Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 23:00
Celestis Pets is a service that will send a 1-gram container of your pet's cremated ashes or a tuft of hair into space as a memorial. The cheapest service, Earth Rise, costs $995 and sends your pet's remains into zero gravity, after which they fall back to earth where the capsule is recovered and the remains returned to you. The $4,995 Earth Orbit option sends your pet's remains to space alongside a research satellite and orbit earth for awhile before burning up in the atmosphere. There are also $12,500 options to send your pet's remains to the moon, or out of the solar system into deep space. Still, it's a shame they don't offer a service to shoot your pet's remains into the sun. You ever known a dog or cat that didn't always want to lay in the sun? Trust me, I know animals. I actually speak to them. Usually in a baby voice. Who's daddy's little girl?! You love me? You love your daddypops? Gimme kissies! Thanks to Stephanie B, who's holding out for a service to send pets named Pluto to Pluto.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 21:30
Note: I'm pretty sure the censor bar is NOT covering her closest nipple in the brief clip at 1:10. I mean, not that I notice those sorts of things. This is clip from a 1997 VHS video titled 'How To Have Cybersex On The Internet'. Haha, I owned that one. A real cult classic. Apparently the protip on how to cybersex involves entering a chatroom and telling a stranger, "i'm very horny and im looking for some good cybersex are you interested?" If you're lucky, they'll respond, "yesssssssssss" like the make-believe stud in the video. Then it's just a matter of rubbing yourself/beating your meat against the desk until it's time to smoke a cigarette and take a nap. Bonus points for signing off before your partner finishes. Keep going for the video, maybe you'll learn a thing or two.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 20:30
This is Black Milk Clothing's new Princesses and Villains line -- including tights, track jackets, dresses, skirts and swimsuits featuring the iconic characters of Disney animations. You know, it's great there's finally a line of fashionable adult-size Disney princess wear, because the only shirt I have is the XS Pocahontas one I traded my little sister a carton of candy cigarettes for. Keep going for a bunch more of the line.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 19:30
Peaches: they look like butts (but taste way better). And what better way to reinforce that imagery than putting fancy little panties on them? Originally created by a fruit vendor in Nanjing, China, a box of nine pantied peaches sell for around $80. That's almost $10 apiece. Am I paying for the peaches or the panties? Also, what am I supposed to do with a bunch of miniature panties after I've eaten the peaces? "Do you have any small pets?" Stop. Just walk to the police station and turn yourself in. Keep going for a couple more shots of the sexy fruit.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 18:30
Because what good are killer robots if they can't still kill after being injured, scientists at the Sorbonne in Paris and the University of Wyoming have developed an algorithm that allows a robot to learn to adapt to broken/nonfunctional limbs so it can still murder its next target. Wow, WONDERFUL NEWS, JERKS.
According to one expert, adaptive robotics is the cutting edge of the field. Most robots currently sit in factories and perform very specific functions. Scientists want to get robots to understand new and changing situations. "When animals lose a limb, they learn to hobble remarkably quickly," Arxiv said in a blog post on the research. "And yet when robots damage a leg, they become completely incapacitated." The scientists' robot has solved this by trying to mimic animals - by discovering which leg is broken and then then using trial and error to figure out the best way to continue walking.After a period of trial and error, the robot sticks with the method of locomotion that was most efficient. Pretty scary, right? So now you have to completely immobilize a robot to be safe. And that's assuming it can't just rotate it's head and slit your throat with laser vision. We're f***ed! "We need to call John Connor." The fictional movie character? What a genius idea. I really hope you're one of the first to go. Keep going for a video demo with a hexapod robot.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 17:30
This is the Star Trek Borg Cube Fridge available from ThinkGeek ($150). It can hold nine cans of soda plus a little extra and glows green inside and out. Nine cans of soda isn't that many, but the thing is only a foot square so it doesn't take up a lot of room either. You know how many sodas I drink a day? Six. "That's too many. Six 2-liters. "How are you not dead?" Maybe I am. Maybe I'm a GHOSTWRITER. I'm kidding, I'm not, but I did try ghost riding my whip one time and ran over both my legs. I'm gangsta. "No, you're handicapped." In more ways than one. Keep going for a couple more shots.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 16:30
This is the mashup weapon forged by the folks of Mat At Arms that combined all four ninja turtle weapons: Donatello's bō, Leonardo's ninjato, Raphael's sai, and Michelangelo's nunchaku. The result...is whatever the hell this thing is. A bōjatosaichaku? I dunno, but I can almost say for certain I would brain myself with that sai on a chain dangling from the end while in combat. Leonardo: Oh shit, here comes the Foot Clan, GW -- cover the rear! GW?! GW: Help meeeeeeee. Leonardo: Jesus, your brains are leaking everywhere! GW: Leonardo -- you know what to do. Leonardo: Kill Krang so we can jam your brains in his android body?! GW: Please, there isn't much time. Oh -- and tell Michelangelo to bring some pizza and weed. Keep going for a video of the build.
Date: Thursday, 31 Jul 2014 15:30
Spanish physicist and chef Manuel Linares has developed Xamaleón (a take on 'camaleón' -- Spanish for chameleon), an ice cream that changes color as you lick it. The ice cream begins a sort of periwinkle blue, then fades to purple and eventually pink as you eat it. What causes the change? Manuel isn't saying, which leads at least one blogger to believe it's either 1) magic or 2) something that will give you ten kinds of cancer.
..it originally starts as a periwinkle blue frozen treat until it's spritzed with Linares' "love elixir," a super secret mixture he concocted himself. This mixture reacts to changes in temperature and saliva, causing the tutti-frutti-flavored ice cream to turn into purple, then into pink as you lick. As unusual as it sounds, this is just the beginning of Linares' foray into the color-changing ice cream business: he also plans to whip up ice cream that turns from white to pink, and another one that glows under ultraviolet light. You can only get a scoop of this chameleon ice cream from one the creator's shops in Spain right now, but he's looking to export it to other countriesYeah, but how does it taste? Because I don't generally buy ice cream based on its color changing properties, I buy it because it tastes good and make me fat while I forget about all the day's problems. Color changing ice cream that tastes like shit is worthless. Color changing ice cream that tastes like you've got your mouth wrapped around a witch's nipple -- now that -- that's a goldmine. I'll have a single scoop with a cherry on top (for added realism). Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he only buys low-fat ice cream when he knows friends are coming over.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 23:00
Some parents are outraged after finding out the $25 'You & Me Mommy Change My Diaper Doll' that Toys R Us sells has a penis. Apparently the girl version has a vagina. But parents don't want their kids playing with anatomically correct dolls. Or at least feel the doll should come with some sort of a heads-up. WARNING: This doll baby contains a penis.
Some parents called the doll inappropriate and unnecessary for kids, while others joked it could be a unique way to conclude a "gender reveal" party. Some users on Facebook just wished the doll's box came with a warning label. Writer Monica Beyer of SheKnows.com, however, doesn't see a problem. "How on earth is it inappropriate for a child to see a naked baby? What about a baby makes a penis or a vulva dirty or sexual?" Beyer writes. "Because that's what it sounds like when people say that it's wrong for little girls to see it. The truth is, when a child points out the body part that she doesn't have, all a parent is required to do is call it by its name." Sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff says banning the word penis is a parenting fail and if we don't have universal names for body parts, it may be hard for for children to tell their parents when these body parts hurt.Heck yeah. My parents taught me early on what penises and vaginas were, and that's why I'm such a mature, well-adjusted adult today that doesn't joke about them online all day. I'm kidding, I still have no clue what penises are for. I do like to pretend mine is a gearshift though when I'm playing Gran Turismo to add another level of difficulty to the game. I guess you could say I prefer *slipping on cool-guy sunglasses* playing on hard mode. Keep going for a shot of the baby pecker in question.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 21:30
Get down from there, bike -- you're not a plane! WARNING: A VERY solid "OH F*** OFF!" from the cyclist right before he gets hit. This is a video of a London cyclist who gets hit by a car, catches air, then slides down the hood of the car and lands on his feet. If I were that cyclist I would have had some pretty strong words for the driver afterwards. Probably, "I'm gonna f***ing kill you and eat your shitty heart!" I tried to watch the video frame-by-frame to see if the driver was texting or anything, but I couldn't make them out. Share the road, folks -- watch out for cyclists. I've actually been hit by a car when I was on my bike before, it was terrifying. I was six and my grandpa was backing out of the driveway. Hit the jump for the video.
Some Mastermind: Wanted Idiot Taunts Police On Their Facebook, Gets Arrested Less Than 24-Hours Later
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 20:30
Meet Roger Ireland. Of course you're probably going to have to meet him virtually through the picture above, unless you're in Anne Arundel County Jail. As part of their 'Wanted Wednesday' posts on Facebook (think throwback Thursday, but more criminal), the Anne Arundel County Police Department in Maryland posted a picture of Roger. So what did Roger do? What any badass would -- took to his Facebook to taunt the police and claim they'll never catch him. He was apprehended less than 24 hours later, earning him even less street credit than jaywalking.
"We figured we'd use our social media community to help us identify them and then some people might see themselves and turn themselves in," What the department didn't expect was what happened this past Wednesday, when Roger Ireland saw his face pop up on the screen. Instead of keeping silent, he commented on his own picture. His post taunted police, proclaiming they couldn't catch him. "We sent it over to some of our investigators and our intelligence department said, hey you guys track him down," said Smith. Police were able to locate Ireland right after conducting a traffic stop on a vehicle he was riding in, just 24 hours after he said he couldn't be caught.Wow, what a criminal mastermind. I'm honestly not surprised he wasn't apprehended earlier for walking into the police station mistaking it was a movie theater. Haha, ya'll dressed pretty stupid for concession stand workers! Where the popcorns at?! Oh, oh no. Not again. Thanks to Lindby, who has the distinct feeling this guy might be one of the very few people in the world who also keeps his MySpace profile up to date.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 19:00
Not gonna lie, I did think those were shit stains at first. 13-year old Ariel Tolfree of Texas says her Samsung Galaxy S4 cell phone allegedly "slipped under her pillow" while she was falling asleep one night and she woke up to it on fire. And that's why you never sleep with a phone under your pillow. Jesus, it's not a tooth. The phone ferry isn't going to come bring you a Galaxy S5 just because you put a 4 under your pillow. Right? They won't do that right? I'm only asking because I have an iPhone 2.
A spokesperson for Samsung says their products are safe, and pointed out that the battery inside the phone was a replacement unit and not an original Samsung part. Nevertheless, the company does agree there is a need for consumer education when it comes to rechargeable batteries. That's exactly why they post a warning in their user guide, which specifically states covering one of their devices with bedding or other material could restrict airflow and cause a fire. Tolfree and her dad, though, didn't read that warning. "If anything, they should put a big warning on it, like a cigarette label, if that's the case," said Thomas. In the meantime, the phone, the bedding, the mattress and pillow will all be replaced by Samsung.Right, they should put a big warning on it like a cigarette label. Good call, dad! Or maybe just don't sleep with your cell phone in the bed. That's like forgetting a friend in the trunk of your car on the hottest day of the summer -- they're not going to survive. It wasn't even an original Samsung battery, I can't believe the company agreed to replace her phone and bedding. I only hope they sent her a twin sized sheet set for a queen sized bed. Keep going for a video news report.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 18:30
This is a video demonstration of The SilencerCo's Salvo 12 shotgun suppressor. Apparently it reduces the sound of a shotgun blast to around 137 decibels, or the equivalent of "someone loudly clapping their hands in front of your ears". Which, for the record, will still get you punched in the f***ing face if it's my ears you're clapping in front of. Keep going for the video.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 17:00
This is a portrait-mode video (come on, lady -- you've had that phone for years!) of a teensy little girl somehow managing to hold on to the rotating barrel at the exit of a carnival funhouse and perform a loopty loop. How the hell did she do that? Was she squeezing it with her legs? Regardless, if the ringleader catches wind of this I've got the feeling somebody has a bright future as this carnival's next strongwoman. Me? I'm going to get a pair of fake tits and become the bearded lady. I'll kiss you for a nickel! Keep going for the video.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 16:00
This is the Darth Vader mask wood-burning stove built by Instructables member doddieszoomer. You can go to the Instructables website and follow his directions to build your own. Or you can follow the Google Maps directions to his house and steal this one. I'm kidding, please don't do that. Make your own. You'll do a way shittier job, but it will be your way shittier job. Just own it. Keep going for one more, less fiery shot.
Date: Wednesday, 30 Jul 2014 09:32
Our sibling site I Watch Stuff has the leaked Deadpool movie test footage and it's pretty fantastic. And by pretty fantastic I mean it's really fantastic. And by really fantastic I mean why are you even still here? Just head on over and watch it. If it doesn't make you tingle on the inside you're either not a fan of Deadpool or not a fan of awesome things. Either way, your parents are probably ashamed of you.
Date: Tuesday, 29 Jul 2014 22:00
This is a series of Game of Thrones house sigil inspired makeup designs applied by makeup artist Allison Chase. Weird, I knew an Allison Chase growing up. She was a nice girl. I happen to know for a fact this is not the same one though. I'm not going to tell you HOW I know, but it may or may not involve calling in a favor from a friend at the FBI. One time I even got him to wiretap my own home phone because I was convinced my roommate was using it to call long distance after I went to bed. SPOILER: phone sex lines. I used the recordings to extort the money for all our bills plus an extra $100 out of him every month. "Oh what, and you never said anything questionable on the phone during that time?" Uh oh. Anybody here think they have the Mission Impossible skills to break into FBI headquarters? Keep going for eight more.
Date: Tuesday, 29 Jul 2014 21:00
Picture related: looks like she forgot something. A 38-year old Scottish woman recently had a five-inch vibrator (possibly just a dildo, but five inches seems sad for a dildo) removed from her vagina after forgetting it was in there after a drunken night of kinking ten years prior. For reference, that is 9 years, 364 days and 23 hours entirely too long to have a vibrator in your vagina.
The woman came to the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary after she had been experiencing symptoms including fatigue, incontinence and severe weight loss, and after performing an X-Ray, doctors found a five inch sex toy lodged up in her lady parts, protruding into her bladder. It was then that the woman recalled a sexual encounter from ten entire years ago in which she and a partner had been using it and couldn't remember removing it.Listen, I'll be the first to admit I don't know anything about vaginas (in my mind they're like kangaroo pouches), but I can't help but feel like you should know if there's a five-inch sex toy still inside of you. But who knows, maybe vaginas are more like butts than I imagined (I jammed my wallet up there for safekeeping one night and forgot about it for a week). Thanks to lilco, who agrees if you're going to leave anything in your vagina for a decade, it better give you superpowers.
Date: Tuesday, 29 Jul 2014 20:00
WARNING: Check your volume, there's a pretty loud and awful 'OH MY GOD'. This is a short video of a woman demonstrating how not to jump off a high dive platform. In this case: pausing at the end, grabbing onto the safety rail, falling and slapping her knees and shins on the platform below, then dropping into the water like a ragdoll. Thankfully, she escaped the ordeal with nothing but an injured finger. And probably a bruised ego. I've got the feeling somebody is never jumping off the high-dive again. Me? I love the high-dive. Have I ever told you about the time in middle school I dove off during swim practice and my swim trunks came off but I didn't notice until I got out and everyone was screaming, "OH MY GOD, THERE'S A GIANT WATER SNAKE BITING HIS CROTCH!" It wasn't a water snake though, it was my penis. Two girls asked me to prom when I was only in sixth grade. Keep going for the video, plus a bonus slow-mo version.
Date: Tuesday, 29 Jul 2014 19:00
OkCupid has just revealed the data collected (links to their blog with all the info) from numerous experiments conducted over the past couple years in which they manipulated different parts of the website to see what the effect on couples engaging each other would be. Including telling people who were only 30% compatible that they were actually 90% compatible. Whoa, but that's like, true love status. Back me up, Westley! "As you wish." Man, you're dreamy.
Among users who were just 30% compatible, a single message from one OKCupid subscriber to another led to a conversation only 10% of the time. But here's the twist: when OkCupid duped users who actually had low compatibility, telling them that their compatibility score was 90%, they had a 17% chance of having an online conversation. "The mere myth of compatibility works just as well as the truth," said Christian Rudder, co-founder of the online dating site, in a blog post about the results of the OkCupid studyI can't say I'm surprised. If working on the internet has taught me anything, it's that you can't trust any website. Except Geekologie. I would never wrong you. "Then why are your fingers crossed?" I'm going to slash your tires and mash dog shit under your car door handles tonight. Thanks to Tony pepperoni and E V I L A R E S, who both use dinos as their dating website profile pics to try to lure me in to some trap.
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