Date: Tuesday, 26 Aug 2014 15:30
This is the Star Wars themed home theater built for an undisclosed couple (smart) by Seattle based custom theater designer DillonWorks. It looks legit. The perfect place to watch my favorite movie of the franchise, Star Wars Into Darkness. "GW? Please go jump out a window." Believe me, if my office wasn't on the ground floor I would. The landscapers just get pissed at me for killing flowers and mixing broken glass with their mulch. Keep going for several more shots including the gangplank walkway leading into the theater.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 21:30
This is the steampunk AT-AT walker made out of LEGO by LEGO-pro Markus1984. Now all Luke and the rest of the rebels need are some coal-powered dirigibles to fly around and tie all the legs together. Somebody really should shoot a steampunk remake of the original trilogy. Or a cowboy version. That would be TIGHT. As tight as my butt? No, nothing is tight as my butt. "Pfft, you could drive a tractor trailer through there." Could not! "At least a UPS truck." MAYBE. Keep going for some closeups.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 20:30
WARNING: A lot of dirty words, because dirty words make things seem realer. This is an entirely (and poorly) staged video of a dad running over his deadbeat son's XBox game collection with the lawnmower. The whole thing is cringe-worthy, particularly the very beginning to the very end. Still, I just posted it, so I guess they got what they wanted. The anthrax I just mailed them? They can consider that a bonus. Keep going for the video, then feel free to add your own "Fake, the shadows are all wrong," just like in the good ol' days.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 19:30
Be honest, how do I look? "Dead." Because you only get one chance to make a last impression, a company in Japan allows people who are still alive to try on the outfit and makeup they want to be wear during their open-casket funeral (plus choose a custom coffin). Me? I don't want an open casket funeral. I want that casket nailed and chained shut so I can't rise from the dead before I'm in the ground. Oh -- and six feet under isn't nearly deep enough for me. I should be buried at LEAST 24-feet under to prevent an escape (and preferably beneath concrete). Plus my head should be buried separately from my body (or thrown into a volcano). Thanks to xer, who wants to be buried in a vat of shrimp cocktail. I've thought about that too!
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 18:30
Remember 'Action Movie Kid'? The videos of a boy whose animator dad added action movie special effects to? Well now they're back with volume two. And let me tell you -- the sequel is even better than the original. I mean, at least from what I gathered from skipping around for ten seconds. I don't get paid to watch videos. "Yes, you do." No, I get paid to WRITE about videos. And just because you haven't seen something doesn't mean you can't talk about it. Take Sin City 2 for instance. A lot of black and white, a lot of boobs. Keep going for the video.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 17:30
Richard Attenborough, the actor who played John Hammond in Jurassic Park, has passed away. He was 90. Lord Attenborough didn't just play the inventor of Jurassic Park though, he also acted in such classics as The Great Escape, Brighton Rock and The Miracle on 34th Street. Plus he directed Ghandi, a film that netted him two academy awards. He is the older brother of famed naturalist David Attenborough, who is one of my favorite humans of all time. Rest in peace, Richard, hopefully that great Jurassic Park in the sky runs smoother than the first one. Thanks to Garfield, who could barely keep his face out of the lasagna long enough to send me the tip.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 16:30
A group of students from North Carolina State University are developing Undercover Colors, a line of fingernail polishes that can detect the presence of common date rape drugs (GHB, Rohypnol and Xanax) by swirling a finger in your drink (previously: drug detecting straws, cups and lip balm). If the nail polish changes color, drugs have been detected. If the nail polish doesn't change color, you just swirled a finger in your drink. A small price to pay for knowing whether or not your date is a potential rapist. Now give me the drink. I'll chug it and still kick his ass twice before I black out. Thanks to Lara, who mentioned hoping they come in metallic colors.
Date: Monday, 25 Aug 2014 15:30
A Chinese chef was killed after a cobra bit his hand some twenty minutes after severing its head. The chef was preparing snake soup (a delicacy) and was bitten when he went to throw the snake's head away in the trash. Me? I would demanded a lowly busboy do it.
'By the time a snake has lost its head, it's effectively dead as basic body functions have ceased, but there is still some reflexive action.' 'It means snakes have the capability of biting and injecting venom even after the head has been severed.' Residents of the Guangdong province have a long history of enjoying snake meats of all sorts in local culinary dishes. One local said: 'Snake meat is really good for us. It is not so easy to get and is expensive but it has spectacular health benefits.'Never trust a dead snake -- that's the lesson here. Or sharks. I don't even trust the ones in formaldehyde at the museum. What? You don't know how long they can hold their breath. They could just be waiting for the right time to strike. Same goes for those resin paperweights with the spiders and scorpions inside. Thanks to Jessie, who generally shies away from eating penis-shaped animals. Same, but I will get down on some mushrooms all day every day.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 22:30
This is the secret treasure room that parents Sarah Goer and her husband gave their son for his fourth birthday. They knew about the secret room connected to his bedroom for years, but kept it hidden from him with a dresser while they had it remodeled to present to him on his 4th birthday. Man, I wish I had a secret treasure room. This kid is lucky. What's he gonna get for his next birthday, a functional rocketship? "You're just jealous." Of course I'm jealous, this kid's only four and has a secret treasure room bigger than my apartment. I can reach the stove from my bed. WHILE SHOWERING. Keep going for a couple more shots of the finished product.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 21:30
This is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Party Wagon toy that pro modder Platinumfungi fitted with a functional Nintendo system. The controllers were painted by Custom NES Guy. They both did amazing jobs. So good, in fact, that I'm willing to offer my firstborn son for the system. Here, take him. "He isn't yours, is he?" Hell no, he's my sister's -- I've just been watching him while she's out of town for a few days. She'll be mad for awhile, sure, but she knows how much I love ninja turtles and Nintendo. Keep going for a bunch more shots.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 20:30
This is a video from Unifiller showing off their line of robotic cake decorators. They can ice a whole cake AND add the little swirl and dollop decorations, pretty much rendering that sweet old lady at the grocery store obsolete. That's cool, I'm sure she has plenty of other job opportunities waiting for her. I'm kidding, spelling your friend's names wrong on cakes is all that poor old lady has left. YOU'RE KILLING HER. Keep going for the video to find out if they can make icing carrots. SPOILER: they can! And they look like turds.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 19:30
53-year old Montana resident and moron William McDaniel called the police after paying $350 for a lapdance and realizing complimentary sex was not included. For reference, that's $350 too much to pay for a Montana lapdance, sex or not.
[McDaniel] called police after paying a Sage Brush Sam's dancer $350 to perform a private lap dance. McDaniel assumed that fee included sex, and called police when the dancer refused to engage in sexual activity. Police responded and charged McDaniel with a misdemeanor charge of soliciting prostitution. According to KTVQ, this is not McDaniel's first run-in with the law. He has previous convictions for felony DUIs and criminal possession of illegal drugs.Listen -- 53-years old is entirely too old to not know lap dances don't include free sex, even if they do cost $350. What is this, the first time you've been to a strip club? Or just the first time you've managed to save $350? Hell, I've spent double that on a lap dance before and the girl didn't even take off her overalls. Nebraska: never again. Thanks to neolardo, who informed me sometimes there isn't even CHAMPAGNE in the champagne room.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 18:30
NOTE: MAJOR SEASON FOUR SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. DON'T WATCH IF YOU AREN'T CAUGHT UP. I DON'T NEED YOU RUNNING OFF AND CRYING TO YOUR MOM THEN HAVING HER CALL ME TO CHEW ME OUT. This is a series of clips from Game of Thrones season four with the audio removed and oldschool video game sound effects added in its place. Wow, who even comes up with this stuff? THEN PUTS IN THE EFFORT TO ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH AND MAKE IT? That is like, way more dedication than I have ever had in my life. One year I was determined to make all A's and B's for a semester in middle school. "And?" DROPPED OUT. Hit the jump for the video and delete 2-minutes from your life.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 17:30
Because this is the internet and the internet is magic-- "But I though friendship was magic." Friendship is a black magic SPELL. Besides, who said you can't have more than one thing that's magic? My penis is magic. I'm kidding, my penis is a voodoo curse. This is a video of Lizzie the bearded dragon wearing a cowboy hat and riding Rambo the Sulcuta tortoise at the Critter Camp Exotic Pet Sanctuary in German Valley, Illinois. Sounds like a fun place. Can you have your birthday there? I want to have my birthday there. "You just had a birthday, there's no way you're living to see another one." Fine, my half birthday then. Keep going for the brief video of the coolest rodeo in German Valley, Illinois.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 16:30
This is a video of Colin Furze (of homemade Pyro flamethrowers, Wolverine claws and Magneto boots fame) hydroforming himself a steel safety suit then using it to stand in the middle of a fireworks display. Basically exactly what I wish I did all day instead of working. Still, it is comforting to know there's someone out there living the dream. Keep going for the video, looks like some sparks get in the suit right after the 2:00 mark. Iron Man is not impressed.
Date: Friday, 22 Aug 2014 15:30
Some theaters in China are experimenting with "bullet screens," a service that allows moviegoers to text messages on screen while the movie is playing. You know, because I care what the person next to me is thinking. God willing, they'll at least have their phones on dim and silent. But I doubt it. *spams screen with emoticon penises*
If you're sensitive to people using their cellphones during a movie, then going to the movie theater in China would be far from relaxing experience. Rows of underlit faces and chiming ringtones punctuate the show, despite requests asking patrons to turn their phones before the movie begins. The inspiration behind the idea appears to be that it mimicks that of watching a movie on mobile media, which is how most Chinese people watch films, with people sending messages about what they like or dislike about the movie. "People like it right now, as it's a new thing,"...."In the long term, it might affect people's concentration. We are trying to continue with some bullet screen activities and play some films that young people like. Time will tell."My God that sounds awful. A movie with constant text messages appearing about what the other people in the theater like and don't like about the movie? You know what that sounds like? "The world's shittiest episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000?" EXACTLY. Thanks to Lindby, who prefers to be the only one in the theater. Same.
Date: Thursday, 21 Aug 2014 23:30
In things that shouldn't exist news, this is 'Ghost In The Machine,' a robot programmed by artist Ted Lawson to draw a life-size picture of himself using his own blood as ink. Obviously, there are a million things wrong with this. I'm surprised it didn't bleed him dry (which he probably deserved). Also, why the hell are you going to purposefully feed a robot blood? Now they know what it tastes like and probably like it. It's like the first jerk who decided to feed zombies brains. You know what they ate before that? Shit. And not like, they wanna kill you and eat their way through your butthole, they were totally fine picking turds off the floor. Zombies were a lot less scary back then. Keep going for a video of the portrait in progress. If you're needle squeamish though skip the part from 0:23 - 0:30. I passed out. Or just skip to 1:40 to see the finished product, including a possible penis.
Throw The Book At Him!: High Schooler Arrested For Writing Story About Shooting Neighbor's Pet Dinosaur
Date: Thursday, 21 Aug 2014 21:30
Seen here with a hornet's nest on his head, 16-year old Alex Stone of Summerville, South Carolina, was arrested at school after writing a short story about killing his neighbor's pet dinosaur. A really short story. Like, it was two lines. My erotic dino fan fiction? Twenty-two 800+ page volumes. Six-point font.
Stone said he and his classmates were given an assignment to write a few sentences about themselves, and to list a "status" as if they were completing a Facebook post.Wait -- what? An assignment to write a few sentences about yourself and a Facebook status? WHAT THE F*** KIND OF ASSIGNMENT IS THAT?! These are 16-year olds. I don't even remember doing anything so stupid on the first day of 3rd grade.
The teen wrote "I killed my neighbor's pet dinosaur." In the status section, Stone said, he wrote "I bought the gun to take care of the business." His mom said she was angry that school administrators did not call her before contacting police, who arrested her son and charged him with disorderly conduct after he argued with officers.Admittedly, that is really f***ing creepy to have written. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Alex, but I'm not saying there isn't anything NOT wrong with Alex either. Actually, the more I reread his writing the more I'm starting to wonder just what the hell is going on in this kid's head. "Says the guy who daydreams about boning dinosaurs." Hey -- those feelings are NATURAL. They're part of the human genetic code from our days as cavemen. Thanks to PYY, who agrees maybe Alex should have stuck to, "I need a haircut and I don't like to smile."
Date: Thursday, 21 Aug 2014 20:30
First the live Twitch stream of a beta fish playing Pokemon, and now two fish in the same tank battling each other in Street Fighter II. There's definitely a lot more action happening on this channel. You think the fish actually know what they're doing? When reached for some insight, Poseidon refused to answer until I promised to stop peeing in the ocean, which I will never do. Keep going for the live stream.
Date: Thursday, 21 Aug 2014 19:30
This is a video of the Princess Bride re-cut by Youtuber Philip Raupach into the preview for a horror movie. He did a great job, and I happen to know someone who's gonna be sleeping with their lights on tonight. And that's my little sister, because I just poured a whole bowl of fake blood trailing out of her closet and told her the monster must be back. Sweet dreams, Becky. "Mooooooooooom!" Shhhhhhh! Fine, it was me, okay? Now shut up or I'll break your piggy bank. "You already did." Haha, yeah I did. You could really stand to learn a thing or two about fiscal responsibility. Now listen -- you tell mom about the monster prank and I'll read your journal to all the kids at the bus stop. "You wouldn't!" I already Xeroxed the whole thing. I bet they'll all be particularly interested in the 'Boys' section. *tussling hair* Now get some sleep -- one day you'll be thankful you had a big brother like me. Or try to have me killed. Whatever the case, just know that I did my best. OH MY GOD SOMETHING JUST GRABBED MY ANKLE FROM UNDER YOUR BED. Haha! Goodnight, sis. Keep going for the video.
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