There's a guy I work with, in fact he sits in the cubicle next to me. He's my office buddy, if you will, because we joke around during free time.

For Halloween, the guy dressed as me......even finding a fake goatee to wear and combing his hair the same way.

He's a funny dude.

Anyway, he told me a funny story from the holidays.

He threw a small party and invited some guests who didn't know each other very well. So being who he is, a total nutjob, he decided that he wanted to have an "ice-breaker" for the party.

He bought a science fair display (3 sections connected with hinges) and decided to play a game of memory. the person had to answer a question from 1 of 3 topics(state capitols, presidents, amendments). If they got the answer right, that got to see the picture. Then they had to match the picture with another.

For each match, the person won a prize.

And here is where my coworker buddy came through bigtime.

You see, he contributes to his flexcare medical expense program we have at work. Work deducts an amount pretax from your check and you can use it to for medical services and goods.

Standard....and I'm sure you guys use it too.

Sooooooooo........

My coworker used medical supplies as prizes.

The first winner won Tylenol PM.

But the big winner of the night won 2 prizes!!!!

Congrats on winning an Enema kit and a Douchbag!

(Not a joke)

Hope everyone had a great holiday!

(RADIO EDIT: I added fucking links. And it fucking sucks. And it fucking takes forever. Show the love my friends. Say hello. Tell me you got them. Because they took for FUCKING EVER).

-----------------------

Thursday was flight day. Which meant pack day. Which meant kiss the lil 'uns on the forehead and get the fuck lost for a long weekend. A little grabass with the wife was all I needed before setting my sites on a lost day of work, trying desperately to figure out where the hell I was going, when the hell I was going, etc etc.

But it's always a game of numbers, isn't it?

How about the number zero. As in the number of pairs of underwear I packed. Dillards by the airport is a lifesaver. You got the husky size?

Or how about 6. As in the number of fifties the bankteller tried to give me. I explained to her I was going to Vegas and she immediately said "Oh, those are bad luck". I found my geriatric soulmate and immediately referenced the Dec 2007 archives of Tao of Poker. Soulmate asked me to leave and gave me the grand in hundys instead.

Or how about 8. You know, the number of minutes I spent packing. GH Bass bag, red, packed to the gills. Strong. Very strong.


-------------------

I watched a rerun of The Office on the flight. Twice.

I didn't have wifi as an option. Eat my balls Continental. But thanks for the bourbon. Ah, the sweet lovely bourbon. "Would you like a coke or club soda with it?" "Naw, just give me a paper bag and a sob story."

Touchdown it is.

Cab driver was Pakistani.

Should I tell him my step great-grandmother was Indian? Which practically makes me Punjabi? Confer with the missing Bracelet on that one for confirmation.

Oh wait, he's part Jamaican.....

I had to make the snap call..... No way I would tell him. No way, no how. The last thing I need is to have to stand up and Represent in a cricket challenge down the middle of Flamingo Road at 9:30 in the PM.

In December.

And with Rodeo clowns watching.

Besides, I didn't want to mess up my golf swing for Friday.


-------------------

Arrival at the IP was nonchalant. Fatal mistake by jjok. I tipped the desk clerk AFTER my room assignment. Rookies make mistakes like these in all the excitement. FAIL. $20 got me the basic room I had all along, but a nice smile. That's right, I bought a smile.

I checked out the room and dropped the bag. A bit musty for my liking but I can lay down my hat here.

Take a shower, clean yourself good from the 4 hour flight. Time to accumulate that Vegas filth on a clean slate if you will. We're all just a canvas. My canvas filled quickly with endless drags on Marlboro Lights and Coronas with practically unsqueezable December limes.

That's right folks, it's time to Geisha.


-------------------

Found my spot. Met the Wife, reconnected with the JewAsian, met Mattazuma and reminded him that endless Corona's meant a Montezuma come morning. BOOOOOOM. I defer that one to Derek.....pleasure to meet you sir.

Wonderful convos with great folk.

Hey Peaker, how's the kiddos? You having fun with the twin girls? My sponsorship with Hasbro comes up this spring. I hear they are looking for a new spokesman. Welcome to pink hell.

Oh captain my captain! Finally to meet you.....wow!

Ever met Betty Underground? You should. I hereby declare a liking for ink on women, even in it's extreme. It goes against my Catholic ways I guess.....I defer to Vatican 2. But that's a good thing.

Hawt, oh so hawt.

Moving on.....

Hey, whaddya know? It's Astin! One of the 3 people I've actually met more than once before on this trip..... newbieIsme.

Finally met the one and only Dr Pauly. I told him I was jjok.

He said "Hey! It's Jacks!"

What a fucking amateur.

"Oh, wait, I meant JJ!"

That's better. ;)

April went Johnny Cash, and did it well.....very well.

Even saw Joe Joe again. He seemed taller. And hairier.

Bunch of convos

Absorption rates at these gatherings are not good. You meet so much, you hear so much, you see so much. I asked Mattazuma 3 times where he was from. And twice if he was married.

So it took me about a sixer of Corona's to realize I had to scatter for a bit.

Blackjack at the IP......3AM......solo.

Ran 2 bills to 5, then gave back 2 and a half before walking.

I asked what my rakeback was and floor gave me a stare.

It was almost like the one Full Tilt gave to folks who signed up in 2005.

No 27% for you. Have you tried our new super turbos? Thanks for playing.

Back to the Geisha.


-------------------

Whaddya know.....it's Iggy and Al at 5 in the morning. Joined by Kate.

Endless talks, fun talks, double down the Corona's.

The fuck time is it? Is there a clock around here somewhere? hehe

8AM.

Time to go to sleep......I have golf in the morning......er, wait.


-------------------

Somehow I managed to wake myself at 9 something giving me a solid hour of sleep. A quick shower. I jumped out 6 minutes later to a ringing hotel phone.

The Bammer was calling. What a great guy......

My ride was waiting.....and apparently waiting and waiting and waiting some more.

F-Train is a rockstar, nuff said.

Throw on the khaki's, put on the sweater. Shit, no collar. Take sweater off and put on button down. Throw the sweater back on over the top. Jacket. Cubs hat next. 3 quick sprays of Axe for the ladies. Grab the shoes and the dozen overpriced golf balls.

And.....we're off. I think we bottomed out the Train's Camry at least 3 times. I would blame BamBam's darlin wife Pebbles.....but she had short hair. No way was it her. Ah, the short hair. I find it more and more beautiful whenever I plunge my bathroom sink......compliments of jjok's (link the shit outta yerself) beautiful wife with unbelievably sexy dark thick hair.

I digress.


-------------------

Golfing was great. I forgot that Vegas is dry. It's like the antithesis of Houston's 100% humidity. I remembered this when my lips cracked on hole number 3.....the tricky little par 3. I used a 7 iron. The way I hit it, i could have pulled out the driver with the same success.

Awful pin placements. I mean just awful. Throughout the entire 18.

Yet my team was solid. The Bammer, CK, and Drizz. We clicked, just at the wrong times it seemed. We were scrambling alot, but did well enough to card a minus in the end. I mean, seriously, that's about the best you can do with the winds blowing and the hands freezing.

Hell, even the Minnesotan had to buy a windbreaker at the turn.

Somewhere along the way, I opted for a bourbon and a smile. Ah, the sweet lovely bourbon. Oh, and a hammy sammich. First meal in Vegas compliments of Las Vegas National. Took me 24 hours to eat something, you wouldn't know it judging by my 38 waisted khakis. Like my sweater? It's Abercrombie, and an XL. Yeah, 1 meal a day does that to you.....proof positive was Saturday morning, but I'll talk about that in a few.

I got back to my room at 5-5:30 hoping to land some foodstuffs and a cleanup. I grabbed a burger and took a quick shower. Call from work. Emergency. Got off the phone at 8PM.

Zonked out.

Woke up at 3AM. Embarrassing to say that. The MGM was history at that point. Fucking amateur.


-------------------

I played more blackjack. Gave IP 3 bills in 4 hours.

I've done hand history's in poker countless amounts of times on these here BROG......so let's get 8th level BJ on this shiznit.

25$ bet.

6hearts, 6spades.

Dealer shows 6 up.

Split.

Hit 6.

Split again.

Hit 4, double down

Nail a queen.

Double down hand 2.

Nail a king.

Rock and roll.

Hand 3 hits a king too for 16.

20, 20, 16.

$125.

Dealer flips 5

Dealer dealt ten.

21.

Buhbye 125! Full Tilt RNG in the works here folks. No doubt about it.

Cocktails!


-------------------

I find my twittering box out of my now empty pocket. Some call it an iphone. I call it my hand extension.

I digress.

I meet Astin, Ed, captain, the Lightning Rod, and ever wonderful Kat at the Bellagio Buffet.

Which leads me to my one tip of advice for Vegas-goers and meal lacking folk. If you are to eat but one meal a day in Vegas.....make it the Buffet at Bellagio.

Just trust me on this. I stocked up the red meats harder than a coyote on a West Texas plain. It was there, I destroyed it. Prime Rib twice, and 2 fists worth of beef tenderloin. Smothered in horseradish to boot.

Top it off with some sausage and fresh bacon.

Compliments of an Astin-paid tab. Thank you sir!

Lightning talks of his daughter going to my alma mater. Gigem lightning.......I welcome her to our little cult in Bryan/College Station.

Off to Caesar's to tourney the shit out of tourneys. Oh yeah, this is the second tourney I've ever played in a casino......ever.


-------------------

AQ in the mp. Raise. Pebbles calls from the blinds.

9 high flop.

Pot. She flats.

Turn is a 7 I think.

POT. She debates and flats.

River is x.

I have ace high. READ: I have dick.

She checks, I pot.

She mulls and mulls and mulls some more.

She mucks.

Pocket 8's for her.

I've got a semi-stack.

Maudie sits down to my right.

She open raises from the button.

I take a peeksie.

HAMMER!

Jam.

Not an instacall from her....but she had Big Slick.

RACE TIME!

I look stooooopid.

I survived an hour longer somehow and busted in the 20's.


-------------------

My bud Chad convinced me to hit the Venetian daily at 7PM. I guess his 2/5 table at Caesars was dead. I was happy to oblige.

LJ, Bayne, and Schaubs in tow also. Schaubs went with a hockey jersey. Bayne went with the chicken wing stains.

Amateurs.

90 runners in total. Decent little prize pool for a Benjamin tourney. 3rd tourney I've ever played in a casino.

I tripled on the first hand with pocket queens. The bitches sexed me up on the river with a 2 outter against 2 dudes that shouldn't have been in the hand after the flop......one of them was Mongolian. He gave great stir fry advice before exiting stage left. I'm not joking......

I lasted until 14th with 10 paying. I doubled through LJ who tilted the chipleading Brit with surprisingly decent teeth. Too bad he wore a pastel sweater, otherwise I wouldn't have known he was a Brit. I offered him a lime from my Corona. He didn't get the joke.

I digress.

14 left. In the sb. Button is short and open pushes.

I've got AJ of hearts. Blinds at 2K/4K. I've got 35K. He jammed for 28 total.

Instacall.

I can hear Hoy screaming at me. No, not the fake Hoy who supposedly (and cryptically) said he was in Vegas.

BB folds.....heads up.

J6 off.

DOMINATED!

River is a 6.

Fuck me with a football on a Saturday night in the desert of sin and debauchery.

I blind jam from the button next hand.

I had 23 hearts.

He had A2 off.

DOMINATED!

3 on the river....... it was a club.

The fourth club on the board in fact.

Yes that 2 of clubs plays!

Shake the hands and I'm off to rant to Waffles of all people. Yes, Waffles. I ranted to Waffles. It's like I was in Bizarro world or something. He welcomed me to his little club.


-------------------

I watched Smokkee's Venetian 1/2 stack bubble up and up. Well done sir.

Back to the IP.

Drink and drink and drink some more. Talk away to Waffles and Tina (smokkee's smoking wife. I mean this gal has got it going on). Tweeting and texting Smokkee. He wants Tina to go home(can you blame him?). I told him to stack another tourist for us.

Chad and Smokkee show up at IP. First time Chad has ever been there. That's shocking to me. He didn't even know where the hell it was when we left Caesar's.....um, bub, it's right there across the strip.....it's blue.

Beyonce dances. Chad admires. As did I.

Then Michael Jackson sings.

I asked Chad if he wanted to play blackjack at Michael Jackson's table. I hear he's a good dealer.

Chad deadpans "I bet the cards smell like little boys' junk".

I guiltily laugh.

Smokkee keeps laughing at me. "Jack six off! Jack six off!"

Yeah, yeah, fuck off.

More talks with Iggy and now Bloody P!!! The P! Great to meet you sir.....

Al gets pissed that I yelled at the waitress. He was right to be mad. I tipped her a crisp Jackson for dickheadness. Other bartender gives me Corona's for free the rest of the night. Thank you sir!

5AM hits. Haven't eaten since Bellagio.

Burger time once again.

Asian hooker asks if I have a date. Tough night for her it seems.

I wolf down half the burger, a small handful of fries and pass out sideways on the bed. Still had 1 sock on. The left one.


-------------------

Wake up late at 9:30.

FUCK! I CAN'T BET!!!! GD GD GD GD.

I call and call and call waffles some more to place moneys on the Bengals. I want those 6.5 points baaaaaad.

No answer......

If it were Yahoo Messenger, he would have replied 17 times in 2 minutes.

Oh well, I shower and pack. Check out and hand my bag to the clerk with a 5-spot (it's how I roll). He thanked me and off I went to Lagasse.

Beautiful room. Stupendous (I hate that word but it fits). No betting for me.

Hungover. Tired. But happy.

Waitress hands me a menu. I refuse.

"What's good here?" "Get the French Dip"

French Dip it is.

Good call by the waitress. I slipped her a 20.

We talked for a bit. The staff going to a strip club after their shift.

Chicks going to a strip club.

Nice.

I bid some more outside time to burn a few. Derek and Iggy convos. Always entertaining. ALWAYS.

I watch the end of first set of games.

Time to go.


-------------------

Say my goodbyes and walk back to IP.

Waitress says goodbye. Tells me the strip club they were going to tonight. Hmmmmmmm.

Tip the guy 3$ on the flipside of bag patrol. He seemed happy.

Take a cab back to the airport.

Cab driver is Indian.

Should I tell him my Great uncle in law is Pakistani?

This has already been thought out.

In reverse.

No, no, and hell no.

Give the guy a fat tip and walk to United.

Bum through security and wait to load up.

First class on the flip side too.

Connection in Denver.

Nice.

Guy next to me watches Good Luck Chuck on his Macbook Pro.

Dane Cook slams lots of women in that one......T&A; abound. I admire from the corner of my eye. Old couple behind find it offensive.

They're old.


-------------------

Flight arrives in Houston.

55 minute drive and I'm home.

Drop the kids off at the pool.......remembering the Bellagio Red Meat Fest the whole time.

Pass out in my bed.

With one sock on. This time the right.


-------------------


Awoken at 6:45 the next morning. 3 smiling little girls jumping on top of me.

Great to be home.





To all the brethren that make up the WPBT. I thank you all. I thank you all for giving me the ability to degenerate myself for a happy long weekend. I had a great time. I truly did.

And to those who couldn't make it.

Eat it.

Especially the Goat....FYI. (inside joke)

I will have a post up about the debauchery which is the WPBT December 09 Gathering.

I went to a funeral yesterday and just haven't really gotten the mood right yet. Tonight? Hopefully....

Hope all is well for all 3 who read this....

A mere 32 hours till takeoff on my venture to Vegas for the December gathering. Workplace productivity at an alltime low.

The Speaker came through with a solid A to Z post about Vegas.

I decided to create my own list.

A to Z or 
A 2 Z

A -- A as in A-game which is the game I plan to bring to the golf course after not touching a golf club in 9 months.

2 -- 2 as in the Number of balls I will have in the scrote come Vegas time since that's about the only thing that the wifey DIDN'T ask for in exchange for me going to Vegas.

Z -- Z as in zebra which is the color coordination and pattern design of those big fucking tigers that ate that one dudes face at the Mirage and stuff.

Yours in christ
--jjok (always link yerself)

Remember the Mickey Mouse song? Of course you do!

M-I-C
K-E-Y
M-O-U-S-E

It's catchy, somewhat.

Now replace that little jingle with new words.

Clean-the-balls
Clean-the-balls
And-the-tushy-hole


You have just been introduced to JJ's new bath time song that he's been rocking the last few weeks....much to the chagrin of my inlaws and proper wife.

Vegas in 8 days!

Thank you Continental miles for same mileage for first class.....

That's right punks (all 3 of you who still check in on me)

I'm Vegas bound Dec 10

Flight Details:
Depart:
7:30 p.m.
Thu., Dec. 10, 2009
Houston, TX (IAH - Intercontinental) Arrive:
9:03 p.m.
Thu., Dec. 10, 2009
Las Vegas, NV (LAS) Travel Time:
3 hr 33 mn Flight: CO297
Aircraft: Boeing 737-800
Fare Class: First (I)
Meal: Snack
No Special Meal Offered

2 tournies 2nite.

First one, I had 88 and called a raise. Flop was A89 and I got allin against 99.

Standard.

Then I went deep in a turbo 5$ 6max tourney. Finished 19th outta like 350 folks.

Here's the exit.....it's a beauty!!!! Woulda been chipleader if Aces held. But they were no match for big slick on that muthafucking flop bitches!!!



Full Tilt Poker Game #15411512278: $5 + $0.50 Tournament (112832588), Table 1 - 1500/3000 Ante 400 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:39:47 ET - 2009/10/18
Seat 1: fourkingtwo (15,197)
Seat 2: mr kurt (60,347)
Seat 3: aceemorfaceem (40,068)
Seat 5: buster_brown72 (27,005)
Seat 6: jjok (47,034)
fourkingtwo antes 400
mr kurt antes 400
aceemorfaceem antes 400
buster_brown72 antes 400
jjok antes 400
buster_brown72 posts the small blind of 1,500
jjok posts the big blind of 3,000
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to jjok [As Ad]
fourkingtwo folds
mr kurt raises to 59,947, and is all in
aceemorfaceem folds
buster_brown72 folds
jjok calls 43,634, and is all in
mr kurt shows [Ah Kd]
jjok shows [As Ad]
Uncalled bet of 13,313 returned to mr kurt
*** FLOP *** [Jh Ks Kh]
*** TURN *** [Jh Ks Kh] [3s]
*** RIVER *** [Jh Ks Kh 3s] [6c]
mr kurt shows three of a kind, Kings
buster_brown72: lol
jjok shows two pair, Aces and Kings
mr kurt wins the pot (96,768) with three of a kind, Kings
jjok: sick
jjok stands up
fourkingtwo stands up
mr kurt stands up
aceemorfaceem stands up
buster_brown72 stands up
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 96,768 | Rake 0
Board: [Jh Ks Kh 3s 6c]
Seat 1: fourkingtwo folded before the Flop
Seat 2: mr kurt showed [Ah Kd] and won (96,768) with three of a kind, Kings
Seat 3: aceemorfaceem (button) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: buster_brown72 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 6: jjok (big blind) showed [As Ad] and lost with two pair, Aces and Kings

So I shipped the girls to Dallas for the weekend and kept JJ at home. And everything pretty much sucked except for an awesome Saturday night.

8 hours of yardwork. Including hauling 500 pounds of sand and about 1000 pounds of pond stones to fill a section of the yard that was overcome with about three 39 gallon trash bags worth of brush, weeds, and sticky shit that wouldn't come off my socks.

The Cowboys lost.

The Aggies got their asses handed to them.

I lost all 3 fantasy football games.

It rained like crazy.

I ate horribly and gained like 3 pounds.

My back and legs are destroyed.



So, my question to you. How was your weekend?

Fuck you very much.

Lotsa stuff going on in the jjok house the last month or 2. Some good, some meh. So my apologies for not posting more often.......apologies to all 3 or 4 of you.

Did I mention that I played poker last week? The only time I've played in the last 6 or 7 weeks.

Anyway, I was at a 100nl table just having some fun when I had another of those WTF moments.

Queens in the BB. Folded to the fullstack button who pots it to 3.50. Then the sb with 20$ jams. Now in spots where calling a shortstack jam with queens, it's almost always a nobrainer. However, the guy on the button left to act is solid, so you have to be at least a little weary. My luck lately would give him kings and make my life hell. So I simply called. If he jams I might dump.....yes he is good enough for me to do that.

The button did indeed fold and I was heads up against K5 off. And the king rolls off on the river.

FML.

I sat there for a minute and pondered about what was the point. Why stress? I mean, I win that situation like 75% of the time?

It's a big part of why I've been absent. Sometimes the decisions are made for you and it's up to your luck to pull you through. What can you do?

It seems lately that I've struggled with alot of things in my life and I find myself desiring to have more control..... or at least the perception of control because we truly can't have that absolute. Not happening. No way. It's just not how the good Lord intended it.

Anyway, I played another 15 minutes or so, and busted a 3/4 stack guy with a flopped set of ducks against kings. Flop was 832.

Now how do you think that guy felt when I came way over the top of his potsized c-bet on the flop? He thought he had it in the bag. And it cost him 75$ in the end.

No control.....and I see no way he gets away from that hand.

I logged off that night with a nice 50$ profit for 30 minutes of play on a lone table. I'll take it, but it shoulda been 100$.

Oh well.

I'll play more for sure. I've yanked alot off the site after the BBT win, but left myself ample room to maybe make a fun run of it in the future. Just not yet.

15 pounds.......buhbye. And more to come.

Found out that my brother in law found my blog. He has left some various anonymous comments over the last few months. Really weird ones but still.

Anyway, this one is for you Uncle W.

Your sister has the most awesome rack......and i've touched them alot.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Cross posted at Filmchaw.

Patrick Swayze passed away today at the age of 57. RIP Mr Swayze......

Here's a tribute post I wrote in March of 2008 that I never published.

Have fun.......

-----------------------------------

Big fan of "Guy Movies". TNT does their "Movies for guys who like movies" stuff and they are usually dead on with their selections.

And Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with cancer.......here's hoping he recovers.

So, this post is dedicated to him and will cover one of the greatest guy movies ever.


Roadhouse.



And today, and only today, I, jjok will give a synopsis of this movie for your reading enlightenment.

So here we go, Roadhouse in 5 minutes or less of reading.

Bartender, named Dalton, flowing locks of hair, badass. Called by small podunk town bar-owner. Owner needs to clean up his joint.
Dalton takes the job.


Dalton specs out the place. Notes the problem workers and keeps a low profile because he is a badass.
Holds meeting with workers
"I thought he'd be bigger"
you don't have to be bigger when you have flowing locks of hair
"Be nice until it's time to not be nice."
"What if some guy calls my momma a whore?"
"Is she?"


Dalton doesn't want patrons to fuck with his mercedes, so he buys a jelopy at the local used car joint. Light covers still work too.
He buys 4 spare tires.


He lives in a barn.....upstairs......
He sleeps naked in the non air conditioned barn
With farm animals.


He goes to work on first night.
Catches a worker doggying a 17 year old......instead of watching the dude finish her off, fires him instead
"You're gonna be my saturday night special"
"Oh Stevie"
"But I'm on my break!!!"
"Stay on it"


Dalton has his arms crossed, leaning on a post, sipping coffee.
Sees a bottle being thrown at him.
He slightly moves his head and lets it shatter on the post. Arms never uncross.
Badass.


........Classic barbouncer move cometh
Dalton takes guy by the back of the head and slams it into table.
The table breaks perfectly in a line thus breaking the table in two
Dalton pulls the guys head back up.
Dalton then quickly jerks his head, causing his flocks of hair to fly.
"Escort this gentleman to the door"
"Did you see that shit?"
"Tha names.....Dalton" says the blind Jeff Healey playing the guitar behind the steal cage to protect him.
Future bad guy's whore girlfriend now likes Dalton.


After bar closes, someone knifes all 4 of Dalton's tires? No problem! That's why he bought 4 spares!
And he just laughs about it while rolling up the sleeves to change the tires.
Gets home to his barn, looks out accross the lake from his window to see naked swim parties every night.
This party-thrower will be the badguy.


Next night, he gets a stab wound while working.
He goes to the hospital.
Doctor is hottie, and notices his stitches on his arm.
"Nice work."
"Thanks."
Dalton also carries around his medical chart.
"For your line of work....I thought you'd be bigger"
"I get that alot"
Invite her to come to bar for some coffee.


Focus shift now......
Next night, meets bad guy in person, who has hired some of the fired workers.
They start a brawl.
Dalton wins, like he's supposed to.


Bad Guy makes henchmen "invite" Dalton to breakfast. Bad Guy's whore girlfriend doing aerobics in the next room...she has a black eye
Dalton now meets his nemesis......another badass.


Bad Guy starts to do bad guy things like destroying car dealerships. Nemesis helps out.
"Hope you have insurance"


Dalton calls his buddy, asking him to help out.
Old guy with bad knees is Dalton's buddy...he's got to call Dalton "Miho" which is short for amigo.
Relationship with doctor girl filler which is now unimportant.


Bad Guy doesn't like Dalton. Neither does the Nemesis.
Dalton fighting with girlfriend. Hears explosion at barn-owners normal house.


Key move here.......
Dalton jumps out of the window of his upstairs barn apartment........because there is a likelihood he will land in a haystack, roll off it, and continue running without skipping a beat
Oh, and without a shirt.
And no shoes.
Saves old guys life.
Sees Nemesis on motorcycle that caused the explosion.
Dalton runs after him, and knocks him off the motorcycle.
Fight ensues.
Nemesis says to Dalton....."I used to fuck guys like you in prison"
Dalton, amidst the frucus, finds a way to climb a small rock, jump off it, and land a successful kick on Nemesis.
Nemesis pulls out gun, knowing he can't win.
Dalton able to kick it away.
Dalton holds out his hand with pointing finger, middle finger, and thumb extended ready to rip out Nemesis's throat...
Looks like he is about to throw a curveball......
And he does rip out the throat.
Then after does a spin kick to Nemesis's midsection and let's Nemesis fall face first into a pond.
Girlfriend sees it, confirms Nemesis is dead, and is now ultra pissed at Dalton.


Dalton calls buddy to tell them they are leaving this town.
Buddy says cool.
Buddy killed by Bad Guy by a big Bowie Knife.
Dalton pissed.


Dalton executes a perfect plan which can truly only be done in a movie.....or if you are a badass.......


Using the Bowie knife that killed his friend, it navigates his mercedes towards the Bad Guys house. The car hits a perfectly timed jump, causing the car to do a corkscrew in the air.......there is a guy waiting with a shotgun ready to shoot the gastank......causing the whole thing to blow up.
But Dalton isn't in the car.
The shotgun guy is the owner of the knife and retrieves it. Duh Duh Dunnnnnn.


Dalton beats up all the henchman.
Stuffed polar bears are scary.
Bad Guy has Dalton on ropes.
Three old country men with 6'-0" long shotguns shoot Bad Guy.
Bad Guy does the Nestea Plunge into glass coffee table after said gentlemen with insanely long shotguns ventilated his midsection
Cops show up.
What happened.
"I didn't see anything."
Henchman says "Polar Bear fell on me"


Dalton swims with hottie Doctor naked in the scummy pond out back.


THE END


------------------


Again rest in peace Patrick Swayze, and thanks for those movies of yours that I enjoyed......

Pudge Rodriguez is coming back to the Rangers! I'm thrilled by it.

I met Pudge once in 1999 and will post the story tonight...... And yes there is toilet humor involved that is 100% true......

But for now let me just say that I'm thrilled....

Posted my first film review at Filmchaw. Go take a look and tell me if I'm off base.....

Thanks.

-jjok

CK alone is justification to go to Vegas.

I've been busy in life and at work.....so no posts for a while.

My apologies.

More to come from me in the near future but for now, one question.

Who is going to the gathering in Vegas in December?

Trying to figure out if I can manage it since I couldn't go last year. Just curious who I might find there.....

I don't know how I haven't noticed this before. Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I drop the wifey off at work since we both work downtown.

There's a restaurant near wifey's office, check it out.....

Bourays! Hoooray!!!

It's Mexican! No, it's Vietnamese! No it's Meximese Vietcan!

So me being jjok(always link yourself in your posts), I started thinking of possible menu items while making my way to the other side of downtown.

Came up with a menu, and let me tell you folks.....it's solid.

Love me some Mexican food. Love me some Vietnamese food.



The Bok Choy Burrito!
Filled with lots of Bok! Because nothing brings more choy to me than a good Bok! YUM!

The Carne Asada Springroll!
Uses rice paper and 3 scoops of lard!

The House Special.....Dog Cat!
Fried dog with boiled cat which captures the essence of both cuisines!

Rice Tamales!
Who needs chicken, pork, and beef when you have rice?!?!

Wok Fried Mexican Rice!
The orange wonder! A fan favorite!

Sweet and Sour Soup served with a Tortilla!
Because everything is better when it comes with a tortilla!

Barbacoa with Peanut Sauce!
Because if you're nutty enough to eat a goat's head, then you should drizzle over the peanut sauce!

Edimame Enchiladas!
For our Veggie lovers! Smothered in green sauce!

Cabbage Fajitas!
Another for our veggie lovers! You think fajitas make you fart? These will! I GUARANTEE IT!

Fish Con Queso!
Who needs fish con chips when you can get fish con cheese! Processed cheese! Kickass!


***All entrees served with a 2 scoop helping of lard infused refried beans and 2 tortillas made from 100% sticky rice.

Bonus!



Seriously, how the fuck is there a Mexican Vietnamese Restaurant?!?!

I guess I shouldn't poke fun, I'm trying to gather backers to open up a German Soul Food Restaurant. Was gonna call it Eina Kleina Soul Glow. Homemade bratwursts made from chitlins are the shit......trust me.

Gonna lose some weight. First time I've ever tried. I am aiming for losing 125 pounds. That way I'll finally be under 300 for the first time since I was in junior high.

Here's hoping I reach my goal in under 2 months.

I am...... The bullshitter. I shit bulls. That's what happens when you weigh this much. You shit bulls. Proven fact, just ask Rosie O'Donnell. Or that Rerund guy from that old 70s show.

I make light of it all of course because I'm hoping it makes it easier for me to shed a few.

That and I'm having a hard time fitting in my thongs. Serious underwear lines through my workpants made me selfconscious throughout the day. That was The Suck.

And my manzierres aren't fitting any more either.

Man, have you all been hearing all these newscasts over the last week or so? It's like they are FILLED with convos regarding the TRUTHERS (9/11)!! Fascinating stuff!

and occasionally the birther stuff. (so insignificant % of newscasts that I didn't even capitalize it)

But man! The TRUTHERS! All over the place!





--- End sarcasm of media bias.



So a political exposure is in my midst in mentioning this. Blast away if you want, I pretty much understand what I believe and such.

I am not a Birther. I think the whole thing is pretty stupid, actually.....both the idea/belief and it's coverage over the last week or so.

I dug up about the Truther stuff and did find one poll through Rasmussen. It showed that in May of 2007, over a third of Democrats believed that GWB knew about the 9/11 attacks in advance.



Rosie O'Donnell has some company it seems.



I don't remember a lot of hoopla about this idea......call it media bias, or a truly nothing story.....



Oh, and it's Rasmussen. They lean Republican. Or something......



But which is really crazier? Or does it really matter, since both ideas are kinda dumb? I guess that leads to my point......





......people are nutty when their guys aren't in the driver's seat.

About 3 months ago we went through our annual pickling. We did about 30 quarts of pickles and I requested jalapenos......so we did those too.

I'm a spicy fan, putting Tabasco on just about everything. I love me some jalapenos.

I opened one of the jars last night. Pulled out a single slice. And holy fuckballs did imiscalculatr. They are practically uneatable with a heat index bordering on Chernoble.

And as for this morning? Let's just say o lost the purple o-ring in a massive exodus of the bowels.

A cool salve is in play......

I am jjok. I am of the toilet mind.

My daughter, S, might have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder. She's been going to a physical therapist and a reading coach twice a week. We've seen MAJOR improvements in her reading since doing so, and are very happy.

Her reading coach is sponsored through the children's hospital here in Houston. Great credentials.

Every session, she's given a sheet of words that start with the same sound. Last week was GR and GL. Great, Glad, Grief, etc....

Well, a few weeks back, the words were SC and SK.

Take a close look at her worksheet, and tell me someone isn't playing a joke.






My father-in-law thought that was funny as hell and asked me if I knew what one was.

I just thought it was a shitty person.

Um, more than that.....

According to dictionary.com, it is the following.

1. a condom
2. a mean, dispicable person


I believe in teaching safe sex in schools but this is over the top.

After a call to the administration about this, I informed them that they forgot to include the words scrotum and skank.

Might as well give them the whole gamut.


ROCK ON!