested and taken to the St Kilda police station where he was spoken to and interviewed, and a brief of evidence will be prepared in relation to assault police. (Perth Now, 28/1/2008)

So Carey was "maced" (or, more correctly, sprayed with capsicum spray) by police in an effort to control him. At this point, standard procedure requires paramedics to be called. We can see the effects of this thanks to the CCTV footage from the security cameras in the lift and lobby:



This security footage - apparently purchased by our old friends Channel 7 - has sparked its own mini-scandal:

The Seven Network tonight aired what it described as exclusive security footage from Carey's apartment building.

The footage showed Carey, dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans, being led into a lift and then out of the foyer by two police officers.

Carey appeared red-faced and, in one portion of the footage, was having water poured over his face. [see above]

But the Nine Network said police were investigating how the footage was obtained.

A security guard offered Nine the same footage for $20,000 but the network did not buy it because it was feared the images were stolen, Nine reporter Tony Jones said tonight.

A Victoria Police spokeswoman said police denied such an investigation had been launched. (The Age, 28/1/2008)

(Heh. Still, not as damaging to the league as naming [that club] in The Great Medical Records Shitstorm of 2007.)

Carey was maced, cuffed and taken into custody and the scandal broke around midnight on Sunday night. By Monday, his radio gig at 3AW was under threat, with broadcaster Neil Mitchell publicly decrying Carey. By Tuesday, the axe had fallen and Wayne Carey was not to have his contract renewed. (Predictably, 3AW claimed this was a decision they'd already taken and had nothing to do with his actions over the weekend.)

Miami Incident Goes Public

Kate Neilson, in trouble in paradise.
Source: Herald-Sun

Later on Tuesday, Australia was rocked to hear that in October 2007, Wayne Carey had been charged by US police in Miami under suspiciously similar circumstances: a domestic disturbance followed by assault against police:

In the report, arresting officer Daniel Rodriguez said Kate Neilson told police when they arrived that her boyfriend of two years had smashed a wine glass on her mouth, causing lacerations to her mouth and neck.

Police went upstairs to the couple's hotel room and knocked several times on the door, but Carey didn't answer.

When hotel security opened the door, Carey was asleep on the bed and did not wake until police tapped him on the shoulder, the incident report stated.

"At this point he became aggressive, jumped out of bed and became confrontational towards these officers," Officer Rodriguez said.

After a scuffle Carey fell back on the bed and kicked Officer Rodriguez in the mouth.

When police attempted to restrain Carey, he elbowed a second officer in the face.

Carey was turned on his stomach and put into handcuffs, but as he was hauled away continued to push the second officer, using his shoulders and side.

When he was put inside the patrol vehicle, he bashed his head against the plexiglass of the divider separating him from the officers. (The Age, 30/1/2008)

Carey's Miami Mugshot
Source: The Age

Carey was so out-of-control he had to be "hobbled" with special leg restraints for "combative, violent, high-risk people". He is due in court in Miami on February 15th and faces up to 15 years in jail for his alleged criminal behaviour. As a result of this latest scandal, Channel 9 dumped him from his on-air roles with the (loathsome) AFL Footy Show and Footy Confidential. I doubt anyone will miss his tactless and cruel remarks about the problems of others.

More Details of Party Emerge

Adding to the furore, new stories have surfaced about underworld links and drugs at the party at Carey's Rouse St apartment in the hours leading up to his arrest:

Traces of cocaine were also allegedly found in Carey's apartment, sources said.

Today Tonight reported last night that Stingers actor Kate Kendall and her husband, former Carlton football great Wayne "The Dominator" Johnston, were invited guests at a party Carey hosted on Sunday.

Kendall's manager said they had left the party long before police were called.

A source close to police repeated details of the party to The Age. The source said a high-profile horse trainer and a former VFL footballer who is a known associate of murdered drug dealer Jason Moran, were also present. (The Age, 30/1/2008)

Party Girls, Sabella and Kate
Source: Daily Telegraph

At this point, we should remind readers that Wayne Carey was also an associate of (now slain) drug dealer and hitman Jason Moran, Mark's half-brother. Carey gave character testimony for Moran in 2000.

Back in March, 2007, we covered an Age investigation detailing a major drug operation against a well-known former AFL player with a huge media profile for his cocaine use. At the time, Carey refused to rule himself out:

FOOTBALL great Wayne Carey refuses to say whether he has dabbled with cocaine, and insists he knows nothing about the alleged habits of other sporting greats.

As the game's big names went to ground yesterday, Carey told the Herald Sun he was unaware of claims a former star player was under police pressure to snitch on a cocaine dealer.

But the controversial ex-Roo and Crow would not say if he had dabbled with the drug himself.

"No, I'm here with my daughter," Carey said.

"I'm saying no, I don't want to comment." (Herald-Sun, 26/3/2008)

It's also not the first time Carey has been accused of domestic violence. As we reported just over a year ago, allegations were levelled against him for attacking Kate Neilson in December, 2007:

WAYNE Carey's girlfriend has told police she was assaulted by the former football champion.

It has been alleged a frightened Kate Neilson went to police after an incident at a Port Melbourne penthouse apartment.

The Herald Sun believes the model told police she was scared to leave the two-time Kangaroos premiership player.

Carey and Ms Neilson have denied the incident, but police sources claim she called 000 after being struck last Thursday, but was so distraught operators couldn't understand her complaint.

It was handed over to police and she went to South Melbourne police station to speak to officers there about 1.30am.

Police have told the Herald Sun that Ms Neilson had minor injuries when she arrived at the station, and she claimed Carey had punched her. (Herald-Sun, 28/12/2006)

Kate Nielson and Wayne Carey in Happier Days
Source: Adelaide Now


The public long suspected Wayne Carey was a bad man, stemming from incidents going back years. We were just prepared to overlook the facts on account of his star footy status. A philander, a misogynist, as well as aggressive and violent with extensive underworld connections. A man who indecently attacked a 19 year-old woman out the front of a nightclub. A man who cheated on his wife with his team-mate, and then abandoned her a second time just weeks after she gave birth.

Now, it seems that without his prodigious football talent to hide behind, he is being hung out to dry and getting exactly what he deserves. (Even his entry into the AFL Hall of Fame - formerly a slam-dunk - is now under a cloud.) The great shame is that people didn't see him for the pathetic, angry man that he is earlier. The Australian footy-loving public was blinded to his monstrous flaws and the blind adulation only fuelled his ego and sense of imperviousness.

Consider the remarks of the Miami police, public officials immune to the star power of an Aussie Rules player who can see him for what he is:

Miami Police Lieutenant Bill Schwartz said Carey was a "mess'' and should have left his aggression on the football field. Instead he used "his famous foot" to kick an officers in the mouth.

"It looks as though that he used his wine glass to try to knock out his girlfriend, his foot and elbow to try to knock out some cops and his head to try to knock out a police car," Lt Schwartz said.

He said the officers did not know who Carey was then.

"To us, he was just another thug."

...


"The young woman had lacerations to her mouth and her neck, apparently she had been hit in the face with a wine glass,'' Lt Schwartz told the Nine Network.

"She told us Mr Carey had done this.

...

"Mr Carey became belligerent when we approached him - in fact, he ended up kicking one of our officers in the mouth with his famous foot," Lt Schwartz said.

"He struck another officer in the side of the head with his elbow and he had to be subdued.

"Then once he was handcuffed and in the police car, he took his head and tried to bash a hole in the partition between the prisoner's side and the officer's.

"Clearly Mr Carey has anger management issues and he seemed to be upset with the entire world that particular morning. (Herald-Sun, 30/1/2008)

There you have it. Just another thug upset at the entire world. If only the rest of us had seen Wayne Carey so clearly ten years ago, if only we weren't so quick to make excuses and overlook his behaviour, maybe all this pain, heartache and disappointment could have been avoided.

*** UPDATE ***
With violent, drug-addled thug Wayne Carey back in the headlines, it's worth a quick post rounding up the key points, breaking news and other sordid details from his life with paramour Kate Neilson. Click through for the latest word.

Citations: Perth Now, 28/1/2008; The Age, 28/1/2008; The Age, 30/1/2008; The Age, 30/1/2008; Herald-Sun, 26/3/2008; Herald-Sun, 28/12/2006; Herald-Sun, 30/1/2008

Word Count: 1861

Drink-driving Collingwood rookie footballer Sharrod Wellingham blew a big number on the weekend - $500,000. That's how much his recklessness has cost the Collingwood Football Club in lost sponsorship from the TAC. While this raises questions about the club's culture, it also throws into sharp relief the bizarre practice of our State Government insurer giving free money to wealthy footy clubs.

The facts of the case are very straightforward: Last Saturday night in Lorne, on Victoria's Surf Coast, 19 year-old Wellingham blew 0.13% while driving. He has lost his licence for 12 months and his club fined him 10% of his salary.

Of wider import is that Collingwood has now lost its seven year sponsorship deal with the TAC (Transport Accident Commission), a State Government-owned insurance business. It is most well-known for running advertising campaigns to reduce traffic accidents and paying for rehabilitation for injured parties.

After an earlier incident involving Collingwood's Chad Morrison's drink-driving offence in April 2006, the TAC had Collingwood on notice: one more traffic-related incident and it would be finished. The TAC had good reason to worry as a year earlier they tore up their sponsorship deal with Richmond over Jay Shulz drink-driving and speeding. It was always a risky play, with Collingwood having a long history of unsound attitudes to driving. Speedster Cameron Cloke, for example. Or, more tragically, the feted Darren Millane, who killed himself in a alcohol-fuelled traffic accident.


Eddie Presents Yet Another Really, Really Sorry Footballer
Source: The Age, 10/1/2008


Naturally, the miscreant in question is full of remorse for his stupid and selfish act. And he's got club president and game-show host Eddie McGuire working the media on his behalf:

Fronting a media conference with Wellingham yesterday, McGuire said: "We have to make a stand and not make excuses.

"That we have transgressed means we've forfeited the right and the privilege of being associated with the Transport Accident Commission."

...

"There's no excuse for driving a car under the influence of alcohol, whether you're driving it 10 miles or 10 metres," McGuire said.

...

After apologising to his team mates and the club, Wellingham fronted the media yesterday to make a public apology.

...

"I've made a silly error in judgement and I just want to be able to move on and make this a turning point.

"I did the stupid act of getting in the car thinking 'I'm only moving it 150 metres, it's not going to make a difference, I'm fine, already made my way home after the night out'," Wellingham said. (The Age, 10/1/2008)

Notice how Eddie simultaneously stresses that there are "no excuses" and then manages to work in an excuse ("hey - he's only moving it a few metres to avoid a parking fine")? Kind of like the American politician who publicly refused to use "attack ads" - but then showed the ads to some journos. It really is a pleasure to watch McGuire operate. Here he is at it again:

McGuire said his club and the AFL were taking steps to ensure players acted responsibly – especially when it came to alcohol.

“Sharrod himself has given up drinking,” he said, before pointing out that he had “good people around him”. (AFL Bigpond, 10/1/2008)

Yep, some of those steps towards responsibility include ... buying a pub. (Read former Age diarist Jonathan Green's account of this odd move.) And some of the "good people" around Wellingham presumably include Lance "Buddy" Franklin of Hawthorn, who was in the car with him at the time. With the Sunday Age reporting in December that Buddy declared himself "off his chops" in a nightclub (they generously interpreted this as meaning he was going vegetarian), more time spent in Buddy's company should make Wellingham's no-alcohol pledge fairly easy ...

In any case, the impact of losing the $500K will be modest, given that the club is extremely wealthy even by AFL standards, reporting a profit in excess of $2M last year. Eddie will talk up the damage, but, in reality, it amounts to less than the salary of one top player.

Which brings up the question of why the TAC is sponsoring a group of people who regularly feature in the press for breaking our road rules: drink-driving (Shulz, Morrison, Ottens), fleeing booze-buses (Cousins), losing control of hoon-wagon (Gardiner, Teague). Remember, this is a group of people with their own free priority taxi service (with secret direct number). And, occasionally, police chauffeurs (with lights and sirens too, if you don't mind).

The TAC collects money compulsorily from Victorian motorists and then fritters away up to a million bucks a year in ensuring that AFL players are given the maximum exposure when they inevitably break the law. It's disturbing that despite two similar sponsorship agreements failing in the same way within a couple of years, the TAC plans to push ahead with a third attempt. Is it a case of third time lucky, or do the TAC staff just enjoy the corporate hospitality that comes with the deal?

Perhaps the most charitable spin that can be put on it is that, absent a plausible stick, the threat of taking away the million-dollar carrot motivates players (via their employer) to take the traffic laws seriously. While that works for one club at a time, the other fifteen have the certain knowledge that the million-dollar carrot will be shopped around every couple of years, so they keep their players in check too. If this is the case, then it's a sad indictment of footy culture that the Government has to bribe them to obey the law.

*** UPDATE ***
Showing that this Collingwood drink-driving incident is hardly a one-off, Port Adelaide has also demonstrated the fundamental inability of footballers to accept that road rules apply to them too:

A Port Power AFL footballer has been banned from driving by an Adelaide magistrate.

Forward Nathan Krakouer, 19, was caught driving unregistered and uninsured at Pennington in Adelaide's north-western suburbs on September 6 last year, and again four days later.

The teenager represented himself in court, telling the Magistrate he was unaware the registration had lapsed when he was first caught speeding.

Krakouer was fined $100 and ordered not to drive for the next two days. (ABC, 14/1/2008)

So, no rego, no insurance, speeding and then getting caught again a couple of days later? A $100 fine and a two-day ban? It seems that Krakouer's belief that road rules are for others is well-founded.

While Port Adelaide was never in contention for the TAC's bundle of our free cash (presumably they'd only sponsor a Victorian club), it highlights the stupidity of such funding arrangements.

*** UPDATE ***
It just doesn't stop. More selfish recklessness from footy players on the road, making it three in a week. Premiership player Steve Johnson has been picked up for the most gross speeding you could imagine: 128 km/h in a residential 50 km/h zone:

Police have impounded Johnson's car and he faces the loss of his licence for 12 months after he was clocked Wednesday night at 128km/h in a 50km/h zone.

As they did a year ago, Geelong's players will again play a major role in deciding a club penalty for the star forward. But unlike last summer, his career with the Cats is unlikely to be in jeopardy.

Teammate Shannon Byrnes was also in the car at the time of the incident, with the pair on the way to Eastern Gardens golf club in Geelong.

“We are extremely disappointed that Steve was found to have exceeded the speed limit in this manner and we are thankful that Steve, his passenger Shannon Byrnes or any other people were not injured,” Geelong chief executive Brian Cook said in a statement.

“We know the risks associated with speeding and speed is a major cause of road crashes in Victoria.

...

The players will meet within a week to discuss what penalty they want for Johnson this time.

“The club will consider the possibility of further sanctions over the next week which will include discussion with the player leadership group,” the statement read. (FoxSports, 17/1/2008)

Yes, this is the same Steve Johnson who was involved in a drunken incident in Wangaratta around 12 months ago, resulting in his arrest (which he tried to keep secret). Coming on top of earlier police attention for his drunkenness, the last major incident saw him voluntarily suspended by his club for five matches.


Steve Johnson, what a winner. 80 km/h over the speed limit.
Source: Herald-Sun

Let's just remind ourselves of what the club said about this troubled character at the time:

“Steve has been given numerous chances and it is fair to say that he is now down to his last opportunity to prove that he wants to stay with the club. (Geelong FC Statement, 8/1/2007)

Given his performance in the Grand Final, does anyone doubt he'll be getting yet another "last opportunity"? (This will nearly tie him with Ben Cousins when it comes to most "last chances".)

We're watching you, Geelong. If you don't stick to your word on this, your club will be shown up as weak, desperate and dishonourable.

*** UPDATE ***
In a predictable move, Geelong has seen fit to let repeat offender Steve Johnson off without sanction. This man - prone to bouts of drunken irresponsibility warranting police intervention - was busted hurtling along at almost 80 km/h over the legal limit. He was earlier publicly warned by his club, Geelong, about being on a last chance (see above).

Unfortunately, strict defamation laws prevent me from saying what I would like to. Instead, I draw your attention to the official media statement above, and compare and contrast with this excuse by Geelong Chief Executive Brian Cook:

But Cook hinted the outcome could have been different had the mercurial forward been a less talented player.

"There does come a point in time when you run out of chances. And talented people get more chances than the not so talented," he said

A repentant Johnson described his decision to speed as 'a bit of a brain fade'.

"There was no reason why I should have been travelling at that speed. To be honest, I've got no excuse for it. It was a silly thing to do. I can't put a finger on it," he said.

"There's no excuse for travelling at that sort of speed." (Sportal, 22/1/2008)

This idea of talent "buying" extra chances wasn't stated in the media release last year. I, for one, could not countenance dealing with people who could cynically manipulate the public like this.

Citations: The Age, 10/1/2008; AFL Bigpond, 10/1/2008; ABC, 14/1/2008; FoxSports, 17/1/2008; Geelong FC Statement, 8/1/2007; Sportal, 22/1/2008

Word Count: 1883

As morale at the club plummets, a mob of Kangaroos has taken to hitting the bottle to numb the pain of their move to the Gold Coast. The resulting bad behaviour was severe enough to warrant police using capsicum spray to subdue them. (Which has to be a first for a Lionel Richie winery gig.) Like spiteful bad tenants, it seems the Kangaroos plan to leave Melbourne strewn with empties, thoroughly trashed, blood-spattered and covered in vomit.

The action kicked-off late on Saturday night, when Matthew Campbell was charged with resisting arrest and being drunk in a public place at about 1.30am. Details are still sketchy about where and why, but we'll keep you posted as they come to hand.

The second incident took place at a relaxed, fun concert "for grown-ups" at a winery just out of town. A chilled crowd grooves on the lawns to the soulful stylings of head-line act Lionel Richie. Until that mob of bloody roos shows up, frothing and kicking!

Aaron Edwards, Shannon Grant and Hamish McIntosh clashed with security after a night of drinking at a Lionel Richie concert at a Victorian winery on Saturday night.

Edwards was ejected by police from the A Day On The Green gig at Scotchmans Hill winery at Drysdale, near Geelong, on Saturday night.

Premiership player Grant intervened to try to stop police taking his teammate away, with police reportedly using capsicum spray to deter him. (Fox Sports, 3/12/2007)

Remember back in March? Aaron Edwards was caught on tape with convicted drug dealer, Shane Water, as part of the Daniel Kerr "Special K" scandal. Maybe he should put an order in for panadol instead, because the hang-over must be a killer.

Other reports gave more detail into what lead up to the outbreak of ugliness:

Witnesses said Edwards was staggering and falling over.

One onlooker told the Herald Sun the 23-year-old was skulling from bottles of white wine before he collapsed among the crowd of more than 10,000 at Scotchmans Hill winery.

"Edwards was just lying on the ground. They couldn't get him off the ground he was that far gone," one man said.

"McIntosh was trying to get him up. He was probably the most sober one out of the three of them. They were terrible. Grant was falling over everywhere as well."

Trouble started when police, alerted to Edwards' state, went to investigate.
Kangaroos football manager Donald McDonald said Grant thought Edwards was going to be arrested and tried to defuse the situation.

"Shannon said, 'No, don't worry, he's with us, he'll be all right', and then Shannon said the police capsicum-sprayed them and led Aaron away," Mr McDonald said.

"They escorted him around the back to the winery and let him and his girlfriend go. No charges were laid.

"Then the police came back and put water in Shannon's eyes, and the other party members, and off they went.

"Shannon had his whole family there. Even the dad got sprayed."

Several witnesses took photos as the incident erupted. (PerthNow, 3/12/2007)

Great to see such thorough citizen journalism when it comes to AFL footballers. Yet another witness came forwards - insisting on anonymity - to recount her harrowing story to The Age:

"I was working at ... a A Day On The Green, and saw Aaron Edwards being dragged out by police in a T-shirt and his red jocks," the woman said.

"His shorts had fallen off while police were trying to restrain him. His girlfriend grabbed his shorts and was screaming at him to get up off the ground.

"My mates and I were sitting on the grass and he was right in front of us while it all happened."

The woman said Edwards' teammates asked police not to eject him from the venue in front of concertgoers.

"He had to be hand cuffed, and his fellow footballer mates were begging the police not to take him through the crowd of people, but they did."

The woman said she spotted Edwards again outside the venue.

"I then saw them once they had been escorted out, and Aaron Edwards was rolling down the hill still in his underwear in the car park." (The Age, 3/12/2007)

It's a terrible spectacle, that of a grown man, drunk off his gourd, eyes streaming with tears, shorts down, pathetically scrabbling to pull them up while pleading with police to allow him to preserve what remained of his dignity by not cuffing his hands. Watching him and his friends beg to be spared the humiliation that comes with parading him through a crowd of tormentors in such condition must be sickening.

So it's a bit bloody cheeky for Kangaroos' general manager of football operations Donald McDonald to claim, by way of apology, that "Thankfully no member of the public was directly affected by either of these incidents."

I'd say that bearing witness to terrible drunken behaviour, clashes with security guards, police confrontation, capsicum spray and ritual humiliation is pretty distressing when you're trying to enjoy a Lionel Richie concert.

The only slight relief came when Edwards, on being given his phone call, was overhead to say "I just called, to say ... Mum, can you post bail?".

Sadly, I don't think this is the last we'll see of drunken violence and other bad behaviour from the Kangaroos. With their club all but gone from Melbourne, they'll lash out vengefully at the city who so cruelly rebuffed them. After two years of booze-fuelled agro, the Kangaroos be a perfect cultural fit for the Gold Coast as Toolie Ambassadors.

*** UPDATE ***
Sadly, it seems the Kangaroos are planning to stick it out as North Melbourne for the time being after turning down a stupendously generous deal to move to Carrara on the Gold Coast. While the AFL executive - particularly Andy Demetriou - seems to think they'll last about six months without the $100M they offered, the AFL is pressing ahead with plans for a 17th club on the Gold Coast anyway.

In terms of citizen safety, this is a worst case scenario: angry, sullen North Melbourne players roaming the streets looking for any excuse to lash out before their demise plus a whole new batch of 40-odd AFL players emerging in the Gold Coast. If the West Coast Eagles have taught us anything, it's that these isolated, artificial clubs can quickly revert, Lord of the Flies-style, into dangerous nests of immorality, vice and sleaze.

Heaven help us.

*** UPDATE ***
The Kangaroos have suspended Shannon Grant for a match for "breaking club rules" at a golf day.

No details as yet as to the nature of his offence, nor whether or not he copped another burst of capsicum spray this time. Stay tuned.

Citations: Fox Sports, 3/12/2007; PerthNow, 3/12/2007; The Age, 3/12/2007

Word Count: 955

In a brilliant return to form, Australia's greatest human being Ben Cousins has astounded his fans and devastated his critics by going from strength to strength without even breaking his stride. This glittering prize of a man is unstoppable and should, by all rights, be revered as a god. Thankfully, that process is already in train.

We pick up the story after he mysteriously absented himself on his life-saving trip to LA for celebrity-style resort rehab. One of the two blonde ladies in the sports car who picked him up at the airport (Susie Ela, member of Ben's "LA newtork") made a 5am emergency call to 911 on behalf of Cousins. She confirmed he had been on a cocaine bender for the past five days and was "not acting right". He had fried his brain with coke and was, reportedly, in bad shape mentally when he was whisked away to hospital via ambulance.

Whereas a mere mortal might have doubts at putting their own Dad in the invidious position of telling porkies to the media, Cousins just bounced right back. Right back into a $1500 suit that he picked up at Bridge Rd, Richmond. How do we know? Because Ben's suit purchase was front page news in Melbourne. He was mobbed by adoring fans in the street, mobiles held aloft like talismans, eager for a bit of that celebrity power to wash over them and validate their own dubious shopping choices. (How long until we get the inevitable poorly-pixelated image of Cousins getting out of his car while "going commando"?)


Ben Cousins Turns Bridge Road into Rodeo Drive
Source: The Age

Oh, there was the minor matter of the AFL Commission meeting, where he was suspended from the game for 12 months. Sort of. Something about bringing the game into disrepute? But, honestly, no biggie. He can continue to play for state-based second tier AFL-affiliated clubs, like East Fremantle, under a peculiar technicality. The Western Australian police were forced to drop their drug charges against him, on a technicality. (Apparently, the same officer who arrested him had to ask him to do the test, not another officer. Or something.) Hell, the cops even apologised! Brilliant.

Now, it looks like the US police are not going to pursue unwelcome criminal matters against Cousins either, despite his heroic cocaine binge. It was always going to be shaky if they would chase down a wealthy white man for taking cocaine in Los Angeles, even one who had "fallen afoul of the law". Luckily, Cousins is neither poor nor black. No word yet on an apology from the American detectives, but I doubt Benny's holding his breath.

So it's all going pretty well for Ben Cousins. Sure, his career's stalled a bit, there was that brief ambulance ride and some minor traffic matters have been cleared up. Apart from that, he's on top of the world. His plan is to sit out 2008 in a state league (probably in Victoria). There's also serious talk of a modelling career (a mere $150K per annum, but still, that'd almost cover his reported $3K/week drug habit). And why not? He's spawned a whole industry of "Such Is Life" T-shirts, featuring his distinctive bogan gut-tattoo. (And, perplexingly, a commemorative tawny port.)


Cousins inspiring the stencil art scene.
Source: NineMSN

Ben Cousin's popularity is going ahead in leaps and bounds. This is no more apparent than in cyberspace, where the yoof are rising up as one voice and saying "Bennnnnny .... you ROCK maaaaaate!!!!!!"

Facebook, for example, has many Ben Cousins groups, with names like "Ben Cousins for Prime Minister", "I Wanna Party With Ben Cousins" (17,000 members), "I Buy All My Drugs Off Ben Cousins" (3,000 members), "Who Gives a Toss if Ben Cousins is a Junkie - He's a Bloody Hottie!". And so on, for about 190 groups. To be fair, a very small number are taking the piss. And even fewer are openly hostile to him. But the vast bulk seems to be "Ben is fun and I want to be as near/like/inside him as I can."

And good ol' Ben has been putting his popularity with the youngsters to work. He's been sighted hanging out at the Gold Coast for the Schoolies Week. Sadly, he seems to be enjoying the company of the younger people there. An older man - 30 soon - hanging out with girls who have just finished high school is known as a "Toolie". According to this Victorian government website, schoolies need to be wary of toolies. In this case, sexual assault and violence are lower-order concerns. Check this video of Ben Cousins snorting, well, something off the table with his new friends:



What a swell guy. Rehab? Contrition? Remorse? Responsibility? Consequences? Bah. His talent has seen him rise to the top of the AFL footy. That same culture saw him sheltered, protected and never having to face up to reality. His club turned a blind eye to his antics. Medical rehab's been a useless washout. The legal system had a go but has bowed out with a bloody nose. The politicians that spoke up have been voted out. For how long can his family keep up their support? Egged on by celebrity attendees and his online cheer squad, Cousins is completely unshackled and unhinged.

Eventually, Ben's going to need real friends, not colleagues or minders or coke-buddies or people who shout "we love you Benny - whoooohooo!" out of passing cars. Let's hope he's got some left.

Word Count: 952

With the draft upon us, we can expect to see a lot of fresh-faced youngsters hoping for their big break into the world of professional AFL footy. This world offers a lot of dangers as well as rewards. Right now, new recruits and their family worry about the impact of drugs on their careers. This article explains how to enjoy your drugs while minimising career risks with a handy online drug-use planner, for easy calculation.

The AFL - especially through the Players' Association - has gone to a lot of effort to keep those positive test results low and players' names stay out of the papers. Whether it's allowing a generous "three strikes", getting court injunctions (repeatedly), hounding blabber-mouths, whitewashing "mysterious" tip-offs or just ensuring that players are seldom tested, they'll leave no stone unturned protecting their precious players.

So it doesn't matter if you hang out with drug dealers or others with underworld connections. Many of the biggest names in the sport do. Just ask Michael Gardiner, Daniel Kerr, Alan Didak or Ben Cousins. It gives you street cred and cheap supplies and your employer will keep the heat off your back.

If you play AFL, then eventually - perhaps after several years - you will be asked to pee into the cup. You can always ask to be excused, on the grounds that you can't provide a sample. Sounds crazy, but hey - it's worked before! But failing that, there's a chance that you might provide a dirty sample. Uh oh. Not to worry - you've got two free kicks before there's serious ramifications. With a career expectancy of four years, you'll likely only be tested half a dozen times anyway.

As slight as it is, there's still a prospect of returning that dreaded positive result. The best way to manage this is to determine at the outset what level of risk you're comfortable with. What odds can you live with?

That's where the online drug planner comes in. Let's face it, if you've been recruited by the AFL you're not going to be a mathematical wizard. Hell, you likely stopped paying attention in Year Ten and relied on the PE staff to get you through senior school. So, if statistics and the like are all a bit hard, let The Speccy crunch the numbers and put it in terms a footballer will understand: gambling odds. (Yes, a lot of you young blokes like a flutter - and if you don't you will soon.)

It's simple. Think of it as career Russian roulette. Just select your preferred drug and how often you'd like to take it. Take a stab at your career length (be realistic: ten year stayers are very rare these days). Down at the bottom is the (decimal) odds of your drug use curtailing that career. It couldn't be easier!

AFL Drug Use Planner

Player Preferences
Type of Drug
Usage Frequency (days)
Career Length (years)
League Policies
Number of Tests (per annum)
Number of Players
Allowed Strikes (per player)
Parameters
Detection Time (days)
"Dirty" Time (proportion)
Annual Test Rate (per player)
Expected Uses (per career)
Expected Tests (per career)
Expected Strikes (per career)
Estimates
Probability of Detection (AFL)
Probability of Naming (public)
Odds of Naming (public)

For example, if you can only handle a 1% chance of being named and shamed, stick to taking your cocaine once a month. Take it weekly if you're comfortable with a one in four chance. Get it? Choose from cocaine, ice, speed, ecstasy, ketamine, Valium (for the come down), LSD (if you like "candy-flipping") and the other party favourites. Just dial up the frequency and away you go.

And thank your stars you're not playing in the NRL, where their two-strikes policy and higher test rates might put a real dampener on the party. Enjoy - and stay safe.

The Gory Details

The default figures are for the AFL's current policy of naming on the third strike and providing 1000 tests per year across 650 players. Until August, 2007 there were only 500 tests per year. By contrast the NRL has 1100 tests across 450 players, with just one strike allowed before public naming.

The model is based on the Poisson Process - the standard statistical approach to modelling random events across a period of time. First, it calculates the player's "dirty time". This is the percentage of his time that he spends "dirty" (ie returning a positive results if sampled). This is driven by the type of drug and how frequently it's taken. (Drug detectability times were taken from a public source.)

The next key statistic is the number of tests faced across the career. This is a function of the number of tests by the league per year, the number of players in the league and the number of years spent playing in the league.

Using the player's "dirty time" and invoking the PASTA principle (Poisson Arrivals See Time Averages), the arrive strike parameter is computed. Based on this the model works out the probability distribution (pmf) for a player getting a strike zero times, once, twice, three times and so on before the player's name goes public: that is, before the "allowed strikes" are all used up.

The model assumes constant testing and drug use rates. In practice, this is likely to vary throughout the year. For example, the six week test-free drug binge at the end of the year is not taken into account. Nor is "target testing", where risky players are selected. Should the AFL decide to make public the details of how this is done, the model can be updated.

For now, it is a useful rough guide based on public information. Your mileage may very, so please keep your usage conservative.

*** UPDATE ***
This footy drug-use calculator was used to calculate the statistics for my Crikey piece last week, A 1% chance: The stats on the AFL's farcical drug regime, arguing that the AFL's drugs policy is weaker than the NRL's: with fewer tests and more strikes, it offers much less deterrence.

Word Count: 1013

In a disgusting breach of community decency, three violent professional footballers avoided any serious sanction for their role in a St Kilda pub brawl. Sadly, such jaw-dropping leniency is all too familiar to the citizens of Melbourne, enduring a state of permanent siege under the swaggering AFL players who own this town. This ruling will only further reinforce the notion that, in Melbourne at least, footballers are beyond judicial rebuke.

This case centres around the events of the 2006 Grand Final Eve (28th of September), involving a number of past and present players from the Brisbane Lions and St Kilda. The players charged were Fraser Gehrig, Michael Voss, Steven Lawrence, while Craig McCrae and Craig Lambert escaped any charges at all.

We've been tracking this case closely, as shown by this time-line:

• (2/10/2006) Initial reports emerged of the attack.


• (6/6/2007) Detectives finally get around to interviewing the accused, some nine months late. (The possibility that they were waiting for the depths of a Melbourne winter before flying to sunny Brisbane is raised.)


• (7/6/2007) Players are formally charged.


• (13/7/2007) A trial is under way and security video footage of the parts of the assault are leaked to broadcasters (see below).


• (30/8/2007) While the criminal trial is under way, a civil case (law suit) is launched by the victims.

We now come to the final series of criminal judgments against these three men. Let's recap the allegations against them on that fateful night in the Prince of Wales Hotel:

Jarrod Rouse, 27, said his girlfriend Jacqueline [Cameron] was subjected to lewd comments and gestures.

"They were being sleazy. We all said we didn't want any trouble," Mr Rouse said.

He said [Steven] Lawrence, who plays for Port Melbourne, made a threatening gesture with a pool cue as they sat at their table.

Mr Rouse, who admitted he was drunk, said Jacqueline then pushed the cue back at the former St Kilda player.

"It escalated from there. I was just there trying to protect my girl," he said.

Mr Rouse said fighting broke out, during which he wrestled with [Fraser] Gehrig and was struck by others.

Jacqueline said: "There were four or five people kicking my boyfriend."

Mr Rouse's friend Jules [Julius Smith] said he was punched and knocked out after the violence spilled outside.

Jules said he remembered little after the initial angry words.

"I remember the bloke putting the the pool cue in Jacqueline's face. I must have been king-hit pretty soon after that. I was out cold," he said.

Mr Rouse said he had spoken to police. (The Herald-Sun, 29/9/2006)

Other sources:

"I found myself on the ground being attacked, being stomped, being kicked," [Rouse] told Ten News. (The Australian, 29/9/2006)

And this:

Ms Cameron told Channel 7 News last night ... "I pushed it back onto him. They pulled down my dress at some point. They pulled the button off Jarrod's pants and tried to pull his pants down," Ms Cameron said. (The Age, 29/9/2006)

It seems like a pretty standard Melbourne night spot scenario: a group of cocky AFL players spend all day drinking. For sport, they harass a local young woman, because, well, because they can. Usually, Melburnians just have to suck it up. In this instance, the girlfriend responds and the boyfriend's been drinking. Both seem not to understand the rules. Pushing and shoving breaks out and the footballers, by virtue of their propensity to fight in numbers, attack women, king hit, kick people on the ground and generally act atrociously, soundly beat various people up.

Thanks to the magic of YouTube, we can see some of this behaviour in full-flight. Check out the security footage. I, for one, never get sick of seeing a 100 kg millionaire push a slight young woman to the ground. What a champion:



A disgusting display of cowardice and ugliness. Thankfully, a few guilty pleas might see some convictions finally get recorded against this pack of hate-filled morons, right? Might send a powerful signal that they're bound by the same law as everyone else, and their size and money means naught. Right?

There's a reason why the Melbourne Magistrates Court has an AFL division. It's not just to handle the huge workloads resulting from the league. Here's how Deputy Chief Magistrate Paul Smith doled out justice in this instance:

Michael Voss and Simon Black

Both escaped conviction despite pleading guilty to assault charges, and were put into a "diversion" program. They also have to do some volunteer work with arbias, a group that deals with "alcohol-related brain injury". (An area with which these two knobs have direct experience.)


Simon Black (right) and Michael Voss (left) Escape Conviction for Brawl
Source: The Age

Black, 28, acted during "10 seconds of madness" when he kicked a bar patron, while Voss, 32, played a lesser role in the violent altercation, Melbourne Magistrates' Court heard.

...

Both Brisbane premiership players had been charged with one count of unlawful assault while a count of recklessly causing injury against Black was withdrawn.

...

The fight continued in the street outside where Voss, who says he was kicked, struck [Jarrod] Rouse with an open hand. Black kicked Rouse as he lay on the ground wrestling with Voss.

Mr Smith immediately agreed to put Voss through the diversion program, but asked for submissions from Black's lawyer, saying his role was more significant.

...

"He is regarded as a leading light so far as the Brisbane Lions Football Club is concerned," [Defence lawyer Michael Bosscher] said.

Mr Smith agreed to put Black on diversion. (Herald-Sun, 3/10/2007)

Staggering, isn't it? Let's see how the others fared.

Fraser Gehrig

Gehrig also pleaded guilty to his assault-related charges and applied for this same "diversionary program" as his co-accused:


Fraser Gehrig Escapes Conviction for Brawl
Source: Herald-Sun

Gehrig faced one count each on charges of unlawful assault and common assault.

Police today withdrew the more serious charge of unlawful assault before Mr Smith granted Gehrig's application.

...

"It looks to me that the assault relates to Jacqueline Cameron. Mr Rouse's girlfriend struck Mr Gehrig and struck [him] in the back.

"[Gehrig] then pushed her to the upper body with both hands and that caused her to fall to the ground."

Gehrig's lawyer, Marita Altman, told Mr Smith her client had instinctively pushed Ms Cameron after being assaulted from behind.

"He shouldn't have pushed her at all," Mr Smith said. He then asked Gehrig whether he took responsibility for the assault on Ms Cameron, to which Gehrig replied: "Yes".

...

In granting Gehrig's application, Mr Smith said two significant things in the case had changed.

"The first is Mr Gehrig faces a charge of common assault and a second, his codefendants [Voss and Black], who both played a greater role in the melee, have both been diverted."

Given that Voss and Black played a greater role, it would be unfair to impose a harsher penalty on Gehrig, Mr Smith said.

He described Gehrig as "a man of good character" and the assault as "a push only". (The Age, 4/10/2007)

Did you get that? It was "only" a push. Besides, the magistrate's earlier leniency (err, "judicial mercy"?) sort of forced him into a corner in this instance. He had to divert him too, otherwise it wouldn't be fair (to him).

So, Gehrig stone-cold got away with his part in the attack. Surely, then, Steven Lawrence will cop it in the neck?

Steven Lawrence

No conviction, no diversion and a $5,000 fine (less than a week's wages for the average AFL player):


Steven Lawrence Escapes Conviction for Brawl
Source: The Age

Lawrence, 31, of South Melbourne, pleaded guilty in Melbourne Magistrates' Court to one charge of intentionally causing injury over the incident at the Prince of Wales Hotel in St Kilda on September 29 last year.

Lawrence had been with a group of friends and fellow AFL players, including Brownlow medallists Michael Voss and Simon Black and St Kilda spearhead Fraser Gehrig, when the fight erupted.

The court heard Lawrence placed his hand on the victim, Julius Smith, then swung his fist at his head, causing him to fall to the ground unconscious.

Lawrence left the scene and refused to comment when shown footage of the incident during a police interview, the court was told.

...

[Lawrence's lawyer, Ian Hill QC] also argued a conviction could hinder his career prospects in property development.

While Magistrate Paul Smith said the incident was serious, he noted Lawrence's clean record, supportive character references and the fact a conviction could harm him professionally.

"Despite the fact this is a very serious offence, you've never done anything before or since," Mr Smith said.

He imposed a fine of $5,000 but said no conviction would be recorded. (The Age, 30/10/2007)

Geez. Like we need a property developer with a penchant for biffo!

So, these three hulking bullies kicked off a major brawl in a popular Melbourne pub by harassing a young woman, plead guilty, it's caught on tape and yet all escape conviction. A slap on the wrist and only minor inconvenience. Is anyone going to suffer sanction for this? You bet:

Jarrod Rouse

Yep, the victims. The one bloke without a top-flight expensive lawyer, huge fame and the resources of a media juggernaut like an AFL club backing him:

Last week Jarrod Rouse, 29, of Box Hill, was convicted and fined $2800 after pleading guilty to recklessly engaging in conduct that put others in danger of serious injury. (SMH, 2/10/2007)

No diversion program for you, son. Plus, an ordinary bloke from Box Hill will find it a lot tougher paying that fine than yet another footballer-cum-property developer. What a black day for justice in this city.

How can it happen? Clearly, this was not a jury trial. It was a lone experienced magistrate making a call on the evidence put before him. Before jumping to conclusions, let's review the sentencing history of Magistrate Paul Smith in regard to footballers. A brief search on Google turned up the following cases:

• (2006) Carlton's Heath Scotland strikes a young woman in the toilets at a nightclub. Magistrate Smith directs Scotland into the "diversionary program" without conviction on the grounds that (sounds familiar?) a conviction might harm his chances of becoming a fireman. Scotland later faces allegations of striking another woman outside a pub in Ballarat.


• (2006) Hawthorn's Campbell Brown put into "diversionary program" by Magistrate Smith following some unpleasantness at a 7-Eleven.


• (2004) Former Collingwood footballer Des Tuddenham blows .133 (his third such offence) and causes a traffic accident. Magistrate Smith suspends the jail sentence.


• (2002) Former Collingwood premiership ruckman Damian Monkhorst has escaped conviction for assaulting a 14 year-old boy at his country footy club - despite a guilty plea. Magistrate Smith was in the box seat.

These are all the cases I could find. Maybe there are instances of Mr Smith convicting current or former AFL players, but they're just not showing up in search engines. Now, I'm sure Mr Smith has far less qualms about convicting bloggers for contempt of court or similar charges. Or launching his own defamation action against me. So I have to be careful and state clearly: I do not believe - nor do I assert - that his rulings in this case are different from what we could expect from any other judicial officer. For example, County Court Judge John Barnett is more than capable of seeing that a vicious public brawl initiated by footballers doesn't inconvenience them too much. Hell, this blog is littered with stories of footballers' wrongdoings and dozens of court cases.

I must admit though, my initial thoughts on seeing this outcome is "How can the courts be so far out of step with community standards? Surely, Melbourne's Establishment isn't so parochial as to blackball people from their posh dinner parties just because they convicted popular footballers?".

But then it dawned on me: these are our community standards. Big, rich, famous young men simply don't need to bear the consequences for their actions. Their future career options are preserved. Sentencing "parity" is maintained (with other privileged footballers mind you, not mug punters off the street). They pay piddly inconsequential (for them) fines. They do "community work" that furthers their public profile. They have expensive QCs arguing their case in the Magistrates Courts. Professional publicists and image advisers are on tap. They get every opportunity, second chance, benefit of the doubt and break going.

No wonder they presume to own every venue in Melbourne. They can act rudely, even criminally, and they know the system will see them well looked after.

Citations: The Herald-Sun, 29/9/2006; The Australian, 29/9/2006; The Age, 29/9/2006; Herald-Sun, 3/10/2007; The Age, 4/10/2007; The Age, 30/10/2007; SMH, 2/10/2007

Word Count: 2124

With Ben Cousins safely out of the country, it's now up to his manager Ricky Nixon to try to find Ben a new club for the 2008 season. But who'd have such a repeat offender in their midst? And will deals be done before the AFL Executive makes a ruling on a charge of "bringing the game into disrepute"? Join us in the game of Ben Cousins Hot Potato as we track the desperate bid to secure Cousins' playing career.

Ben Cousins, shown below heading to the airport with well-wishers, jetted out to complete his drug rehab (and a spot of firefighting!) in Malibu. We're all hoping the next attempt goes better than the first session. No doubt, the stylists, masseuses, hairdressers, pedicurists, manicurists, trainers, nutritionists, astrologists and other clinic staff will all be rooting for him too.


Cousins Leaves for Airport in Convoy ...


Before Re-enacting Cavity Search for Cameras

Perth's meth and coke markets reacted strongly to the news, with prices plummeting in response to the fall in aggregate demand. Analysts predict markets will rebound as a number of meth labs are reportedly closing up shop. However, they point to the absence of a surge in second-hand glassware on eBay, suggesting the drop in supply will be temporary. Clearly, many manufacturers and importers are expecting Cousins to return to form.

As a sign of just how badly Cousins' mental state has deteriorated, he declared he "absolutely" would play again in the AFL. He leaves the Herculean task of shopping him around to player-agent Ricky "Millhouse" Nixon, perhaps best known on this site for his management of Wayne Carey during the dark days of the infamous dunny-shag.

Nixon's now talking up the prospects of a deal with another club:

"It's not a matter of if, but when," Nixon said last night.

"And probably in Victoria."

...

"I read all these newspaper reports about clubs saying they do not want him. That's different in what they're saying to me," Nixon said. (Herald-Sun, 26/10/2007)

Meanwhile, the AFL Commission are meeting on the 19th and 20th of November to, in part, decide whether or not to charge Cousins' with "bringing the game into disrepute". This will seem him locked out. For good.

(In fairness to Ben, the incremental amount of "disrepute" he brought into the game is really quite modest. Dozens of players have been in court this past few years and nearly all the vices have been covered. Should he wish to mount this defence, his lawyers are welcome to use the menu on the right to browse through the litany of bashings, rapes, drug-abuse, traffic offences, sleaze and swindles.)

So Tricky Ricky's going to have to use all the tricks in his book to land this deal in the next 28 days. The clocks ticking, Ricky! Move over, Arliss. Get out of the way Jerry Maguire. Forget it, Trevor Heslop. And step off Ari Gold. Ricky Nixon is going to get this hot potato a contract!

There are only 16 AFL clubs in the league. Join us as we track in real-time the dwindling list of possibilities. If you hear of a club publicly ruling out Ben Cousins joining their list, drop us a comment (with source!).

Geelong.
Port Adelaide.
West Coast Eagles.
Kangaroos.
Hawthorn.
Collingwood.
Sydney.
Adelaide.
St Kilda.
Brisbane.
Fremantle.
Essendon.
Western Bulldogs.
Melbourne.
Carlton.
Richmond.

With plenty of clubs still to rule out having Cousins on their list, it should be an exciting few weeks. Is anyone - even RichmondFremantle - desperate enough to sign-up this talented but deeply flawed player for another couple of seasons? Stay tuned.

*** UPDATE ***
BLOODY HELL! Disgraced Ben Cousins has gone missing in LA. He never showed up to his rehab clinic, instead disappearing with "two blonde women" in a "Mercedez-Benz sports car" who picked him up at the airport.

Sources close to the Summit Centre in Malibu told The Australian yesterday the 29-year-old failed to check in, as scheduled, on Monday.

They say they are worried for his safety.

"No one has any idea where he is," said a person with knowledge of the situation.

"He's got everyone freaking out because LA's not a good place to be out doing what he may be doing.

"I just hope nothing bad happens to him." (The Australian, 1/11/2007)

Geez. Like Ricky Nixon didn't have a tough enough job shopping him around. Now he's AWOL, I hope any bidding clubs insist on COD.

I sincerely hope he's not waving a bunch of cash around the mean streets of Los Angeles trying to score meth. That city will eat him alive. I've watched Cops and it's no picnic.

Here's hoping the whole thing is a stunt to throw the media off his scent. Or win public sympathy. Hell, even if he turns up tomorrow covered in hickies, genital warts and pubic lice it would be a better outcome.

*** UPDATE ***
Well, Ben Cousins has cranked out another episode in his ongoing saga. It turns out he wasn't wandering the streets of LA trying to score meth after all. His father, Bryan Cousins, put out a media release stating that Cousins' is not loose or missing but in secret rehab.

He has since been charged with "bringing the game into disrepute" and fronts up to a hearing at the AFL Commission on the 19th of November. This makes poor old Ricky Nixon's job a lot harder.

Now, Cousins is back from the US and undertaking more secret rehab in Sydney. Let's hope "secret rehab" doesn't involve the use of glass pipes, white powders and naked women.

Citations: Herald-Sun, 26/10/2007; The Australian, 1/11/2007

Word Count: 1002

West Coast Eagle's great Ben Cousins has fulfilled all our expectations with a spectacular flame-out that has left the football world reeling. He was arrested by detectives in Perth, charged with drug offences and then promptly sacked by his club. While he has thrown away his $800K/year career, he can now indulge freely in his great love - drug-taking.

It hardly came as a surprise. The weeks after the finals are traditionally a time for footballers to get a little crazy. Maybe take some extra risks. For Cousins, the temptation was just too great.


Cousins' A Goner.
Source: Daily Telegraph.

Here's how Ben Cousins' horror day, October 16th, 2007, played out:

In a statement, police said they stopped Cousins' vehicle on Newcastle St, Perth around 11.30am after he came to their attention "due to the manner of his driving".

They allegedly found a quantity of prohibited drugs after searching the four-wheel drive vehicle.

The 29-year-old West Coast Eagles' midfielder was taken for questioning to the Traffic Enforcement Group headquarters in East Perth.

Police will allege Cousins failed to provide a sample of his blood for analysis.

Nine Network television footage showed Cousins, shirtless, being led by a detective from his vehicle to a police car, where he sat in the back seat between two officers. (The Daily Telegraph, 16/10/2007)

If you want the gory details, here's the video footage of Cousins' Walk of Shame:



Cousins' car was searched and some prescription drugs (Valium) was found. Cousins does not have a prescription for the drug, commonly used to soften the come down from crystal meth and ecstasy. Cousins refused to take a driving competency test or provide a saliva sample for drug testing.

Interestingly, Cousins was not so shy about the AFL drug tests. He passed 14 of them, despite having a raging "substance abuse problem" costing a reported $3000 per week. There are mixed reports about whether or not he asked for - and passed - a test following the death of former Weagle and mentor Chris Mainwaring. Cousins had visited the troubled "Mainy" twice in the hours before his death and Mainwaring's toxicology report revealed a cocktail of drugs, including cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy, anti-depressants and alcohol.

If Cousins has been using illicit drugs, I'm not surprised he refused a drugs test by WA police. After all, the police will not give you a week's notice before the test. Nor will they accept "sorry, can't provide a sample right now" as an excuse - unlike certain other drugs testers.

Also in Cousins' car were two young women - described as "scantily clad" - but it's not yet clear what charges they may face, if any. At the same time, his out-of-contract team mate Daniel Chick was also pulled over and investigated. A passenger in this vehicle, Nathan Greaves, has been charged with possession of cocaine and cannabis following a search of his house. Methamphetamines and "drug paraphernalia" (presumably various glass pipes and/or scales and baggies) were also found.

It looks a lot like this cosy little par-tay was interrupted by the police. The predictable whiners and apologists over at the Big Footy forum had the usual mix of conspiracy theories and heads-in-the-sand, decrying this as a "sting operation" targeting Cousins and a waste of public resources. Here's a tip kids: if you wander into the middle of a drugs sweep in your pimp-wagon and drive erratically, you'll get pulled. What's more, getting drug-affected motorists off the road is a good use of our tax dollars, regardless of how wealthy, famous or talented they are.

It seems certain that Cousins will never play professional footy again. He was already on a strict contract with the club following his very public fall from grace in March this year, triggering an expensive - but ultimately ineffective - bout of rehab. It was always doomed to failure, requiring him to, amongst things, avoid underworld figures. (Technically, just turning up to training with the West Coast Illegals constituted a breach of this clause.) His half-arsed "public apology" was that of an unrepentant man.

While his time at the top has been relatively short, he packed a lot in. Brawling with Daniel Kerr. Giving advice (along with Michael Gardiner) to outlaw motorcycle gangs over their nightclub shootings. Fleeing a booze bus on foot. Collapsing out the front of a casino late at night. These are the sorts of punk-acts that he will be remembered as throwing away his career over: an arrogant spoilt brat who believed all his own hype and, in the end, wasn't big enough where it counted.

Ben Cousins had the whole world at his feet. A good-looking rich kid with a staggering talent for footy. Adoration from millions of fans. A salary 20 times greater than others his age. The highest awards from the game, including the Brownlow Medal. He had been given "one last chance" so many times that his club was a joke. So keen were they to ensure his brilliance continued despite the damage, the League had to step in and threaten to take away premiership points to get them to act.

Well, they've finally done it. They tried everything to look the other way but, coming on top of Mainwaring's death just two weeks ago and lost sponsors, they just ran out of ladder and had to let Cousins drop. Even the players' union, under Brendon Gale, have washed their hands of him.

That a selfish drug culture has been allowed to flourish in Perth is undeniable. Many former players and leaders are calling for further action for club officials. Here at The Speccy, we're calling for an inquiry into the AFL's drug problem by an independent retired judicial figure - at the AFL's expense, not the taxpayers'. The outcome of this inquiry should determine what's happened and who's responsible before making recommendations for drug policy reform in the League.

The AFL cannot afford to wait for further careers to be destroyed - yet alone lives lost - before acting.

*** UPDATE ***
Cousins has had his (first) day in court and been allowed out on bail:

In a brief court appearance, Cousins was remanded on bail for 90 days to reappear in the same court on January 21 to face charges of drug possession and refusing to undergo a driver assessment.

Lawyer for Cousins, Shane Brennan, told the court had had spoken to police prosecutors who had agreed to the long adjournment. (The West Australian, 18/10/2007)

He is now free to return to $5,000/day rehab in the US. One can only presume that the court decided it's safe for him to leave the country on the grounds that all his drug dealers are here.

*** UPDATE ***
News services are reporting that the possession charge against Ben Cousins has been dropped. It's not yet clear if Cousins actually "found" a prescription for his Valium or if former team-mate and sparring partner Daniel Kerr (who has a conviction for fraudulently passing a Valium script) kindly sourced one for him. Or, maybe, rich people just don't need scripts?

In any case, his charge of refusing to subject himself to a drug test is proceeding:

[The West Coast Eagles] released a statement that it had been informed by the West Australian police that the charge of being in possession of a prohibited substance had been dropped.

The club noted however that, "this does not change the club position or the decision made on Wednesday to terminate Ben's contract because of repeated and serious breaches to his agreement with the club". (Sportal, 19/10/2007)

Here's more juicy details about what was found in his car, including the suggestion of "hammerheading" or (groan) "sextasy" - combining Viagra with ecstasy:

They say other drugs were found in the car including the prohibited pain-killer, OxyContin, Viagra and an anti-depressant.

A $20 note with traces of cocaine and MDMA or ecstasy, was also found on one of the passengers in Cousins' car. (ABC, 19/10/2007)

Quite the little party for a Tuesday morning, wouldn't you say? Doesn't really change much since the possession charge was always going to be tricky; all that coke and dope were carefully stashed in the other car. Not that it was Benny's gear. I mean, who on earth would leave their precious stash in Daniel Chick's car?

*** UPDATE ***
Rumours of Ben Cousins' five-day cocaine binge in LA have been confirmed. News media are reporting that he was hospitalised, after a friend, software sales manager Susie Ella, made an emergency 911 call at 5am:

THE emergency early morning call to the Hermosa Beach Police Department last week described a 29-year-old man "on cocaine not acting right". Later, the caller added, the man "has been on cocaine for the past five days".

...

The Herald has confirmed that Cousins was admitted to the Little Company of Mary hospital, in the adjoining suburb of Torrance, soon after the emergency call. Cousins remained at the hospital for two days before being discharged on Friday, November 2.

...

It described Cousins as "not acting right, is conscious and breathing". She told the operator Cousins had been on cocaine for the previous five days. She said he was "not being violent, is just scared". (SMH, 10/11/2007)

Absent a PR firm on retainer, Cousins' poor old dad Bryan was left to do the spinning while Cousins was on a coke bender and being rushed to hospital. Of more concern is that allegation that he spent a couple of nights in Sydney with the notorious Michael Gardiner - hardly the actions of a man hell-bent on getting clean.

I suspected that his "network" in LA might consist of anyone with cocaine. While this is a large group - especially in Los Angeles - I didn't think that he would end up hanging with the IT crowd. As the Yanks say - go figure.

*** UPDATE ***
In a startling admission of the impact Ben Cousins has on his team-mates, former West Coast player Glen Jakovich has spoken up about his relief at seeing Cousins sacked:

"Players will excel because the Cousins factor is gone," Jakovich said. "I truly believe players, young and older, felt intimidated by Cousins while he was in an unfit state to engage in training and team requirements.

"You can't win a premiership if things are not right off the field. It ruins team morale. (Herald-Sun, 13/1/2008)

We hear of phenomena like amphetamine psychosis and, from watching US reality crime show Cops, it looks very frightening. So while Cousins isn't a large man by any stretch, it's disturbing to think he could still intimidate the huge players in a violence-prone club like West Coast.

I guess this is one more reason to get serious about drug testing in the AFL. Those players who opt out of footy's drug culture shouldn't have to put up with intimidation by their colleagues.

Citations: The Daily Telegraph, 16/10/2007; The West Australian, 18/10/2007; Sportal, 19/10/2007; ABC, 19/10/2007; SMH, 10/11/2007; Herald-Sun, 13/1/2008

Word Count: 1938

It seems that everyone wants to impress our beloved footballers. Sadly, it's not just members of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club that believe a little gunplay will win the footy stars over: now it seems Victoria's police are using this same tried and true technique to suck up to their sporting heroes.

To say that Victoria Police enjoys a cosy relationship with AFL players is an understatement. It's not just the frequent and regular contact that police have with players in a professional capacity - it's the common interests and shared locker room cultures that gives police and footballers a special bond. Not to mention what they can do for each other.

Police are very accommodating of players. They will roar through traffic with lights and sirens to deliver a footballer (Saverio Rocca) to his son's birth - and then clumsily try to cover it up. This isn't an isolated incident - police are more than happy to ferry drunken footballers like David Johnson around in their own personal taxi service. Presumably, they get a buzz from having a player in the back seat. Police will also use "discretion" liberally when dealing with their favoured sons.

Sometimes, this cosiness crosses the line of decency, such as in the Heath Culpitt "missing rape evidence" scandal at Crown Casino. Victoria's top detective, Simon Overland, freshly imported from NSW, was clearly aghast at the favouritism displayed by local police to even the most obscure and talentless footballer:

Mr Overland admitted that while most police were not reluctant to investigate famous people, he could not discount the possibility that some officers "wouldn't be intimidated or wouldn't have other reasons for perhaps not pursuing allegations against high-profile people as vigorously as they might". (The Age, 10/02/05)

There have been other cases where footballer-friendly cops have "bulldozed" sex crime investigations, infuriating other police. Lord knows what other incidents have been mishandled, buried or simply not raised with police. After all, if the top detective has no confidence in his detectives, why should a rape or bashing victim?

Of course, all this cosiness takes on a far more sinister edge in light of the ongoing gangland violence and police corruption investigations in Victoria (eg Purana). It looks likely that corrupt police were involved in some of the killings. Certainly, corrupt police have been jailed for drug activities. Others have resigned under a cloud. Links between police and underworld figures are aired and - very gently - probed by the media. And let's not forget the extensive links between underworld figures and certain footballers (*cough* Ben Cousins *cough* Michael Gardiner *cough*).

Against this back drop of cosiness, special favours and corruption, we remember that Collingwood's Alan Didak formed a special bond with drug-dealing Hell's Angel Chris Hudson (now facing murder and firearms charges). This culminated in the so-called "Hell Ride" where Didak was taken from city stripclub Spearmint Rhino (where he was hanging out with footballers like Colin Syliva) to hang out at the Hell's Angels Melbourne chapter's fortress-compound in an outer-suburban industrial estate.

While it was never clear exactly who was trying to impress whom, it's clear that a mutual interest in speed played a role in the ugly courtship. Strippers too. And guns. Shots at the bar were (allegedly) followed by shots fired out of the car as they crossed the Bolte Bridge. More shots were (allegedly) fired later at a police car attempting to intercept the vehicle. While Didak was keeping quiet, the firing of guns in close proximity clearly left an impression on him. Sadly, just a few days later, Hudson went off the deep end and (allegedly) beat up one stripper, killed another stripper and a passer-by who tried to help her, and wounded another brave interloper.

How insensitive then, for Victoria's police to invite Alan Didak and the rest of the Collingwood Football Club to come down to their heavily-fortified suburban compound and blaze away with guns. Presumably miffed at being upstaged by the underworld, Victoria Police thought they could up the ante a little and woo the footballers back by letting footballers loose on the firing range:

A spokesman for the office confirmed last night that a complaint about members of an AFL club was being examined.

The complaint alleges that those involved falsely signed affidavits that they were intending to join a gun club - a condition of entry to the rifle range at the Victoria Police academy at Glen Waverley.

Channel Nine last night named Collingwood as the club involved. It was also reported last night that retiring captain Nathan Buckley and coach Mick Malthouse were among those who attended the range. (The Age, 11/10/2007)

The Office of Police Integrity - widely panned as a comparatively toothless tiger and enduring constant restructuring - will be looking into the matter. Falsifying an affidavit is a serious offence. Of more concern is the lapse in judgement by senior figures within Collingwood and the police. Why on Earth would police think that inviting the boys from a footy club down to shoot guns on their firing range would be an appropriate use of taxpayer resources? Let's face it: over the next few years the Collingwood Football Club is likely to remain an important source of work for the police. Is it appropriate that they socialise like this? And - as with underworld relationships - just who is doing the impressing here?

The OPI will also examine if people who fire weapons, even under supervision, require shooting licences.

The Herald Sun said the visit was approved by “very senior” police.

Magpies CEO Gary Pert confirmed players visited the shooting range at the police academy in Glen Waverley as part of a leadership program with the force. (Herald-Sun, 11/10/2007)

Oh dear. It seems this wasn't a bonding day for the Magpies, but a reward for senior police. I am ashamed that the police force that is meant "to uphold the right" is prostituting itself by enticing footballers - many of them with underworld contacts and criminal histories - with the prospect of gunplay. Our police are so desperate to bathe in the reflected glory of their teenaged heroes that they offer up their firing range as a lure, determined to outbid the bikie gangs.

At the very least, there's a prima facie case that our police have a) too much money b) not enough nous about how to spend it. Remember, this wasn't a spontaneous act of stupidity by 21 year-old cops and footballers; this was sanctioned at the highest level of both organisations and displays a disregard by senior police for the resources entrusted to them and concern for their judgement involving community sensitivities.

That young police recruits should be exposed to the wink-wink culture of protecting feted AFL sporting stars is disappointing. That police and Collingwood would overlook the club's connection to a shooting incident that horrified the nation is puzzling. That our police - well-paid and resourced as they are - should resort to gunplay to fawn over and pander to footballers is, sadly, entirely in keeping with this town's social hierarchy.

Citations: The Age, 11/10/2007; Herald-Sun, 11/10/2007

Word Count: 1197

This is a warning to all Melburnians: today is the infamous Mad Monday, which means hundreds of drunk and drug-affected footballers will be roaming the streets in gangs. Many of them will be bitterly disappointed and violence seems inevitable.

Mad Monday has always been an interesting time in Melbourne. Now, it's positively dangerous. Given the large dose of negative scrutiny AFL players' drug habits have received recently, you'd think they might take it easy this year. After all, there's no sign of the Seven/AFL Gutter Feud settling. But that's not what people are thinking:

TODAY marks open season for drug users, AFL style.

Think about it for a moment, because it's a little bit scary.

This morning we kick off a two-month exclusion zone in which AFL players, in their off-season breaks, will not be tested for any form of illicit drug until pre-season training commences.

As of today's Mad Sunday sessions, 210 players from Richmond, St Kilda, Essendon, Brisbane and Fremantle will be free to take as many illicit drugs as they like, and not one of them will be tested.

From tomorrow, 125 from Melbourne, Carlton and the Bulldogs will join them.

The depressing reality is that in the current climate, the lure of drugs will be too much for some players to resist. (Herald-Sun, 2/9/2007)

Let's put those sobering remarks into context. Here's what Hawthorn great Dermot Brereton had to say about earlier Mad Monday festivities:

Brereton, who starred for Hawthorn in the 1980s and still has close contact with players through his commentator duties, said drug-taking was said to be preferred to alcohol in post-season celebrations.

"We heard rumours that somebody turned up to one of those mad Mondays and there wasn't a beer in sight ... (The Australian, 31/3/05, reported in The Speccy)

And, as is now a tradition at this time of the year, here is the photo of Eddie McGuire and friend very late indeed at one Mad Monday:


Eddie Not Faring As Well As Other Bloke
Source: Aftergrog Blog.

Of course, the image of drug-fuelled parties with pills and powders being thrown around like confetti is not the AFL's spin departments' idea of how Mad Monday should be perceived. They'd rather everyone just forgot about that and focused on the traditional, booze-soaked piss-ups instead. This is the official word from AFL HQ on the upcoming Mad Monday:

WELSH poet Dylan Thomas's famous dying words were, “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies. I think that is a record.” Dylan, you feel, would have enjoyed Mad Monday, the day when the AFL’s also-rans blow their tops like 44 kegs of beer that have done six months in the back of a ute, plus a hard pre-season. (AFL, 3/9/2007)

Yes, that's right, in a bizarre refutation of the Governments' responsible drinking message, the AFL is putting about quotes from Welsh poets who tragically drank themselves to death via media release. Is this to encourage players off the ice and onto whisky? ("Mmm, whisky - potentially fatal whisky. Do you remember how good it was?") Or is it to paint a vivid and unshakable image in the minds of the punters of utes, kegs and "piss, porn and pie" nights at the local footy club rooms? Well, nothing could be further from the truth for our manicured and well-coiffed salonistas.

Thanks to some diligent behind-the-scenes work, The Speccy is able to provide a hit-list of venues likely to attract footballers. Remember, these places will be over-charging you for drinks (to ensure the players sip water for free in the VIP room). They will also attract women (and a few misguided men) looking to pick up a footballer -if only in for ten minutes in the toilet. Large groups of men will be resentful of this and the risk of fights means it is not worth attending.

Please avoid the following suspected footballer haunts:

• Prince of Wales Hotel in St Kilda (scene of alleged brawl involving Fraser Gehrig, Michael Voss and the others.)


• Ocean Blue in Port Melbourne (scene of car park assault involving Chris Tarrant and Ben Johnson)


• Motel in South Melbourne (as featured in documentary Footy Chicks)


• The Saint and the Vineyard in St Kilda

Ironically, the safest venue is town for the next couple of days might be Spearmint Rhino, the lap-dance club that served us starting point for Alan Didak's Hell Ride. After his little adventure, it's now one of the few places where Collingwood players are banned from attending.

In any case, please keep your head low. Stock up on essential products (like pepper spray and drink-spike detectors). Warn others. And - hopefully - we'll catch you on the other side.

*** UPDATE ***
It's been a slow Mad Monday. Either the players were unusually well-behaved or the venue operators and media have been gagged. After scouring the mainstream media and footy forums, this is the most salacious story I could turn up:

Hawthorn players Lance Franklin and Trent Croad were invited to MTV's Superbad movie premiere after-party, but didn't impress organisers with their attempts to get the entire team into South Yarra's Tryst bar.

The boozed-up bunch were turned away after hitting the nearby Bridie O'Reilly's pub on Chapel St for most of the day, as part of Mad Monday celebrations. (Herald-Sun, 19/9/2007)

Jeez. Even the West Coast Eagles are having a locked-down Mad Monday, with security guards in place. Chairman Dalton Gooding explains that "They’ve got plans and processes in place," and said they players would be "Very responsible, be very tight, stay among themselves and just show restraint."

Pretty bloody lame. C'mon, surely there was some ugliness somewhere?

*** UPDATE ***
Not necessarily ugly, but the Sunday Age reports that Hawthorn's Lance "Buddy" Franklin might be about to go vegetarian: at least, that's their explanation why Buddy was loudly stating "I'm off my chops!" at the Leederville Hotel in Perth. There's going to be a lot of disappointed Hawthorn fans if they're relying on this bloke for their tilt at the premiership.

Citations: Herald-Sun, 2/9/2007; AFL, 3/9/2007; Herald-Sun, 19/9/2007

Word Count: 1028

The demands of generating a constant stream of opinionated drivel are well known to all bloggers, columnists and panellists. These are magnified enormously when there's a large number of competitive protagonists, a small number of available slots and a hostile, barely-literate audience. This article examines some of the AFL's high-profile mavens and their recent public snafus, including Wayne Carey and Jason Akermanis.

Wayne Carey

We've covered Wayne Carey's off-field problems in some detail already. After retirement, he's sought his fame and fortune as a Fox Sports commentator and more recently, on Channel Nine's Footy Confidential show. On another footy discussion show (yes, there's a never-ending supply of them now), Carey displayed his trademark intelligence and sensitivity with some bizarre remarks relating to Kangaroo Nathan Thompson's recovery from depression:

“It would be nice for Thommo to stay away from the Darwin cup and concentrate on his recovery and maybe he’d get back and get a kick. He’s got depression and he’s up there punting on horses - what is he thinking?" Carey, a former captain of the Kangaroos, said on The Sunday Footy Show.

But while controversial, Carey's comments have been overshadowed by an aside he made as the show returned from an ad break. Although the audio is muddied by music, Carey can be heard remarking ``... end up necking himself.''

Host Tony Jones is clearly knocked off balance by the comment, but then moves decisively to end the discussion. (Herald-Sun, 13/8/2007)

(As an aside, I'd have like to have seen the consequences if the real Tony Jones from the ABC's Lateline was hosting. Carey would have been made to look the fool he is by being held to account through a vigorous forensic grilling by an actual journalist.)

Naturally, this remark earned Carey a huge amount of public criticism and opprobrium, including some deep psychoanalysis of his own mental problems in The Age's RealFooty. Talk back was abuzz and the letters pages to the newspapers were engulfed with derision. Sub-editors had a field-day with Duck/Goose puns. In addition, various mental health advocates (including Hawk's president and chairman of BeyondBlue Jeff Kennet) weighed in. Strangely, the AFL's most respected depression expert, West Coast CEO Trevor Nisbett, was silent. Perhaps a man of his extraordinary diagnostic talent doesn't bother with such obvious cases.

At The Speccy, we don't see what the fuss is about. Carey fills a Sam Newman-esque role of drawing mug crowds by being an insensitive, controversial and thick-skinned dickhead. Mission accomplished. Do you think the producers of that particular telly show are upset by this? Or the advertisers? Hardly.

This is a man who cheats on his pregnant wife with bleached-blonde bogan bait; who provides character references for killers and drug dealers; who sexually assaults women; who betrays his wife and best mate with sexual affairs. So, no surprises that he holds "controversial" (ie neolithic) attitudes to a range of issues. What is surprising is that so many Australians wish to see him on their televisions.

Jason Akermanis

Another loud-mouthed idiot facing pressure to come up with the goods is Jason "Aker" Akermanis, playing this month for the Western Bulldogs. As the dying embers of his career flicker in the twilight, he is desperate to cement his position as an AFL insider with a knack for pulling audiences. I imagine he - and his minders - has hopes of a future as a "media personality" in the buffoonish tradition of Sam Newman. Earlier efforts at generating publicity included on-field handstands and some blogging that ultimately saw him dropped from his club, the Brisbane Lions, for criticising the coach.

His latest efforts to please his paymaster - Rupert Murdoch - saw him pen a column in which he lambasted an unnamed opposing player for "running like Superman" and performing seemingly-impossible feats of endurance. Akermanis attributed this to performance-enhancing drugs, most likely EPO:

It is best for me not to name names here, but something very similar happened to me a few years back.

I want to relate a story about an opponent who, overnight, developed an amazing ability to run a lot harder, faster and longer than he ever had before.

...

On this day, though, he out-ran me. He ran like Superman, having never shown signs of so doing before, and was still sprinting hard in the last term.

I was left thinking, "Hang on, something isn't smelling right".

...

What should I do? No idea. I have no proof, just an educated opinion based on very real experiences. (Herald-Sun, 1/8/2007)

As a result of this media stunt, Akermanis was widely condemned by all those who have a stake in the status quo: the AFL executive, the AFL Players' union, various coaches, former players and just about everyone else that doesn't want bad news.

Later, Channel 7 named the player in question as Michael Braun. His club, the drug-riddled West Coast Eagles, denied it and ASADA (the Government's Sports Anti-Doping Agency) launched an investigation. This inquiry reported back with negative findings and now Akermanis (and Channel 7) is being sued by the Eagles. He's also facing an inquiry from the AFL over bringing the game into disrepute.

While Akermanis has been totally self-serving in his goals, I must admit to a begrudging respect. (Not least because he knows Auslan and is learning Japanese.) It's clear the AFL is not interested in finding out about drug cheats: how else can you explain 500 tests a year for 650 players? How else can you explain letting players get away with not providing a sample if they don't feel like it? There's even doubts about whether or not they test for EPO as a matter of course.

But what is really troubling is that the body charged with the testing - ASADA - is hopelessly compromised. Remember, just a month or so before Akermanis wrote his article, Port Adelaide was correctly tipped off about upcoming ASADA testing. With very little in the way of media scrutiny, ASADA quietly conducted its own investigation into how the leak happened. They concluded it was a "mystery" (their words, not mine). The AFL said it was "comfortable" with this outcome (again, not my words).

ASADA issued a statement clearing itself of criticism and refused to discuss the manner or conduct of its self-investigation. As a result, we can have no confidence in this body and the fact that it's given Braun the "all-clear" sheds no light on whether or not he actually is a drug cheat. This is very sad, not least for Braun, who - if he is clean - deserves to have that established by a credible authority. It's also a problem for Akermanis' legal team in mounting a defence.

While all this was unfolding, another loud-mouth staring down the barrel of obscurity was using the drugs issue to desperately raise his profile: Peter Everitt. Occasional TV panelist, "Spida" has come out decrying how players now use addiction as a "free-pass" for bad behaviour and describing the drug-testing regime as a "shemozzle". Of course, he is completely right. But the fact that he gets attention for stating the obvious indicates something is seriously wrong.

Is it acceptable that the AFL's own incompetence and cynical manipulation of these matters provides a platform for advancing the post-career media prospects of these people? In an environment where "shut up and we can keep taking their money" is the dominant view and people are encouraged not to rock the boat, it's inevitable that self-aggrandising opinion-leaders are "forced to" (that is, get away with) resorting to public allegations like this.

In the cases of both Wayne Carey and Jason Akermanis, the desire to create controversy and get headlines has damaged the game. Both have put their interests first. In this, their actions are merely a continuation of career-long practices for which they have both been well rewarded.

*** UPDATE ***
It turns out that Jason Akermanis suspected up to five AFL players were cheating with performance-enhancing drugs. The players in question were tested by ASADA - after a suitable delay, naturally. (No-one wants any nasty surprises.) They're all clean. If only we could have reasonable confidence in ASADA's ability to conduct these kinds of drug detection operations.

Citations: Herald-Sun, 13/8/2007; Herald-Sun, 1/8/2007

Word Count: 1347

In a move that has shocked even seasoned AFL player watchers, Collingwood's Alan Didak has been named and weakly-chastised for partying with Hell's Angel and alleged drug dealer and murderer Christopher Wayne Hudson. The persistent and widespread association between footballers and organised crime figures - especially bikies - can no longer be ignored and demands urgent action by footy's real fans.

The scene on Thursday, June 28 was depressingly familiar - a po-faced footballer uncomfortable in a shirt and tie, an angry club official, the salivating media and the glare of the public gaze as yet another footballer awkwardly stumbles his way through a written statement. This time, however, it wasn't another drink-driving or drug scandal. This time, the statement revealed that the ugly mutual appreciation and respect between outlaw motorcycle gang members and professional athletes had real repurcussions.


Excusing the Inexcusable: Didak's mea culpa
Source: The Age

It transpired that very late on the Saturday of the Queen's Birthday weekend, Alan Didak, Colin Sylvia and Chris Hudson were drinking together in a number of nightspots in Melbourne, including the strip club Spearmint Rhino. While Sylvia had passed out drunk, Didak accepted a lift home from Hudson and another man at around 4am. This car trip involved firing shots from a handgun out the window of the Mercedes-Benz coupe while crossing Bolte Bridge, a visit to the Hell's Angel's HQ at Campbelltown and more shots fired when police attempted to pull the car over. Didak was dropped off in the city at 6am, where he took a cab home to Kew.

Some two weeks later, Hudson was again at Spearmint Rhino in the early hours. There, he allegedly severely beat a stripper, Autumn Daly-Holt. Minutes later, Hudson was apparently attacking another stripper, Kara Douglas in downtown Melbourne at 8am when bystanders intervened. Solicitor Brendan Keilar and Dutch backpacker Paul de Waard were allegedly shot by Hudson, along with Douglas. While Douglas and de Waard have recovered, sadly Keilar died at the scene. After remaining at large for some days, Hudson turned himself in and is now facing several charges relating to firearms and, of course, murder.


Party Girls: Bashing victim Autumn Daly-Holt and shooting victim Kara Douglas.
Source: The Age

While the events were separated by a week, there is enough commonality in the locations and people involved that Didak is regarded as a witness by the police - albeit one with a terrible memory. From all accounts, Didak did not disclose what had happened, leaving some to argue that had Didak come forwards about Hudson and the gunplay that night, the murder and other violence could have been avoided. Others argue that Didak cannot be expected to anticipate criminality in others - even if they are firing handguns in the city.

However, the real issue is what Didak and Syliva were doing drinking in a strip joint with a motorcycle gang member. The nature of their relationship is unclear but may go back months. Why do these young men seek each others' company? Who, exactly, is trying to impress whom? Certainly, they have a lot in common: plenty of spare time, large amounts of cash and an unhealthy, proprietary attitude to women. It's worth noting that Alan Didak has made these pages before for his public displays of aggression with now ex-girlfriend, Cassie Lane. Similarly, Colin Sylvia has been to court for allegations that he assaulted his girlfriend Elise Whichello, also in public.

This is not the first time friendships between motorcycle gang members and footballers have come to light: the Coffin Cheaters go way back with WA's own Ben Cousins and Michael Gardiner. The word out there now is that Cousins - back from a miracle cure for his raging crystal methamphetamine addiction and eager to prove his suitability to return to the game - is once again associating with Gardiner and others with criminal connections:

The Sunday Age yesterday reported Cousins was last week at Melbourne's Beach Hotel with former teammate Michael Gardiner and Victor Kizon, brother of Perth's John Kizon [a convicted heroin trafficker], and another former Perth man who allegedly works for a company owned by the Coffin Cheaters motorcycle club.

He had travelled to Melbourne with the latter two on a private jet as guests of a Perth real estate company. (The Age, 18/6/2007)

Two years ago, the Hell's Angels allegedly abducted and tortured an "associate" of three Carlton players, Lance Whitnall, Nick Stevens and Heath Scotland. (Yes, that's right, the same Heath Scotland who was convicted of hitting a woman at a nightclub and was alleged to have done it again in Ballarat. Is anyone else detecting a theme here?)

The well-practised response from Collingwood to Didak's behaviour has been by-the-numbers: express "shock", "surprise" and "disappointment". Indicate it's touch-and-go that Something Serious might happen. Wheel out a contrite footballer mumbling some psycho-babble about personal growth and responsibility. Announce some minor restrictions (a curfew!) with regards to that one player. Wait a few days and finally, keep fielding him as if nothing has happened.

Of course, any pretensions of shock or surprise that Didak could involve himself with undesirables while attending Spearmint Rhino were severely undermined by comments made by club president Eddie McGuire last year in an earlier Didak court scandal:

Enter the man with a PhD in Spin, Eddie McGuire. His first salvo - which I sadly cannot cite online as I read it in mX - was to claim that Alan Didak was going home, not heading out to Spearmint Rhino. Apparently, that's a franchised strip club. Only Eddie would employ his intimate working knowledge of Melbourne's sex industry in defence of an embattled player. The logic is that a player can effectively trespass and become a drunken nuisance as long he's not going to a strip club. Interesting. (The Speccy, 10/10/2006)

That's right: Eddie specifically used attendance at Spearmint Rhino as an example of bad behaviour for an AFL player. Sadly, Eddie only banned his players from attending strip clubs after this sordid incident. It begs the question: why did Eddie link Didak to Spearmint Rhino - by name - in October last year? When Did Eddie find out that Didak attends this particular venue? Why did he allow Didak to attend this venue after specifically naming it in this way? Let's hope that someone with more clout than us puts these question to Eddie for a response.

Treating dangerous and bad men like children - curfews and alcohol bans indeed! - will only further infantalise them and encourage them into stupid cat-and-mouse games of monitoring and enforcement. ("Ooh ooh! I saw Didak with a beer at 12:30am!") If these scumbags don't know that it's wrong to beat up women, to hang out with bikies in strip clubs, to involve themselves with gunplay and drugs and organised crime figures, then they shouldn't be on the team. You cannot contract them into being ethical human beings who can represent their clubs with honour.

Unfortunately, most AFL fans have accepted that a number of senior and feted AFL stars have a long-standing relationship with bikies and career criminals. Drugs. Cash. Women. Violence. A match made in heaven. But it's a testament to the basic goodness of the Australian sports-loving public that Didak was repeatedly booed by the large crowd at his first match since his connection went public. (I choose to believe that this included even the die-hard toothless Collingwood fans.)

However, the public needs to go further to signal our discontent. Club officials and players are in a dangerous game of brinkmanship here, seeing how far they can push before we push back. The only language they speak is numbers: crowd attendance and club memberships. The AFL Player Spectator is calling on true football fans to ask themselves the following questions:

• Has footballer behaviour improved since they started not needing real jobs anymore?


• Are you consistently proud of they way your club's players deport themselves in public?


• Has it been good for the game - or the players themselves - that footballers receive hundreds of thousands of our dollars a year in cash?


• Does the behaviour you see week-in week-out reflect the values you'd like to see in your club?


• Given the current AFL and club leadership, do you think it will get better or worse while the money continues to roll in?


• Isn't there a local amateur competition in your area that could do with your support instead?

For years we've watched this rancid culture grow under the nurturing environment provided by professional footy. Enough is enough. We urge Australians to take a break from attending AFL club matches and writing cheques for membership. Please, redirect your energy, support and cash to a local competition. If, at the end of this season, the bean-counters at the AFL clubs actually see a blip in their figures, maybe - just maybe - we'll see some real changes in attitudes that will secure the long-term interests of the game.

*** UPDATE ***
Alan Didak has agreed to give evidence against his drinking buddy and sometime-driver, Christopher Wayne Hudson (formerly of the Hells Angels motorcycling enthusiasts group). While this move is to be commended, there are doubts about Didak's credibility:

Collingwood footballer Alan Didak was with Hudson on the morning of June 12, when shots were allegedly fired from a black Mercedes at a factory in suburban Campbellfield.

The court heard that Didak would offer evidence he was with Hudson on the night of the factory shooting.

It heard forensic evidence would link the firearm in the Campbellfield shooting to the CBD shooting.

However, Hudson's lawyer Theo Magazis told the committal mention hearing Didak's credibility was "very much in issue". (The Age, 7/11/2007)

While it's unlikely that the prosecution's case hinges on Didak's evidence, it does highlight the potential problems that arise when footballers' underworld experiences are "managed" by club spin-doctors.

Citations: The Age, 18/6/2007; The Speccy, 10/10/2006; The Age, 7/11/2007

Word Count: 1720