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Date: Monday, 04 Apr 2011 13:52

Learn your lessons

One of my favorite YouTube musicians uploaded a video recently about a topic I’ve spoken about before: people being in your life for the wrong reasons. Often, what I say is ignored but…real talk: if you want fame, one skill you have to have nailed down is the ability to walk away from people who are in your life for the wrong reasons. Let’s talk about that.

Jeremy (Passion) uploaded this video on April 2, 2011. In the comments, he explained the song:

This was a short song I made describing a situation that many artists go through. Some artists embrace the perks of being famous or known (i.e expensive clothes, public eye, groupies, etc.) and some artists don’t see music in that way.

But whatever lifestyle you choose to take with your career, you’ll always run into people that want to know u because of your status or position. So we fall into the who’s fake and who’s real, who’s your real friends and who actually likes u for who u r

What Jeremy said is true.

You do not have to be famous or rich to attract the attention of people who are more interested in what you can give to them instead of being around for the right reasons. It will happen because there are weak people who, instead of just asking for help, will try to “sneak” and get it by lying, manipulating and misrepresenting who they really are.

Someone once told me there was no reason for us to converse unless it was for financial reasons, ie: him getting money from me. Those words hurt so bad, because I thought he was my friend, they went straight over my head and I made excuses for him. I couldn’t believe that someone I tried to support, someone I tried to help, someone I thought I could trust…someone that knew he could always count on me…could say something like that to me, and mean it.

But he did. As soon as he got himself straightened out financially, he bounced, without a word.

Obviously, I had a lesson to re-learn, because I placed myself in that position. Today, I would never allow anyone to treat me so badly. I would kick their ass before I accepted lies or attacks to my self-esteem. That entire situation made me much stronger, especially since it was going on while my Mom was terminally ill.

Why is this important?

Just like Jeremy experienced people attaching to him for the wrong reasons because he is a musician, believe it or not, it happens everywhere and follows anyone who has the least bit of success. If you look at Jeremy’s channel, he has 140,000ish subscribers, which isn’t a lot on YouTube considering there are people with millions of subscribers. He isn’t close to being a household name or a mainstream artist. Yet, he’s experienced this problem.

All it takes is someone attaching to you because you have more than them. Or you are living a life that is better than theirs. I see this often in the gaming community. Many people are, for lack of another word, thirsty.

Does Xem’s video describe anyone you know? Haha, I think we all know people who are like this. I see this type of behavior often, especially on social sites. I am not implying the people who are like this are “bad” people, they are just going about getting what they want the wrong way…which is an indicator they aren’t ready for the fame they seek.

Knowing when to walk away from the people who want fame, but aren’t doing anything to earn it, will save you a lot of frustration, aggravation and pain in the long run. There is nothing wrong with wanting success, but having and maintaining success is very hard work. Hard work that is well deserved once earned.

There is nothing wrong with admiring and being inspired by others. Currently, I am drawing inspiration from Daichi Miura, a Japanese musician and choreographer. I enjoy listening to his music and he inspired me to learn Japanese. Sooner or later, I will have another inspiration. If he comes to the States, I will definitely go to his shows because he gives a great performance. If I ever go to Japan, I will definitely check to see if he is performing. That’s the extent of it. I simply enjoy his work, nothing more nothing less. As it should be. That’s healthy admiration.

I don’t need him to reach my goals.

As you get older and more successful in life, these situations will come up more often. You will have people who will attach to you if only because they look cool to their peers being “close” to you. Or, because of the position you hold, perhaps you can do them a favor in the future. Or, as Kanye would say, is a gold digger, simply interested in money.

Girl, you lost your train of thought, didn’t you?

When I saw my ex-husband last year, I looked into his eyes, and saw the same look looking back at me from when we were together. My gut told me he hadn’t changed. However, the kids had no memory of him and wanted to meet him. I wanted to protect my kids but I knew they needed to see him as he was, without my shielding them. I never wanted to be the parent that came between their father. This was his chance to be a father to his kids.

I told him, to his face, that his main attraction to me (back then) was because of my family’s status. He did not deny it. The kids were right there. We had our answer. He admitted he made some dumb mistakes back then. Yet, he needed money and I needed a room painted. Seemed like a good way for the kids to be introduced to their father. What happened? When he got enough money to move out of his fiance’s place, he bounced. He looked the kids in the eye, said he’d see them tomorrow, and they never heard from him again. He never finished the work, but he got paid for the job.

But this time, I knew in advance what was going to happen and I was ready to handle the inevitable pain the kids felt of losing their grandmother and their father back to back. Now, they want nothing to do with him. Not because of me protecting them but because they saw for themselves what he is like. Even through all of that, I wish him well and I pray that he becomes the person he wants to be so he can be at peace, strong and not need to use people to survive.

And it is somewhat fitting that I learned, through him, that I indeed learned my lesson. I just recently walked away from a situation when I noticed lies. Not a game I want to play.

My point: learn your lessons and once you learn them…don’t forget them. Don’t make an exception because usually…it is what it is.

Photo by: shaneglobal

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life"
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Date: Friday, 18 Mar 2011 09:32

We have a lot of fun in my house and we tend to do things that are not the norm. Like my daughter and I staying up the majority of the night talking via web cam and chat…when she’s in the house, in her room. I know, weird.

Since it’s Friday, she thought it would be fun to show me Rebecca Black’s video Friday.

I thought it was a joke, so I laughed my ass off to the point of tears.

Yes, this is one of the few pictures on the web of me smiling. Queue the Janet Jackson cheeks.

I mean, did you listen to the lyrics? What seat should she sit in? Telling us the days of the week? Come ON! Gotta be a joke right? Well, no…it seems it is a serious song. Which led to the topic of people being egged on to fail. Then wise one, my daughter, asked how much money I would take, as a kid, to sing that song…because I had just said there is no way in hell I’d sing that song. Well, that required some thought.

Thinking about it a minute, I told her reputation was more meaningful back then than it is now. Even as a kid, I’d prefer not to do it than to be teased to death about it for the rest of my life. And that’s something that would follow you forever…a stupid song like that. I said if I had to put a price on it, over $10M but honestly, I would have drove Mom nuts…turned the money down, said no, then reminded her that she said you shouldn’t do things for money.

Which led to a discussion about parents stopping their children from doing something they know is wrong or will have a possible negative outcome. Would I stop her from making a song like that and recording a silly video? Again, that caused me to think a second…

See, if I stopped her (Rebecca is 13), and it killed the project of her recording a video, my daughter could blame me for the rest of her life about what “could” have been. I would hope she would not be blinded by the possible fame and money to be wise enough to realize it is a dumb song. God help her if she actually liked the song…or thought if she sounded like that she could sing.

To which my daughter, who always has jokes, told me she hoped so too…Farrah. Then said I rock a Farrah hair style better than she did.

While chatting with her I heard the “you’ve got mail” sound and found the above pictures my daughter sent of my expressions while we talked. She said, since I can’t see my own expressions, I will now know what I look like when she says I’m giving her “that look”.

My daughter and I have been having some cool discussions lately that I’m thoroughly enjoying and will always remember. I am blessed she trusts and values my opinion. I love her, and my son, more than words can express.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life"
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Date: Thursday, 10 Mar 2011 04:25

Yin Yang

In my last article When a man loves you…, I talked about questioning whether the person you are romantically involved with loves you. Although I titled it from a female’s perspective, it applies to any type of relationship. I was fortunate that people reached out to privately me and shared their experiences where they questioned the level of commitment their significant other had. As they detailed their situations, I noticed a common theme. People were confusing making a compromise with a request to change their personality.

Well, you cannot always have your way, right?

No, you cannot have what you want, when you want it, how you want it 100% of the time, especially if you are in a relationship. However, there is a difference between compromise and change. When someone compromises with someone else, the couple tries to find a middle ground that is comfortable for the both of them to resolve an issue. A behavioral change is not a compromise. The request is a subtle attempt to get someone to change their ways. Let’s look at two examples:

Situation #1

John and Mary decided they want to live together. Mary likes to cook; John does not like to cook. As a bachelor, he ate out most of the time. While dating, sometimes Mary would cook for John or they would go out. This pleased both of them because Mary enjoyed the nights out and John did not have to cook. Moving into together and looking at their finances, Mary noticed how much money was spent eating out. Mary suggested they eat out once a week, John cook two nights and Mary would cook the rest of the week. Mary thought it was fair because, out of seven days, she was cooking four days. Presented this way, John thought he was getting off lightly only cooking two days but deep down, he did not see the big deal in keeping the arrangement they had while dating. They would eat out when Mary did not cook.

Situation #2

Angela and Dexter decided they wanted to live together. Both of them like to cook. While dating they would occasionally eat out but they enjoyed cooking for one other, trying out new recipes and cooking together. Moving in together and looking at their finances, they decided to get go out a couple of times a week for fun (but not necessarily to eat) and to cook their own meals. Instead of having a rigid cooking schedule, they decided whomever got home first would begin fixing dinner. They did the grocery shopping together, and enjoyed doing it, to ensure they both had their special goodies during the week.

Do you see the difference?

In the first scenario, when Mary asked John to cook, she was not asking him to compromise, she was asking him to change from being someone who disliked cooking to someone who liked cooking well enough to do it two times a week. She was asking him to sacrifice his enjoyment of eating out, and ignore his dislike for cooking.

In relationships and in life, we have to do things we do not want to do. In this case, while it might seem like a compromise to split the cooking responsibilities, Mary is actually asking him to permanently change his personality. Mary is asking him to do something, for an indefinite period of time, that she knows he does not like doing.

In the second example, Angela and Dexter both enjoyed cooking, making it easy to compromise. In theory, one of them might get home more often than the other but, since they both like to cook, it is not a burden to either of them if one of them has to cook more. The compromise? Whomever gets home first, instead of relaxing, watching TV, etc. has to start cooking dinner.

Do you see the difference in the two scenarios? If Mary wants to save money, do not ask John to indefinitely do something he does not like. Find other areas to cut expenses. Sometimes, the money is well spent if it makes John happy. Of course, every time they go out to eat it might annoy Mary how much they are spending. The optimal solution is to find someone that compliments you in major areas of your life. Angela and Dexter’s love for cooking brings them closer together and turns into being quality time spent together.

Asking someone to change is NOT a compromise

Often people make requests veiled as a compromise when in truth, they are asking someone to change their personality or way of thinking to make them happy. This is very common in relationships and unfortunately, these veiled compromises usually end up destroying relationships. Why? Because one person in the relationship fell in love with the idea of what he or she wanted their significant other to be instead of who their significant other really is. Some common issues couples argue about and the common “compromise”:

  • While dating, the couple went to the club regularly, sometimes together and sometimes separately with their friends. When the relationship became more serious, the guy wanted the girl to stop going to the club with her friends. Clubs are like meat markets and she is not on the market anymore. The compromise: instead of going to the club, they would go out and do something else or they could only go to the club together.
  • A girl is dating a guy that has mostly females, posting risqué pictures, as friends on his social profiles. When they became serious, the girl wanted the guy to unfriend the women, stop spending so much time online and stop sending and accepting friend requests from these types women. The compromise: instead of spending so much time online they could save up to get him X – something expensive he mentioned he’d like to have.
  • Every paycheck, the girl purchases “something”, usually shoes or clothes. When the boyfriend found out how much she was spending, he wanted her to stop. What could she possibly need with all those shoes? The compromise: The money they saved with her shopping deduction they could take a small vacation.
  • The guy enjoys playing video games and plays a couple of hours a day. The girl wanted him to stop playing video games because she thought he played them too much. The compromise: Instead of playing video games, they would have more quality time together.

Sound familiar? Have you had someone in your life ask you to “compromise” like this? They were asking you to change a personality trait they knew existed either before you knew them or while dating. Somewhere, in their subconscious, instead of accepting the person as is, they made note of the things that irritated them, put up with it until the relationship became more serious, then tried to “compromise” the problem away.

Note: In each of these situations, one person is requesting a change and not giving up anything in return.

Recognizing your soul mate

The love of your life, your soul mate, is the person you accept as is and because of this, the strong foundation makes it easier to deal with the hurdles and problems that come up in life.

In the situations above, these are all personality conflicts that cannot be resolved through compromise. To permanently resolve these issues, one person has to make a major change in their personality or behaviors. Requesting someone to change prematurely results in a change that rarely lasts long-term because the change was being made for the wrong reasons. In the end, the person making the change becomes unhappy. The relationship begins to unravel and without a strong foundation, it crumbles.

It is easy to find someone you get along with. It is much harder to find your true compliment, your soul mate. Your soul mate is the one that trusts you and knows if you go to the club without them, you will not disrespect the relationship. Your soul mate is the one that, while able to admire beauty in others, no longer needs to solicit attention-seeking females because he has you. Your soul mate realizes that, if the shoes are not breaking the bank, they make you happy. Your soul mate is the one that knows how much you enjoy playing video games and will have a hobby of their own while you play games or will try to play games with you…not try to make you quit.

This is a compromise

Charles and Janet have been together for two years. Charles picked up weight over time and expressed to Janet that he’d like to lose weight. Talking about the issue, Janet said she would go to the gym with Charles for encouragement to exercise. They would both try to eat more healthy, something Janet wanted to do for herself even though she did not need to lose weight. To help Charles stay on track, Janet compromised eating high calorie snacks at home and ate them during the day away from home so they would not be in the house. Not only did it help Janet burn the calories off during the day it helped Charles from snacking late at night on high calorie snacks until he got his weight where he wanted it.

Note the difference. Janet still gets her snacks, the compromise is when she eats them…not whether she eats them at all. Also note Charles was the one that wanted to make the change and Janet is being supportive of his decision. She did not request Charles do something he did not want to do.

You are YOU for a reason

Open your eyes and recognize the requests being made of you. Do not change yourself to make someone else happy, change when you are ready. Your soul mate will love you as you are and the two of you will work together to achieve goals in life. Your soul mate will try to support the things you do, not change who you are. Recognize those veiled change requests for what they are…not compromises.

**Photo by: VectorPortal

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Relationships"
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Date: Sunday, 06 Mar 2011 00:34

I was working at my desk. I didn’t sleep last night. Taylor wanted to cuddle…at 4am this morning.

Taylor

I was working at my desk when he jumped up on my chest and snuggled up. He looked so cute, I quickly took a picture of it. Ironically, I was messing around with the web camera at the time because I’ve been practicing my video editing skills with something different than gaming footage. I took the picture because I knew my daughter would love it…and she did. My daughter and Taylor have a very special relationship.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life"
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Date: Saturday, 05 Mar 2011 09:20

Dancing couple

Ahem…testing…testing…is this thing on? :)

It’s been a while, but I’m back. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Wow, I was feeling some serious first post pressure here. Thankfully, my daughter unknowingly came to the rescue when she asked me, “Mom, how do you know a guy loves you?”. My daughter asked me about love before, when she wanted to know about “real” love. This is a different question, one I’ve asked myself…foolishly I might add. Because I knew the answer, because I experienced it.

How do you know when a man loves you?

When you don’t have to ask. That is the answer. Real simple, isn’t it? When a man loves you, he shows it. This does not mean he is always buying expensive gifts because relationships should not be founded on money. In a healthy relationship, he will still have friends and interact with others, but he will not spend more time with other people than he does with you. He will not flirt with other women behind your back, especially if he knows it would hurt you. He is not blind, he can see and appreciate beauty in other women but those other women are not you…and he will not disrespect your relationship by crossing the line with other women. When a man loves you, it’s all about you so there is nothing to question.

When a man loves you, he is dedicated to you

I am often asked about long distance relationships. Many dismiss them because of the distance. If you fall in love with someone that does not live in your area, and they fall in love with you as well, dismissing the relationship is not an option. The love does not go away so the couple works together to be together. Let’s look at a real example.

TotalBiscuit met his wife in 2005. I remember when he met her because I used to listen to his radio show. He lives in the UK. She lives in the US. In 2007, he moved to the US to live with her. They got married in the UK. He was on a visa-waiver program and he would fly to the US every three months to see her. They did not have much money but they were working things out. In 2008, they were supposed to meet in Blizzcon. Unfortunately, Homeland Security would not let him attend the event. They said something was wrong with his visa, saying he entered the US via Mexico (which was not true). Even though he could prove his case, he was not allowed in the US and cannot come to the US.

TotalBiscuit has seen his wife two times in two years and has not seen his kid (step-kid but it’s a package deal, ya know?) since 2008. He has been working hard to raise the money needed to get this legal nightmare straightened out. And when I say work hard, he has stressed himself out so much it made him sick. He hopes to have it straightened out by this summer.

  • He didn’t give up.
  • He didn’t say, “Well, there’s several thousand miles between us so…let’s end this.”
  • He didn’t say, “I can’t have sex when I want it so, we’re done.”

Neither did she.

He loves his wife. He loves his kid. He wants them to be together as a family. She wants the same thing. They will work together to make it happen. Period.

That is what I call a problem with a distance relationship but even then, if I love a man, be damned if I would let that get in the way of being with him. Neither would anyone else who is in love with the person.

When a man loves you, you know it.

If you are in a relationship, where you are wondering if a man (or woman) loves you, there is something critically wrong with the relationship. People stay in unhealthy relationships. No relationship is perfect and there will be disagreements but when couples scream, fight, argue, break up, apologize, get back together, argue, fight, break up, apologize…that’s not healthy. That is not love. Those two people have a personality clash. The couple is in a relationship that is not working.

Those two people need to let each other go. If they loved each other, they’d let each other go.

Note the difference. TotalBiscuit and his wife get along fine, but have the problem of physical location getting in the way. When couples do not have physical location issues, often disagree and fight (hurting each other each time), they have conflicting personality problems.

Just because you are in love with someone doesn’t mean you are supposed to be with that person

In a relationship, it takes two people in love for it to work long-term. More often than not, it ends up being one person trying to hold everything together and the other person is not 100% invested in the relationship or able to return the feelings. They might want to be in love but their actions shows their true feelings.

If you respect yourself and love yourself, you would not want to remain in a toxic relationship. You would not want to change yourself to make someone else happy, even if the change is a positive one. You change when you are ready, not because it will make someone else happy.

That is when people start questioning if someone loves them. They often are holding on to the “good times” and remember the person as they once were, when things were “good.” Times change and often people grow apart. That is when it is time to love the person enough to let them go.

As referenced in my original article, that is what I did. If I did not make him happy enough, if I really loved him, I would want him to be happy…even if it meant not being with me. If he was not content with me, I wanted him to find the woman that would make him happy. I hope, for his sake, he has.

In the end…

When you are in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you, you know it. You might not be rich or have everything you want. There might be problems the two of you have to conquer, but the one thing you do not have to question is that you have each other. Life is a journey and when you find your soul mate to walk the journey with you…trust me…you won’t question it.

You will know because, when a man loves you, you questioning his love for you simply is not an option.

Unfortunately, the answer is usually he is not in love with you. But then, deep down, you know that…or you would not be asking…would you?

**Photo by Vector Portal

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Relationships"
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Date: Thursday, 30 Sep 2010 01:41

Monarch

Today would have been Monarch’s birthday. We laughed every day, even when she was sick and that is what I miss the most. I miss laughing with her and seeing her smile. Instead of mourning her death, we celebrated her life. Today, we dedicated it to her by doing things we know would make her smile and laugh if she could be here with us. And the tradition continues – we have giggle fits every day in this house. Because that is what home should be – filled with joy and love.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her and it captures the two people I love and miss so much. Monarch and the geekiest picture ever of my older brother on the piano in between the bowling tournament trophy he won and one of my favorite pictures of him…he looked so handsome in his prom picture.

And those boots…I loved those boots. Mom would patiently let me string them up and I swore one day…I would rock boots just like her. She was with me when I bought my first “grown up” boots. Mine were black with five inch stiletto heels…and she taught me how to walk in them so I wouldn’t break my neck. :)

Happy Birthday Mom…I love you forever and always…

*Bro…you told me when I was six years old to take care of Mom. I did. Now it’s your turn…I love you…*

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life"
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Date: Wednesday, 29 Sep 2010 21:41

Monarch

Today would have been Monarch’s birthday. We laughed every day, even when she was sick and that is what I miss the most. I miss laughing with her and seeing her smile. Instead of mourning her death, we celebrated her life. Today, we dedicated it to her by doing things we know would make her smile and laugh if she could be here with us. And the tradition continues – we have giggle fits every day in this house. Because that is what home should be – filled with joy and love.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her and it captures the two people I love and miss so much. Monarch and the geekiest picture ever of my older brother on the piano in between the bowling tournament trophy he won and one of my favorite pictures of him…he looked so handsome in his prom picture.

And those boots…I loved those boots. Mom would patiently let me string them up and I swore one day…I would rock boots just like her. She was with me when I bought my first “grown up” boots. Mine were black with five inch stiletto heels…and she taught me how to walk in them so I wouldn’t break my neck. :)

Happy Birthday Mom…I love you forever and always…

*Bro…you told me when I was six years old to take care of Mom. I did. Now it’s your turn…I love you…*

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life"
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Date: Tuesday, 20 Jul 2010 23:25

Bored in school, failing classes, at odds with peers: This child might
be an entrepreneur, says Cameron Herold. At TEDxEdmonton, he makes the
case for parenting and education that helps would-be entrepreneurs
flourish – as kids and as adults.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Videos"
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Date: Tuesday, 20 Jul 2010 23:23
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Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Quotes"
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Date: Tuesday, 20 Jul 2010 04:00

I discussed making mistakes on Twitter the other day.

Making Mistakes

The image above was the first tweet and the person’s responses to me. I was trying to tell the person that, while it is true that mistakes will happen, it is not “okay” to make them…and expect that to lead to success. The person linked to a Pixar video where a quote about making mistakes was taken out of context. If you look at the video, it is clearly stated in the video that Pixar removes people from the team who continually make mistakes. When the person said Jason Fried linked to the video, I realized I could talk all day long and the person would never understand making mistakes and failing is not okay. Jason talked about this extensively so it really makes no sense to me why this person would think the video is about it being okay to make mistakes.

Learning From Your Mistakes

As I said, mistakes will happen and I think people should learn from their mistakes. That does not mean that it is “okay” to make mistakes when there are options not to. If a situation is avoidable, avoid it. The people who succeed are the ones that are not trying to correct their mistakes. Instead, they focus on creating more successes.

Successes are learning experiences as well. When something worked out right, see if you can improve upon making what went right better. That is more efficient than figuring out how to make something that went wrong…right.

It’s a Frame of Mind…

Being successful business wise means being a leader in that particular field. Being a leader means that people follow you as customers, clients, readers, fans, etc. If you make mistakes, the people following you will be inconvenienced. Does that sound like good business? People who truly want to be successful and are willing to put in the effort are trying not to make mistakes.

Let’s be real a minute. Between you and me.

Want to know why people want to hold on to the idea it is okay to make mistakes? It gives them the okay to slack. It is an excuse to not be the best they can be. Most likely because they are already making mistakes…and they want that to be okay.

But Tyme…the Edison thing…

It took Edison 1000 attempts to make the electric light bulb. The person who tweeted me said, “Personally, I find it worth the effort to allow people to screw up. Like Edison said, “He also knows of 1000 ways not to make the bulb”. Putting this in a business scenario, is it okay for a business owner to mess up 1000 times trying to do one thing?

The more a company scales, the more costly it is to fix a mistake. When no one knows about a company, they can make a million mistakes and no one knows it. That gives the appearance that it is okay to make a mistake.

If your car breaks down, and you take the car to the dealership or the repairshop for repairs. When you get your car back, and you have the same problem – do you say, “Oh, that’s okay! Everyone makes mistakes!” Or do you wish they fixed the problem correctly in the first place?

If your spouse cheats on you, and you are kind enough to forgive him or her, and your spouse cheats again, is it okay because your spouse made the mistake of making the same mistake twice?

The bank did not post your deposit, causing checks on your account to bounce. The bank is fixing the problem, but you have to contact the people you wrote the check to, tell them to send it through again, make sure the bank reimburses you for the fees they charged…was that mistake really okay?

Your boss gives you a date when a project is due. Three weeks before the project is due, your boss says the project is really due in two days and it better be done. Would you be okay with that mistake?

Truth: most people wish the mistake didn’t happen in the first place.

If people do not generally like being inconvenienced by mistakes, how can someone logically say it is okay to screw up in business situations?

Perhaps, if you focused on successes, you wouldn’t make mistakes. Keep thinking it is okay to make mistakes, you will make them. Over and over again.

And when you do not have the success you want…you will know why.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Business, failure, leadership, mistakes,..."
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Date: Tuesday, 20 Jul 2010 00:48
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Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Business, Quotes"
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Date: Sunday, 18 Jul 2010 22:42

Dieter Rams talks about design. Very enlightening. Looking at this made me realize that many “designers” are creators of pretty things, not creating optimal designs. 

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Videos"
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Date: Tuesday, 13 Jul 2010 19:15

The other day I noticed many retweets about an article called Why a web design really takes six weeks. Curious, I clicked on one of the links to check it out. The article is really an image allegedly showing why it takes six weeks to complete a design. The retweets I saw thought the image was funny, and definitely on point with what he or she experienced. When I looked at the image my first thought was, “Oh….HELL NO!!!!“.

First, quick breakdown on what happened

Before I explain my reaction, let’s look at what happened.

  • The designer accepted the job and began work on the project.
  • The designer submitted a complete concept to the client, within 24 hours, requesting revision suggestions.
  • Designer receives revisions from the client, which he or she does not like, attempts to convince the client not to use the suggestions.
  • Designer makes the revisions, as per the request of the client, and resubmits it to the client.
  • Several days later, client tells the designer he or she prefers something similar to the original submission. Client does not admit he or she was wrong and the designer was right.
  • Designer makes the changes and resubmits. Client likes the new design.
  • Designer begins development on the site and completes it within 24 hours.
  • Designer does not have the content for the design, therefore, cannot finish the design.
  • Designer waits a couple of weeks for the client to give the designer the content.
  • Designer receives content from client in a format that was not easy for the designer to use. Designer complains about this.
  • Client wants the site live ASAP, and a discount.

Note this is one designer finishing the project beginning to end so the designer did not need to outsource anything.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Why did the designer start work on the project without having the content?

The designer invited this problem to happen by not having all of the important items needed to create and complete an optimal design. The design is supposed to compliment the content, not the other way around. Customers and readers are not coming to the site to see the pretty design. Why does this situation happen?

Money.

A picture does not need a frame. Content does not need a design but a design needs content. Otherwise, it is just a frame, without a picture.

The designer will accept the job, accept a deposit, and begin work on the project. Sort of like building a house without the foundation. A car without the frame. Does a surgeon start operating before making a diagnosis? Does a good attorney walk into a courtroom unprepared? Will any of those situations work out well? Most likely not.

Designers accept jobs without the content all the time. Then will complain if the content does not fit, is not given in the proper format or worse, the content sucks. The delay with the customer giving the content to the designer is the customer’s fault.

WRONG: The designer should not have started work on the job until he or she had the content.

Let’s Talk About the REAL Issue

Many designs look good but they suck. Why? They do not solve real problems.

  • They do not help convert viewers to customers.
  • They do not have specific calls to actions.
  • They have usability issues.
  • They are not SEO friendly.

Have you ever met someone who is beautiful or handsome on the outside but his or her personality is ugly? That is the problem with building a site without the content. The design might look great but will under-perform. The internet is filled with under performing designs.

It is about time designers stepped up and addressed this issue.

Guidance

When I work with clients, and let me be clear I am not designer, I guide them through the process. When I have worked with designers, the good ones took a similar role. They guided me through the process. As an expert, for lack of another word, the inexperienced person looks for guidance from the more experienced person.

By the designer starting the project before having the content, he or she allowed the client to gain control over their time (or hassle about it later). Note the project was on the designer’s calendar for six weeks. Note that the designer worked over the weekend, to cut/paste the content into the design. Was that amount of time included in the cost of the design? If it wasn’t, is it fair to pass that on to the client? No…because….say it with me…

The designer took the job without the content and obviously did not specify how the content should be given to the designer.

Yes, I realize this is only a graphic but unfortunately, designers put themselves in this situation all the time. Sure, there are some situations when development of a project (like coding) will start without the content (ideally, the content is being created while other elements are being worked on) but this was not a large project.

The real question: once a designer experiences this type of issue, does the designer stop taking projects without the content or does the designer let the cycle continue.

What would you do?

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Business, project management, time manag..."
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Date: Tuesday, 22 Jun 2010 20:07

I read an article the other day, Never Hire an MBA. I laughed to myself as I read the article because never is a harsh word to use. The article was not factual. It was more emotional and definitely not thorough. For example:

The cost of starting a business was once very high. You had to rent office space, hire an accounting and payroll department, buy a telephone system, etc. This isn’t the case today. Someone who is good at running a business can start one on a shoestring budget and look just as big as anyone else. Computers are cheap, a lot of software is free, and you can outsource many parts of your business as you go and simply pay as you go.

Say what????

Guess what? All businesses are not online businesses. I suppose what he meant was “never hire an MBA for a online company”. Then he goes on to talk about why someone with an MBA is looking for a job. He makes the huge assumption the person wants his or her own business. My master’s is in Business Management but I was the rare one that had no intention of working for someone else. The people I know that have MBAs have no desire to work for themselves. They want and enjoy the corporate life. They have no desire at all to grow a company from scratch.

And exactly what type of business are they supposed to start on their own? Consulting is not the same as working in a corporate structure. What are they supposed to do, start a widgets company so they can manage it? Let’s be real, owning a company and managing one are two different things. It is not wrong to not want the responsibility of ownership. Reading on, the emotion just poured on…

For an MBA, the pretty piece of paper they have hanging on their wall can make them less careful.

If you are looking to hire someone, don’t overlook them simply because they have an MBA, but at the same time don’t over-value their degree and let it blind you to their actual real-life skills.

Sounds like someone who did not get the job or client because they did not have the degree. In the vein of keeping it real, in business (corporate world) not having the master’s degree is like trying to be an engineer without the certifications. Eventually the lack of certifications will cripple the ability to earn higher incomes. For many positions, or even consulting, you cannot get your foot in the door without the degree.

How about this: only hire those qualified

Most top-level professions have requirements, something that legitimizes a person as qualified. I do not agree with the assumption that having the requirement makes the person qualified for the job, but there should be some requirements in place. Honestly, unqualified or people who are not optimal for the position are hired often:

  • Ever had the friend that used to give you free stuff? That is not good for the company’s bottom line.
  • Ever seen someone get a job because he or she knew the right people, but were not qualified for the job?
  • Let’s not forget the people who are granted promotions based on seniority, not skill.

I could go on and on. Online companies are finding out that so-called “social media experts” really have no idea what they are doing. They use the internet being relatively new as an excuse but the truth is, the internet is old enough that many of the mistakes from the past are being repeated today – which makes them avoidable.

It is what it is

The premise of the article is correct: do not hire unqualified people and do not assume someone having a degree or certification makes them qualified. However to say “never hire ” is an emotional statement, not qualified statement based on fact. The truth is there are many MBAs (or whatever) that are more than qualified.

I could easily say “do not hire someone that is a business consultant that does not have a business degree” (as it seems to be the situation of the writer), but I do not. Why? Because it is possible to gain business experience doing something else. My objectivity will not let me overlook that.

In your decisions, be objective and step back from the emotions. And do not write articles without solid foundations.

Makes you look bad.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Business"
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Date: Thursday, 17 Jun 2010 18:19

There have been times when I noticed something, either a friend or a business situation, and when I mention it to others, no one sees it. My archives are littered with situations like this. For example, I said a long time ago to be careful using Facebook, as many are detracting from their goals by using Facebook. Those that love the service looked around the privacy issues, continued to use the service, and many ended up angry at the decisions Facebook made. That does not change the fact the signs were always there.

Let’s look at it another way. The other day when I went on my porch, a neighbor was sitting on their porch. You know how you make small talk? I said hello, talked about the weather a minute, and then I asked if he thought the house across the street was being knocked down. He responded, “Naw, I think they are fixing the front porch.” I looked at the house and his response blew my mind so much, I took a picture and decided to write about it.

The house did not look this bad prior to them working on it. They stripped all of the siding off the house, took out all the windows, the steps were not broken like that previously. They removed the steel/wood/glass where the porch was. They are actively knocking everything out of the inside of the house, filling up huge dumpsters. One other tidbit, they knocked down a house the other day the same way. Another, they completely redid the house.

Yet my neighbor, sitting on the porch watching them do all of this, honestly believed they were fixing the porch.

I cannot grasp the logic in his statement. These houses being knocked down are the first victims of the bad economy. We started feeling it here before most areas, when we lost the factories that employed so many people. They could not sell it without remaining in debt. They could not afford to pay the ballooning mortgage. The street began to empty out and the vacant lots drove the property values down further. Even those houses that were paid off would be sold, if they could be sold, at a loss.

My neighborhood is in the redevelopment stage where these houses, that could not be sold, are being knocked down and/or rebuilt. The houses being rebuilt are smaller and more affordable…good first home houses. Many cities experiencing foreclosures have years to get to this point.

Knowing all of this, my neighbor still said he thought they were fixing the porch. Note he did not say he thought they were refurbishing the house. He said “fixing the porch”. What about the rest of the house?

We all do this…

At some point in our lives, we all behave like this. Perhaps we had feelings for someone that was not the best choice for the goals that were set. Or perhaps you know of someone unrealistically jumping through hoops to make someone happy when, they would be wiser to pick someone that loved them as is – no change necessary. There are many people who are on a false path for wealth, and will not achieve it because they do not realize they are on the wrong path. Similar to the person who has worked many years for a company and does not want to accept he or she will never get that promotion they want.

We’ve all done it. We don’t have to continue to do it.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life, critical thinking, finances, priva..."
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Date: Wednesday, 16 Jun 2010 16:31

There are times when something will cross my mind, I have no idea why, and I cannot let it go. It sits there in my brain until I figure out why it is there.

This time the thing nagging my brain is MMO Champion, one of the leading World of Warcraft information sites. MMO Champion is known for breaking news. WoW.com informs and educates readers, not necessarily being the first to deliver the news. The two sites complement each other because WoW.com covers more in-depth articles than MMO Champion, for example How-To Guides or more directly, explaining the changes MMO Champion reports and how it will affect players in the game. MMO Champion fills the gaps in WoW’s news delivery. Two different sites with two very different clear cut goals that complement each other.

Delving further, the founder of MMO Champion is in his early 20s, sold the site and still updates it, and has a very focused updating schedule.

Describe a typical workday at MMO-Champion.

Hmm … I don’t think I can explain that without looking crazy. When a patch is on test realms, there are a few things I have to keep in mind. Patches can be released as early as 6:00 p.m. (CET) and as late as 7:00 a.m. The European CMs can post patch note update between 10:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m., and people can first-kill bosses or discover very important stuff in all time zones.

I never sleep for more than three or four hours in a row — it’s not that bad when you’re used to it — and just try to be here when something happens. But it’s not always that bad. When nothing important happens, I can just sleep for 10 hours, wake up, spend an hour or two checking the blue posts and writing a news, post it, and do whatever I want for the rest of the day. But that didn’t happen a lot in 2008 or 2009, and I usually use this free time to work on new features for the site.

So you work seven days a week?

Yes, especially now that Blizzard posters are also active during the weekend. First kills can happen seven days a week. Even on Sunday, I still have to work on news for the day after. It usually takes slightly more time than during the week, because it’s harder to fill a home page when there isn’t any official post to report.

That focus is what led to him being able to sell the site within the first year of its existence.

They want it…but not that bad…

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all. – Sam Ewing

I know many people who want a “big” site like MMO Champion (millions of readers per month) but do not want to put in the effort Fabien exerts daily to maintain a quality site. Their expectations are not realistic. Most of the people I know who have successful sites lived and breathed those sites to get them off the ground. Their social lives tanked because the responsibilities of the site took precedence and they have no regrets because they enjoy what they do. Listen to Fabien’s description of his social life:

And what about you? Are you working day by day on MMO-Champion, or are you looking forward to new projects and plans?

The site totally killed my social life over the last two years. Most of the people I know tell me to “get a real job,” because video games and internet are definitely not serious businesses. I live during the night most of the year, and I still love this job. ^^

I will probably try to change a few things and start recruiting people to let me do a few things I can’t do right now, like attending major events and spending more time creating other projects.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Edison

Note what he said. He did not say he wanted the extra time to go swimming, hang out in the club, etc. He wanted the free time to attend more events or create other projects. The hard word he is putting in now could easily allow him to retire at 30, in plenty of time to have kids, raise a family, and enjoy life. Let’s be real…if that were to happen he earned it. He put in the hours, the effort, and made the sacrifices.

He receives tens of millions of page views per month from the millions of unique people who visits his site. Does he share his stats? Only when asked as he is very humble about it. When he was a rising star, did he publish his stats? Nope. He was too busy working on the site and the results were obvious from the links and interaction on his site. Thinking about it more, the big sites normally do not brag about their stats, even as they are becoming powerhouses. They might state the stats for an advertising page but that is it. I definitely did not when I had my large gaming site. I was too busy scaling the site and dealing with the problems that arise when there is an increase in visitors for the thought to cross my mind (interesting tidbit: I talked more about my stats with the site after I closed it than when I had it. I knew the traffic would come with the effort I was putting in so there was no reason to stress it). Let me be clear, statistics are important but people focused on their stats to the point of posting them online usually are slacking in other areas, because their focus is wrong, that could help grow their site. Especially since most site owners focus on the wrong stats.

Fabien also does not have goals that are out of his reach. He knows the work involved to reach his goals and does not have a problem putting in the effort, or spending the money (if needed). He made improvements in data mining and hired the people needed to create the tools. This investment made it easier for him to update the site and he used the extra time wisely. He reinvested it in the site or other projects. As of the last interview I could find, he no longer plays WoW because he spends so much time mining for news or beta testing. By the time he is done, he feels as though he played the game. That is how he finds balance and continues to enjoy what he does. His enthusiasm shows in his dedication.

Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek. – Mario Andretti

This is the part where someone usually says there are many ways to have a successful business. There sure are, pat yourself on the back. There are many ways to go about it but hard work and dedication is rarely something that can be taken away, be successful and maintain that success. Using MMO Champion as an example, unless something big is going on, he only makes one news update per day. However, he has quite a bit of data to go through daily to make that update as the news and developer updates are made all throughout the day. If he misses something, his audience let’s him know about it. His audience expects the quality to continue.

As far as competition is concerned, he will have minimal competition. There are many WoW sites but very few have the quality content he has. Why? They are not willing to put in the effort Fabien does.

Are you that person?

Are you the person that wants success but not enough to consistently work hard to reach your goals? Are you the person that does not mind hard work and looks forward to challenges that come up? Be honest with yourself. If going to the beach or the club on weeknights or weekends is a priority to you, then you are in conflict with having a “big” successful business. Better to know the truth early on than frustrate yourself trying to achieve something that most likely will not happen (until the focus and dedication changes).

Why did that site stick in my mind?

It is an example of what I want to do, what I’ll need to do, and a variation of the success I’d like to have. A quality entity that people appreciate.

And I’m willing to work for it.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Business, Life, ethics, success"
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Date: Tuesday, 22 Sep 2009 02:39

Well, we did another podcast. Very spontaneous. We just hung up. Unedited. Unscripted…you know how we roll.

What did we talk about? What happened of course. Being sexy is a hard burden to carry yo…

Download it NOW – Right click – save as

Attached Media: audio/mpeg (11 249 ko)
Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life, relationship"
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Date: Friday, 18 Sep 2009 16:19

Scrivs did a stream the other day…which led to us doing a podcast. We say how that happened in the podcast.

Yeah.

At first we catch you up on what’s been going on since we last did a podcast. A lot has changed. Then we move on to the topic: regret and remorse. What’s the difference? Can YOU tell the difference? I’ll even be nice and tell you it’s 40m in when we start talking about it.

It wouldn’t be a Scrivs and Tyme joint if there weren’t little hidden messages in the podcast. Maybe we’ll tell you. Maybe we won’t. Most likely ya’ll will figure some them out LOL. There is one part in specific that I might drop some knowledge on in the comments. We’ll see. :)

And yes, my analogies are horrible. Haha, wanna see something funny? Scrivs is physic. Scrivs said on Twitter 9/15/09:

@tyme Maybe you should quit the analogy game.

He was a couple of days early. Enjoy! :)

Download the goodness – Right click – save as

Attached Media: audio/mpeg (16 788 ko)
Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life, regret, Relationships, remorse"
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Date: Friday, 26 Jun 2009 04:38

You ever look at your life and wonder how you got to be where you are? I did that tonight and I am truly baffled. It is getting to a point where I can’t say anything without someone leaping to stupid conclusions. I usually don’t write when I am angry but I don’t think this anger is going anywhere anytime soon.

I can’t go into specifics about anything but obviously, there are some things that need clarification. For the stupid.

Hello, my name is Tyme White….

I don’t date around, don’t have casual sex, don’t really publicly link to my offline friends on social sites, and I don’t cheat. I have high morals and I think honesty, loyalty, etc. are important. I am not obsessed with sex or having a man in my life.

I’m not the chick a guy will meet at the club and get sex from. I’m not the chick that expects to have her way paid for all the time. I’m not the chick that dates multiple guys. I’m not the chick that is clingy and wants to spend all her time with a guy.

However, if I do enter into a relationship, I will do my best to make the guy happy. Not getting overly serious too quickly, but I will appreciate he is in my life and try not to take him for granted. Hopefully we will learn, share things and grow together.

I’m not the chick that, if a guy comes to me about something, will say whatever words necessary to get him to shut up, and will betray him later on by lying and doing whatever I want to do. I don’t like hurting people I care about. It’s like hurting myself…I feel bad when I accidentally hurt someone.

Let me introduce myself again. My name is Tyme White…

If you thought I was dating someone, you were wrong. If you thought I was attracted to someone, you were wrong. If you came up with these ideas because of something said on Twitter, you’re seriously a dumb ass. If you thought these things, came to conclusions without asking me – fuck you and thanks for knowing me so well. If you came to an ever stupider conclusion (that I can’t say) and especially didn’t ask me – go to hell, fuck you, and karma’s a bitch.

If I were dating someone, I would focus on that one guy because um…that’s what I do. If the guy isn’t good enough to just date him why date him in the first place? And since when have my relationships EVER started out that way? They ALWAYS start out from a CLOSE FRIENDSHIP that developed OVER TIME because…

…wait for it…

I’m not the woman that has casual sex, dates around, etc.

Obviously I need to clarify some more…

If I ask a guy if he wants to hang out with me while I’m on a short trip…does that sound like we’re dating? I mean seriously, that would be a complete diss. To make the plans for the trip, completely exclude him, then – after I’ve been there a couple of days – invite him for a day or two. WTF? What it does sound like is a friend who was going through a tough time that could use a distraction for a day or two. That doesn’t mean he’d be sleeping in my bed. Why?

Aaah…you remember??????

That’s not how I roll.

When I am in a relationship, do I broadcast it, especially in the beginning? No…why….

Oh yeah, I don’t link to offline people on my social profiles and I’ve been there, done that. Especially in the beginning, I’d want it to be just about us. Not me, him and the world watching coming up with stupid ass conclusions I’d have to explain.

As much as I’ve been traveling what kind of relationship would that be? Where I purposely leave him out? Just pick up and go. Without a second thought to the guy. There are so many things here that are totally against my personality it’s laughable.

Except I am pissed off royally.

Do you know what it is like to have to explain everything?

You know I had to have a script written to periodically replace commenter information (email, IP) because I have stupid asses in my life that like to hack into shit? If I say a guy has a nice chest, nice legs, sexy name that somehow translates to some sort of higher level relationship. Yes, I can’t give compliments anymore without it getting twisted. Do you know what it is like to be worried your friends, who might not even be that close to you and heaven help them if they are, might say the “wrong” thing, drawing too much attention to them publicly because I have stupid asses in my life that don’t talk to ME about situations yet jump to stupid ass conclusions?

And let’s not forget praying that this time I’m being told the truth, the person will keep their word and is being straight with me.

That’s sad. It’s not normal. It’s definitely not healthy.

Seriously, get it together…

In life you will encounter toxic people. The type of person that knows they have faults, don’t resolve them, but are quick to point out faults in others. Willing to tear someone else apart to escape their own miserable life…they are too weak to fix. People who will drive wedges in good friendships because of their own insecurities. There are all types of toxic people with different sets of “symptoms”. In the end, they do not bring “good” into your life.

I try very had to bring “good” into the lives of those that are close to me. I try very hard to be loyal, honest, and dependable. For the most part, when my friends need me they know I will be there. Not only do we have fun with one another but we have a strong foundation. When the foundation begins to crumble and the “good” turns into bad (I’m dependable, loyal and honest – they aren’t. Not that I’m perfect but when I see something not working (or something outsides the boundaries I feel comfortable with), if I can’t resolve it, I’ll boucne), there is only one thing that can happen: the friendship, relationship, etc. crumbles.

If you keep toxic people in your life you become toxic yourself. If you’re one of those that want to be successful in life, your ability to achieve that success is directly dependent on you’re ability to remove toxic or “bad” situations out of your path. There are many paths to success but few ways to maintain it…the ability to make the right decisions the majority of the time over a long period of time.

It has gotten to the point where I don’t say anything about what is going on in my personal life anymore to anyone (but my crew) because of this. Stupid shit. This is why my Facebook profile is empty, MySpace is unused, comments are usually closed on my site and in a minute Twitter will go dark too. It’s not worth it. This is foreign to me because, at one time, I talked about personal things and my words touched people in different ways (didn’t really have toxic people in my life then). I miss that and I’ve become disinterested in many things because the thought of the drama turns me off.

The good news is…

Through World of Warcraft I’m meeting some really cool people and if I can force myself not to be dismal and trust a little bit, I think I can make some really cool friends. Of course, to not drag them into this craziness, I need to get rid of the toxic elements in my life once in for all. I went through crazy bullshit when I was trying to recuperate and I honestly wasn’t strong enough to recuperate and fight stupid shit at the same time. Unfortunately, that meant a lot of pain…some of it I still haven’t gotten over.

But I’m 100% healthy now and I’m done putting up with bullshit.

I’m not going to be the doormat. Not anymore.

And I’m tired of fixing shit that shouldn’t be broken in the first place.

To be triple clear….

This isn’t towards a guy I like that had things wrong (seriously, no guy on my mind at all – none). This is about people thinking weird shit that goes against my everything I believe in. That’s why I never wanted to be a celebrity – they go through this all the time. I’m focused on other things right now. A relationship isn’t a priority for me.

Basically…I want my life back. And I’m grabbing it.

I was doing so good not cursing too…and I know this isn’t going to make sense to many of you but I thought writing this rant would help me cool off. It didn’t.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life, facebook, friends, karma, morals, ..."
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Date: Thursday, 25 Jun 2009 00:26

In the beginning…

It is hard to believe but most people you encounter are not meant to stay in your life. Unfortunately, determining who those people are can be tough. You know what I mean, right? You meet someone, the two of you seem to hit it off. Initially, it seems like you have everything (ok, enough) in common. You want to talk to the person all the time, the sex might be spectacular, you are happy when you are around this person…all is great right? Next thing you know instead of the passionate sex you once had the two of you lie in bed with a football field between you. What happened?

It was an illusion.

Filling the void…

Most people, whether they want to admit it or not, want someone special in their lives. One person to depend on, share things with, can let their guard down in front of…it’s a wonderful feeling having that type of person in your life. Someone that loves you for you including the good, the bad and everything in between.

It is also scary to be vulnerable to someone else. To achieve the nirvana above one has to open themselves up, take the armor off…wear their heart on their sleeve (for lack of another expression). In that vulnerable state, like a turtle without its shell, when the person you opened yourself up to hurts you, it is extremely painful. The problem: people tend to skip to that level much too soon, almost guaranteeing pain and failure in the relationship. Why? Because you’ve opened yourself up to someone you don’t really know to fill the void of that missing person in your life (or worse, using a person as an escape from your life not going the way you would like).

What’s the rush?

I’m not saying the relationship should proceed at a snail’s pace but honestly, you can’t love someone you don’t know. When love is real, there is no rush. Things naturally progress. Of course, there will be problems, but the two of you will jointly work through them. There will be pain but when the person you love knows of your pain, he or she will do everything in their power to fix it. That is how you know it is real and that is how relationships last long-term. Both people make each other the priority. When couples don’t make each other the priority, the foundation of the relationship collapses.

Great sex and laughs can’t fix that.

The One is….

  • The one you will get rid of all your friends with benefits, flirts, crushes, etc. for. Right NOW, this moment.
  • The one you can be intimate with, without having sex.
  • The one you’re willing to put a ring on their finger – right now.
  • The one you would give your last money to – right now.
  • The one is the person you put before yourself.
  • The one that will not purposely hurt, disrespect or break your trust.
  • The one you will not lie to, cheat on, disrespect and put others before.
  • The one you are willing to sacrifice for.
  • The one that will always be there for you (because you aren’t taking advantage of their affections).
  • Most important – The One is the person you love as is right now. No changes necessary.

Obviously there is more to love than this, but the traits above are minimum necessary traits for The One to have. No matter how nice, sweet, sexy, etc. a person is, if he or she has traits that are not compatible with you, instead of hurting the person by cheating, lying, breaking their trust, etc., do the right thing.

Let them go.

Author: "Tyme White" Tags: "Life, change, disrespect, failure, frien..."
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