Date: Friday, 29 Aug 2014 18:30
This is the composite shot created by Marius Vibe of the top 8 most beautiful women (according to the 2011 'Most Beautiful Girls List' Maxim issue) merged into one face. The women include Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Olivia Munn, Katy Perry, Cameron Diaz, Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli, Anne Hathaway, and Natalie Portman. The result? A woman with three lips. That's f***ing weird. I've never kissed a mutant before and I have no interest in starting now. Thanks to goldbar, who's worth his weight in gold, because he is gold.
Date: Friday, 29 Aug 2014 17:30
This is the Supersize Bed designed and built by Cecilia Carey and Harry Parr. It looks suspiciously like a giant pack of McDonald's fries. All the fries are actually removable pillows though, so you and a sleepover friend can use them to try to beat each other off the bed like American Gladiators. *thwack!* F*** YEAH, I'M GOING TO THE ELIMINATOR! When reached for comment about the bed, the McDonald's Fry Kids could not be found, because the bed IS McDonalds Fry Kids. DUM DUM DUM! Keep going for a closeup of the fry pillows.
Date: Friday, 29 Aug 2014 16:30
This is a video of a one-legged break dancer going so hard it looks like he's about to break his other leg off. Plus he incorporates his crutches into the routine, with a solid flying dismount around 1:13. It just goes to show you, if you try hard and believe in yourself, nothing can hold you back from your dreams. Except dying, so stop texting and driving like a jackass. Hit the jump to see his routine.
Date: Friday, 29 Aug 2014 15:30
This is the anti-public urination sign spotted near the Hotel Marcinčák in Mikulov, Czech Republic. It threatens public pissers with the shame of a video of them doing the deed being posted to Youtube. Do they even have a camera installed? No clue. But one blogger plans on taking a vacation to find out! God willing, I'll be so successful they give me my own Youtube channel. Thanks to Brock, who agrees the key to successful public urination is lots of bushes and pushing it out as hard and fast as you can. Just pretend you're a fire hose trying to put out a burning house.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 22:30
Note: Worthwhile larger version HERE. Full-res version available from NASA here (click the photo). This is a composite of 16 separate photos taken and stitched together by astronomer Dave Lane to create a panorama of the Milky Way Galaxy's central band above Silex Spring in Yellowstone National Park. Damn, that is a whole lot of beauty in one photo. Like if you stitched together every Playboy centerfold, then if you looked at them from far away they all formed ANOTHER naked lady. Yeah, just like that. A nipple for every star. Thanks to Pavel, who likes to stargaze at night and ponder the meaning of life. Me? I like to get just drunk enough to pass out and not wake up at all in the middle of the night.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 21:30
This is the 99-pack of Peacemaker beer available from Austin Beerworks. It's seven feet long, weighs 82-pounds, costs $99, and has 99 beers inside. For reference, that's about a dollar a beer. "No, that's EXACTLY a dollar a beer." OH COOL, YOU'RE GOOD AT MATH, WAY TO BRAG. I do not have a fridge large enough to hold this case. If I need to buy 99 beers at once, I'll do it the way God Intended: in a keg. Have I ever told you I have a kegerator in my bedroom? Well if I did, I was lying. I've only DREAMED of having a kegerator in my bedroom. Plus a lady. Such cool dreams. Keep going for a video about how the monster case came to be.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 20:30
Dammit Doctor, I thought I told you to restock the toilet paper. This is the TARDIS replica that was repurposed as a bathroom by Justin Hoggans of The Warmley Waiting Room Cafe in Bristol, England. It makes the perfect place to take a dump knowing there are people sitting litereally 3-feet away trying to enjoy their tea and biscuits. Will they hear your butt singing? Maybe!
Owner Justin Hoggans said: "It's got everything you need; a toilet, sink, hot and cold water and a hand dryer." "We've got a doorbell we can press in the cafe that makes the sound go off, so we do it when someone's having their photograph taken outside - which is quite often. "The light is operated off a motion sensor so as someone goes into the toilet, the lights inside and on top of the box go on to indicate the toilet's in use."Neat, but how weird would it be to go in there to take care of some business, only to exit at a different place and time? What the -- did I fall asleep in there again? I used to think it was cool to try to use all the porta-potties they set up whenever they're doing construction on a house. Turns out it's not cool though. Especially if you're in one when it gets hit by a texting driver. It's the memory I use when I need to get myself to puke. Or cry. Keep going for a couple more shots of the intergalactic space and time crapper.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 19:30
Note: Larger version HERE so you don't have to strain those beady little eyeballs of yours (one of your friends told me you look like a rat). This is the conversation between Redditor UranusExplorer (hey -- you stay out of there!) and an Amazon customer service rep about a book order. They decide to role-play as Thor and his father, Odin. It reminded me of that Netflix customer service rep that all-starred his performance as well. Those are some quality customer service reps. Me? I always manage to get the one who isn't afraid to hang up or disconnect the chat. Fun fact: when I was in college I actually used to work at a call center for a satellite TV company. One time when I was training I panicked and put a woman on hold for so long she hung up on me. Of course that just so happened to be the call that quality assurance was listening in on. They came and made me sign a 'non-negotiable' form that said if it ever happened again I'd be fired. Then on my lunch break I went out and got high and just never came back. I spent the afternoon in a field eating wild berries. Looking back, that might have been the last good afternoon of my life. Thanks to n0nentity, cameron, Jenn, Alex Kidd (I used to love that game on Genesis!) and Sarah, who agree quality customer service reps can really turn a frown upside-down. And bad ones? A bad one can make you want to drive to wherever they are and tear their f***ing head off and kick it like a football.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 18:30
18-year old Skyler Connor has been charged with disorderly conduct after waving a rubber dildo out the window of a friend's car while traveling on Route 30 near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (today must be your lucky day, Florida). For reference, you should never wave a rubber dildo at other motorists. It's dangerous. It's right up there with texting. Also, you should never agree to drive a friend who you're aware is in possession of a rubber penis. But if you decide to throw caution into the wind and take them to the mall anyways, the moment that rubber dildo comes out of their bookbag it is your civic duty PULL OVER AND KICK THEM OUT OF THE VEHICLE. You don't even really need to stop, anything below 15MPH is fine. You wanna have fun with a dildo on the road? Try using it to thumb a ride. Thanks to Brandon, who agrees if you have to wave a sex toy around on the road, at least use something a little less recognizable, like anal beads. What is that kid waving, a toy necklace?
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 17:30
This is a video of the Mad Hatter hat juggler in Japan. He juggles hats. Plus rolls them down his arms and across his back, puts them on, takes them off, stuff like that. It looks like he'd make the perfect addition to my traveling sideshow. Just a heads up though, bro -- you're gonna have to bunk with the snakes-for-arms lady, and those arms have minds of their own after the lights go out. Know what I'm saying? I'm saying you gotta watch that ass. And never, under any circumstances, keep mice in your pockets. "But--" NO BUTS, HOMIE, YOU'RE NOT F***ING LENNIE FROM 'OF MICE AND MEN'. Keep going for the video. Then try to flip your own hat onto your head and hit yourself in the nose.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 16:30
This is a video of a Taiwanese street artist producing a speed painting. The subject of the painting is virtually unrecognizable until the big reveal at the very end. Did you see that coming? Can he paint other characters the same way? I dunno, maybe he only memorized how to do this one. I have no room to talk though, I can't even keep my crayons within the lines in coloring books. You know how many coloring book pages of mine my mom hung on the fridge growing up? Actually, a lot. But she would always take them down and hide them in a drawer before company came over. Keep going for the video.
Date: Thursday, 28 Aug 2014 15:30
Because pretty much everything you've ever thought you've known is a filthy lie, Sanrio recently mentioned that Hello Kitty isn't a cat, she's a little girl. Wait -- so like, a furry? Because she looks an awful lot like a cat. If she's not playing dress-up all the time then I'm gonna go out on a limb and say at least one of her parents has to be a cat. A grandparent, bare minimum.
Christine R. Yano, an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii who is curating the upcoming Hello Kitty retrospective at the Japanese American National Museum in October, told the L.A. Times that she discovered this when the Sanrio folks corrected her after she described Hello Kitty as a cat in her written texts for the exhibit. "I was corrected -- very firmly," Yano said. "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."So Hello Kitty is a little girl, but has her own pet cat named Charmmy Kitty. Although Hello Kitty and Charmmy Kitty have never been spotted in the same place at the same time. Hoho, down the rabbit hole! Is Charmmy Kitty actually Hello Kitty?! What about the little googly eyed frog and that penguin with the attitude? Where do they fit in? Man, I ate so many Hello Kitty erasers growing up, they were my favorite. Thanks to Max, Jackie May, spritz, Allyson, NT and anybody who didn't include Hello Kitty in the title of their tip, who agree it's only a matter of time before Sanrio changes their tune and announces Hello Kitty is actually a space alien.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 23:00
This is a video of Harp Twins Camille and Kennerly performing a medley of Star Wars songs ('Main Theme', 'Victory Celebration' and 'Throne Room') on electric harps. I've always told myself that when I get rich enough I'll pay somebody to be playing a harp in the grand foyer of my mansion to greet me whenever I return home. Or to wake me up from naps. And believe me -- if I'm ever actually that rich I am going to be taking a f***ing TON of naps. Do what you love. Hit the jump for the video.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 21:30
In what is arguably the best invention since sliced bread, the Butterup Knife (links to Kickstarter where you can order one for around $11) was designed to easily spread cold butter without tearing your bread to shit. It works by grating a stick of butter into smaller, more easily spreadable ribbons. Alternatively, just jam a stick of butter into a Play-Doh Fun Factory and you can extrude any shape butter you want. Speaking of -- when I was a kid I used to sneak leftovers from the dinner table up to my room to run them through my Play-Doh Fun Factory. Mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables, lasagna, hot dogs -- you name it. Fun fact: all food tastes better if it's shaped like a star. I did the experiments to prove it. The least tasty shape? Turds. Keep going for the Kickstarter video.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 20:30
HIYO, totally thought that dude's finger was a pecker at first. Because what man hasn't dreamed of sporting a BlueTooth and Wi-Fi connected ring around his wiener, this is the Bondara SexFit penis ring sexual performance evaluator. It vibrates for pleasure, has performance indicating lights, and connects to your smartphone via BlueTooth/Wi-Fi to upload your stats so you and your lover can both share a sad laugh about your fourteen total thrusts and just how ironic that 'World's Greatest Lover' coffee mug you bought yourself is. TRUTH NUKE: If you have to buy yourself an award, you probably don't deserve it.
Worn at the base of the penis and connected to a free mobile app via Bluetooth, this hi-tech [penis] ring not only stimulates a harder erection with the tight band but tracks your performance during sex using internal technology similar to a pedometer. Powerful stimulating vibrations will tantalise both partners during use much in the same way as a conventional [penis] ring, but also allow for a revolutionary 'pacing mode' that vibrates in time to a pre-set rhythm. Match the rhythm with your thrusts for the most effective stimulation. Notification lights on the top of the ring will also show what mode the SexFit is in, and illuminate in the centre when the rhythm is steady. Users can upload their 'workout' to the app and track their performance with the accompanying SexFit app that will provide insights into your intimate workout, including calories burnt and thrusts per minute. Much like other similar fitness tracker innovations, the SexFit allows the most dedicated users to share and compare their favourite sessions and impressive individual milestones with their peers on social media.Wait -- so people are gonna start posting their hump session stats to social media? I guess it's about time I clean up my friends list so I don't have to hear about it. Also, just watch -- it's only a matter of time before some guy's girlfriend is tagged in some other dude's penis stats, and shit hits the fan. "I swear, I was just masturbating to Facebook!" I imagine him confessing at gunpoint. Thanks to PYY, who agrees the only sexual performance stat that really matters is how good your lover feels during and after. Plus if you're real good they might even make you a snack!
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 19:30
This is the Kickball Ice Cream Maker available from Hammacher Schlemmer ($35). It's like the spherical plastic ice cream makers that have existed forever, except softer and kickable. Just like the head of an enemy. I'm going to kick it so f***Ing hard the ice cream compartment opens up and we wind up making dirt cream.
Simply place cream, sugar, vanilla or other flavoring into the ball's food-safe sealed compartment and ice and rock salt into a second compartment and start toe-flicking, back-heel kicking, or spinning the ball. It makes up to one pint of ice cream after only 20 minutes of play. The ice cream maker's soft rubber exterior withstands repeated kicks and rolls, and the ingredient compartment's 4" diameter opening makes it easy to scoop out churned ice cream. Weighing less than 4 lbs. and about the size of a volley ball, the unit is easy to pack and carry to vacation homes or cottages.Did you read that? It said it's easy to pack and carry to vacation homes or cottages. That's a relief, because I was genuinely concerned it might not be easy for me to pack and carry to my cottage. You know, the one in the woods. I'm kidding, the only cottage I own is cheese, and that shit's already a week and a half past its expiration date. For the record, I will still be eating it. Thanks to lilco, who agrees the best ice cream is kissed from the lips of a lover. Amen to that! AhOOOOga, HUBBA HUBBA!
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 18:30
This is the castle playhouse made by Minnesotan (that's somebody from Minnesota) Andrey Rudenko using 3-D printed layers of concrete. Andrey built his own concrete-extruding 3-D printer and printed the pieces to make this castle to test it out. Looks like it works. Eventually, Andrey hopes to use the printer to print his own 2-story home. Lofty goals. Now, let's play rescue the princess. You go sit in the castle and pretend you're being held there against your will by an evil sorcerer, then I will come rescue you. *hours pass* "I thought you said you were coming to rescue me?" Yeah yeah yeah -- after my shows are over. Keep going for several more shots and a video of a wall section being printed.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 17:30
This is a first-person video of some guy jetskiing through a water-filled canyon on Lake Powell. It looks wild, especially since the water is so calm and its reflection so clear that it looks like the jetski is hovering. Me? I would have crashed into a wall and drowned on the first turn because I was too cocky to wear a life vest. PROTIP: always wear a life vest. Unless you're jumping out of a plane, then always wear a backpack. "You mean a parachute?" No, just a backpack. Keep going for the video.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 16:30
This is slow-motion video of people reacting to getting tazed with a stun-gun. None of them look too thrilled about it. I also included an extended version that shows their friends, who are actually doing the tazing. Although, based on their reactions, I'm going to go out on a limb and say a lot of these folks seem more like frienemies than friends. I can't even begin to count how many of my "friends" I'd like to hit with a stun-gun. It's a lot though. All of them, actually. Plus smash their knuckles with a hammer and make their knees bend the wrong way. Keep going for the videos.
Date: Wednesday, 27 Aug 2014 15:30
This is Geekologie Reader Daniel's son's room. Daniel and his fiance painted the whole thing with a Minecraft dungeon motif. It looks nice and cozy. My bedroom? Like a prison cell, with less amenities. You know when the last time I had the luxury of sleeping with a blanket was? The last time I spent the night in jail. And the last time I was able to wash my face in the morning? The last time I passed out in a neighbor's yard and the sprinklers woke me up. "You need help." I need PROFESSIONAL help. But you know what? "There isn't anyone professional enough TO help you." EXACTLY. Please -- if you love me, just let me go. Keep going for a bunch more shots with varying levels of lighting.
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