Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 22:30
This is the $500 Miracle Machine, a countertop winemaker that produces wine from water, grape concentrate and yeast in about three days. You just pick the style of wine you want to make, add the appropriate grape concentrates and yeast (available from the Miracle Machine online store), then check your wine's progress on your smartphone until three days later when you add the finishing packet to give it a barrel-aged flavor and you get crunk on that shit! When reached for comment, one religious fanatic believed the product should be banned because Jesus is the only one who should be able to turn water into wine. Fine, I made that up, but if you think somebody isn't going to say it, obviously you don't know religious fanatics. I do. My uncle was a West Virginia snake handler. Now? Now he just sits on the fireplace mantle all day. Keep going for an informative video.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 21:30
Meet drummer Jason Barnes. Jason lost part of his right arm in an accident, so Georgia Tech professor Gil Weinberg built him robotic prosthesis so he could still drum his face off and become a rock star. Hell, I haven't even heard him play yet and I'd still throw my bra at him on stage. Same goes for Def Leppard's one-armed drummer Rick Allen (although Rick would probably get my underwear too if I'd remembered to wear any).
The wearable offers direct control of one drumstick using bicep muscles; a second, automated drumstick monitors Barnes' timing and plays in sync at a customizable pace, creating a sound that ordinary humans can't match. As you might imagine, the robotic arm has advantages for metal and other musical styles where complex drumming is essential.Wow, a robotic arm that performs even BETTER than a regular arm. How bout that? It almost makes me wish-- "Please don't say you lost an arm." No. I am thankful for my arms. I was going to say it almost makes me wish science could do something for my penis. Like, I dunno, make it stop destroying planets in my sleep. NASA is getting pissed. Keep going for a brief video of the bionic arm's capabilities.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 20:00
These are the photos from a battle between a python and a crocodile near Lake Moondarra in western Queensland, Australia. Apparently the battle went on for hours, with the python eventually choking the crocodile out, then swallowing it. For the record, that is not how I want to go. Or in a car accident. Fun fact: one time I went to a fortune teller and asked her how I was going to die. You know what she told me? Give me another $80 and I'll tell you. And that's when I produced a ninja sword and told her how she was going to die if I didn't get the reading for free. Keep going for a bunch more shots of the THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 19:00
This is the 'mirror fence' designed and installed by artist Alyson Shotz. It's a picket fence made with mirrored surfaces to blend into the environment and become less obtrusive. Me? I prefer obtrusive fences. My house is surrounded by a 14-foot electrified security fence topped with razor wire and a 'PRIVATE PROPERTY: NO TRESPASSING' sign every four feet. And in front of that is a moat with sharks AND crocodiles. Plus there's a drawbridge and a 'NO GURLZ ALLOWED' sign. Can you tell I'm just describing my dream treehouse? Because I'm not, it's my real house, and I've never had to deal with a Jehovah's Witness or home invader. Keep going for more shots.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 18:00
These are the chocolate chip shot glasses designed by New York City pastry chef Dominique Ansel. If his name sounds familiar, it's because Dominique is also responsible for the super-popular cronut. If his name didn't sound familiar at all, welcome to the club.
Figuring that "if everyone was drinking milk with cookies, you might as well make a dessert that allows them both to be combined," Ansel has created a chocolate chip cookie recipe that "stayed crispy and moist in parts" even as it held milk.Admittedly, I do love milk and cookies. Although I just float a bunch of cookies in a glass of milk until they sink, then drink all the milk and scrape the cookies off the bottom with a spoon. PRO-STYLE. I can also drink a gallon of milk in under an hour and have the video to prove it, I just can't post it because I did it naked in the bathtub. Thanks to William S, Julietta and Acon, who prefer their milk and cookies the old fashioned way: left out on the hearth for Santa.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 17:30
Seen here looking dapper as hell, 13-year old Jamie Edwards poses in front of his nuclear fusion set-up that was successfully able to collide two hydrogen atoms into a helium atom without leveling the school. This makes Jamie the younger nuclear fushion-er on the planet, and arguably TOO YOUNG to be toying around with nuclear fusion, at least according to one blogger who understands very little about anything.
Jamie, who attends Penwortham Priory Academy near Preston, has been fascinated with radiation for years, on one occasion even buying a Geiger counter with his Christmas money. His fusion ambition was sparked by reading about a 14-year-old US schoolboy, Taylor Wilson, who had become the youngest to produce a small fusion reactor in Nevada in 2008. 'I looked at it, thought "That looks cool" and decided to have a go,' Jamie added. For his next project, Jamie - who wants to be a nuclear engineer or work in theoretical physics - has his sights set on building a miniature hadron collider.Wow, so 13-year olds are building nuclear fusion reactors these days? Because my goals when I was thirteen were a lot more modest, and far less scientific. 1) Don't poop your pants at school. 2) Learn how to change your underwear in the locker room without anybody seeing your penis 3) Kiss a girl 4) Kiss a DIFFERENT girl. 5) Verify if vaginas really run front to back or side to side or if it's genetic. Whoa -- I guess I was into science after all! Keep going for a simple graphic explaining Jamie's process.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 16:30
This is a fake trailer for Paperboy 3: The Hard Way, a grindhouse style version of the Paperboy video game. It was weird. But I'm a sucker for videos that look copies of crappy VHS tapes, so I'm posting it. I'm also posting a Craigslist ad for a new roommate. It's going to read, "Rent negotiable depending on how cool you are. Current tenant insists on being defeated in hand-to-hand combat to relinquish room. I will drug him first though so it shouldn't be a problem. Room comes partially furnished with bare mattress (no box-spring), fast food debris, and pet rats. Rats are loose and unfriendly, I suggest setting traps because they do exhibit a pack mentality and could prove deadly if you're a deep sleeper." Keep going for the video.
Date: Friday, 07 Mar 2014 15:30
Seen here looking like something I'd bet you I'll eat off the floor for $1, Pithovirus, a 30,000 year old virus recently dug up from permafrost in Siberia, plots world domination. The virus, which is harmless to humans but deadly to amoebas, is also the largest virus ever found, measuring 1.5 micrometers in length and 0.5 micrometers in diameter. For reference, my penis is a million times that, or one meter -- wide.
While this ancient virus is harmless to people, the scientists behind the discovery warn that the discovery suggests that the thawing of permafrost in polar regions, as a result of either climate change or mining, could bring threats to human health. "This is an indication that viruses pathogenic for human or animals might also be preserved in old permafrost layers, including some that have caused planet-wide epidemics in the past," said Jean-Michel Claverie, one of the study's co-authors.Aw man, that would just be humanity's luck. We spend all this time preparing for the zombie and robot apocalypses, then get wipes out by a resurrected virus. Unless -- UNLESS -- that virus CAUSES the zombie apocalypse, in which case bring it, because I'm prepared. I've even been training my body to digest spoiled meat without getting diarrhea. Oh lordy! *brutally shits pants* Well Rome wasn't built in a day. Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he develops viruses.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 22:30
Remember that Barbie doll artist Nickolay Lamm made using the Center for Disease Control's actual average measurements for a 19-year old girl? Well now he's back with a crowdfunding project to manufacture a line of realistic bodied Lammily dolls. Annnnnnnd he already met double his funding goal in less than a day. As I mentioned in the previous article, the new doll is definitely an improvement, particularly in the hips and ass departments. Barbie? Barbie doesn't have an ass. FACT: not even my Michelangelo ninja turtle action figure was into her and I caught him with Orko and one of the Thundercats in a three-way once. Keep going for a video about the dolls.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 21:30
If you haven't seen it already, this is a video of a dolphin stampede and humpback whale migration caught by aerial drone cameras operated by Captain Dave's Whale and Dolphin Safari. Apparently Captain Dave sunk one drone after flying it into the boat's antenna. Captain Ron never would have done that. Still, maybe it will become part of a reef habitat one day. Probably not, but maybe. Anyway, just watch the video and rejoice in the majestic beauty of humanity's closest living relatives. "Whales and dolphins are definitely not humanity's closest living relatives." WE CAME FROM MERMAIDS. Keep going for the video.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 20:30
This is the interior of Seinfeld's apartment made for touring with an Oculus Rift virtual reality headset. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Practicing coming through the door like Kramer?!" What? No. I was going to say having virtual sex on Jerry's couch and kitchen counter. Now, I'll pretend to be George, who are you gonna be? Keep going for the video, download the apartment yourself HERE.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 19:30
These are a handful of shots (and a video) taken by photographer Rocio Preciado of 12-year old Chewbacca the dachshund playing with his friends Han Solo and Darth Vader. Wait -- Darth Vader? Darth Vader doesn't have friends. If anything, Darth Vader only has frenemies who are all too afraid of him to tell him they don't want to go out for beers after work on Fridays. And can you blame them? I'm not trying to get Force-choked before the weekend even starts. Keep going for the rest of the shots and the video.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 18:30
I swear this has existed in other forms before (maybe in New York?), but Airpnp is an internet app that connects people who need to use the bathroom with people who are willing to let strangers use their bathrooms for a fee. Fine, but if anybody pisses in my bathtub or smears shit on the walls I will force-feed you one of those mints that turns toilet water blue. Also, only one visitor at a time -- I can't have some couple using my sonic toothbrush as a sex toy.
The founders are both born and raised New Orleanians and during the Mardi Gras they routinely experienced the pain point of having no place to legally urinate. This problem is often solved by using what is known as a "rogue pee." If caught the person faces a weekend in Orleans Parish Prison. Yet this stiff penalty doesn't stop thousands upon thousands of "rogue pees." This clearly demonstrates the demand for a legal alternative. Entrepeeneurs Travis Laurendine and Max Gaudin decided to capitalize on this golden opportunity starting with Mardi Gras 2014.Rogue peeing, huh? Is it still considered rogue if you just piss your pants? Because if I was at Mardi Gras that's what I would do. Probably without even knowing it. I can get really drunk. You know how many mornings I've woken up not knowing where I am? Zero. You know how many afternoons I've woken up not knowing where I am? Every single one. All I know is whoever lives here owns a pink laptop, and it isn't password protected. Thanks to Alice, who wants as few people using her restroom as possible. SAME. Although I will let anyone piss in my roommate's hamper for $1.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 17:30
In news that brings back terrifying memories of Large Marge, Pee-wee Herman's tricked-out bike from Pee-wee's Big Adventure is currently for sale on eBay. I am going to buy it. I am going to buy it, then fly it to the moon like in E.T. "They didn't actually fly TO the moon in E.T." Don't be jealous just because you haven't seen the director's cut.
Its in pieces now, but everything is there. Comes with an autographed photo of Paul Ruebens, a photo of him signing the photo, letter/certificate of authenticity, warner bro plans/spec sheet on the red cargo boxes. I am the third owner. I bought it in 2010 for $10,000. Selling because my family is getting larger.Wait -- selling it because your family is getting larger? Like, because now everybody's too heavy to ride it? "Please tell me you're joking." About what? It sounds like these folks need to develop an exercise regimen. "GW, I want you to punch yourself in the head as hard as you can." Fine, but if I pass out on my keyboard and Geekologie is all gghgggggggggggggggggggggggg for the rest of the day, that's your bad. Keep going for two more shots.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 16:30
What percentage of Americans do you think know what a dongle is? Because my guess is 85% think it's what boy kindergartners call their pee-pee. This is the soon to be released Wake Up And Smell The Bacon smartphone dongle from Oscar Mayer. It plugs into a phone and syncs with an alarm clock app to wake you up with the tantalizing scent of sizzling pork fat. Unfortunately, there's no real bacon at the end of the tunnel, making it far less likely to get me out of bed than the two bacon alarm clocks I've posted in the past that actually cook bacon. Way to drop the ball, Oscar Mayer. And to think you used to be my favorite hot dog! Jk jk, nobody has ever said that. Keep going for a brief commercial.
Date: Thursday, 06 Mar 2014 15:30
In news that shouldn't surprise anybody whose friends ask them to come fix their computer before trying turning it off and on again, a recent technology based email survey revealed a healthy percentage of Americans are dumb as shit when it comes to computers. Plus obese.
77% of respondents could not identify what SEO means. SEO stands for "Search-Engine Optimization" 27% identified "gigabyte" as an insect commonly found in South America. A gigabyte is a measurement unit for the storage capacity of an electronic device. 42% said they believed a "motherboard" was "the deck of a cruise ship." A motherboard is usually a circuit board that holds many of the key components of a computer. 23% thought an "MP3" was a "Star Wars" robot. It is actually an audio file. 18% identified "Blu-ray" as a marine animal. It is a disc format typically used to store high-definition videos. 15% said they believed "software" is comfortable clothing. Software is a general term for computer programs. 12% said "USB" is the acronym for a European country. In fact, USB is a type of connector. Despite the incorrect answers, 61% of the respondents said it is important to have a good knowledge of technology in this day and age.There's some speculation as to how accurate the survey was, which was administered to 2,392 adults aged 18+ via a multiple-choice email, but honestly, based on the few times I've gone out and interacted with society, I'm surprised the numbers weren't even higher. You think the average American knows what RAM is? The average American writes their name in the blank for their birthdate on job applications. Thanks to Thaylor H, who knows everything there is to know about technology and should be named technology president. Awesome, your first order of business should be assigning me a cushy government job in the internet p0rn division.
Date: Wednesday, 05 Mar 2014 22:30
This is the Little Tikes Coze Couple that was transformed into a mini Ghostbusters Ecto-1 by Redditor tabres for his nephew (previously: this Ecto-1 pushcart). Lucky kid. When I was growing up my uncle didn't build me anything, he would just squeeze my leg right above the knee until the whole thing went numb because I refused to say mercy. Life is pain -- it was an important message to learn. Plus one time I was pressure-washing his basement with bleach and I yelled up the stairs to complain about how it was burning my eyes and he just slammed the door yelling, "Get back to work!" And you know what? I'm a stronger person because of it. Except my eyesight, my eyesight is way worse (the optometrist said my eyeballs have the texture of raisins now). Keep going for shots from all around.
Date: Wednesday, 05 Mar 2014 21:30
These are the Hanaga Tap Nose Outlets from design firm ekoD Works. They turn any horizontal plug into a nose-shaped vertical plug and come in black, white and pink. They also cost $35 apiece, which sent me into a coughing/near-puking fit when I first read it. That's a lot of money for a nose-shaped plug that blocks the other outlet. Still, can you really put a price on being able to convince a drunk roommate to give it a nose-ring made out of a coat hanger? Also, do you think I'll really be able to see his bones while he's being electrocuted, or is that just in cartoons? Thanks to TBTMH, who told me the secret to curing a stuffy nose is jamming chopsticks up there and now I have holes in my brain.
Date: Wednesday, 05 Mar 2014 20:30
This is a video from R/C Helicopter stunt crew HeliGraphix of a ~125-pound woman (plus equipment) being lifted off the ground by two heavy-duty modified Gaui X7 "Megatron" R/C copters. I thought it was fake at first, but apparently it's real. So that's pretty cool. Now somebody tie me to two R/C helicopters and tear my arms off. Then keep circling around beating me in the head with them while I will try to catch them in my mouth like the apple-on-a-string game. Keep going for the video. A ton more information on the project, including science stuff at their Facebook page HERE.
Date: Wednesday, 05 Mar 2014 19:30
Two video game medley posts in a row -- things are getting pretty wild in here! I'm joking, I'm so sick and medicated I couldn't get a boner if it was the only thing I had to do to win a lotto jackpot. This is a video of two first-named Joe Jeremiah playing a 9-minute set of game themes using Game Boy chiptunes and a keyboard as a MIDI controller. He does a great job. So great I might actually consider going to see him in concert, provided it was free admission and steal-your-own-beer. Is that the exact same thing I said in the last post? I can't remember. Somebody just come put my out of my misery. Make it slow and painful though, I'm convinced God thinks I deserve the worst, and you could at least score some brownie points. Keep going for the new video, as well as an older one of even more video game themes. See the video descriptions on Youtube for lists of all the songs.
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