2010 is finally here. I don't know what is in store for me this new year but I am hoping that it is nothing like the last one.

Last year went by like a blur. It started off with a bang with us buying a house and me starting a new job. But soon after, we found out that my mother's cancer was back and this time with a vengeance. It had metastasized to 4 other organs and her oncologist was not very hopeful of a good outcome. Long story short, she has been undergoing several different and extremely harsh treatment options and there has been moderate improvement in her condition but the toll that it has taken on her general health and state of mind is inexplicable. Each cycle of treatment came with its own set of side effects and issues and took away a part of my parents at the end of it. To their credit, my parents are a very strong and determined couple. They are doing incredibly well given their circumstances. They are hanging in there. In turn, I am hanging in there. I don't know for how much longer though. It also does not help that I live in a whole different continent. So many problems, no viable solution in sight.

Taking a leaf out of my mother's book, I cannot call 2009 a complete washout. I am thankful for a lot of things like :

* My husband. My rock. My strength. The only reason that I am still sane and functional.

* I became very close to several people that I met through my blog and I am so thankful for it. I know that if I ever need to talk, they are all just an email or IM away. And this makes me feel so immensely secure because my natural tenency is to keep things bottled up inside of me. I realized that I cannot be that way anymore. I have to reach out. I need to reach out. But I was apprenhensive to do so. What if I was turned down or ignored? Or worse, what if I was misunderstood? Well, my apprehensions were laid to rest very quickly. I can go on and on about each one of them, but if I had to associate one word or phrase with them, some examples would be :

• Guardian angel
• Genuine.
  
• Rock solid
• Voice of reason
• Compassionate

This list is no way complete. I just want to say thank you all for being there for it means a lot to me.

* My best friends in the real world, especially this one and the one that lives in another continent and is the mother of the most adorable little boy and little girl I have ever met. You keep me sane and strong and focussed at all times and just let me be. I don't know what I would have done with you.

* My aunt who is a physician and everybody else in the family that has been there for us all through our difficult journey.

* All those lovely people like her, who sent me wonderful emails with precious information about breast cancer, who wrote about their personal experiences about battling cancer and who generally made me feel so much more positive. All this after either just chancing upon my blog or hearing about my situation from a friend of a friend. How blessed am I! Thank you all so much.

I just realized that I could go on and add a few more points to the above list which is so terrific under the circumstances! I am hoping that this new year is better than the last and brings with it happiness, good health and cheer. For me and my family and to all you wonderful folks!

I know I have been AWOL for the longest time. I have my reasons , most of which are too painful to articulate.

My last post was a while ago. Every so often, I would have these surgent thoughts but I never got down to putting them down on paper. I could have written post after post about how much I hate my new job already or about how weird and petty my current boss is. I guess I was just too overwhelmed with it all because I felt incredibly ungrateful whenever I complained about my new job.I still have a job that pays and this counts for a lot these days. It has been an extremely hectic past few weeks. New job, new people, new culture, new rules, new job profile. Its been 5 weeks and I am nowhere close to feeling at ease.

It finally took this post by Cluelessness to shake me out of this bout of inactivity and attempt to revive my blog. I am in that really fun phase where I am constantly looking for ideas to decorate my house. I have all these plans that seem really cool in my head but its hard to find stuff that fit into my grand scheme of things and bring those plans to fruition. I am thoroughly enjoying the whole process though.There is nothing more exhilarating than the experience of getting to do your home in whatsoever way you think fit! It is for sure work in progress since there is always something or the other that needs to be done or bought or fixed or added or changed!

I am able to keep my sanity intact mainly because I am still on an incredible high, thanks to our new home. It gives me an outlet to let all my frustration out and give it a more creative and constructive outlet. Retails therapy helps some too. La Vida Loca, this is for you :

I just spoke to my mother and all is well! Her oncologist confirmed that the lump was not a tumor and he suspects it is due to a hairline fracture of the bone between the breasts which has complicated as it was not attended to earlier. I wasn't paying too much attention after I heard the magic words, "The doc said it is nothing!". That I was worried sick is an understatement. But now all is well and I can go back to giving the new home the attention it deserves!

The past month has been really crazy. Just when something nice would happen, we would get some really bad news and would have to expend all our energy in trying to fix the problem. It was like a really vicious cycle. But I am not complaining because in the end everything worked out for the good.

There have been some recent discussions in the blog world about why people blog and what does blogging mean to them. I thought I blogged because I like to write. But I have come to realize that is so much more. I blog to keep in touch with all you wonderful blog buddies.....people that I haven't met in real life but I feel so connected with.Thank you guys so much for your love and support, it means a lot to me. It was very difficult for me to agonize in isolation and without even realizing, I ended up blogging about how I felt and what was going on with me. And the comments came in immediately. It is this kind of solidarity that I have always craved for.

Life has been like a really scary roller coaster ride with so many ups and downs that by the time I would compose my thoughts to blog about one thing, something else would have happened that would need all my attention and energy.

So what have I been upto you ask? Lets see....I was almost laid off from my job. But luckily, I managed to find another fantastic job just in the nick of time. And oh, we bought a new house! Yes people, M and I are proud owners of a warm and cozy home that we both are so much in love with! The whole process of getting to this stage was very grueling but the end result was worth every bit! So almost all my time was devoted to packing and moving and unpacking and then some. Somehow it just dosen't seem to end. There is so much to be done everyday. I will write all about our experience in a seperate post.

But amidst all this excitement, there is so much despair that it makes it almost impossible to feel any happiness. I have already written about my mother's battle with breast cancer and how she overcame it. Just when we were beginning to heave a sigh of relief and forget all about it, she found another lump in her breast and back. She is getting it checked out tomorrow and we will know more by Saturday evening. I have just gone numb from inside. I go about doing my chores mechanically as I feel almost incapable ot feeling anything. My mother is one tough cookie. But she has gone through so much and has been battle-scarred pretty badly. She deserves good health and happiness and peace of mind but instead, a very scary shadow of doubt has been cast. I am hoping and praying fervently that the lumps turn out to be benign and that it is nothing serious. I will be starting my new job from Monday so I don't see how I can take off and go to India in case the need arises. I cannot imagine how my parents will handle things by themselves. Its just breaking my heart. I cannot wait for Saturday to know more. At the same time , I don't want Saturday to come.

I love you, Amma. I am hoping and praying that it is nothing....that you will be just fine.

The current economic recession has been on everyone's mind from the last few months. Earlier it used to be more of a topic for debate and discussion but off late I have begun to see its impact from close quarters and it doesn't look pretty at all. Things have begun to look a little shaky at work what with the funding for our project being in jeopardy. I hear hushed whispers of how it would be better for all of us if we had "our options open". All kinds of rumors are being circulated and it is just adding to the uncertainty. For now,I am just glad I still have a job! I also see how some very close friends are grappling with their respective situations and it makes me feel very sad and frustrated.

A bunch of us had gone to the Winstar casino in Gainesville, OK, last weekend and for those 3-4 hours, it was so easy to forget about how bad the economy is and how it is impacting everybody. The casino is really huge and 80% of the area was filled with slot machines of different kinds.And every single one of them was occupied! People were merrily gambling away their money and each bet was a minimum of $100. We saw this guy lose $100 in less than 10 seconds at this high stake slot machine and he went on play for yet another $100 bet. We were not too keen on gambling as we were there to just have some fun and take in the sights so we decided to set ourselves a limit of a measly $10 each. The other seasoned gamblers had a good laugh at our expense! But then again it was our hard earned money and we were not willing to part with too much of it so there.

So yeah, its been a mixed start to the new year. There is some uncertainity but the possibilites are endless and I am determined to not get bogged down by the negativity and stay focussed. It is hard but I am sure it can be done.

I am not big into retrospection in general because it usually is a very tiring process. It should suffice to say that this year has been good.

M and I traveled around the country quite a bit and we saw some amazing places and indulged in some real fun activities like white water rafting. Both of us turned 30 and had a blast while doing so. I got to meet both my best friends and it was wonderful. I got to spend time with my darling little niece. I re-connected and bonded with certain members of my family and it felt great. M and I took some really important decisions and we so look forward to their fruition next year. I made some new friends and got back in touch with some old ones. I met some of my blogger friends and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them. I developed a wonderful friendship with some other terrific bloggers and I so look forward to meeting them in person sometime soon.

My professional life wasn't as exciting though and I wasn't in the best of health either but I am hoping this will be remedied in the year(s) to come.But apart from that,I have no complaints. Its been a wonderful year and I can already feel the excitement as I get ready to usher in 2009.

Here's wishing all you wonderful folks a very happy new year!

On days when I have free time on hand and nothing else to do, I tend to sit back and introspect. And off late, the one thing that I seem to think about a lot is change. Change in me, change in the people around me, change in the places I have lived in. For someone who found it very difficult to adapt to change, I seem to have taken all the aforementioned changes in my stride quite well I might add. Some of it went completely unnoticed by me and only when someone else pointed it out did I realize that there was something different after all.

People who have known me for a long time can vouch for that fact that I have mellowed down considerably.You see, I used to be this fire cracker, always ready to explode. I got into a lot of trouble for saying the wrong things at the wrong times but I could not care less. There were certain things that I just could not tolerate and I made it very abundantly clear to everyone around me. I was stubborn and my thinking was very radical and in essence, different from everyone else. I dated a guy 2 years younger than I was and could not comprehend what the fuss was all about. If I didn't like someone, I made it plenty obvious to them since diplomacy was something I totally lacked.

I don't know what it was that brought about the change and whether it was gradual or sudden, but I do know that I am a much milder version of my former self. Somewhere during the process of "growing up", without my knowledge, I became more tolerant and less stubborn. I still suck at diplomacy but I have learned to not say anything at all rather than say the wrong thing. But I still have very strong views about certain things and do not hesitate to express said views. But I find it hard to express strong emotions such as anger or frustration or even affection for that matter. And the part that saddens me the most is that I am unable to coherently put down my thoughts even on paper because that was something I could do very well. I could write about anything and talk about anything and always managed to convey my point very clearly across to the other person. But as the years flew by, I no longer felt the need to be verbose. I didn't quite feel the urge to try and explain everything that is in my head to the other person and make myself heard no matter what.

I took to blogging because I felt a strong need to go back to being the kind of person I was which is the more expressive and articulate version of myself. But so many times when I was overcome by very strong emotions, I found myself searching for words to express what was going through my mind. And this just made me feel sad since I never ever had such an issue before. Words came very easily to me. Thoughts came very easily to me. Opinions came very easily to me. In a way all of that still holds good. Its just that I no longer feel the need to express it as much. Of course, when it comes to a handful of people who are very close to me like the husband and my best friends and parents to an extent, none of the above holds good. To them,I am pretty much the same person I used to be and thank god for that liberty.

So basically some of the changes have been good and some well, not so good.I, like everyone else, gave in to the diktats of nature. I adapted. I "grew up". I became more mature. All very natural processes that everyone goes through at some point in their lives. But the point of this rather unwieldy rant is that I am still unable to decide what I like more ; if an old friend commented on how I just haven't changed or if the said friend commented on how he/she cannot believe how much I have changed and it almost seems like I am a different person altogether.

I am addicted to the lattes at Starbucks. Despite being severely allergic to caffeine, I cannot keep off the Starbucks latte. I have never taken well to caffeine especially in the form of coffee.I get pimples and my acid reflux kicks in and if the coffee was consumed on an empty stomach, I experience discomfort all day long. And yet, when the latte beckons, I cannot muster enough determination to walk away from it! Of course I don't do it everyday. I indulge myself probably once a week.

My aunt often comments on how drinking coffee from Starbucks is so pretentious and how regular coffee isn't good enough for me.Well, I have said this before and I say it again, I love my lattes so sue me! The husband and I are not big spend thrifts but at the same time we don't keep account of how each penny is spent. We eat out when we get bored of cooking at home. We go on a vacation when we feel we need a break and of course if there happens to be a good deal on airfares and hotel tariffs. We shop when we see a sale or when we have coupons. So yes we indulge but we don't overdo it by any standards. We are prudent and we are aware of our how much we can stretch ourselves financially. We have seen life as students here in the US and trust me when I say that being a student in the US is as rough it gets. After being through all of that, we want to take it easy and enjoy some benefits of whatever little we have of our hard earned money. The bottom line is that it works for us and that is all there is to it.

My point is despite the recession and the current economic crisis, there are certain things that I won't comprise on.Groceries for example.We don't believe in skimping on groceries and buying sub standard stuff. So the real question is where does one draw the line? You work so hard all year long and if you cannot enjoy the fruits of your labor then that is a very sad situation. So do you go all out and pull the plug on everything else except basic necessities like food,utilities and rent? Or do you stick to your current lifestyle and stay oblivious to the changes around you?

We took the road in between.We are aware of whats happening around us and we have altered our lifestyle accordingly and are in the process of figuring out what works best for us.

But I would really like to know your take on this matter and what you have been doing to adjust to the current shaky economy.

Mumbai has entered the proverbial calm after the storm phase. The finger pointing and blame game continues unabated.

Politicians are resigning from their posts, an action that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. They fail miserably in a task assigned to them and instead of taking responsibility for their actions and making a sincere effort to remedy the situation, they run away like cowards. And you have politicians insulting a brave soldier and his family. And there there are politicians that take their actor-kid and his director friend along to inspect the damages sustained by the Taj and Oberoi like it was a field trip.

What were they thinking? Is this what we, as a democratic nation, elected to power?

And then there are those SMSes doing rounds about how all the deceased in Mumbai were Marati Manoos and counter SMSes about how the commandos were all non Maratis. Really?

I know a lot of folks from Maharashtra and I can vouch for the fact that none of them would ever condone this regional bias that some demented people are hell bent on promoting. So all you nitwits out there, please spare the people of Mumbai and let them get on with their lives. Yes, they are resilient but that in no way means that you guys should put their resilience to test by subjecting them to your meaningless agendas.They have suffered enough so please show them the respect they deserve.

We lose faith. We lament. We curse. We hurt. We grieve. And then we pick up from where we left off and move on. Slowly and painfully. One day at a time.

So winter is officially here. My favorite time of the year. It is treacherous though since the sun is shining real bright but should you step out without adequate insulation, you would freeze instantly.

I have rediscovered my love for hot chocolate and the Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate powder has never tasted better. My sister-in-law and I picked up a box each from the Ghiradelli square in SFO and while her stash goes into the yummy cakes she's been baking ever since we got back, I have been ODing on hot chocolate. I finally get to wear my lovely, soft sweaters and my ankle length boots to work. I also get to feel super hot in my knee high Aldo leather boots and woollen skirts. My craving for chai at all odd hours of the day is no longer frowned upon and my co-worker willingly agrees to accompany me to the local desi joint.

And the shopping.Don't get me started on the shopping.This year the Black Friday sales have started earlier than usual to try and lure unsuspecting, hapless folks into parting with their hard earned money in exchange for some incredibly satisfying retail therapy.I have decided to do my part by jump-starting the economy with my shop till I drop policy.

Thing at work are slower than ever since most people are on vacation. It gives me time to take stock and get some fresh perspective on the way I want my professional life to be from this point on.

Did I mention that I love winters? And you?

Chandni said it all when she wrote.."Its like opening a Pandora’s box...". I read SnS's post on the same topic and I just had to vent.

I guess all our experiences with perverts while traveling in buses are more or less similar. My story goes one step forward.So there was this guy,a classmate in college, whom I was so totally oblivious to that I had no idea he even existed or that we were in the same class.Turns out that he lived very close to where I did and when he did attend college,we would take the same bus from the same bus stop.One day on my way back home from college,he accosted me and asked to borrow my Computer Science notes since he hadn't attended college for god knows how long and exams were around the corner.I obviously refused politely since I hardly knew the guy and I needed my notes to prepare for the upcoming exams. My turning his request down for some reason seemed to have had a very adverse effect on him and he took it upon himself to make my life miserable since that day.

There was this park that spanned across maybe half a mile from the bus stop to the street in which my house was.This creep and his friends would sit on one of the benches in that park every single day and the moment they saw me, they would all yell out my name as loud as they could.Initially I didn't pay much attention and just ignored them.Soon they started passing weird comments as well.That really got to me and I would turn around and glare at them and they would just laugh and do it all the more.I tried talking to that guy but it was of no use.I was after all this meek, bespectacled,class-nerd whose polite words were no match to that guy's abusive language.I told my dad about it and he went and talked to them but again it was of no use.My dad is again a very soft-spoken man who has never uttered a harsh word in his entire life. These guys would pretend that they did nothing wrong in front of my dad and make it look like I was making it all up.The moment my dad turned around the corner, the whole routine would start all over again.This torture continued day after day and I felt so miserable and helpless and angry and violated. That 4 minute walk from the bus stand to my house used to the worst part of my day and I dreaded it with all my heart.

A few months later,I was with a group of friends and I just happened to casually mention this episode to them and how frustrating my life had become.And just like that, from the very next day, it stopped. I never saw that guy or his friends ever again in that park and there was no one torturing me and making my life a living hell. I was of course thrilled to bits but I was also super intrigued about the sudden change. It was too good to be true.

It was only a year or so later that I found out what really transpired. In that group of friends that I mentioned earlier, there was this guy.Lets call him S. S was actually my best friend B's classmate and a very close friend of hers.I used to hang out with B and her friends all the time so I knew them quite well. S is the quintessential guy with a golden heart but a toughie on the outside. After hearing my story, he decided to take matters in his own hands. He along with a couple of friends confronted that creep and beat the life out of him and let him go only after warning him that if he ever messed with me again,they would throw him under a bus at the very same bus stop. That was enough to scare the living daylights out of that guy and he never bothered me ever again.

I don't think I ever managed to thank S enough for what he did for me. Everytime I brought it up, he used to just give me a hug and brush it aside as nothing. Except that it was not nothing. It meant everything to me at that time. Though there was no physical harrasment involved, those guys did lot of damage to my already fragile self esteem. It was frustrating that being in the same locality made no difference to them. It was frustrating that neighbours who saw them bullying me did nothing to stop them as they brushed it aside as boyish pranks. After all those huligans were merely shouting out my name about a 100 times.It was frustrating that I couldn't handle it on my own and that I needed someone else, a tough guy nonetheless, to make it all go away.

I remember the day I told my husband about this incident. I told him every single detail and I wept.M held me close and I could feel his body tightening and his jaws clenching in rage.It was so therapeutic to just let go of the demons and unburden myself. And then there is today. This is where I undergo another round of therapy by writing about it and opening up to you all.

I did learn to stand up for myself and be more outspoken and bold after that incident.I just feel that the price I paid for it was a bit much.

Right here actually.Just that I have been really busy over the past few weeks.It was work initially and soon after, my mom-in-law came to town for a month long visit.She has been shuttling between our house and my brother-in-law's who lives in the same town.So a lot of fun was had and a lot of family bonding took place.A 5 day trip to the Bay Area with the whole family also happened which turned out to be one of the best vacations ever.Just that all the walking and standing in long lines took its toll on my back and I am still recouping.

Talking of family bonding, I guess every family has its own way of coming together and expressing affection. My family is loud and we believe in expressing our emotions openly and yes, loudly! We hug a lot and talk to each other all the time.M's family on the hand is quite the opposite.Both my in-laws are scientists, astrophysicists actually and they have their share of quirks and idiosyncrasies thereby living upto the general cliches` associated with professors and sciencys! So last Saturday, the weather was gloomy and the clouds threatened to burst open any minute. It was the perfect weather to curl up with a book and a mug of steaming hot chai and thats what I did. M and his mom spent all afternoon bonding with each other. Just that their idea of bonding was to sit in front of the big screen TV which has a CPU connected to it and browse through the map of California for hours on end! They both had so much fun just looking through the maps and figuring out the best possible driving options and flying options in terms of distance. I just sat there on the couch, looking at and listening to the mother and son who were perched in front of the TV on over sized cushions with their backs facing me and having such a good time.Something about that picture right there touched me very deeply.I only wish I had taken a picture to capture the warmth and tenderness and unspoken love in that moment.

M and I celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary tomorrow and it just dosen't feel like it has been that long since we got married.I have this weird problem of not being able to express myself all that well when it comes to someone very close to my heart.I wanted to give him a hand written letter tomorrow but knowing how words will fail me for sure,I did the next best thing.I asked him to write me a letter instead!He agreed readily so lets see how that goes.The journey so far has been wonderful and having M in my life has always brought out the best in me which I guess sums it all up.

Happy 5th, my love....and here's to many many more to come...

We are seldom satisfied with what we have.We want more.We want a better job that would bring in more money to be able to afford fancy stuff.And once we burn a huge BMW shaped hole in our pockets while attempting to buy the aforementioned fancy stuff,we want more money to fill the gaping hole and thus continues the saga.

We are also very susceptible to the perils of comparison in terms of materialistic possessions or otherwise(beauty,intellect etc) and that is when jealousy rears its ugly head.On most occasions,we manage to groan and curse inwardly and not display our true emotions on the outside.As long as one manages to acknowledge the truth that it is supremely difficult to be all zen and remain unaffected by another person's success but at the same time be civil enough to not let negativity get the better of him,its all good.

Sue and Parul talk about how a strong sense of resentment is building up in the lesser privileged folks.I am yet to encounter this form of resentment but I have however been subjected to a different form of resentment and that too from very unexpected quarters.Let me elaborate.

An acquaintance from Bangalore was in town for a month on work and visited us quite often during that period.Now this guy is about 6 years older than we are and works as a HR manager in a highly reputed and big company and his wife is doing pretty well for herself too.They have a 3 year old son.They recently bought an apartment.Nothing wrong with this picture right?I thought so as well but that was from from true.Now at the outset,everything seemed good and he seemed happy to meet us and spend time with us.We dutifully took him around the city and showed him the sights and had him over for dinner every now and then or took him out to dinner so that he could try a new cuisine.After a few visits,I started noticing his resentment.He would often make comments on how his flat in Bangalore had 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and yet, was smaller than our 1 bedroom apartment on the whole.Or how we eat out often and we can afford to do so since we do not have children yet.Why do you need a big screen TV? A regular TV isn't good enough for you any more is it? he asked. You people here in the US are so spoiled, he said.Everything of course was said in jest and was supposed to be a big joke according to him but it was very hard to ignore the inherent bitter undertone.It was like he was challenging me to a duel to see how I would react.Not the one to be cowered down,I gave it right back to him of course but I could not go all out.It was after all a double edged sword.I say too much and I will be eternally branded as a big show-off.If on the other hand,I say too less and I will have to live with the knowledge that this guy almost insulted me and got away with it.

It was a revelation,his behavior and reaction, to us and our lifestyle.He was trying so hard to make us feel guilty for being better off than him inspite of us being younger.It was almost as if we had been given everything that we owned in charity.I just don't get it.Its not like we started of like this.In fact,when M and I got married, all we truly had that was ours was a hefty student loan.We had very little money but somehow it never affected us too much.We were happy.We worked hard and we got by and we saved and we scraped and here we are.Whatever little we have today is what we earned.And I am guessing this is the case with most people,isn't it?We of course are discounting those lucky bums that had rich forefathers leave behind pot loads of gold and a palace or two.

The icing on the cake,however, wass this ridiculous assumption that since we lived in the US of A,we made more money than our counterparts back home and that money here,came by very easily.So as a rule of thumb, we are forced to do the spending every time we go out with him and his family, either here or in Bangalore.

I can perhaps understand if my maid or my watchman or that homeless person on the street showed resentment.I would attribute that to lack of education and class and years of suppressed angst.But when a well-educated man makes such banal comments and shows such utter lack of good judgement,respect and class, it is very hard to digest.

This weekend was a quiet one and was mostly spent indoors thanks to the incessant rains that came our way courtesy hurricane Ike.The husband was engrossed in Wii Tennis and monopolized the television.And like any other self-respecting techie,I took control of the laptop.During random website hopping, I chanced upon some videos of the Tamil talk show hosted by Anu Hassan.We used to watch this show quite regularly when my parents were here on vacation and I did quite like it as Anu did a darn good job as the host.So this week, her guests on the show belonged to the cast of a newly released Tamil movie which was apparently about a prostitute with a golden heart.The interview itself proceeded along familiar lines and everything seemed ok until the producer of the movie decided to share his two cents.He said something along the lines of :

"I come from a Brahmin family.When I heard the subject,I was very apprehensive about producing such a film since it had a prostitute as the main protaganist.I had several discussions with my family and only when they gave me their blessing,I decided to go ahead."

So yes,the oldest trade known to man is a touchy and uncomfortable subject to dwell upon.But what does being a Brahmin have to do with it?And this was just cinema.A form of art.Why the need to over-indulge and pontificate? Why unnecessarily bring in religion and caste ?

I was now curious to see what the fuss was all about and proceeded to watch the movie online.I could just about sit through the first 10 minutes.There is acting and then there is acting. Even if I could ignore the absurd and ridiculous portrayal of a harlot by the lead actress,the way the story was unfolding was just so damn ridiculous.This woman lives in a small town and everyone in the town knows what she does for a living.But she is so overly generous and helpful that everyone worships her.She is portrayed as this pious goddess who would have had a temple constructed in her name if not for her profession.Every other dialog was a eulogy to her.I really did not get what the director was trying to convey through this film.Why the need to glorify this character? So it does not matter that you are a prostitute as long as you spend the rest of your time and all your money in emulating Mother Teresa?

Amar Prem and Pretty Woman belong to the same genre and then there is this excuse for a movie.Enough said.

I believe in God.I am not religious per say.A puja for me is a silent conversation,which is in English most of the times, that I have with this really strong and universal symbol of strength that I simply refer to as God.But I love gaities and the beautiful bonding as a family, that a festival brings with it.All the rituals associated with a festival evokes very strong and fond memories for me since I associate them with my parents and close relatives and friends back in Bangalore.It is a very strange juxtaposition that I enjoy being a part of rituals simply because I associate them with the good times I have had at family gatherings.But I do not much care for the religious aspects of the said rituals.For instance,not being allowed to participate in functions during one's menstrual cycle or the rigorous madi system that is followed.All these customs do have a resonably logical explanation like hygiene and cleanliness and as long as that is what it is about,I am fine.But the moment people start twisting things around and turn the whole thing into a freaking circus, that's when it gets my goat.

The other day,I was invited to this distant relative's house for the traditional "arishina-kumkuma" or "haldi-kumkum" ritual after a puja.I wanted to wear a saree on this occasion and I did try to drape one too.The fact of the matter is that my saree-draping skills totally suck.I can never get both the pleats at the waist and pullu, right.It is either one or the other unfortunately, thereby enforcing a ration on my traditional and ethnic Indian wardrobe.After 3 highly unsuccessful attempts,I just gave up and went back to the trusted silk salwar-kameez.I got acquainted with this distant relative very recently and she actually appears to be very sweet and affable.Her in-laws are in town and hence the festivities in their household were on a very grand scale.So I reached their place and introduced myself and tried to explain to her in-laws to the best of abilities,how she and I are related.I don't think I made much sense though.The ice was broken as soon as her mother-in-law discovered that my parents lived in the same neighborhood in Bangalore as them.We chatted for quite some time during which she asked me about the husband and his work and I found myself starting my next sentence with, "namma yejamaandru..."(ewww gross!) that literally translates to "my owner" but is used colloquially in Kannada to refer to one's husband.I managed to surprise myself immensely at that point as this was the something about which I gave a lot of grief to all my aunts and cousins who used the aforementioned phrase.I was sub-consciously trying not to give the lady the impression that that husband and I are bohemian or liberal in any way.There was no mention made about how the husband cooks and cleans not because he wants to help but because it is his home too.You get my drift right?I had a really good time at their place but I could not stop thinking about how the evening had played out.

See the thing is I have never had to watch what I say or do with neither my parents nor my in-laws.Both sets of parents are very liberal when it comes to us so I have always been myself with them.Why, then, was I being so watchful of my actions that evening?Was it because those people were related to us and everything I did or said would somehow be a reflection on my parents and family?Or was it because she was much much older and I somehow felt a sense of obligation to say and do the "right" thing and stick to protocol?

I have come across several instances when people have blindly attributed someone's supposedly bad behavior to bad upbringing by his/her parents.Especially when it comes to the daughter-in-law.A very good friend's brother got married recently to his college sweetheart.The wedding happened with much grandeur and with everybody's blessings.A month later,my friend seemed a tad unhappy with her new sister-in-law.

"She hardly talks to people.We have visitors all the time and she hardly interacts with them.Didn't her parents teach her social etiquette?" she said.

I was too shocked to reply as this was coming from someone who has an MBA in Marketing and is one of the most intelligent women I know.Since when did being shy and uncomfortable in a new environment go from being most natural to a social taboo and a sign of bad parenting I wonder.

It probably was playing at back my mind when I visited my relatives.Communication and exchange of information between the US and Bangalore happens at such lightening speed these days.And I would want my family to continue to look good and rule the roost,no?

For those of you(yes yes,the two of you) who wondered where I was all these days,sorry to disappoint you but it was just work and more work at office.I haven't had the time to do much else.So much for the previous post and all the brouhaha about wanting to do something with my time.I haven't even been able to leave comments on all your blogs though I did stop by and did manage to read all your posts.

Oh but there was this one major exciting event that happened which changed the husband and my life forever!Hold onto your horses now.I am just talking about our new Wii Nintendo! So the husband celebrates his 30th birthday on the 21st of this month and I was left with the uphill task of figuring out what to get him that would be exciting enough.I narrowed it down to XBox and Wii and since Wii is the latest craze,I decided Wii it would be.But anyone whos been trying to get hold of Wii would know how hard it is to find one in the stores.If you do find a store that has it in stock,the price is almost $100 higher than the actual cost.A colleague of mine suggested I check with ToysRUs.So thats exactly what I did and the lady at the store informed me that they were getting a shipment of Wii and Wii Fit the coming Sunday and it would sell at the actual cost which of course was an amazing deal.She however would not divulge how many they pieces they were going to get since the demand for the damned toy was so high.

ToysRUs opens at 10.00 am on Sundays.So this particular Sunday,I woke up at 7.00 am and slipped out of the house without waking the husband up.I reached the store at around 7.30 and there were a couple of cars parked already in the parking lot!So I waited and waited and then around 9.40 am,everyone got out of their cars and stood in line in front of the store.We nodded at each other and silently acknowledged our fellow geeks.It was amazing to see the number of people willing to stand in line on a Sunday at such an ungodly hour.All for a stupid toy.The doors finally opened and the store manager handed out a ticket to all of us who were in line for the Wii and Wii Fit.So only those who produced the said ticket at the counter could buy the Wii.Thank god for small mercies because there was no way I could have competed with the others there simply because of my comparatively smaller girth and build.I would have been pushed and shoved around like a little lost dog.

So anyway,I got my ticket and walked triumphantly to the counter and was handed a brand new Wii Nintendo with Sports Bundle.I was also informed that the Wii Fit is even harder to get and just like that I was the proud owner of the Wii Fit as well.I got back home and hid both the boxes in our garage and went up to find the husband still asleep blissfully unaware of what had transpired.The plan was the keep it a secret until the 21st and then spring the surprise on the unsuspecting guy.The thing you don't know about me is that I keep a secret really well from anybody but the husband.I hate myself for it.Many a birthday surprises have been anything but.So this time I was determined more than ever to keep the whole thing under wraps until the 21st.I called my brother-in-law to inform him that I managed to buy the coveted toy.On hindsight I almost wish I hadn't made that call because I could hear the excitement and buzz in his voice while talking to him and it just got me all excited.I had to give it all I had to keep myself from blurting it out to the husband.I managed fine until evening when this guy casually asked me what he would be getting for his birthday.That was all it took for me to spill out my guts and hand over the Wii to him.

The husband was mighty chuffed on seeing the Wii.He couldn't believe that I actually did all that to get him the Wii and was super thrilled about it which of course was the exact reaction that I was hoping for!And boy is that wretched toy addictive or what!We have been playing Wii tennis every single day since that eventful Sunday two weeks ago.I was swamped at work and would come home only by around 8.00 pm.We would have a quick dinner and then immediately get down to business.Wii Tennis.

In a way the Wii has been a blessing in disguise as it keeps the husband occupied since he has almost been rendered a handicap thanks to an ingrown toenail in the big toe that got out of hand and caused a major infection.The poor guy had to undergo a minor procedure to have the infection drained out and he is in so much pain and discomfort ever since.The Wii has actually helped keep his mind off of his leg.

I have managed to keep the Wii Fit a secret still.I just hope it makes up for the fact that I took away the surprise element from his birthday.

So I seem to have some time on hand and I have been racking my brains to come up with something to do.Something different.Something useful.

Last summer I took swimming lessons and did a brief stint of hosting a radio program at a local radio station.This summer I am stumped for ideas.So I am turning to all you people out there for suggestions about what I can do this summer.

I am looking at learning Spanish.I would also like to something that would supplement my professional IT experience and look good on my resume.Any ideas?

Also has anyone heard of the CAPM(Certified Associate in Project Management) certification?Is it any good?

I am so looking forward to all that you wonderful people have to say!

I wanted to do this tag for a long time now but for some reason I forgot all about it until today.

So here goes my list which of course is nowhere close to being comprehensive:

*Howard Roark - in Fountainhead.
I loved the book and I loved this character as I could somehow identify so much with him.

*Holden Caulfield - in Catcher in the Rye.
An absolute lunatic but with a razor-sharp wit.Also loved the way he melts into a puddle of love when he interacts with his little sister and the relationship that he shared with his deceased younger brother.

*Atticus Finch - in To Kill A Mockingbird.
A strong man with such strong principles and a wonderful, wonderful father.I would marry him in a hearbeat!

*Florentyna Kane - in The Prodigal Daughter.
An amazing woman who is intelligent,clever,witty,strong,principled and determined.I like the way she lives her life and dreams despite having an over achiever for a father.

*William Kane and Abel Rosnovski - in Kane and Abel.
What wonderful characters.Loved the way they try to out-do each other at every step.

*Hassan - in The Kite Runner.
Everyone wishes for a friend like him.Loyal,forgiving and loving to a fault.

*Frederick Algernon Trotville(Fatty)- in Enid Blyton's Five find-outers and a dog .
Oh what a fun series that was!This lesser known "Famous Five" series is everything that one can expect out of an Enid Blyton detective series.And Fatty was just ridiculously clever and outrageous.I have the fondest memories of reading these books as a child and I think I owned almost all the books in this series though I enjoyed the other Famous Five and Secret Seven books just as much.

*Oliver Barrett & Jennifer Cavelleri - in Love Story.
I am a sucker for love stories that have protagonists gunning for each other's throats in the beginning and don't realize when the hate turns into love but eventually do end up together! The husband and I fell in love on similar premises.So!(Abhipraya,this one was for you!)

*Hercule Poirot - I loved reading about detectives and how they solved crimes.Poirot especially as I would imagine his egg-head and pencil mustache all the time and was thrilled when my imagination was very close to the character on the TV series.

*Sherlock Holmes - At one point in time,I used to try and incorporate "Elementary,Mr.Watson" in almost every conversation!My all time favorite detective.

Do you have any absolute favorite literary character that brings back fond memories?