Costco trip tonight. I had every tattoo covered and enough people still stared that my mother noticed. Maybe I just dont get out in public enough or maybe I am just getting that strange looking. Or people just suck.

Things are still going. Infact theyre going great.
Me and my fat beast just do our thang.

... exciting!

I cant stand not having smoke. The past few days have just been painful and lonely. I hurt from head to toe, physically sore, I cry at the drop of the hat, cant sleep, cant eat and get angry at everyone and everything. Its not that I want to smoke, because I dont. I just want to feel normal and sane right now.

Puppysitting.

I ended up keeping her.
My new American Bulldog puppy!

Oh..... things are just... weird right now.

Well, I'm up.
Thanks 8am booty caller.
Fuck you.

Having a rough week
If Im not DOING something or blazed, I pretty much cant control the crying
fuck
not even any real reason why, nothing tragic has happened
things just suck
out of smoke, out of money, out of energy, out of love
whered you go summer fun?

Rumble on over to my Flickr for some fabulous photos of Kaila and I shaving our heads.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nyxilyn/sets/72157624431380907/

I will probably be shaving my head tomorrow...

165 lbs.... I havent been this thin and this in shape since I was a 14 or 15.
Feels great. looks great, summer-away!

I frequent Deviant Art and Facebook more than LJ.

http://nyxilyn.deviantart.com/
http://www.facebook.com/#!/nyxilynn

and even then, not much.
I hope all is well with everyone's summer?

So LJ is immensely SLOW and these pop up adds can REALLY go fuck right off.


This is a Wheel Bug. A bug, yes, technically even. I have been following a 'colony' of them for a while in my yard. Not really a colony, but there are a lot in all different stages of growth. This is a near adult, about 5-6 molts into it's 8-molt life cycle. They are very intense looking little bugs, younger ones are jet black with red bottoms. They all have ONE single fang/pincher/thing off the front of their snout. They use it to KILL because this is a Predator Bug, a very good bug to have in the yard. Every molt, they get scarier lookin and I can just hear the local insects scream in terror.

(Shit I wish I had a camera that wasnt 8 years old)

THINGS have sped up lately. On accident; I just cant be running around everyday like I've got the energy of a fuckin 17 year old.. because I dont! The past three days have been INSANEEEEEE. I mean two days ago, shit happened that leaves me with a story to tell the grandchildren.. dont buy green in Independence Missouri while wearing heels is about all I have to say about that.



But at least I've found garden time. Now if only I could find time for my booty caller, who's tried 3 times in the last week and I have to keep denying....

I leave with a photo of "Unicorn Grass". My new fave plant that I've been propagating outside.

Of 51 Contacts in my phone, only 7 are female. Of those 7 females, only 1 isn't family.

I found it interesting. Bad. but interesting.

Walking a fine line through my addictions.
Today is going to be a beautiful day.

Lets take a step back from being a whore and look at some utterly fascinating things going on. We havent posted a picture bonanza on LJ in years right? well, these aren't all reptiles, sorry.

A random toad in my yard.
I poked it.



I've recently taken a giant step into gardening and plant care. Not that I know a goddamned thing about it, I just happen to find it therapeutic. From flowers to bushes to trees... to soil levels, rocks and mulching, Im trying to learn it all.





I 'built' this last week. This corner of our yard was just a large brush pile, it was hideous. Logs and sticks and crap (literally) just piled up. Not that this is a bad thing, for both compost and the animals but it was lacking. So I tore it apart, dug and mulched and composted a good two feet down. Re-layed all the 'brush' into this 'flowerbed' and planed random plants.

This corner has a LONG ways to go, I just put more plants into it yesterday. I have a hole dug and about ready to add a water-source. The plan is to continue composting into/around this corner and make it this self sustained little.... habitat? I love it, now if only I knew what I was doing :)


Another part of the corner, New plants and leftover tile from one of our remodeled bathrooms.


What the corner looked like BEFORE.





Hyacinth
The smell of these in full bloom is utterly overwhelming.



One of five rose bushes. This was about a month ago, need new photos, as they are in full bloom now.



White rose hedges


Random pink bush


Aligator sprinkler next to one of my many SEDUM bundles.

Sedum is quickly turning into one of my favorite plants to grow. Not just because they're hardy as fuck... but something about them captures me. They are just now starting to flower, white and yellow versions. They are related to the cactus I believe, but yet the leaves feel like velvet. In fall, they will retreat back and turn a dark purple, through all winter they stay this strange compact purple. Then spring will come and they BURST back into green and flower. Really love them.


Another Sedum Bush (about to flower)


Ivy taking over a flower box.


This fern has a name.
We call it COUSIN IT


Flowers flowers flowers.
Had a really good year so far.


Sitting on my porch


Mah FEETS!


Burn


Whey protein, coffee, ice cream = blended GOODNESS


So yah, I like gardening now.
I water everything in the mornings, barefoot. Wander, explore. Plan.

A few days ago I purched three varieties of Basil and am thrilled to start getting into the herbs. I shall be posting many more photos as I beef up the basil and plant plant plant. How did I not have photos of my lilac and sunflowers..... AHH SO MUCH TO DOOO!

There arent a lot of times, places and people that make me really feel like I am not good enough.

Today was one of those days.

Apparently...... Digging up clothes you haven't worn in over two years because you've been a fat fuck, and now being able to wear them slightly baggy..... is a GREAT FEELING.

Ever have a feeling.... that just, hurts?
Not so much a feeling, maybe its a thought.
or a want.

Every time I think about it, a pain runs through my chest. Tightens. Flutters. Like butterflies of the heart. "Ebeejeebees" in my chest, sometimes so deep, it runs through my arms, my gut.

It's not even really a bad 'thing' that causes this.
It just hurts, makes me want harder... think harder... desire harder...

Then I turn into an emotional train wreck.

On a side note, its gorgeous outside.