There is a whole world of two line jokes out there that will make you smile and chuckle all week. Reddit’s thebdizzle asked fellow Reddit users, “What’s your best two line joke?” and got hundreds of responses, ranging from hilarious to off-color to silly. Following is a selection of the highlights of the two line jokes posted in response to thebdizzle’s question.
Here is one perfect joke if you live in foggy San Francisco:
I tried to catch fog yesterday.
For those who like two line jokes about nature:
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
Even if you’re a feminist, this joke will probably make you smile:
Somewhere in the world, a woman is having a baby every 12 seconds.
We’ve got to find her and stop her!
If you’re a human rights activist:
Every 60 seconds in Africa…
a minute passes.
If you’re a senior citizen or know a senior citizen, this joke will probably be amusing:
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!”
Herman said, “It’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!”
If you’re a writer, you’ll see the humor in this two line joke:
Want to hear a word I just made up?
One for brainy scientists:
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building
He yells “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”
Another joke for the brainiacs:
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
For those with an international flair and German friends, this two line joke will make you giggle:
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, they’re efficient and not very funny.
Here are a few two line joke picks from Metro UK off of the massively long Reddit list:
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool.
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Here’s one for computer geeks:
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.
Here’s a great two line joke if you’re married:
My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.
Harry Styles recently joined forces with singer Meghan Trainor in the studio.
Although Styles claims he has no plans to bid farewell to One Direction in the near future, he keeps fanning the flames of speculation by working with people outside of the group. This is possibly nothing more than a friendly collaboration, but some fans will no doubt start worrying that Harry is still on the prowl for a solo career.
According to the Mirror, Harry Styles and Meghan Trainor met up during One Direction’s tour through the United States. Since the American singer is searching for new material, she asked Styles to help her out with a few tunes. In other words, chances are the 1D heartthrob isn’t looking for greener pastures at the moment.
— Mata Wanita (@MatWaCom) August 31, 2014
A source seemed to think this was a match made in musical heaven.
“They have a similar sense of humor and Harry was keen to lend her his musical opinion. He’s got a great ear and she was keen to hear about what Harry had to say. They also have good chemistry and get on really well.”
The Irish Independent explains that Trainor is a pretty big fan of Harry Styles’ work. After their collaboration in the studio, the American singer considers the guy a pal.
“I met Harry, and he’s like a friend now. We just texted each other a minute ago, and I’m still sweating over it.”
While all of this stuff may point towards a Harry Styles solo career, the singer insists that’s not going to happen anytime soon. The Inquisitr previously reported that Styles has squashed these rumors countless times in the past. In fact, former Take That singer Gary Barlow believes Styles should stay right where he is.
“There will be rows in a band, but you’re brothers. They might be close sometimes and sometimes not, but it’s part of the foundations. The boys have to take care of one another and look after one another. You’re having an amazing run and it’s brilliant. You can’t walk away from that. Why would you?”
What do you think about Harry Styles working with American singer Meghan Trainor? Do you believe this is a sign that the One Direction singer is still pursuing a solo career? Let us know how you feel about the situation in the comments.
[Lead image via Page to Premiere]
Saints Row 5 may not be happening after all. What we thought would be SR5, partially teased by Jay Mohr‘s Twitter announcement earlier this year, appears to be a completely new DLC mission for Saints Row 4. Unlike previous DLC missions, this one will be a standalone game.
The first DLC missions for SR4 were in a bundle called Enter the Dominatrix, which was initially the inspiration the full game was based on. The DLC was originally planned as an add-on for Saints Row The Third, inspired Volition to just make a sequel, and was later released as a back story using meta humor to explain it to the gamers.
The second DLC was called How the Saints Save Christmas, which of course contained all of the parody aspects with a new Christmas theme.
The new standalone DLC, again not Saints Row 5, is being called Saints Row: Gat Out of Hell. According to Volition’s PAX panel, it was based on Disneyland, but according to the trailer (above), it takes place in Hell. This is exactly the kind of delicious irony we expect.
Gat Out of Hell, obviously named as a parody of Meat Loaf Aday’s classic album Bat Out of Hell, has the President sucked into the Devil’s dominion. Kinzie Kenzington and Johnny Gat will be the playable characters this time as they take the Saints Row 4 gameplay and bring it to new turf.
Great news for fans of Volition’s parody hit of 2013 is that Saints Row 4 PS4 and Xbox One ports are also coming, so all of that parody gameplay will be re-released in higher definition. Hopefully the glitches that SR4 was originally released with (it was admittedly a rush job, but an enjoyable one) will be gone this time when Grand Theft Auto 5‘s biggest competitor hits.
Saints Row 5 might not be happening, but fans of SR4 will be happy to know that the PC version of the game now has a software development kit (or SDK). The Saints Row 4 SDK will let gamers create their own weapons and possibly clothes, and even import their own music for more personalized radio stations.
While we probably won’t see crisp 1080p 60fps gameplay with the Saints Row 4 Xbox One and PS4 ports, we can probably expect more detail and possibly a wider array of customization. Volition has had the chance to work on it since Fall of 2013 and has been keeping extremely quiet about it.
— Eurogamer.net (@eurogamer) August 29, 2014
While the new Gat Out of Hell DLC mission is a standalone title, you won’t need to own a copy of SR4 to play it. We imagine there might be some secret bonuses from having a SR4 save file when you start it up.
Saints Row 4 PS4 and Xbox One will include all of the DLC released previously for around $30, and will come bundled with Gat Out of Hell for around $50. The current-gen version will be re-named Saints Row 4: Re-Elected.
Saints Row 5 might not be happening, but Volition really can’t go much further with the series anyway. We can probably expect the next full game to be a reboot if there is one.
[image via YouTube]
The Green Bay Packers have lost another big lineman to injury, and this time the team may need to hit the market to find help on the offensive side of the ball.
The team lost first-year pro Aaron Adams to a knee injury after the young player tore both his ACL and MCL. He was placed on injured reserve as the team made its final cuts to reach the 53-man roster.
Though Adams was only on the practice squad last year, he was projecting to be the team’s fourth offensive lineman, hurting an already injury struck squad. Starting center JC Tretter will miss at least the first month of the season after suffering a knee injury last week. The Green Bay Packers now have just two healthy backup linemen, Derek Sherrod and Lane Taylor.
It’s likely that the Green Bay Packers will now look for help on the offensive line front, and after Saturday’s cuts there are a number of veteran players available, should they choose to go that route.
The Packers have been hurting on both sides of the ball this preseason. Last week their giant run-stopping defensive lineman B.J. Raji tore his right bicep, an injury that team doctors deemed season-ending.
The loss was especially difficult given the team’s inexperience on the defensive line. Raji was counted on not only to plug the middle of the line and make it difficult for other teams to run, but also to provide some veteran leadership to the Packers’ more inexperienced players.
Raji had just signed a one-year contract in March, and had been an iron man for the Green Bay Packers before the injury. He was able to avoid major injuries and played in 76 out of the team’s 80 regular season games, including 62 starts in the past four seasons.
The Green Bay Packers have already lost a handful of players to season-ending injuries, including receiver Jared Abbrederis, offensive lineman Don Barclay, and tight end Colt Lyerla — all backups.
An infant in an ice bucket challenge has caused some major controversy this weekend. According to the New York Daily News, a Texas grandfather took the challenge with his 10-month-old granddaughter sitting in a walker in front of him. When he lifted the bucket of ice water on to his head, the baby also got doused, which infuriated many people, including the child’s father, Claude Dalcour.
“I was shocked. Everybody I know was pretty much shocked and appalled. You don’t do that to an infant. He should know better. It’s a big deal. It’s not his child, it’s my child.”
The infant in the ice bucket challenge did not appear hurt, but some people feel that dumping freezing cold water on a baby is unnecessary… many even think that this was a form of child abuse, whether the baby’s grandfather meant to harm his granddaughter or not. Authorities have been notified of the incident, as has the Texas Department of Children and Families. It’s unknown if the grandfather will face any kind of legal punishment for his actions. According to USA Today, no charges have been filed against the man in the video… yet.
Making matters even worse, perhaps, is the fact that the grandfather is actually Dalcour’s father-in-law. Dalcour and the baby’s mom are reportedly going through a very nasty divorce, so there is already a lot of stress and anger between the families.
The infant in the ice bucket challenge didn’t seem to cry after the shock, but the camera stopped recording soon after the bucket was dumped. There was a good amount of water in the bucket, and some feel that the child could have drowned. The baby’s body could have also gone into shock. So far, thousands of people have discussed this story, and the consensus has pretty much been the same: The baby should not have been involved in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge… no matter what.
As previously reported by The Inquisitr, the ice bucket challenge has raised over $100 million since the challenge started. There has been some concern about where the money is going and how it’s being used to help find a cure for the debilitating disease. Some other controversy surrounds the wastefulness of water when people around the world don’t even have a cup of water to drink.
Overall many would say that the challenge has been a success, but there have been several gray areas since the challenge started. How do you feel about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? What do you think of the man in the video above soaking his baby granddaughter in the process?
[Photo courtesy of YouTube screen capture]
Labor Day is here and that means summer vacation season is drawing to a close. And while we hope that everyone had a great time traveling wherever you traveled to on your summer getaways, if you’re let with a headache over your checkbook balance, well, you’re not alone.
Vacations can be expensive. Sometimes very expensive.
That’s why, as always, we at The Inquisitr are here to help, along with our budget-conscious buddies at BuzzFeed. No, we can’t help you payoff that credit card you ran up in Aruba, but here’s what we can do. We can offer you this BuzzFeed video that will enlighten you about eight incredible vacation spots that won’t splinter your bank account to the winds.
In fact, once you get yourself to these destinations, you’ll find prime attractions and activities that will cost you less than 100 bucks — in some cases less than $10!
We’re not talking about sending you to an RV park somewhere in Podunk, Nowhereseville. We’re looking at places like the beaches of the Dominican Republic and Jamaica. We’re talking South Africa, Costa Rica and Hawaii.
Of course, getting there can still run you, but if you know how to shop for air fares you can save significant cash. Several sites, such as Kayak.com to cite one example, allow you to compare fares from dozens of different airlines in a single search.
But once you get there, if you follow the leads in this video next summer — or winter, or anytime — you’ll find that you can visit exotic locations and have an fantastic time without going broke. Enjoy your vacation!
Rita Ora and Iggy Azalea got extremely close to locking lips at the Budweiser Made In America Festival. However, the singers didn’t seal the deal.
According to The Daily Mail, the ladies were performing “Black Widow” when Iggy Azalea made a move towards Rita Ora’s mouth. Ora probably had kissing on her mind after seeing the luscious lips Azalea’s black crop top, and the 23-year-old British singer looked pretty ecstatic when the 24-year-old Aussie rapper started stroking her face and getting close to her lips. However, Iggy was just being a tease.
— Axelle Fenty-ORA (@AxelleNavy4life) August 31, 2014
This almost-kiss was probably inspired by Rita Ora’s plan for the MTV Video Music Awards. According to Celebuzz, Rita told The Sun that she wanted to snog her “Black Widow” collaborator during their performance. However, Iggy didn’t want to do something that’s already been done before.
“I said to Iggy ‘We should make out on stage and kiss during our performance.’ She told me that would be crazy because it’s already been done. Britney Spears and Madonna kissing was my favorite VMA performance ever.”
If Rita Ora really wanted to do unforgettable, she should have tried talking Iggy Azalea into doing a Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired performance complete with whips and chains and a Red Room of Pain. Ora is starring in the movie based on the raunchy erotic novel, so she should have no shortage of bondage-inspired ideas.
Iggy had another reason for not wanting to recreate the kiss with Rita Ora — she doesn’t want to be called a “fake lesbian.” During an interview with Pridesource, she explained why she doesn’t want to kiss girls.
“I know I talk about women a lot, and I think women are beautiful and I like talking about them, but I didn’t want people to misconstrue that and think that I was being a fake lesbian… I love gay people, but I’m straight. I don’t wanna kiss girls. I’m not into girls.”
It’s probably a good thing Rita and Iggy didn’t recreate that iconic kiss. They haven’t quite reached the mega star status of Britney Spears and Madonna, so they’d likely get lambasted for daring to imitate the pop princess and her predecessor. Plus the “Black Widow” singers would have had to compete with another Britney throwback at the MTV VMAs — Katy Perry and rapper Riff-Raff stole the show by donning denim and recreating Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake’s infamous 2001 American Music Awards outfits. Unfortunately, without the kiss, Rita Ora and Iggy Azalea’s performance was one of the most forgettable of the night.
What do you think: Did Rita Ora and Iggy Azalea make a mistake by not kissing during their performance?
[Photo via Just Jared]
Since we last updated you on the situation with Batista, it looked like the former-WWE champion began to pack his bags in favor of a full-time career in Hollywood. The Rock started the campaign towards filming movies, instead of taking bumps in a WWE ring. All it takes is that one movie to kickstart their career and forget all about the wrestling ring.
Batista’s new movie, Guardians of the Galaxy,destroyed the box office by setting numerous records. It wasn’t as if Batista had a minor role in the film, rather he played a pivotal role as “Drax the Destroyer,” on of the top-5 characters in the movie.
When Batista left the WWE after the Payback pay-per-view, a lot of reasons popped up as to why, except for the promotion of his movie. Was it the fact that WWE Creative let him down once again? That wouldn’t have been the first time he was at odds with the creative team. The day he quit originally in 2010, it turned into giant resentment towards the WWE, and specifically the direction they were going in.
If Batista ever goes back to the WWE, E-Wrestling News states that a match with Triple H must be in the future plans, or Payback might’ve been the last appearance for the new Hollywood-star, Batista.
Apparently people close to Batista say that he still feels let down and unhappy with WWE over the way he was booked when he returned to the company earlier this year.
One source claims that if Batista were to return, however, that it would be to begin a program forWrestleMania 31 next year. Batista himself has expressed interest in working a retirement match against Triple H, however there has been no word within WWE as to whether or not that is something they would be interested in.
That isn’t much to ask from Batista. He’s always looked up to Triple H and that would be an excellent way to send Drax the Destroyer off into the sunset. For some reason, the WWE Universe didn’t care for Batista’s return. Was it the WWE’s fault? That’s a plausible reaction. Besides, Batista is great on the microphone and can still perform in the ring.
Hopefully, Vince McMahon and HHH finally wake up from their Roman Reigns-induced stupor and realize that is staring at them in the face. Even a Reigns vs. Batista match would be fantastic. They were the last two men in the 2014 Royal Rumble; bad blood must be spilling from enraged jealousy, for Reigns that is.
Batista began with Evolution, a part from a horrible gimmick prior to that, and ran to the main-event scene. He will be a WWE Hall of Famer in the next six years, so giving the guy a proper goodbye is all he is asking for. Triple H needs to make it happen.
[Image via WWE.com]
You can take Niall Horan out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of Niall Horan. Or the cow poop, apparently.
Before you label the One Direction singer a redneck and start sending him revealing pictures of his cousin, it’s worth noting that Horan is a well-traveled and very intelligent guy. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate the smell of a good cow patty when the odor finds its way into his adorable nostrils.
The Daily Star reports that both Niall and fellow One Direction crooner Liam Payne get nostalgic whenever they smell a bovine crap. Although homesickness is different for us all, chances are Horan and Payne will face a fair amount of ribbing for admitting their fondness for cow poop. As someone who grew up in the south, this writer can relate.
Niall Horan and his pal recently discussed what smells remind them of home.
“Yeah, cow poo. I’m from the lake district of Ireland so there’s the smell of cows and sheep and fresh-cut grass.”
Payne seemed to agree with this sentiment.
“I was going to say the same. We both live close to the countryside. Where I live there are farms and you can always smell…”
Although cow poop gets the guys wishing they were back at home, chances are One Direction’s latest fragrance, You & I, doesn’t smell like something that tumbled out of an animal’s backside. According to MTV News UK, the guys wanted to put together something memorable that didn’t make everyone within a two-mile radius gag and dry heave. Niall Horan particularly didn’t want anything too “explosive.”
“We all wanted something that was fruity, but not too in-your-face. You don’t want to go in for a cuddle and then get a big whiff of ‘Whoah, what’s that!’”
Horan’s brain may sometimes stray to the smells of home, the 1D singer doesn’t have any intention of bidding farewell to the group anytime soon. In short: All those breakup rumors are completely false, so please stop worrying yourself into a panic attack about it.
Niall also said he’s not thinking about a solo career right now.
“I don’t want to think about that at the minute. I’m still here, still with the band,” adding, “I don’t need to think about it at all — I’m having a great time here, touring and having the craic with the lads — we are all still having a great time.”
Are you surprised cow poop makes Niall Horan think about home?
[Lead image via WalldeskHD]
Niall Horan Appreciates The Smell Of Good Cow Poop is a post from: The Inquisitr News
Following the ISIS beheading of American journalist James Foley recently in Syria, and the ensuing threats that followed from the masked jihadists who perpetrated the barbaric act, the world is on full alert, fearing a potential ISIS terror attack in North America or Europe.
On Sunday, Hans-Georg Maassen, head of Germany’s BfV domestic intelligence agency, had some worrying things to say to reporters about the potential threat to Europe at the hands of militant Islamists.
Maassen noted that hundreds of German, British, French and Dutch nationals, who are known to have joined the ranks of ISIS in Iraq and Syria, will return “home” soon enough, an may well have intentions to carry out mass attacks in Europe.
Maassen told Reuters: “We have to expect that these people will return and commit attacks here,” as at least 400 German nationals are currently thought to be fighting with ISIS.
On top of that, in the last few months the German intel official said that his agency has evidence that five German citizens in the middle east carried out suicide attacks.
BfV estimates that roughly 43,000 Islamists reside in Germany, with members of the Salafist movement particularly gaining strength: “There is a link between the successes IS has had so far in Iraq and the activities here in Germany and the propaganda and canvassing activities aimed at young jihadists,” said Maassen.
Back in November a German Muslim convert with ISIS in Syria released a video pleading with his fellow German Muslim countrymen to join in the “holy war” against the west.
According to Maassen: “The Islamic State (ISIS) is, so to speak, the ‘in’ thing – much more attractive than the Nusra Front, the Al Qaeda spin-off in Syria. What attracts people is the intense brutality, the radicalism and rigor. That suggests to them that it is a more authentic organization even than Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda fades besides the Islamic State when it comes to brutality.”
By way of a response to the high-level security threat Germany faces at the moment, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a vote on Sunday to send military aid to Kurdish forces battling IS in northern Iraq. The German opposition has called for a debate in parliament, which is slated for Monday.
We’re sure you’ve heard about the recent low-profile wedding between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt which took place in France recently as two of Hollywood’s sexiest stars tied the knot.
But, it seems, not everyone is totally thrilled about the union, and we aren’t talking here about the usual family squabbles that often arise in such situations.
We are referring to piece written by Time magazine writer Bryan Moylan entitled: Brad and Angelina Getting Married Is A Slap in the Face to Gay Americans.
According to Moylan as the title of his scathing article suggests, Jolie and Pitt have done the gay community a disservice, of sorts, by getting married.
The answer to this question surrounds comments made by Brad Pitt many moons ago, as the Huffington Post reports, that when Pitt was asked about the prospect of marrying Jolie soon after they met, he deflected the question, saying he would only: “consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.”
In other words, Brad Pitt said to reporters, openly, that he would not get married until gay people across the U.S. had the right to same-sex marriage.
So is Moylan for real that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have to bear some guilt for not championing gay rights enough?
The fact is that no matter what comments Pitt made way back when, the celebrity marriage probably will have no impact on the issue of same-sex marriage in America, either way.
We very much doubt that anyone in the “free world” would change their views on a hot topic like gay marriage, even if a high flying celebrity comes out supporting the cause.
Even if Moylan asserts that: “I’m sorry, Brangelina, but real fighters for civil rights don’t buckle under pressure when it gets hard.” What does he even mean by that? That Pitt should not marry Jolie until gay marriage is allowed?
According to Moylan in his Time article:
“It seems like what Brad and Angie said the first time around doesn’t matter to them at all. It’s as if they didn’t want to get married in 2006 and said, ‘What if we say it’s because gay people can’t get married? Then people will stop bothering us about getting hitched and we’ll look so noble.’ Now that they’ve had their ceremony and the wedding cake is in the freezer, it looks like their declaration was mercenary rather than thoughtful.”
In conclusion, we think most reasonably minded readers will agree even though Brad Pitt’s previous comments sticking up for gay rights may have been a little extreme, he didn’t need to delay his marriage to Angelina Jolie for it.
Disneyland may be regarded by many as a place where childhood dreams come true, but for one unfortunate lady and her poor family, their long awaited trip to Disneyland Paris almost turned into a hellish nightmare.
When British woman Justine Sharples managed to get enough money together to take her desperately ill son Matthew and the rest of her family to Disneyland, she had no reason to believe the four-day holiday would be anything but the dream Disney trip that so many families across the world save hard and plan patiently for.
Initially, Justine was told that the trip would cost $7,573. However, because her three-year-old son Matthew needs 24-hour-care and a fridge to store his essential food and medicines in, Justine asked if Disneyland could provide a fridge in her room.
Disney agreed, but only if Justine would pay $56,477 instead of the initial $7,573.
Matthew’s mother was mortified at Disney’s lack of understanding. To her, a fridge was not a luxury, but an essential practicality which was vitally important to her son’s well-being.
Matthew suffers from a congenital anomaly causing a blockage in the urethra with the added complications of acute renal failure and a damaged bladder and colon.
Because of his condition, Matthew is unable to eat normally and survives on baby milk pumped directly into his stomach through a tube.
He relies on a 12-times-daily cocktail of drugs, which must be refrigerated, and his mother has to catheterize him every two hours.
Justine told the Mail on Sunday:
“Disney insisted the cost was high because the only accommodation at the resort with a fridge was their Sleeping Beauty suite, ‘used by celebrities.’ I was offered the use of the fridge in the Disneyland Hotel’s reception but explained this was impractical as I had to get up three times nightly to administer drugs and catheterise Matthew.”
Justine offered to provide her own fridge or pay extra for one to be fitted in a standard room, but her solution was refused because it was ‘against hotel policy.’
Justine was devastated and explained:
“Disney is everything Matthew loves. He so wants to see Buzz Lightyear and the other characters. We don’t know how long we’ve got him for because his condition, called PUV, is life threatening.”
This story, however, does have a happy ending. When The Mail on Sunday contacted Disney, a spokesperson said there had been a ‘misunderstanding’ with hotel booking staff.
The spokesperson told The Mail:
“Mrs Sharples has booked two rooms with Disneyland Paris. One will come with a portable fridge to accommodate medicine for her son Matthew. We sincerely regret any misunderstanding that occurred. Disneyland Paris works with around 80 different wish-giving associations across Europe and we warmly welcome children who require special care.”
As a result of the ‘misunderstanding,’ the Sharples family have also been provided with complimentary VIP tickets.
If you were ridiculously worried that Burger King was packing up and taking its fast food empire to Canada, then you can breathe a sigh of relief.
In case you haven’t heard, Burger King and Canadian donut peddler Tim Hortons are joining forces. Although some people rejoiced upon hearing the announcement, others were more than a little concerned about BK’s future in the United States. Since Tim Hortons operates north of the U.S. border, does that mean the fast food giant is biding farewell to the land of the free? Perish the thought!
According to PolitiFact, your proposed Burger King boycott isn’t necessary. While BK is teaming up with Tim Hortons in a bid to fill your gastrointestinal system with all sorts of tasty treats, the burger joint will continue to operate within the United States. Furthermore, the company will still pay taxes to the federal government. In other words, your loyalty to the United States of America will not derail your obsession with the Whopper.
A Burger King rep recently attempted to set the record straight.
“We hear you. We’re not moving, we’re just growing and finding ways to serve you better. As part of the announcement made today, both Burger King Corp. and Tim Hortons will continue to operate as independent brands. We’ll just be under common ownership. Our headquarters will remain in Miami where we were founded more than 60 years ago and business will continue as usual at our restaurants around the world.”
The statement continued:
“The decision to create a new global QSR leader with Tim Hortons is not tax-driven – it’s about global growth for both brands. BKC will continue to pay all of our federal, state and local U.S. taxes. We’re proud of the heritage of Burger King and will maintain our long-standing commitment to our employees, franchisees and the local communities we serve. The Whopper isn’t going anywhere.”
Of course, moving to Canada would certainly have its benefits. FiveThirtyEight points out that Burger King could save roughly $8.1 million by heading north as a result of something called tax inversion. In other words, “change its domicile to Canada and, potentially, save on corporate income taxes.” Companies obviously love money, but Burger King probably doesn’t want to alienate customers by leaving the United States.
If you think the Burger King boycott is a joke, then you haven’t paid much attention to social media. According to the Chicago Tribune, BK fans were not happy about the potential move. As a result, some folks — including Ohio Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown — planned to boycott BK outright. Thankfully, disgruntled Americans will have to put the torches back in the closet until the next fast food-related crises rears its ugly head.
Are you glad Burger King isn’t moving to Canada?
[Lead image via The Mirror]
Kyle Orton was able to make off with a little more than $3 million from the Dallas Cowboys after making it appear he was headed to retirement, leading many Cowboys to react with anger when the quarterback instead ended up signing with the Buffalo Bills to continue his NFL career.
Orton made threats of retirement throughout the offseason, leading to a standoff with the Cowboys in which he refused to report to OTAs or training camp. Had he actually retired Orton would have had to pay back a prorated part of his signing bonus, but instead the Cowboys gave in and released Orton in July, allowing him to keep the money.
Now after skipping preseason and the rigors of training camp, Kyle Orton has gone back on his ideas of retirement and signed with the Buffalo Bills, leaving many Cowboys fans feeling duped.
Frank Schwab of the Yahoo Sports blog Shutdown Corner notes:
So Orton got to keep the $3 million he was going to have to pay back if he retired, got to escape Dallas – which, apparently was the goal, considering he was due a $3.25 million base salary from the Cowboys, which isn’t bad… and yes, feel free to make a joke about Orton rather playing for the Bills than the Cowboys – and landed a backup job behind a quarterback who has looked shaky all preseason.
It’s probably fair to say Orton won’t be asked back for any reunions at Cowboys Stadium by owner Jerry Jones anytime soon.
Online, many Cowboys fans were calling out Orton for what appeared to be a cash grab from Dallas. Many had speculated that Orton’s plan all along was to get the Cowboys to release him, but still team owner Jerry Jones went along with it.
For Orton, the future is now much brighter than in Dallas, where he was solidly behind starter Tony Romo. The former Denver Broncos starter now has a good chance to move into a starting role again, with injury-prone second year player E.J. Manuel ahead of him.
To top if off, Kyle Orton will reportedly be making $5 million a year from the Buffalo Bills.
Calum Hood recently gave the world a very quick look at his erect penis during a misguided Snapchat session. Unfortunately for the 5 Seconds of Summer bassist, it didn’t take long for the teenager’s manhood to make the rounds on social media.
Although Hood claims the whole thing was nothing more than a stupid teenage mistake, some people believe Calum’s NSFW Snapchat video is actually a very risque publicity stunt. After all, 5SOS are currently making their way through the wilds North America. What better way to draw attention to tour than flashing some penis?
This theory was recently proposed by the folks over at KpopStarz. While it’s highly unlikely that Calum Hood wanted his erect tool splashed across the internet, the short clip did generate all sorts of publicity for the Australian band. However, this writer is having a hard time believing their record label would ever condone this sort of behavior just to sell some tickets. Then again, maybe I’m not being cynical enough today.
This website seems to think it’s a possibility.
“The boys were definitely feeling the cabin fever of tour buses and odd hotels. That plus four potentially sexually frustrated teenage boys cohabitating, it’s a recipe for a disaster. Calum Hood was the first one to blow the top! Some say that he may have planned the naked Snapchat leak this whole time, but it’s more likely that in the tour cabin fever, the 18-year-old bassists, in a moment of lost clarity, decided to flaunt his manly parts to an unsuspecting fan.”
Although some fans were understandably shocked and disappointed by Calum Hood’s revealing Snapchat session — it’s definitely a little too raunchy for us to include in this article — others are a bit more forgiving. Hollywood Take explains that some 5SOS supporters put together the Twitter hashtag #WELOVEYOUCALUM as a show of unwavering support. Not surprisingly, it didn’t take long for it to trend worldwide.
As you can see, the group’s fans are a devoted lot.
— erika ash 4/4? (@PRETTYPUNKCTH) August 30, 2014
He was so stupid on trusting someone like that but people make mistakes and jesus christ I’ll be here no matter what. #weloveyoucalum
— andrea! (@stayformuke) August 29, 2014
When I said I’d stick with 5sos, I meant it. Even if this ‘they’re manager is dropping them’ is true. I’ll still be here. #weloveyoucalum
— ✧˳⁺⁎ pls mikey ⁎⁺˳✧ (@whyhxmmo) August 29, 2014
Do you think Calum Hood’s Snapchat mistake was a publicity stunt?
[Image via D Dipasupil / Getty Images]
In this day and age where there’s so much emphasis in our culture on being young and wrinkle free, actress Ellen Barkin is truly a breath of fresh air.
At 60-years-old The New Normal’s Barkin sat down for a photo shoot for Violet Grey’s online magazine. Her one condition is that all the air brushing of today is left out of it. Not only did the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas actress say no to photo shop, but she let the camera get up close as she tastes a burger, or just for the moments where she wanted her full beauty to come across.
Barkin didn’t shy away from the camera nor did she close herself off from questions during her interview. Throughout the whole feature Barkin was very open about her no touch up policy and what it means to age in the industry.
“I feel strongly about retouching. I looked at those pictures, and I knew they expected, like, seven ‘Xes’ to come back on the bags under my eyes or the lines around my mouth or my neck but I thought we could do something special here. Those pictures with the dark circles under my eyes are exactly what I look like.”
— Daniel Frischmann (@DFrischmann) August 28, 2014
— Super Gossip (@_SuperGossip) August 29, 2014
— ELLE Magazine (US) (@ELLEmagazine) August 28, 2014
As for her now signature pixie cut? Barkin said it had a lot to do with how women feature their beauty. Ellen didn’t want to hide her face any longer.
“It was a direct response to watching the Oscars alone in my bed and saying, “You know what? I’m done.” As women age, they start hiding their faces more with their hair. So the bangs get longer and you see like this much of their face. I am taking everything off of my face, and I am going to say, this is what it looks like, nothing is hidden, you can see my forehead, my jawline, my neck, this is it. And ladies, it’s not so bad.”
What do you think about Ellen Barkin’s stance on aging? Does she have the right idea? As for her pixie cut we think she looks great no matter what her hair length is, but it’s nice to see this kind of advocacy from someone of an older generation. Hopefully Barkin sets an example for many generations to come.
[Image via Bing]
For the FXX Network, it seems that “The Simpsons” is life. As the mea-popular “Every. Simpsons. Ever” marathon enters its last weekend, the network has announced that the show will continue on in large daily chunks that FXX is calling “Block Parties.”
According to the schedule released this week, The Simpsons will air nearly every day in four and six hour blocks, keeping the “Every. Simpsons. Ever.” moniker in place. As laid out by FXX, Monday will have a six hour mini-marathon of episodes from 6 pm to Midnight eastern. Tuesday the block will run from 8 pm to midnight. Wednesday, the family takes the night off as FXX has original programming to air such as The League and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. On Thursdays, the marathon resumes from 8 pm to midnight and on Friday, we go back to the 6 pm to midnight block. Saturday is another day to rest from Simpsons fatigue before starting up again on Sundays for a four hour block between 4 pm and 8 pm.
The advertising of the blocks, which began yesterday during the “Every. Simpsons. Ever.” 12-day event, allude to the fact that the blocks will be themed and not necessarily in chronological order. The biggest question mark on FXX’s decision to essentially become the “All-Simpsons, All the Time” network is will fans stick around and re-watch episodes that just aired during the unprecedented marathon? while it has been nice to watch the older episodes–even with distorted aspect ratios–most of the early seasons have been run and re-run and re-run-run for the better part of a decade in syndication and may not have the prolonged drawing power that FXX hopes.
As was previously announced by The Inquisitr when the billion dollar deal was first struck to move the entire Simpsons catalog to FXX, all episodes will also be available on demand on-line through the Fox Now app and website. With every The Simpsons episode on demand to a vast majority of fans, will they still tune into a six-hour block on the network to watch? The “Every. Simpsons. Ever.” Marathon is a cultural event and something that has never been done before. Not like this, at least. Once this event has completed its run on midnight of September 2nd, the draw may not be there and FXX’s incredible ratings numbers could very easily slip back into pedestrian territory.
What do you think? Does The Simpsons still have the draw to make it worthy of so much prime airtime post-”Every. Simpsons. Ever” marathon? Will you still tune in?
Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed are going down a disastrous road, and the Twilight Saga star risks a repeat of her previous romance if she doesn’t reel her feelings in – quick, fast and in a hurry.It’s only been a few months since Nikki and Ian began dating, and by all accounts, their relationship is hot and steamy.
During Somerhalder and Reed’s short courtship, they decided to take things to another level by sharing the same address. In love and marriage-speak, they are cohabiting. Oh, for crying out loud, they are shacking up!
At a glance, the news they are sharing the same address is no cause to break out the streamers, do the Pee-wee Herman and charter Jay Z’s 40/40 Club – unless your name is Nikki Reed, that is.
An unnamed source close to the affairs of Nikki and Ian see a déjà vu all over again. Their pal is risking another Heartbreak Hotel and is moving too fast for her own good, according to an OK! Magazine report.
Nikki’s crazy impulsive. Once she falls in love, she can’t think straight.”
As Us wrote, after only three weeks of dating, Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed moved in together. Georgia is a perfect setting because Ian is gearing up for season 6 of The Vampire Diaries. And although Nikki is on the set “daily,” she is not insecure merely because Ian’s ex, Nina Dobrev, is in his space. Well, this just in: that’s one helluva reason to be tip-toeing around the tulips.
To the insider’s point, and with all good intentions in mind, one only has to look back on Nikki Reed’s previous romance with her husband, singer-songwriter Paul McDonald. Remember him from season 10 of Idol?
Moving right along.
That was March of 2011. Shortly thereafter, Nikki and Paul began dating, and before the paint could dry on the wall, they announced they were engaged to be married, some three months later.
Four months down the road, Reed and McDonald exchanged vows in Malibu, but less than three years later, the couple announced their split and housing situation: they were living apart for months due to their “work schedules.”
By May of 2014, the couple was divorced. So, unless she’s learned some vital lessons from her first heartbreak, Nikki Reed may very well be setting herself up for an epic repeat, this time with Ian Somerhalder.
As a matter of opinion, similar to her previous relationship, she is moving fast with the shacking up thing. Moreover, the reason she offered behind her marital split – work obligations – appears to be something to avoid in her new life with Ian Somerhalder.
Putting it simply, Nikki Reed is walking to the beat of her own drum, and whatever direction her relationship goes with her new beau is for her to manage.
Besides, lightning can’t strike in the same place twice, right? Well, can it? Oh, pickles, Nikki and Ian, slow things down just a tad.
[Image via Bing]
One part of our nature that drives the human race forward is our desire for experimentation. Sometimes, said experimentation results in competition which is both beneficial for the participants and entertaining to watch for those who are observing. A prime example of such a formula is easily the IBM challenge in which tech guys are squaring off against a musician in making music with tennis data. I know it sound weird, but that’s what they are doing in partnership with the Tennis Open.
Now the famous YouTube stars, Rhett & Link, are participating in an experiment known as the smell-tasting experiment in which they smell a certain item first (such as an air freshener or liquid smoke) and eat something else which they can’t see (such as a pickle with the air freshener and Jell-O with the liquid smoke).
The video was uploaded on the YouTube channel, Good Mythical Morning (which happens to be the official YouTube channel for Rhett & Link too), on August 26, 2014. It has accumulated almost 1 million views thus far with more than a quarter of those views being liked. Only about four hundred people didn’t like the video, probably because of the last combination Rhett & Link had. It is also one of the videos on the list for Most Popular Videos on YouTube.
If you didn’t know, there is scientific studies supporting the link between both the sense of taste and smell. That is why some people can’t eat certain foods simply because of the smell. Good example is Limburger cheese, which is said to have a sophisticated sharp yet creamy taste but smells like stinky feet. For this experiment, Rhett & Link did the following combinations in which the first item is what they were smelling and the second item is what they were eating.
- Tuna to Brownie
- Coffee Beans to Tomato
- Liquid Smoke to Jell-O
- Rubbing Alcohol to Boiled Peanuts
- Air Freshener to Pickle
- Gorgonzola Cheese to Octopus
What did you think of the smell-tasting experiment by Rhett & Link? Did you find it entertaining? Did you find it disgusting? Was it a waste of time? Please let us know in the comments below.
[Image via Rhett & Link]
Boko Haram has targeted Christians in areas the group controls in Nigeria, reportedly beheading all Christian men in the area and forced the widows into sexual slavery.
The terrorist group, which has been responsible for a series of attacks in Nigeria, has taken over an area in the northeast state of Borno and declared it as an Islamic Caliphate.
News of the group’s slaughter of Christian men came out through the Catholic Diocese of Maiduguri, which told journalists of the genocide in an email:
“As it is well known, the catholic diocese of Maiduguri covers the whole of Yobe, Borno and Adamawa States, the three states under strict emergency rule. Apart from the churches within Maiduguri that have great share of such attacks by the terrorists group, all the churches on the major road linking maiduguri and Adamawa state have been shut down due to activities of the insurgents.” The statement reads.
It continued, “St Timothy’s Bama has been under siege since last year. The Parish Priest, Rev. Fr. Timothy Cosmas had long been relocated to a different Parish. At the early part of this year, St. Peter’s Pulka was badly attacked. Thanks to God that, Fr. James John was luckily unavailable. The terrorists searched and wanted to kill the holy Priest of God.”
The report added that the Boko Haram sects have the area under strict control. The group has reportedly burned churches and vandalized other structures.
“The whole town and the parish rectory have been occupied by the terrorists; so many structures and items have been vandalised. Dozens killed and a lot of church structures have been burnt down,” noted Rev. Fr. Gideon Obasogie, Catholic Social Communications in-charge of the Maiduguri Diocese.
“Christians in the town are really in a terribly situation; a moment of great persecution. Christian men are caught and beheaded; the women are forced to become Muslims and are taken as wives to the terrorists. The houses of Christians that have fled are now occupied by the insurgents.
“Dozens have been killed and a lot of church structures have been burnt down. Christians in the town are really in a terrible situation; a moment of great persecution.”
Christians in the region have called on the Nigerian government to help stop the slaughter and repel the Boko Haram group from the region.