Psst...

Hey...

What's up...

I got an email today that said...

"It's been a whole year since the last blog entry.  I kinda miss it.  So, in light of that, a toast and a tear tonight or tomorrow? Lemme know if you have time."

So, we hit a happy hour and raised our glasses,...

And I just thought I'd peek in...

I'm doing good.  REALLY good.

No complaints here.

And (of course) busier than ever.

But it's fun to remember when I spent a couple of years with my own little nook in the blogsphere...

Good times.

So, happy anniversary.  Have a drink on me.

I'm still thinking of you,

your jason

So, I'm finally closing the door to my "room".

Seriously.

I'm... uh...  "done".

It's not at all a "bad thing"... It's just...

(Sheez, it all sounds so freakin' "final". *ugh*)

But, hey... um... About two and a half years ain't bad, right?

Right?!?!  *heh*  ;-)

Soooooo, here's the "official" announcement... that... there's no need to check back here... and... you fellow bloggers can (finally) delete me off your blogrolls...

(No, really.  It's cool.)

Um... I guess you can email me if you're interested in being notified if I ever start again, but...

Well,...

Yeah.

The reason for my decision... is that... I just want to channel my creative energies (limited as they may be) into some other projects right now, and, so...

*sigh*

Geez...

(This is really harder than I thought.)

Sooooooooooo...

(I've never been good with goodbyes.)

Take care.

Peace.

All my  love
(always and forever),

your jason

Last Friday, the Disney Channel had a countdown clock in the corner of their screen all day, and as you can see, I was there for the last few seconds prior to the premiere.  Afterwords, we celebrated at Fubar with friends Ragan and Kerry,... but we didn't stay late, as we had big plans for Saturday.

Saturday, we drove down to Orange County for my boyfriend's 3-year old niece's birthday party, and of course, my boyfriend's nephews Colton and Logan were there, as well.---Now, listen... I haven't gone shopping in weeks,... but I was able to just wake up on the day of the party, open our guest room closet, and have several birthday presents (as well as multiple toys and games for the children attending) to choose from. *heheh*

(My favorite part of the above picture is little Logan's sly attempt to touch the cake, reaching in the frame.)

When we got back to WeHo, we were visited by our friend Reagan (pronounced "Ragan", just spelled differently), and so,... we went down to Fubar (Yes, I know, I know....) for a few (too many) drinks, before returning home, where Reagan crashed in our guest bedroom.

The next morning, all three of us went to The Griddle for breakfast, before Reagan drove home, and then, feeling as though we needed to focus on "recuperation," my boyfriend and I decided on a day in front of the TV...

Last summer, we had watched Six Feet Under for the first time... and became instantly addicted.  For several nights in a row, we watched nothing but episode after episode.---Unfortunately, just prior to the end of the entire series, we felt emotionally burned out,... we just couldn't take it anymore... and never watched the very last four episodes.---So, on Sunday, we spent the entire afternoon crying (actually, "bawling" would be more accurate) our way through those last shows, including the series finale.

So, in summary,... 3,... 2,... 1 wonderful weekend.

"I'm not afraid to admit it," I told my friend JT, over beers earlier in the week.  "This Friday night, I'll be at home... watching the premiere of High School Musical 2."

"It's a major cultural phenomenon for little kids!" I continued.  "Did you know that the original film's soundtrack was the best selling album in 2006?!  It was one of the most watched programs in the Disney Channel's history and was nominated for four (and won TWO) Emmy Awards.---In fact, during the filming of High School Musical 2 in Salt Lake City, the Utah State Governor personally visited the set because... he has a seven year old daughter who has the original film completely memorized."

"Now, as you know, JT, I mainly work with kids in their late teens and early twenties, who probably are 'too cool' to be fans of the film right now.  However, their younger brothers and sisters LOVE it, and when those kids get older, I'll be working with them, and I'll need to be able to relate to their experiences... So, in essence, I kinda feel obligated to watch the movie, career-wise, so I can work more effectively with future generations.---Does that make sense?"

"Um, well,... sure," JT replied.  "That makes sense, but... ya know, you really didn't have to go into the whole long justification."

"I didn't?" I asked.

Nope," JT answered.  "You could have just said,... `I'm gay.' "

*heheh*

SO excited for tonight,
your jason 

A nice, little news story on the church I attend, WeHo Church, on OutliciousTV, a newly launched gay internet-tv website. Watch the short, 3-minute story by clicking here.

I hear the question almost every week.

"You're so good with children.  When are you guys going to have a kid?"

And/Or

"You guys should totally get a dog!  Have you thought about getting a dog?"

And my response is always the same:

"Right now, we're just trying to NOT kill our plants.  If we're successful, then we'll consider going up the evolutionary scale."

However, to be honest, our plants have been doing pretty well for a while now.  So, recently, I decided to take the plunge.---I became the proud parent of... Sea-Monkeys.

Yep, you read that right,... Sea-Monkeys,... those amazing, mermaid-like creatures that, years ago, were advertised in backs of comic books and issues of Boys Life magazine (ads usually in close proximity to ones for x-ray glasses and the Charles Atlas exercise program).  Back in the day, I remember looking at ads like this:

Well, a few weeks ago, I was in Target (Surprise, Surprise) and saw a Sea-Monkey starter kit on sale.  I'd always wanted to send away for them as a kid (along with a pair of those x-ray glasses!), but my parents wouldn't let me,... and I really wanted to see how spectacularly they would "instantly come to life in water", as a potential trick for all the nieces and nephews.  So, I bought 'em.

Now, as you might imagine, the whole "instant life" thing was actually less than impressive.  However, I did see the movements of baby Sea-Monkeys (no bigger than the size of the period at the end of this sentence) and decided to see how long they would last.

I diligently followed the directions and went online for tips.  (I am still amazed at how, on the internet, you can find die-hard fanatics for anything.)   After a few days, my Sea-Monkeys still seemed to be doing well, and I was surprised at how quickly they were growing.

The starter-kit only included a small, plain plastic tub, and so, I looked online at other mini-aquariums (all no bigger than an average soda can) to house my new little pets.  Finally, I decided on (wait for it...) The Magic Castle.

One Sea-Monkey fanatic had posted that "Your Sea-Monkeys will love the Magic Castle.  They can play hide-and-seek and chase each other around the castle walls.  They can even go to separate rooms, if they ever get in a tiff."  (Um, yeah... riiiiiight.)

Now, for the record, allow me to state that I know that Sea-Monkeys are merely a species of brine shrimp, they look nothing like the cartoon in the ads, and they definitely aren't complex enough to have specific desires/personalities,... but it is fun to watch them and pretend.

My Sea-Monkeys now look like this illustration to the right (click for a larger version), and they seem to be doing pretty well.  They're constantly swimming, as that's how they extract oxygen from the water, and due to their small size and constant motion, it's difficult to get a good picture of them.

To take care of them (Get this!), I only have to give them a tiny pinch of their "food" (included in the kit) once a week.---Yeah.  That's it.---Even a tremendously selfish, irresponsible person like me can do that, right?  :-)

So, this weekend, my boyfriend and I are attending a 3-year old girl's birthday party and inevitably, we'll get the same old question(s),... "Why don't you guys have a kid?"

And now, I have a new response.

"I'm currently just working on keeping Sea-Monkeys."

*heh*

Well, at least, I've gone a small step up the evolutionary scale.
;-) 

The first time that I saw the Levi's "Change" commercial, I looked over to my boyfriend after it finished and said one word,... 

"HOT."

In the unlikely event that you've missed the advertisement, the spot involves a young guy who, when he pulls up his jeans in his apartment, "pulls" the outside street UP through his apartment floor.---On his first attempt, after seeing the damage he's caused, he instinctively rushes to pull his jeans back down.  However, he quickly glimpses a young woman in a phone booth before doing so.

After pulling his jeans down and restoring his apartment to normal, he takes a few seconds to assess the situation and then forcibly pulls his jeans back up,... implying that seeing the girl again was worth the destruction of his home.

So, last night, I was watching something on the Logo network, and I saw the commercial again.  As it started, I simply thought, "Oh, it's that hot jeans commercial!", but I almost fell off the couch when, instead of a girl in the phone booth, I saw this...

I respect Levi's for making the commercial, but... I can't help but wonder... if the "gay version" is ever (or will ever be) played on a non-gay network.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm...

Both full versions below.
-------------------------------------------------
Straight Version
-------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------
Gay Version
------------------------------------------------

*Hmm... Apparently, this dealio is old news, but... hey,...
it's news to ME.  :-)

One of the "extras" on VH-1's website includes a fake infommercial from the cast of "I Hate My 30's", as well as their outtakes from the bit.---The outtakes are one of the funniest things I've ever seen!

It takes a couple seconds to load, and then, you have to sit through a brief (real) commercial first and then the fake infommercial, before the outtakes... but it's totally worth it!
Click here.

After falling in love with Liam Sullivan's video, Shoes, AND getting to see his alter-ego, Kelly, in concert last summer, it's only obvious that I'd love his latest project, I Hate My 30's, on VH-1.

The show is basically a "sitcom making fun of sitcoms" with voluminous references to pop culture from the late 1970's & early 80's.  Being from that generation, I absolutely adore the show, but if you're not "in your 30's" you may not be able to relate.  As one reviewer put it, "...its target demographic is so precise... some will dismiss it as trite, others will think it’s trying too hard, and most will just never give it a chance."

My favorite character is the coffee shop owner, Dr. Rod, who narrates each episode and expouses wisdom to the television audience in the same artificial style as that guy from the 1-800-DENTIST commercials, and of course, the fact that most episodes include a musical number doesn't hurt too.  :-)

You can watch the pilot episode free on itunes by clicking here... OR watch the first two episodes, commercial free, on Yahoo by clicking here... OR catch full episodes and outtakes on VH-1's site by clicking here.

I Hate My 30's airs Thursday's at 10:30pm on VH-1.  (For a other showtimes, click here.)

*No, I don't work for this show.  I just love it THAT much.  :-)
Give it a chance, okay?
Thanks,
your jason

Yeah, I've heard y'all mocking him,... but... come ON...

Admit it... The boy IS a tasty treat.  ;-)

Where am I going today?  Nowhere.

Who am I visiting today?  No one.

How much alcohol am I going to consume?  Zero.

The past five days have been fun, but... whoo-boy, I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

It all started last Thursday night at Genghis Cohen, a Mongolian-Chinese restaurant/bar that I'd never visited but which was within walking distance of our place. (Yet another example of how cool places can be right in your own neighborhood without you even knowing it.)  They have an intimate performance space attached to the restaurant which features live music.

I went to see a rare performance by singer Vincent Slade (who I'm blessed to call a friend) who was supposed to take the stage at 9 o'clock, and so, I arrived around 8:45pm to start the night off with a cocktail.---However, the band before Vincent's show went 30 minutes overtime,... and then, they had to pack up all of their equipment,... and then, Vincent's band had to set up their own equipment,... and since I was drinking that entire time, when Vincent finally took the stage,... I was feeling pretty "good" to say the least.

After his amazing performance (which I also continued to drink through), I decided to head to good ole Fubar with friends for the evening's weekly "Big Fat Dick" event,... a choice I definitely regretted the next morning.  My friend Martin was flying into town from Austin, Texas, Friday evening.  Thus, my hungover butt had to clean house before he arrived.  (As if housework wasn't bad enough when you feel good. *ugh*)

I picked Martin up at the airport that evening, and after arriving to our freshly-cleaned abode, we (of course) sauntered down to Fubar for their Friday event called "Drunk & Horny".---Despite the name, we behaved ourselves pretty well, as we had big plans for the next morning.

Saturday, we at breakfast at the infamous Griddle and then headed straight for the Griffith Park Observatory, where we spent the remainder of the morning and a good portion of the afternoon.---The observatory recently reopened last fall after being closed for a four-year $63 million renovation, and it looked great!

The exhibits inside and the planetarium show were cool, as well, and... being a mature adult, I bet you can guess my reaction to this...

*heheheh*

The whole experience of just being there was fun.---Built in 1933, the site has been featured in numerous films.---For instance, in 1984, the man who would become the governor of our state appeared naked outside the buildings in the movie Terminator.

Of course, the Griffith Observatory is possibly best know for its scenes in Rebel Without a Cause.  They've even erected a memorial to James Dean on the property.---Being the huge geek that I am, I got chills standing there,... thinking about "the knife scene" and taking a picture of the specific spots where they stood.

I was absolutely in love with the art-deco architecture,... which I first remember seeing behind James Dean's shoulders.

Of course, the site's most recent appearance is in a little film about robots who descend on earth from outerspace... You may have heard of it... It's entitled "Transformers."  *heheh*

After the observatory, we did some shopping, got some grub, and then, headed to see The Bourne Ultimatum at the Arclight.  The movie was awesome, as expected.  (We went specifically because, the very first time that Martin visited us in West Hollywood, we went to the Arclight to see The Bourne Supremacy... So, it was kinda "full circle", ya know?

Saturday evening ended with (say it with me) Fubar's Saturday night event called Locker Room where we met up with some friends.

Sunday morning was church, followed by lunch at Greenblatt's Deli where (for the 2nd time!) we sat in a booth next to Michael C. Hall... who (and you'd never guess this) is actually pretty extraordinarily good looking in person.  (I, now, think I love him.  *heh*)

That afternoon involved the usual "Sunday pub crawl" from Fiesta Cantina through Motherlode, the Abbey, etc.---The only bar we didn't visit?  Fubar.  ;-)

Monday morning, I took Martin to Sprinkles in Beverly Hills for one of their famous cupcakes, before heading to the airport for his departure.---Then, I could rest, right?  Wrong.---That afternoon, I prepared for my evening plans with my friend Dan.

As a belated birthday present, I took him to dinner at the Arclight AND (wait for it) a special "+21 Screening" (meaning that you can bring your cocktails into the movie theater) and "sing-a-long" of... GREASE!---I know, right?!?!---It was SO much fun.  I even made myself a shirt for the occasion.

Get it?  Get it?---Okay, I'm a dork.  Shut up.

Which brings me to today,... sweet, sweet Tuesday,... a day without visits from dear friends, without famous celebrities/locations,... without any plans at all... And I'm fine with that.

Even the part about not having any alcohol.  :-)

-your jason

"Raise up your fist at the end of the movie preview, and then, give it a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down," I whispered to 5-year old Logan, as the trailers began before the feature film.

*It's a game I remember playing with my parents at movies as a kid,... and yes, I still do it. *heheh*

This past Saturday, we got to take my boyfriend's nephews to a movie for the first time.  (Oh, their parents came too, but in accordance with the boy's wishes, they didn't sit with us.---We're cool. *heh*)

I had informed their mother that I was a little uneasy about taking them to see Transformers, even though the boys really wanted to see it.  "Do you think it's too scary?" she asked.  "No," I answered, "but there's a scene when the kid's parents ask him if he's been masturbating."

"Oh, they won't get it," she sighed.  "It'll be fine."

And with their parent's seal of approval, we drove off to the theater, the boys in our backseat and their parents in a separate car.---Of course, on the way, I gave the boys some Transformers stickers and party favors, getting them even more excited for the movie.

Their favorite item was a little 2-inch "all-sparks cube" that, when you folded down different sides, displayed different pictures from the film.

5-year old Logan was particularly enraptured with the cube.  He just kept turning it and turning it,... from the car-ride... into the theater... and even after he'd taken his seat (which, by his request, was next to me).

Of course, after the movie, I had several different Transformers toys to give to the boys.  Unfortunately, at five and seven years of age, the Transformers were just a little too difficult for them to easily "transform" from one "mode" to the other... and frustrated them a little more than I had anticipated.

However, the boys (especially Logan) loved the "Transformers Undercover 4-piece set."---It includes a wristwatch-like contraption (which contains a flashlight, compass, and telescope), a motion-detector, AND (the coolest part) a listening device (that makes it capable to listen to conversations up to 20-feet away).

*Sidenote: When we drove down to Orange County to visit with my boyfriend's nephews that Saturday morning, did I know that we'd all be going to the Transformers movie that afternoon?---No.---Yet, I had brought all of that Transformers stuff with me in the car "just in case"???---Yes.  Yes, I did.  :-)

Sitting in a movie next to a 5-year old is a fascinating experience.---You quickly realize that the only scenes of interest include special effects and explosions,... and those dialogue scenes intended to advance the plot... are a lot longer than I remembered when I first watched the film... and to a 5-year old, kinda sound like "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."  (Luckily, Logan had his cube to entertain him during the "boring" stuff.)

As you might expect, during the movie, I got increasingly nervous as the film got closer and closer to the "masturbation-mentioning" scene,... and when it finally happened, I was terrified when I felt Logan lean towards me to say something.

"I think this is the same car as in the movie," he whispered, pointing to his toy cube.

I sighed with relief and confirmed his suspicion.---He'd totally missed the whole "masturbation-thing".  I was in the clear. *Thank God!*

The whole day (totaling around 11 hours!) was awesome overall, from stopping at Carl's Jr. for lunch before the film to watching the movie to playing with toys afterward to the pizza dinner and goodnight-hugs as we tucked them in.

But of all the things we did,... I smile remembering a little hand tapping my arm during one of the big battle scenes in Transformers.---Logan was trying to get my attention,... and when I looked over, he smiled... and gave me a thumbs-up.  :-)

grateful as always,
your jason

I like to think of myself as somewhat of an expert on being "Secretly Fat."

If "Secretly Fat" was a martial art, I'd be a black belt.  If it was a militia, I'd be an Admiral.  If it was a kingdom, I'd be "King Jason, Ruler of Secretly Fat-alot."

If you're thinking, "Jason, you're NOT fat,"... oh, you have NO idea.  Believe me!---I know what I am, and I own it (just as much as I attempt to hide it).

For those who don't know, the "Secretly Fat" aren't especially big guys.  We're NOT described as "fat" or "husky" or even "big-boned."  Conversely, we're not admired for having well-built bodies either,... but we're just not considered "fat,"... at least with our clothes on.

You know you've encountered one of us, if you've taken a guy home who insists on keeping his shirt on during sex,... and if you've pleaded with him by saying "Oh, I don't care!  Just take it off!  You're not fat!  You're hot!" (AND if alcohol was involved), you may have had the unfortunate experience of actually seeing the truth (usually followed by the mental thought "Oh dear gawd. That was a surprise.  He sure hides it well!" and your best attempt to bring the sexual act to completion as quickly as possible).

Of course, those "Secret Fatties" broke the number one rule of "Secret Fat-ism":  NEVER take off your shirt.---We don't go to the beach.  (The tanning salon is our skin-cancer method of choice, even in the depths of summer.)  We avoid pool parties and circuit parties,... in favor of darker, more dimly lit environments,... especially ones that involve the fully-clothed consumption of alcohol.

You see, booze is one of our closest friends... and greatest enemies.---When the people around us are drunk, they're more likely to fall for our illusion.  HOWEVER, as we drink more and more alcohol, the risk of being discovered dramatically increases.  All it takes is one unfortunate raised arm that lifts the shirt just high enough,... and the fantasy is over.

OH, being "Secretly Fat" takes WORK.  For instance, when in the company of others, you can never sit... ever.  To do so would cause certain parts of the body to squeeze together and stick out.

But what about going out for dinner, you say?---Well, first of all, we "Secretly Fat" avoid eating in public places as much as possible, even with friends.  (We usually make excuses to meet up with friends later, after they've dined and preferably after they've had a couple drinks.) 

However, IF forced into a "public eating" situation, we sit with our chairs pressing our chests firmly against the table... and order a small salad.  (Oh, but don't worry!  We'll binge on more food than you can imagine, when we're at home alone!)

Even the correct stance of the "Secretly Fat" is an art form: shoulders back, stomach in,... every once in awhile cracking our neck (in a casual attempt to pull our faces skyward and smooth out our double-chin),... and of course, clothing is a major issue.  It doesn't have to be in fashion or stylish.  It just has to "hang" or "drape" a certain way.  Shirts can't look baggy, nor can they be too tight (and risk revealing the truth).

Now, please note: we "secretly fat" KNOW that we're not thought of as "skinny" or even "hot" (Our efforts can only go so far.), but as long as the grim reality of our folds of skin, the stretch marks, the flabby pockets of fat on both sides of our backs... As long as these horrifying physical traits stay relatively hidden, we're happy,... and we survive.

Oh, we often dream of making the lifestyle changes to eliminate these imperfections that we work so hard to hide,... but... we've got excuses ("I'm just too busy/stressed/fill-in-the-blank right now") that justify our condition for the moment and... we've just gotten SO good at hiding it... well...

Take me, for example.  This morning (July 31, 2007) was the first day I've been to my gym since... (wait for it, wait for it)... August 14th,... 2006.---Yes, I've been not attending (yet still paying the monthly membership dues for) my gym for almost an entire year.

You see, last year, I had been taking a "treadmill with weights" class, dropped a little of my weight, and actually got pretty good at it,... but then, my work schedule changed, conflicting with the treadmill class, and... I swore I was going to go back to do the workout on my own, but... then, I got sick,... and then, I got busy... and then, we hit the holiday season and I gained back the weight,... and I refined and strengthened my excuses... AND my skills at being secretly fat.

However, yesterday, I watched Jason Priestly on The View and remembered running next to him at the gym last year, and... on television, he looked pretty good,... much better than when I'd last seen him in person,... and whether he still attends my gym (Crunch) or not, he obviously hadn't given up on working out, like me.  So... since my work schedule had recently changed yet again and I had this morning free, I decided to return to the same treadmill class that I used to attend on Tuesday/Thursday mornings.

It wasn't more than five minutes into the class before the instructor sauntered up to my treadmill and leaned into my face.

"So, where did YOU disappear to?" he asked.

"Well, you see, my schedule changed at work," I replied, "and I couldn't come to your class anymore, and... well, to be honest,...  Remember your last class I attended?  Back in August of last year?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well, that day was actually the last time I was here."

His eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at me confused.  "So, then, Jason... what gym have you been going to?"

"Heh," I replied with a laugh. "I don't belong to any other gym."

"Wow," he shook his head.  "You don't look like you're in bad shape."

I politely smiled, gave him wink, and said "Thanks."

Even at the gym.

"King Jason, Ruler of Secretly Fat-alot" had been successful, yet again.  :-)

Yowza! This upcominmg series is so frightening to me on multiple levels.  I don't know which will be harder: watching the show... or facing myself in the mirror afterwards.
(Series Promo Below)

I know that this clip has been out a while, but... it's so awesome!  I absolutely LOVE the look on Simon Cowell's face!

With her over-the-top energy, excessive eye make-up, and tendency to cry till her mascara ran down her cheeks,... she seemed, at first, to be more like a cartoon character, than human.

I first became aware of Tammy Faye when most of the world did,... back in the 1980's, when the popularity of her and Jim Bakker's PTL ministry and Heritage City USA were at their peak,... and back then, I, like many others, was skeptical of her sincerity.

She just seemed... "too big" for me to take her seriously, and... yes, I know,... she just "loved the Lord so darn much," but... it just seemed so... excessive,... and almost inviting the mockery and ridicule of those who'd oppose her.

However, I did appreciate that she never used fear to appeal to viewers and financial donors.  She didn't preach "hell & brimstone."  She had simply found something that had made her happy, and she wanted others to be happy too.  When she cried, it wasn't out of fear of "the devil" or because others had "sinned."  She cried because others were suffering, and she wished she could help.  She also sometimes cried out of happiness because she was grateful.

The bottomline was,... at that time, although I questioned her motives/sincerity, I really didn't have a problem with her methods,... even if her style was a little extreme for my own personal tastes. 

Of course, when their ministry was exposed for the misuse of millions of dollars and fraud,... after Jim Bakker's sex scandal with Jessica Hahn went public,... I (like many others) immediately took the news as confirmation that my early skepticism had been correct.  I lumped Tammy in with every other "religious" leader who had been exposed for hypocrisy throughout history,... never questioning whether she'd actually ever known of the ministry's financial dealings (She didn't.) nor ever considering that it was her husband who had cheated on her.

I had thought she was a fake when I first saw her, and I regarded those scandals as my proof that I'd been right.

(Boy, nothing like some smug self-righteousness to make ya feel better about yourself, huh? *heh*)

In the immediate years that followed, I lost track of Tammy Faye,... until she seemingly reemerged on the public scene.  I accidentally caught an episode of her short-lived talk show with Jim J. Bullock.  Then, I saw the documentary The Eyes of Tammy Faye, and... realizing my own hypocrisy & self-righteousness, I definitely became a fan.

I think her stint on The Surreal Life was perhaps the most telling, in regards to who she really was.---I mean,... despite her personal religious beliefs, she always showed all of the roommates nothing but love.---Oh, yes, she declined going to the nudist colony and the psychic reading,... but that was her choice, and I respected that!  She still never said a bad word about anybody and loved everyone unconditionally.

I once asked Jim J. Bullock (who I'm now blessed to call a good friend) if the whole "Tammy Faye" character was all an act, and he instantly replied, "Oh, NO!  That's REAL!  That's HER!  What you see is what you get.  She's exactly the same way off camera and on,... though, ya know,... during that whole time we did the talk show, even I never saw her without her make-up."

I was upset when I learned that she had cancer in the 1990's, but was also in awe of her continued optimism, love, and bravery as she fought it.---I rejoiced each time she beat her cancer into remission and was so happy when she publicly stated that she was cancer free.

Of course, as you know, her last bout of cancer returned in 2005, and this time, proceeded to get worse.---I closely followed her son Jay Bakker's documentary series, One Punk Under God, and continued to be inspired each time she made an appearance.  Jay Bakker even spoke at our church one Sunday, last February, and gave us an update on his mom.  Jim J. also remained close to her and kept in touch with her over the phone.

Everyone kept saying, "It won't be long.  It won't be long.  She's the worst I've ever seen her."  Yet, she continued to pull through.

This past Saturday night at a bar, my friend Anthony said, "Isn't it sad that Tammy Faye died?" and... I was in shock.  "Oh, she's not dead," I replied. "She was just on Larry King this past week... I mean, I didn't see it, but I heard about it.  In fact, I even heard she'd gained a couple pounds."

"No, Jason," Anthony responded.  "She's gone.  Before I came out tonight, I read it online."

Well, I dismissed it and just continued drinking,... but when I woke on Sunday morning, I immediately logged on my computer to verify the news,... and yes, Anthony had been right.  I read through several of the articles posted about her death and then, walked back to our bedroom to get ready for church.

That's when I lost it.

For the first time in a LONG time, I cried so hard that my shoulders shook. 

I kept thinking, "She was SO loving to EVERYONE,... she was so FULL of love,... and now,... that HUGE source of love on earth is GONE, and...  How can we all not be worse off for the loss of it?"

And on an admittedly selfish, more personal level, I also cried because... well... even though I never met Tammy Faye,... I still always knew that, in my heart of hearts,... if I did meet her, she would love and accept me (NOT because I'm special,... but because that's what she did!) and... I don't know... In this day and age, where so many people don't accept or love... me,... you,... us... It's hard to learn that somebody who WOULD... who DID... isn't going to be there any more.

Then, I thought, "My gosh!  What a role model to emulate!"  I mean, I'd like to think of myself as a loving person, but... can you imagine being so loving and accepting that total strangers cry at your death for losing the mere potential to be loved by you?!?

With Tammy gone,... with the loss of that huge source of love on our planet,... it's our responsibility to fill that void to compensate,... to be even more loving to everyone around us,... because we don't have that beautiful woman around to pick up the slack for us anymore.

Last night, I was going to watch the Larry King retrospective about her, but when I went online to find the showtime, I saw a couple pictures from her interview with Larry, and I immediately closed my web browser.

She looked horrible.  So, I didn't watch the show because... that's not how I want to remember her.

I want to remember her as I first saw her... with her over-the-top laughter, impeccably excessive make-up, and mascara-filled tear drops that I know she would shed for me.

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From Tammy Faye's last note on her blog just last week:
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I try really hard to eat and keep the food down, but sometimes it is like my throat would just shut down on me, and the food comes right back up...

I ask in great humbleness that you pray that I will be able to eat without it coming back up.  I crave hamburgers and french fries with LOTS of ketchup!  When I can eat that again, it will be a day of victory!

In closing, I want you to know that I am praying for you and your loved ones...

I will let you know when I get to eat my hamburger!

Love,
Tammy Faye
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I hope you're enjoying your hamburger and french fries, Tammy.  Your love continues to inspire me, and you will be missed.---Save me some ketchup.
-your jason

I haven't posted in a while.  In fact, I really haven't done much of anything.---I've been crazy-busy at work, and I haven't even had a chance to visit the beach this summer.

I've been telling myself, "Okay, Jason. You've got to START enjoying this summer SOON,... before it's OVER.", and I've gotten a little frantic as I've seen signs of the ending of the season.

For instance, all of the summer blockbuster movies have, for all intensive purposes, come and gone.  Not long ago, there was a midnight opening every other week, but... no more.

"Oh, but what about Hairspray or The Bourne Supremacy or The Simpsons?"

Sorry.  Those don't count.  I consider the end of "summer blockbuster season" by the last movie in which people can fly (Yes, I know that Underdog hasn't opened yet, but he's not a person, okay?), and Harry Potter opened weeks ago.

Though I haven't done HALF of the things that I wanted to do this summer, I've continued to think that I still had a little more time before the ending of the season,...

And then, yesterday, I was slapped in the face by reality at Target.

So, I guess Summer 2007 is over.  *sigh*

Maybe I should start getting out my sweaters...

-your jason

Oy, my hair grows slowly...   *sigh*

I only get a "trim" every two months (just to clean it up), but... dang, this whole "long hair" thing is taking much longer than expected.

Yesterday, while attempting erase "unessential items" from my laptop's harddrive, I discovered a pic that I took on July 10th, 2006,... exactly one year ago today.

I have no idea why I took the picture.  (I think I remember having just returned home from the beach.)  However, I thought it might be fun to shoot a "One Year Later" photo today.---I'm definitely less tan than a year ago,... and I'm obviously more tired (as evidenced by the dark circles under my eyes...

But at least my hair is longer.  :-)

On Saturday, while leisurely window shopping in West Hollywood with my boyfriend, I caught the reflection of my full body in a store display window.

I pretended to be gazing at the items behind the glass, while I noted how my t-shirt curved out against my stomach.

"Suck it in, Jason," I thought to myself.

However, as I attempted to tighten up my stomach muscles, I realized...

I was already sucking it in... unconsciously... (a common involuntary reaction for many of us when walking the streets inhabited by the beautiful specimens of WeHo).

*Oh, crap.*

I tensed my stomach muscles even further, attempting to pull the blob of fat back closer to my spine, desperately trying to make the bump disappear.

It didn't.

Even when pulling my shoulders all the way back and lifting my chest up to my chin, I still had enough of a bump that, if I were a female celebrity, the tabloids would accuse me of being pregnant.

Now, I've tolerated recent weight gain by labeling it as "temporary weight" that I would easily drop "as soon as I get through with (fill in blank)," and I've been deluding myself with this rationalization for... about 3 or 4 months.,.. and now,... I've reached critical proportions.

See, it's one thing to look significantly out of shape when I'm naked (no one is going to see that!),... but when I'm covered with clothing?!?!  Come on!---Oh, I never thought that anyone looked at me clothed and said, "Wow!  I bet he looks great naked!", but I felt... at least a little confident that, with the proper fitting clothes & appropriate lighting, I could at least keep the severeness of my reality a secret,...

But no more.

The fat lady is singing,... and by "fat lady", I mean "me."

I can't ignore this any longer.  The time has come to take drastic actions, starting immediately.

Short-term goal:  I want the middle digit on my scale to be a different number by the end of the week.  (That's really not as big a deal as it sounds.  The third digit isn't that high.)

I'm not asking for a washboard stomach or abs of steel...

I just want to wear clothes and NOT have a pregnant reflection,... even when I'm sucking it in.