Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 21:30
This is a giant cat shaped sofa. It doesn't have arms or a back like a traditional sofa though, so it's really more of a giant cat pillow. Whatever you want to call it, I'd sleep on it. "What if I call it a Cozy Kitty?" I'd sleep on a Cozy Kitty! "What about a Cat Napper?" I'd sleep on that too. "What if I called it Derek?" Come on, you know that's my roommate's name. "Would you -- would you sleep on Derek?" You know what? I hope your turkey is overcooked tomorrow. I didn't mean that. I do hope you choke on a bone though. Not long enough to die, just long enough to let you know I willed it with my mind. Keep going for one more shot sans human.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 20:30
This is a set of 3-D printed thorn dice designed by Shapeways user ceramicwombat. You can get plastic versions for as low as $27, but that makes you a cheap-ass. Just save up the $82 and get a decent metal set or don't get any at all. Just think about how badass your next Dungeons and Dragons session is going to be! Friend: Whoa bro, sweet metal thorn dice! You: Thanks, I was going to get plastic ones until the GW talked some f***ing sense into me. Friend: He's a smart dude. You: The smartest. Friend: I heard Eskimos have over 100 different names for his penis. You: I know, my favorite's Warmth Bringer. Friend: You ever stopped to realize just how much time he's made us spend thinking about his peenor? You: Not enough. Friend: Not nearly enough. Keep going for a couple more shots of different metal finish options and a video so you can hear what they sound like when you shake them, but be sure to check out the rest of ceramicwombat's Shapeways store for a ton of other unique dice.
The Liberation Wrapper: A Burger Wrapper Printed With A Face So People Won't Judge You While You Eat
Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 19:30
This is the Liberation Wrapper, a burger wrapper designed by the DENTSU EAST advertising agency for the Japanese fast food chain Freshness Burger. Apparently large, open mouths are frowned upon in Japan. Here in the US they're the standard. "UP YOURS, JACKASS!" See? The wrapper was designed to allow Japanese women to enjoy a hamburger without being viewed as unattractive. Personally, I think watching women eat is sexy. Unless they're eating another person. There's nothing sexy about that. But a lady with a little chili cheese dog dripping down her chin. *shivers* "Did you just...?" If your question has anything to do with a boner the answer's yes. Hit the jump for a video about the burger wrapper. Wow, never thought I'd type that.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 17:30
These are Tail Lights, strips of programmable LEDs to light up your horse's tail for higher visibility. PLUS FLAIR. You know what I do when I wanna show off my ass? Well first I have to coax him out of the barn with an apple! Get it? I hope you don't, I hope you just think I'm stupid. Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video in case this concept is blowing your ridiculous little mind, then just mount lasers to the back of your saddle like a normal person.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 16:30
This is '2D or not 2D', a series of faces painted by Valeriya Kutsan to look 2-D and photographed by Alexander Khokhlov. I am most impressed by Valeriya's face painting skills. Because one time at the county fair I asked for a Spider Man face painting and everyone thought I was a Jack o' Lantern. That sucked.
The project explains: "Valeriya used different techniques of face painting so you can see a lot of variations - from sketch and graphic arts to water-colour and oil-paintings. This is a combination of interesting make-ups, studio photography experiments and careful retouching."Did you read that? 'Careful retouching.' That basically means it's all Photoshop. "That's not what that means." It is too and you know it! "Give people some credit." Pfft, the last time I tried to give a person credit, you know what happened? Turns out they'd lied and made me look stupid. Nope, from now on everything is fake. Keep going for a bunch more
Date: Wednesday, 27 Nov 2013 15:30
This is the Swiss bank deposit safe for sale in Basel, Switzerland. You get the actual room, along with the safe deposit boxes and 8-million Swiss five-cent coins. The coins alone weigh 5-tons. For reference, that's one ton more than your mom. I'm joking, she's a beautiful lady and you should feel lucky to share her genes.
This is the original bank safe from the former "Schweizer Volksbank" and known to be one of the finest Swiss piece of craftwork in the early 20th Century. It is in very good shape and still usable as a bank deposit safe. It will be removed from it's original location and be replaced anywhere in the world. You'll freely decide what happens with it.So you think if we bought this and had a high dive installed then broke our necks trying to dive into the money we could sue DuckTales for giving us the impression that was possible? Because I say we should at least try. You go first though, I just ate and don't want to cramp. Keep going for two more shots and two videos of the coinage.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 22:00
This is the Skull Armchair designed by French artist Harold Sangouard. It looks like a giant angular skull. But only from the back, from the front it just looks like an old-timey chair. One with an evil villain sitting in it! Close your eyes, what do you see? Is he stroking a hairless cat? Watching an enemy getting eaten by sharks in one of his giant shark tanks? Demanding a ransom from world leaders to not blow up the planet? "He's masturbating." WHAT? "Yeah, with a Powerglove on." Whoa. "To Geekologie." My biggest fan! Keep going for a couple more shots of the "Price available upon request."
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 21:00
This is a video of some ingenious Ruskies fishing a Honda SUV out of a frozen lake. How did it get there in the first place? My guess is vodka. The car's owner says even after its little swim the car still drives. Drives, and has to smell like shit. Keep going to find out just how many Russians it takes to fish an SUV out of a lake. SPOILER: Six, and another dozen to stand around pretending not to be drinking.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 20:30
These are the closeup Death Star tiles created by Tom Spina Designs to deck the walls of some rich person's Star Wars themed home theater. Each tile is a foot square and 3-4 inches deep. No word what they cost but considering they were custom fabricated my guess is a fortune. We should find out where this home theater is and...you know. "Rob the place?" What? No! I was going to say bring over a movie and see if they'll let us watch it. If you bring a p0rno though no making eye contact until the credits. Keep going for more shots and a video of the finished home theater.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 19:30
I'd be chirping too if that were me. UPDATE: Apparently faked in some capacity. *shrug* People are such jerks. So apparently if you slow down the sound of crickets chirping to the point where a cricket's lifespan matches that of a human's (no idea how slow that is), it becomes some sort of heavenly choir. This is an embedded audio file of that, with the regular speed chirping layered on the track as well. Pretty relaxing, isn't it? I fell asleep twice trying to write this, and another time resting my head against the microwave waiting for my clam chowder to warm up. My mom always told me I shouldn't do that, but you know what? I don't live with my parents anymore. "I'm pretty sure their basement apartment still counts." IT HAS ITS OWN ENTRANCE. Keep going for the sound of angels singing.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 18:09
Because everybody wishes they were a Transformer so they could transform into a much cooler version of themselves with bazookas for arms, Nike has just announced this 'Megatron Rises' line of sneakers. They come in three varieties (including an actual cleated version for those of you who have no shame wearing cleats to your fantasy football league), all with purple Megatron styling. Personally, I've never really been that into fancy sneakers. Shoes are just so easy to get dirty and I am a filthy person. My shoes could get dirty just sitting in my apartment. Just think about that for a minute. Then feel bad and hire a maid. Or a hitman -- either way, problems will get solved. Keep going for closeups plus the others.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 17:00
What are those, store-brand chocolate chippers? NO THANKS. This is the $30 Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Cookie Jar available from ThinkGeek. The paint job leaves a little something to be desired, so I suggest repainting it yourself if you buy one. Just be sure to use lead-free paints though, because the last thing you need is to get fat AND lead poisoned from too many cookies. Back me up, Cookie Monster! Cookie Monster? COOKIE MONSTER, WHAT HAPPENED?! "Me eat bad cookie." *sniffing* That's because it's a f***ing cat turd, where did you find this? "In the litterbox." That's it, your blue ass is going to rehab. Keep going for one more shot of a fake Mother of Dragons holding the thing.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 16:30
This is the $600 meteorite and dinosaur leg bone wedding ring made and sold by Etsy purveyor JewelrybyJohan. Is $600 expensive for a wedding ring? Correct answer: Not if there's dino bone and meteorite involved. I do think it's a little insensitive though that they chose to pair dinosaur with the very thing that caused their extinction. That would be like making a Geekologie Writer bone and demon blade ring. "You're going to die by a demon blade?" It is written in the prophecy. "What prophecy?" I read it on a stall door in the bathroom. "Show it to me." Fine. "This says, 'For the tightest butt call 555-4943.' Wait, isn't that you number?" *wink* Thanks to T.J. O. and A, who agree the best rings are the ones that double as secret decoders and/or magic talismans.
Date: Tuesday, 26 Nov 2013 15:30
Ever dreamed of sitting on the can next to a shower curtain that looks like the original transporter room from Star Trek? Well you're in luck, because this $50 shower curtain and bathmat set from ThinkGeek does just that. You know what would make it even cooler? If the curtain made your shower look bigger on the inside. Get it? "Did you just make a Doctor Who reference about a Star Trek product?" Ahahahahhaha, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. Keep going for a shot of the set outside their natural habitat.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 22:30
This is a small series (there's five) of Game of Thrones heroines imagined by Elin Jonsson in the style of famed art nouveau painter Alphonse Mucha (of that JOB rolling papers poster I had in my dorm room fame, among others). Like them? You can order prints/iPhone cases/throw pillows with the designs over at Elin's Society6 shop. Don't like them? Keep it to yourself, because SPOILER: nobody cares about your opinion. Even your friends only ask your advice so they know what not to do. "Ouch." The truth hurts, I just thought it would be easier coming from me because I'll still go get drunk with you afterwards to ease the pain. "Aww, thanks." You're buying. Hit the jump for several more.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 21:00
This is a short video of Baja 100 racer Adrian 'The Wildman' Cenni performing a 360-degree barrel roll before a race in Ensenada, Mexico. They call it the world's first 360-barrel roll, but at least a handful of other people (including Rob Dyrdek) have done it before. I dunno, maybe he's the first one to do it without a landing ramp. Or maybe he's just the first one to do it where there was literally no regulation on where the audience could stand. Keep going for the video.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 19:30
My ceiling fan has the same remote! Meet the $160 We-Vibe 4 couples vibrator. It provides stimulation for both the man and woman during sex. Basically, the vibrating part that looks like a little squid head goes inside, while the part that looks like a Wii nunchuck rests outside, stimulating the outdoor parts that need stimulating while the couple gets it on (I'm very technical). Please, no laughing:
The curved clitoral stimulator gently rests between the labia, while the stiff mid-section of the toy ensures a snug fit (which also makes it a great panty vibe!). The redesigned G-spot stimulator sits in place behind the pelvic bone, up and out of the way providing plenty of room for the penis. The new design increases stability and comfort because of its smaller size. Both partners experience extra pleasure: She wears it during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot, while he feels vibration on his penis.Sounds intense. At first I thought you just draped the thing over your pecker like a wet towel. I guess this makes more sense. Still, how am I not supposed to get jealous there's another penis-y thing pleasuring my girlfriend at the same time I'm trying to? "But it's pleasuring you too." Like an alien threesome?! "Exactly." And do they offer overnight shipping? Thanks to Stacy, who actually works for the company and always asks if I want one of the toys. My New Year's resolution is to be brave enough in 2014 to finally take her up on it.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 19:00
A new (but still long dead) t-rex like dinosaur species has been discovered in Utah, leading paleontologists to believe that large, bipedal carnivorous dinos were much more widely distributed than previously thought. Which is great news because no matter where my time machine lands I should still be able to find a girlfriend.
"This dinosaur was a colossal predator second only to the great Tyrannosaurus rex and perhaps Acrocanthosaurus in the North American fossil record," said Dr Lindsay Zanno from the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences and the Field Museum of Natural History, the lead author on the paper published in the journal Nature Communications. The prehistoric giant is named Siats meekerorum. The genus name, Siats, refers to a cannibalistic monster from the mythology of the Ute Native American people. Its specific name acknowledges the Meeker family for their support for early career paleontologists at the Field Museum. Siats meekerorum was over 9 meters long and weighed more than 4 tons. Despite its large size, the dinosaur is not a close relative of Tyrannosaurus rex and other tyrannosaurs.Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "You would marry it." Could you imagine laying in bed playing with the little fuzz on its arms while you both drift off to sleep? "No." Well try. "It's not working." Try harder. "I don't want to sleep with a dinosaur." Are you just saying that because you know I want them all? "...Yes?" You're so sweet to me! Thanks to Nickw22, allyson, Cromstantinople, Lisa, Ben, KevinVicious and Smokey McBlunties, who act like I don't have a Google alert that rings my phone whenever there's a new dinosaur discovered.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 18:00
Because what's the purpose of a snowboarding boot if not to draw attention to yourself, Nike has just introduced the LunarENDOR QS, a snowboarding boot with a light-up swoosh powered by 30-LED's. Cool, but I wore Superman shoes that lit up every time I took a step when I was a six (and still would be if they made them in adult sizes). Keep going for a video in case you're having trouble grasping the concept of a boot with lights on the side.
Date: Monday, 25 Nov 2013 17:30
This is a video of a lava flow eating a can of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli. I'm more of a SpaghettiO's with mini meatballs kind of guy myself, but that's just me and there's no sense trying to pretend I'm an adult. An old fighter plane, yes, but that's just good fun. NEEEEOW, NEEEEOW, PEW PEW PEW PEW. Keep going for the video (including a crappy quality Youtube version in case the LifeLeak one doesn't work for you).
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