I can’t tell you the times I wrapped a towel from my mother’s linen closet around my neck and ran off to simulate flying.

Every boy has once dreamed of being faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive. But somewhere between adolescence and high school our once lofty dreams approach life from a safer perspective.

There are unspoken rules of conduct that men abide by.

See, the worst insult you could give a man is that he’s somehow acting less than what a ‘real’ man should.

So we go through great lengths to ensure our manhood is not questioned. In this we often lose sight of transparency or being authentic. Instead we work overtime to keep up a facade. This behavior is passed down time and time again. But as men, we can never grow beyond what we refuse to confront.

Here are a few ‘myths’ we carry as men of steel:

• Men don’t have feelings, therefore they cannot be hurt:  This is a flat out lie. As I often say, we have the same feelings as women. We just express our feelings in a different way. Any guy who says a woman has never broken his heart or let him down needs to get his head examined. As men, we are occupational while women tend to be relational. We find our identity in what we do, not who we know. 
• Men don’t like to talk:  The truth is, we don’t like to talk at the exact moment women do, but we do talk. We speak about things that affect us or inspire us. If you ever want to see a guy get chatty, tap into what he’s passionate about. That’s what matters most to men.
• Men avoid commitment at all costs:  What connects us to our manhood is how well our family is taken care of. I don’t believe I have been more ashamed or disappointed in myself than when my finances fell too short to take care of my family. I felt less than a man. Often if we doubt our ability to provide, we tend to shy away from that commitment.
• Men never get depressed:  Yes we do. The difference is, early in boyhood we were told, big boys don’t cry. We took that mantra to heart. In fact, we added that big boys don’t share their emotions. We took it as a sign of weakness. But anything without a pressure valve to give release will likely explode.

I have always been fascinated with the story of Superman. Not just because of his incredible acts of heroics, but because the people closest to him never made the connection.

Somehow he could come up missing, he could save their lives and spend time with them, and no one ever thought Clark was really Superman.

I guess that’s appropriate. As men, we have lived the truth that it’s the other way around. Superman, was really Clark Kent all along.

See you at the TOP!

Early Jackson

Why? I sweat.

A lot. 

I sweat so much I have to carry around a little cloth with me. I sweat so much, I sometimes have to wring out that cloth.

While in grade school I asked to be excused from class to avoid square dancing – I never came back to class that day.

It’s a disease called hyperhidrosis, but I always imagined that nobody would understand the scientific aspects so I became incredibly self-conscious.

If I had to shake people’s hand, I would feel strange around them for fear that they were disgusted by me.

Love Yourself or Nobody Else Will

Far from a loner, my closest friends were those who knew about my sweaty hands. We rarely talked about it, but they knew.

The relationship I had with those friends was great because I learned to accept myself when I was around them. With most other people, I never accepted my sweating disease.

More importantly, when I felt uncomfortable and disgusted with myself, the emotions were reciprocated by others through a part of the brain known as “mirror neurons”.

The frontal lobe has neurons that signal when you are being touched, but there are also neurons that signal when you see other people being touched. In the same way, when my sweaty hands made me feel noticeably uncomfortable, other people were feeling the same discomfort.

Now, I have grown enough to overcome most of my self-consciousness with sweating. Before anyone else could love me, I realized that I had to love myself. Embracing my situation and myself was the only way that I could be accepted fully by others.

While it is a life-long process when self-consciousness has rooted itself deep in your mind, here are 6 ways that I have been able to tackle self-consciousness:

1. Embrace what you cannot control. Conventional wisdom often tells us that it is good to accept ourselves the way we are. Acceptance is great, but I feel it doesn’t have a strong enough connotation to promote real change with self-consciousness. Don’t just accept what you cannot control, but fully embrace it. It may never be a positive thing, but it is a part of you and embrace how much stronger the adversity has made you become.
2. Create selective blind spots. Many people who are naturally free from crippling self-consciousness are simply ignorant of their flaws. You can replicate this by telling yourself whatever you need to make yourself feel better. For example, I might tell myself that my sweating is actually a good thing for some identified reason.
3. Recognize where your flaws are helpful. No matter how bitter your problems, there are probably some ways that they can help. When I drop dry food on the floor, my sweaty hands act like an efficient sweeper. In one instance, a member of the opposite sex continued raving about how attractive it was. Why be self-conscious when other people might like it?
4. Talk to many strangers. Regardless of what you are self-conscious about, talking to strangers and people in general will help you to feel more comfortable. As much as you accept and embrace your own flaws, the true test is getting out with strangers and interacting with them on a routine basis. Not getting good feedback from people? Maybe you haven’t really gotten rid of self-consciousness. Keep testing and trying.
5. Bleed emotionally with others. Not everyone is emotional in the same way, but when you bleed about your thoughts and feelings, there is nothing left to hide. Start telling friends about whatever makes you self-conscious and you will realize that it is mostly in your imagination. Then tell the world in a blog (like this one) and there are even fewer people to hide from.
6. Do something completely absurd in public. Going out in public and doing something completely absurd might sound silly, but afterwards there is little to be self-conscious about. As with bleeding emotionally, you go to the extreme in a physical sense to recognize that your problems are not that great. Last week I ran for two miles in my underwear around campus (for charity) and I could feel self-consciousness slipping away.

If you have other methods to help you love yourself more, practice them as long as you need to in order to remove self-consciousness.

It has dictated my life for many years so it is a slow and steady process, but an absolutely necessary one.

By removing self-consciousness in your life, you will find better relationships with people who are as comfortable with you as you are with yourself.

Whether these toxic influences are sabotaging you intentionally or not, identifying and removing them from your life can dramatically improve your health, wealth, and general well-being.

11 Frenemies You Should Dump, Right Now

1. Needy Nancy: She is constantly insecure about “us” and needs frequent reinforcement that you are still friends. If more than a week goes by without a coffee, lunch, or long chat, things get awkward fast. Real friendships are a two-way street, and Nancy is always driving in the same direction. 
2. Competitive Charlie: He wants what you have, and he’s watching to see what “edge” he can get. Everything is a contest, and he’s more interested in getting ahead than supporting your successes. Realize that he doesn’t have your back — and you shouldn’t have his.
3. Debbie Downer: Life sucks and she knows it. The glass is always half-empty, people are inherently evil, and nothing can change her mind. Be careful — Debbie will wet your blanket before long. 
4. Broadway Bob: If he were a play or movie, it would certainly be classified as a drama. Just when sailing gets smooth, controversy strikes, and he always seems to be involved. It usually starts with a “Did you hear?” or “As a friend, I just wanted to let you know….” Life doesn’t have to be that complicated. 
5. Networkin’ Noreen: She is always slingin’ cards and hustling for “bidness.” Your friendship is measured by what you can do for her. No matter the topic of conversation, her services take center stage, and she’s always angling for a good introduction. This is a pseudo friendship of convenience, so start making it inconvenient.
6. Listless Larry: You’re pretty sure he’s not a zombie, though his life is completely devoid of ambition, purpose, or anything meaningful. He doesn’t believe in much and judges anyone who’s “involved.” Unless you, too, want to float through life with little more than some old records and a lifetime supply of Funyuns, steer clear.
7. Judge Jacky: Life is her courtroom, and everyone is the accused. No one is ever smart enough, good-looking enough, rich enough, or Christian enough to meet her standards. Unless you love being the defendant, I suggest you let court recess.
8. Flaky McFlakerson: He’s consistently inconsistent. Forty percent of the time, he shows up every time. You now expect a last-minute “something came up” and a constant barrage of poorly designed excuses. Friendship is about reliability, and this guy is your 1983 Yugo.
9. Climbing Carey: No matter what or who stands in her way, she is moving on up. Her past is laden with “former friends” who became collateral damage. When she condescendingly talks about having kids in “like 10 years,” you get the feeling she might eat her own young. Back away slowly before you get sacrificed on her career altar.
10. Devilish Don: While he has three kids, a beautiful wife, a good job, and an enviable golf swing, Don wants more. People “take themselves too seriously.” He’s all about “getting wasted,” hitting on the cart girl, and talking crap about his “worthless” wife. It’s best to leave that party before his values get you into trouble.
11. Groupie Gail: She’s your biggest fan. She always “likes,” retweets, and congratulates. Need her opinion? She waffles until finding the response that pleases you the most. While she makes you feel great temporarily, Gail dangerously distorts reality. Real friends challenge and debate with transparency. Unless you need your pillow fluffed, I’d suggest leaving Gail at the next tour stop. 

The "Average of Five" Rule

The “Average of Five” rule states that you are an average of your five closest friends.

I’ve found it to be surprisingly accurate, and the company you keep is a good indication of the person you will become.

Surround yourself with people whose traits you admire, and prepare to soak up their positive, productive, and healthy influence.

Everything just feels miserable.

Can you even remember the last time you actually felt happy?

The Real Causes of Unhappiness

During one summer while I was in university, I was unhappy.

I was unhappy because my friends had better summer jobs than me. I got better grades than them. So why were THEY getting all the cool jobs?

The real low point came when we traded stories on our respective jobs at the end of summer. I found that most of them had key roles in prestigious companies. Some even got to choose which projects to work on, and leveraged that into connections with top executives.

I was jealous.

That's because I spent the entire summer doing data entry.

So to protect my bruised ego, I told myself how my friends just got lucky, how they had connections I didn't have, and so on. I spent months thinking such thoughts to make myself feel happier. But in the end that didn't help.

It didn't help because nothing had changed. Instead of taking action to improve my job prospects for next summer, I chose to bubble wrap myself in made-up excuses.

I was sabotaging any chance for me to be happy.

The Secret to Being Happy

It took me a while, but I eventually learned that happy people have problems too.

They get into fights with others. They don’t always get lucky breaks, even if they deserve them. And contrary to what we may want to believe, not everything that happens in their lives is good.

But they know the secret to being happy: it’s all in your head.

Happy people have a more proactive and positive view of life.

They believe they have the power to make things better for themselves and others. They believe they are masters of their own destinies. Because of this very attitude, they are not easily brought down by bad things that happen in life.

Finally, happy people don't make excuses for things they know they should be doing.

It took me a long time to learn this, and even longer to apply it to my own life. My friends got cool jobs because they WORKED for them, while I just complained on the sidelines HOPING to get a cool job.

It was time to stop sabotaging myself with self-defeating thoughts.

15 Warning Signs Your Thinking is Sabotaging Your Happiness

I sabotaged my happiness in a lot of ways that summer. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I do. And I've included some of the warning signs in the list below for you.

Are you sabotaging yourself now as I was?

1. You blame, always. Do you always point fingers when something goes wrong? Blaming is a subtle sign that you think something or someone else needs to change to make you happy. Living your life depending on what others do is a sure way to be unhappy. Instead, take ownership of what you can control.
2. You think the world is against you. You feel like you are having the worst day ever, and the whole world is trying to screw you over. Or is it just your imagination? Go ahead and vent your frustration for the rest of the day. But stop before you go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s not tarnish it with bad thoughts that are already in the past.
3. You feel like no one cares. Here’s an interesting thought: do YOU care about others? Instead of feeling sorry for yourself because you think no one cares, do something today to show your care for someone. Call a friend to say hello. Help out a neighbor. Do a nice deed for someone. What goes around comes around.
4. You take everything personally. I know friends who take whatever others say about them personally. As a result, some days they are over-the-moon ecstatic about a positive comment. Other times they are miserable because someone critiqued what they did. Keep in mind what other people think is none of your business. They are entitled to their opinion. You are entitled to not listen.
5. You relish in getting back at people. Do you keep grudges? Do you look forward to the day when you can get back at someone who has wronged you in the past? This sort of thinking will only drown you in a pool of negative thoughts. Learn to let go. There are much better things to do with your time than to spend it feeling bitter and resentful.
6. You feel like you have something to prove. I had a friend who always tried to prove how tough he was at school. The truth was, the harder he tried to prove himself, the more desperate and ridiculous he looked. This spiraled into a vicious cycle where he would be unhappy with himself, and thus try harder and harder to prove something to others. As for you, you don’t need to prove anything. You are good enough as you are. You just need to believe in yourself.
7. You are harsh when others screw up because they “deserve it”. I have a colleague who eagerly goes out of his way to make those who screwed up suffer for it. He felt it is his “right” to treat others that way because others treated him so when he first started. Not surprisingly, my colleague seems equally as miserable as those he torments. Do you think pouring salt on someone else’s wound will make you happy? I highly doubt it. Instead, learn to forgive. What has happened is already in the past. Holding onto unhappy memories is a sure way to stay unhappy.
8. You feel life is unfair. Someone else is always getting the credit, the boy/girl, the big raise, and everything good. Yes, the world is unfair in some ways. What are you going to DO about it? Remember how I said happy people are proactive and positive? Losers complain all day and yet DO NOTHING about their miserable situation. But you’re not a loser, right? Learn new skills, try new adventures, and improve yourself as much as possible. If you do that, pretty soon you’ll be the one getting all the good things in life while everyone else looks on.
9. You feel it is OK to cheat. This is often tied to the feeling that life is unfair. If you think that way, it’s easy to rationalize cheating as a way to “balance” things out. Of course, we all start with small cheats. And if we don’t get caught, we go for bigger and bigger payoffs over time. Can you see how this is a dangerous slippery slope? Cheating may bring you short-time happiness, but it guarantees long-term misery. Instead, focus on producing work that you are proud of. Focus on building relationships based on trust, care, and love. Focus on doing what’s best for you and others, rather than what feels good at the moment.
10. You love to complain. Oh, how good it feels to play the “woe is me” card in front of your friends. I've been there and done that! For a brief moment, you are the center of attention. Everyone is listening to your gripe story. Everyone takes pity on you. Then your friends start to tune out your constant complaining. Desperate to regain their attention, you come up with even sadder stories of how your life sucks. Have you ever stopped to listen and be there for others? If you haven’t, why do you think others will do the same for you?
11. You think you have it bad in life. Stop living in your own little world. There are others around you who are much less fortunate. Relatively speaking, maybe your life isn't so bad after all. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I would complain how I don't have this or that in life. What always helps is to remind ourselves the things we have to be grateful for in life. Think: what can you be grateful for in your life?
12. You’re jealous whenever something good happens to your friends. Sure, you may SAY you’re happy for them. But are you really? Or do you secretly resent their newfound happiness? I have learned that being happy for others can create a corresponding lift in your mood. Everyone’s life is different. The timing of your happiness has nothing to do with your friend’s timing. Be happy and celebrate your friend’s bright moment. In time, you will have your own. And your friend will be there to celebrate yours then.
13. You think nobody likes you. The ironic thing is, your thinking nobody likes you will make you appear cold and uncaring. This only results in people actually disliking you. Instead, give time for people to get to know you. Be warm and friendly. Yes, there will always be the odd person who doesn’t like you for whatever reason. Let that go. Don’t let them skew your perception of others who do accept you for who you are.
14. You bully others. I don’t claim to know how bullies think. But I do know one important fact: happy people don’t bully others. Happy people feel good and confident about themselves. They do not push others down in order to lift themselves up.
15. You tell yourself you don’t deserve good things. This is the quintessential defeatist attitude. When something good does happen to you, you think it’s luck and not your own doing. Maybe you need to give yourself some credit. Before you can be happy about your life, you have to believe that you deserve happiness. Once you start to believe something, you’ll begin to see it happen.

The Final Warning Sign (#16)

Go back to the list above and look at the various points again. How many of them apply to you? More importantly, does the following, final warning sign apply to you?

You would rather talk than to take action.

You may nod your head as you sheepishly check off on the previous warning signs. But will you actually TAKE ACTION to change things? Not taking action is a sure way to sabotage yourself, stay stuck, and be unhappy.

I wish I could tell you an epic, Hollywood-like conclusion for my summer job story. No, I didn't get a spectacular job offer the following year. In fact, the rest of my summer jobs throughout university were pretty normal.

But I did learn how to be happy.

That's because I made the effort to change how I think. The transformation didn't happen overnight.

But each time I complained or let a negative thought creep into my head, I would push it back out. Slowly, I embraced the notion that I have the power to change and improve my life.

Happiness Begins with You

You have a choice.

You can spend the rest of your life feeling miserable. You can complain to anyone within earshot, eventually pushing even your closest supporters away.

You can lash out at the world because you feel someone or something “owes” you a happier life.

Or you can choose to be happy.

All it takes is for you to view things differently. Believe that you have the power to create happiness in your life. Know that you deserves better. Trust that it will all work out.

You can do this.

What are you waiting for?

1. Set a Schedule

When you have vague goals and plans, it is not easy to work towards achieving them.

So, the first step in improving your focus is to make sure your goals are clear and your plans are well thought out and most importantly, that you have a schedule for every step of the way.

For example, saying you want to spend more time with your parents is vague – write it down as “I will call my parents every Wednesday and Friday and meet them on Sunday.”

A schedule ensures you have a clear picture of what you need to do and this makes it easier to focus and actually perform the necessary actions. Some people even find that using their Smartphone to set reminders or alarms for a particular task work out very well.

2. Stop Procrastinating

When there is something you need to do to achieve a goal, do it at once. Stop procrastinating.

Doing something right away is beneficial in two ways – for one, it allows you to get the task done and more importantly, you do not block valuable mind space with thoughts of having to do the task you postponed doing.

Often, it is the starting that is difficult; once you begin, the actions just flow and before you know it, the job will be completed.

If you have decided to write a few lines in your diary every evening, don’t postpone it until after you watch your favorite late-night show; take a few minutes before the show and get it done and over with.

3. Focus on Less

Having too many things to do is a sure fire recipe for a lack of focus – no sooner do you start one task than your mind starts thinking of another. This eats away at your time as well as your concentration.

If you face this problem, make it a habit to jot down the tasks that come into your mind and pick three or four that are the most important right now.

Of these, take up one at a time and focus on accomplishing the goals related to the task; once that is over, move to the next item on your list.

4. Get Back on Track When You Slip

You wake up early and exercise for about a week. Then, because you work a lot, you "forget" to exercise for three days.

Your mind will tell you that you have ruined your wonderful routine and trick you into pushing off getting back to your routine until the next week, or until this important project is over or….you get the idea; before you can realize it, your focus is gone.

The best way to avoid being trapped like this is to tell yourself it was a busy three days, but now, you have to start exercising again.

5. Learn to Delegate

If there is an event and the organizer tries to do everything himself, do you think he can really focus on all the tasks?

Definitely not – that is the reason why there are committees and sub-committees to whom the organizer can delegate tasks while he focuses on the larger picture. Doing something well does not mean you have to do it on your own. In fact, this approach is often counterproductive because of your inability to pay attention to so many jobs simultaneously.

Instead, identify the jobs you are good at doing and focus on them. For all other areas – delegate.

6. Team Up

Sometimes, it can be helpful to work with a friend or a relative who is also trying to build focus. Tell each other about your goals and plans and set up a system of catching up a few times a week to see how well each one is sticking to their decisions.

Often, this external motivation will help you develop focus faster than working on your own.

As most of us realize in hindsight, it is not important to merely have goals – you have to actually take action.

Think well and think hard about why you have something on your goal list. Write down these reasons.

Read this list frequently to get the motivation you need to stick to your quest for success.

You will find endless blogs and articles filled with advice and ideas, but really there is only one real easy solution to making our lives better – and most people do everything they can to avoid it.

Here are three simple steps to solving many problems in your life.

Step #1: Be honest

Stop and be honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about how you feel about a certain situation, a relationship, a job or something in your life that isn’t as you say you would like it to be.

Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? If you’re bitching, moaning or blaming, clearly it feels uncomfortable and you might feel guilty.

It’s called ‘the uncomfortable truth’ for a reason, and there is some responsibility for you to own.

Step #2: Take personal responsibility

Taking responsibility is not about saying, ‘Everything is my fault; I’m bad, I’m wrong’: if you’re doing this then you’re just blaming, shaming and persecuting yourself.

Instead, it is about putting your hands up and acknowledging that you have chosen to behave in a certain way, which may have been a mistake (whether conscious or unconscious) at the time, but now you are taking responsibility for that behaviour.

Saying it out loud, being honest and telling the truth to other people about that choice or action is part of taking responsibility, because it makes it real.

Step #3: Take action

Once something is real and out there, we can’t avoid it, so we have to choose how to deal with it. The answer is not always to make changes but can simply be to accept what is.

Accept that we don’t actually want to change, so we don’t have to keep pretending to want something that we don’t. Or, if we do want change, then we can take action – whether that is apologising, or changing your behaviour, or doing something new and different.

These three steps can be applied to almost any problem, so here are a few examples…

Are you sick of not losing weight?

Honestly, I adore food; I love chocolate and have a sweet tooth. The truth is, I am not willing to give them up. I take responsibility for my health by doing plenty of exercise and drinking lots of water, and I balance things out by eating plenty of greens and healthy food too, but I will never be a skinny size 6 – and that is my choice.

I choose to be healthy and fit. There is no point bitching and moaning if my weight increases, as no one else is to blame for my jeans getting tight. When they do, I sometimes choose to cut back on sugar-based food for a bit and increase the amount of exercise I do.

If you are not happy with your weight and you really want to lose some, it is simple: be honest with yourself about your food intake (how much and what kind) and weight. Take responsibility and take action by eating less crap, eating smaller portions and exercising more, so that you burn off more than you eat.

Are you fed up with your debts?

I struggled with debt for a long time and I still have some which I am paying off. I hate debt, but I am not in debt because I spend too much, as I struggle to spend money on myself.

Instead, for a long time I undervalued and undersold myself, as I didn’t want to accept my real value and so I settled for what I was given. Therefore, I was always struggling financially to survive.

Taking responsibility and action meant learning to respect myself more, and my value, so that I could demonstrate to other people how to do the same by charging more, asking for more, demanding more, and selling and promoting myself more to get a fair value in relation to my skills, knowledge and experience.

This meant I had to be honest with everyone about who I am and what I can bring to the table.

Many people who accept low-paid or non-challenging jobs are in the same situation; often they are really miserable, bored and scared of trying something new so they choose to undervalue themselves. Instead, they can choose to take responsibility and action by getting more qualifications, choosing to face their fear and trying something more challenging to increase their skills.

Of course, the opposite is true too – some people simply spend more than they earn and waste money on things they don’t actually need (food, rent/mortgage, and other basics don’t count) but things that they want. It is your choice to change that, or to accept that you don’t want to change things and spend less.

No more bitching and moaning: just accept that you choose to have debts like a noose around your neck: they are still your responsibility to pay off.

Are you unhappy in your relationship?

There must be trust and honesty in a loving relationship. Trust grows from honesty. All loving relationships develop and thrive, not because people don’t make mistakes, get cross and frustrated or hurt each other, but because they do.

When both people take personal responsibility for their actions and behaviour, and are honest with their feelings, apologising and making amends if they haven’t demonstrated love to themselves or the other person, then that is when relationships grow.

I struggled in relationships for a long time because I took responsibility for everyone else’s mistakes as well as my own, and became untrusting of the other party because it felt as if I was the only one who made mistakes and I was to blame.

By being honest with myself, I could take responsibility for the fact that I had chosen to play the role of the victim because I was afraid of standing up for myself and telling people how I felt.

Learning to voice my feelings calmly and clearly meant that the other person could take responsibility for their actions if they chose to, and I could choose to either forgive or move on.

The same can be said about not having relationships: some people may moan about the opposite sex and complain that they are single because they never meet any good men/woman – when, in truth, they don’t put themselves out there in places or ways to meet ‘good’ people, because deep down they actually want to be single; maybe because it’s safer, but don’t want to admit it.

Learning a new skill or achieving a goal

I started learning to play the piano two years ago; I had said for so long that I wished I had learned as a child. In honesty, that was because I wished I could do something I could enjoy – but I didn’t want to put in the hard work, time and practice to become good at it. I took lessons for a year and, even though I enjoyed parts of my lessons, I still didn’t really want to practice and do the homework.

After I finally decided to end the lessons, I only touched the keyboard once in the following year! The pleasure and achievement didn’t seem to outweigh the struggle of practicing.

So, in truth, I didn’t want to do it anymore.

Ever since I have been honest and accepted the truth, I have stopped feeling guilty about it. I may change my mind again in time and try again, and that’s OK too.

On the other hand, I acknowledge that (unlike playing the piano), I love to surf, but I didn’t practice for a while and so my surfing skills and fitness have deteriorated.

That really annoys me, so I cut back on the sweet foods and have been getting in the sea more to practice.

So is it time for you to uncover the uncomfortable truth that you’ve been avoiding, and find out what you can take responsibility for?

It’s your choice to act, make a change, make amends for any wrongdoing, or just plain accept the truth that you don’t want to change and that actually deep down you’re OK with that part of your life.

I don’t believe this is a bad thing, nor do I believe these thoughts to be completely under my control. I tried several techniques to change or stop my negative thoughts.

What didn't work

Replace a negative thought with a positive thought.

“I can’t study for another hour.”
“I can study for another hour!”

Five minutes of studying later...

“Nope I can’t. I’m too tired.”

Textbook closed and I’m looking up the latest NBA Power Rankings.

I also tried focusing cues, reframing, positive imagery and plenty more mental techniques, but nothing seemed to stick.

It just isn’t realistic to stop thinking negatively altogether. I eventually realized the issue was not my thoughts; it was my inability to separate my thoughts from my behavior. I needed to become an observer of my thoughts and an active participant in my behaviors.

Thoughts alone achieve nothing. It is the action we take that achieves everything. Thoughts are useful for solving math problems, analyzing scenarios, developing business plans, etc… But it is not until these thoughts are put to action that they become useful.

For example, I am walking down the street and I see someone getting mugged in an alley, and I say to myself, “Run over there and help this person out!” however, I just keep walking and don’t do a damn thing despite my “positive thought”.

I was thinking positively yet did nothing to help this person in need. My issue was not the content of my thoughts; it was a lack of commitment to my thoughts. This lack of commitment can be problematic in situations like this, and beneficial when the content of our thoughts are self-deprecating.

What are thoughts anyway? 

Thoughts are a bunch of letters, grouped together into words, grouped together into sentences, and these letters, words and sentences are given meaning by… us.

If we gave them their meaning, how do certain words, phrases or sentences supposedly affect our behavior? Because we allow them to!

This is the issue. 

There are times when we feel sad, think ‘negatively’ without much control of our own. Our behavior directly affects our lives. So why spend so much time attempting to change our thoughts, when they have zero direct impact on our lives?

Committing to our values consistently is essential to our mental health, and there are times when you will have to push yourself through some negative internal states.

In order to do this, it takes self-awareness of thoughts and commitment to valued action.

The 5 Step Process

Here is my 5-step process to act in a valued direction while experience negative thoughts and/or emotions:

1. “I can’t walk.” exercise.  Simply walk around wherever you are, and say, “I can’t walk”. Say it to yourself and then say it out loud while walking. Although this may seem silly, you are actually training your mind to distinguish between thoughts that are helpful and those that are not.
2. Separate thoughts from behavior in other simple tasks. For the next week or two choose 2 to 3 activities that you know you can do with no problem and say out loud or in your head “I can’t ________.” This could be “I can’t brush my teeth for 30 seconds.” “I can’t get out of this chair”. “I can’t walk up this stair.” It doesn’t matter what activity you choose as long as it is easy and you say, “I can’t _______” while performing the activity.
   
   Take note of how connected you are to your thoughts. Notice how it was the first time you did this exercise to the next. You will begin to see a difference in your feelings as you practice this activity. However the point is not to eliminate negative thoughts, it is to act how you want in the presence of these negative internal states. 
3. Increase the difficulty. As you notice the impact of your thoughts lessening, increase the difficulty of the activity slightly. VERY SLIGHTLY. If you were brushing your teeth for 30 seconds while saying that you can’t, increase it to 40 seconds. Or if you said, “I can’t walk for 1 minute straight”, try lightly jogging for 1 minute straight while saying you can’t. 
4. Observe ‘bad moods’ and 'negative thoughts.' Simply notice negative content that goes through your head as if you were reading it from a book. Pay attention to your thoughts and recognize that they are not in control of your behavior. 
5. Appreciate your experience. Lastly, appreciate these experiences and let them be a reminder that you’re human. Embrace the range of thoughts and emotions that you can experience. Accept them and move in your valued direction.

Use these tips and notice your life improve.

Now over to you. 

Have you tried these yourself? 

What have you found to be the most effective?

The silence made me feel alone, and — worst of all — it made me feel scared for the years to come.

I grew up in a loud and overly affectionate family. Hugs, jokes, and conversation bounced around the house in a constant state of interaction. The house was always full of banter and togetherness. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family that is loving in a different way, quiet and respectful of each other's space.

Silence and independence felt natural to him, but (after years of dates, movie nights, and dinners) I had never sat in a room with him in such silence.

I remember looking over at him and wondering why he wasn't speaking to me or if it meant that things between us had changed. I even remembering crying to my mother, telling her just how much I missed her and the rest of my family.

Little did I know that all I had to do to feel better was hold his hand.

Getting through that adjustment period took work and immense understanding. One year later, my marriage has been incredibly refreshing and wonderful.

The tools I used to combat the silence and adjust my habits to fit another person still serve me every single day in the relationships I have in all areas of my life.

They are incredibly simple tactics, and they probably aren't the ones you'd expect.

1. Hold on tight

This may be hard to believe, but much of what I achieved was by getting cuddly.

Studies actually show that physical contact slows down our heart rate.

That includes holding a person's hand, giving a warm hug, or a hand on the shoulder. Through physical touch, our bodies interpret that there is a meaningful connection around us, and our heart responds by slowing its rhythm a bit.

When I felt extremely upset or emotional, unable to communicate exactly what I felt was missing in our new home, I held my husband's hand, and the results were uncanny. I almost instantly felt more calm and closer to peace.

2. Watch anger dissipate

We've all experienced anger in our lives — sometimes it happens every day! It's a natural human reaction. But have you ever noticed that you are never usually angry with someone who is touching you at a certain moment? I've tried this, and getting angry while hugging someone just doesn't feel right.

In my personal relationships, I have learned to take matters into my own hands. If an argument is escalating to a place I don't feel comfortable with, I offer a hug.

The anger gurgling up inside almost always starts to dissipate, and the conversation usually takes a turn for the productive, instead of the destructive.

3. Create connection

Physical touch goes one step further than just calming our anger and slowing our heart rates. It also readies our minds and bodies for connection. When someone touches us on the shoulder, for example, it sparks our attention in a way that is non-intrusive.

It is welcoming, instead.

A few months ago, I remember feeling so stressed and worried, that it only took my husband's hand on my shoulder to break the floodgates and have tears start flowing down my face. I was tense and uptight, holding tears back with gumption, but physical touch signaled that being vulnerable is okay.

Our connection strengthened, and my tears flowed like a river.

Each and every day that we navigate personal relationships, work relationships, and romantic relationships, physical touch is a tool that we very rarely use to create connection and an atmosphere of peace.

Since I learned how to leverage physical touch to help my relationships grow, I feel more calm within myself and more connected to those around me.

I’d love to hear from you

Is there something about your personal relationships you want to hack?

Could giving a friend a high-five or holding your partner’s hand do the trick?

Are you fearful of hacking your relationships? What concerns you?

Leave your stories and ideas in the comments!

There's always novice internet users out there who don't know about Inside Search or who don't want to take the time to wade through an entire book. There's also experienced internet users around who want to quickly brush up on their search skills.

But there's a definite need in the Google how-to genre for more creative search tips, especially ones developed from everyday internet usage.

Here's a list of 5 search tips I have stumbled upon over the years and found to be very useful.

1. Find list articles

Pick up any book about "problogging" (blogging to make money), and if it's any good it'll spend a few pages or even an entire chapter identifying several kinds of tried-and-true blog articles. One that never fails to be mentioned is the "list article" (like this one.)

Lists are some of the best kinds of blog articles that can be written because they are perfectly formatted for online readers who tend to be impatient and easily bored.

They let readers quickly scan the article, which helps them decide if they're interested enough to read it in full or at least get the main points before moving on to something else.

The abundance of list articles on the web is a boon for searchers. Let's say you've developed an interest in blogging and want to find a blogging platform to use. Or let's say you're new to Twitter and you want to find some people to follow. Maybe you're visiting a new city and you want to find a good Mexican restaurant.

An uninspired Google search might involve querying [blogging platforms], [Twitter accounts to follow], or [Mexican restaurants Los Angeles]. You're sure to get results, but probably too many and too generic.

You'll be better off if you realize that someone else at some time not only probably has written about your topic but also has ranked it. So you could enter instead [5 best whatever], or [10 best whatever], or [top 5 whatever], or [top 10 whatever], and the odds are very good that you'll get a few list articles entitled something like "5 Best...." or "Top 10...."

These articles most likely will not only give you the information you seek but also the best of whatever it is you're looking for, along with succinct evaluations.

You could also use one of those basic Google search operators alluded to earlier to broaden your search and reduce your number of searches. Try searching for [5 OR 10 best OR top whatever] or [5 OR 10 best OR top whatever] (OR in caps returns results containing the keywords directly to its left or right.)

2. Find more list articles

Here's the thing about list articles. While they're typically 5 or 10 items long, some writers feel the need to be a little different and list 6, 7, 8, or 9 of the best or top things.

Or maybe they're incapable of whittling down their lists and write instead about 20, 30, 50, or 100 of the best or top things.

In either case, you can find even more list articles by using another basic Google search operator, the number range operator, in combination with the list article search strategy.

The number range operator is just two periods with numbers on each side to represent a range, as in [5..10 best OR top whatever] or [50..100 best OR top whatever].

3. Use similarity search features

For more internet surfing-type searches, as in discovering new and interesting websites rather than specific answers, there are a couple of search features that Google has created to make internet surfing more effective.

Most internet surfers already know about the related operator. Type [related:nameofwebsite.com], and Google will return a list of similar webpages, usually the homepages of websites. This tip is straight from Inside Search or a Google how-to book.

Many internet surfers, however, used to overlook the "Similar" link in Google's site preview feature. Site preview was a cached screenshot of a search result that was revealed by rolling a cursor over a search result then to the right over the double arrowhead that appeared. When the screenshot appeared, the "Similar" link would be in the upper right.

Just recently, however, Google changed its site preview feature. Now internet surfers see a solid, upside-down, triangle tab that when clicked typically reveals three text links, namely "cached," "similar," and "share" (sometimes there are less than three.) Clicking "similar" will produce a list of similar sites.

So rather than repeatedly typing the related operator, an internet surfer can use the browser back button to work from a main list of search results to check out a wide range of similar websites. Or he or she can surf from similar site to similar site, as if riding out the digital chop for as long as possible.

4. Use comparative keywords

Google and most Google evangelists generally recommend avoiding extraneous words (like "what is," "where is," "and," "the," and so forth.) Most of the time these extraneous words get ignored anyways, but sometimes they can be helpful, especially when they are comparative keywords.

Comparative keywords like "reminds me of," "similar to," and "sounds like" might seem extraneous, but they often return some revealing results. Most of the search results are going to be review articles that have the phrases in the body of the text and forum threads that have the phrases in the title and in the form of a question.

But the kinds of webpages that constitute your search results don't really matter as long as your inquiry is resolved, right? Another set of comparative keywords that tends to return informative results are "difference between" and "vs."

5. Use symbolic keywords

Symbolic keywords have meanings beyond their literal senses. By using them in a Google search, you'll find webpages that literally contain them, but in reality you'll be searching for something else.

Suppose you want to find an online training program to help prepare you for the many work-at-home online jobs you've been hearing so much about. Besides outright scams, there are probably several online programs that are so low-quality that they'll prove to be a waste of time and money.

What you should try is using the symbolic keywords "as featured in" or "as seen in" in your search along with the specific keywords describing your field of interest.

For example, if you're interested in virtual assistant jobs, your [how to become virtual assistant "as featured in" OR "as seen in"] search will uncover a virtual assistant training program called AssistU. This program has been featured in Time, Entrepreneur, Inc., The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and the Today Show.

Stories in these established and respected media outlets will reassure you, if not confirm, that the program is reputable and not some unworthy, fly-by-night operation. In other words, these particular symbolic keywords are great for avoiding scams and verifying reputations.

There are any number of other symbolic keywords that internet users have developed from experience. 

How about sharing them or even other unconventional search tips in the comments below?

I had feasted on too much rah-rah advice about how to be awesome and epic and remarkable and revolutionary and badass.

It made me feel exhausted and helpless.

But why?

Why did the stuff that was meant to leave me feeling inspired end up doing the opposite?  Because I'm a loser. That was my first thought.

But it didn't feel right

So I reassessed. As I paced in front of a window and stared at the open sky, it dawned on me.  Self-help had turned into escapism.

Reading about personal development allowed me to experience boosts to my self-esteem without the inconvenience or discomfort of actually taking action or using the advice. But the highs didn't last. Like a junkie, I had to keep indulging to keep from crashing.

But here's what really distressed me: As a blogger, I've contributed a lot of my own self-help advice. Did that make me a hypocrite? Was I a pusher?

Ouch.

I realized that the truth about self-help is sometimes pretty stark. Very little of this stuff sticks unless you take an active role in making it stick.

But I learned something else while researching why

From the standpoint of generating lasting inspiration, our brains respond better to stories of conflict and struggle in the pursuit of something than they do to lists of motivational rules meant to bring bliss and success. Scientists have discovered that our brains are hard-wired for storytelling (i.e., tales of trouble).

In his review of Jonathan Gottschall's book The Storytelling Animal, David Eagleman writes, "Story not only sticks, it mesmerizes."

So maybe the story you tell yourself about your dreams and your pursuits is the key to making inspiration stick. Maybe all that good advice needs a good story to go with it.  This is not a simple proposition, especially when you feel heavier than a sad clown on Jupiter.

It takes effort to tease out the kind of story that'll work. You can't just snap your fingers, tell yourself you're Luke Skywalker, and expect a hero's inspired sense of purpose. I've already tried.

Instead, here's a process that has worked for me (your mileage may vary):

Disconnect

I sometimes have to cut myself off—completely.

No Internet. 

No self-help books. 

No motivational pollution. 

Just me alone with my thoughts for a while.  Admittedly, this is hard. My work requires connection. And I'm always looking for another fix.

I have to do it though. I have to let myself unplug and crash. Only then can I even start to feel the freedom to be inspired again.

Take a long walk with a friend 

I'm sad to say it. I haven't done this in many—many—months. So I need to follow my own clichéd advice.

Few things are better at stirring my imagination and enthusiasm for tackling what's before me. When I was a kid,this was a sure-fire way to make me feel powerful and full of momentum. It still has that effect.  But it has to be with a genuine friend who knows me. Not a mere acquaintance.

I have to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and talk through my dreams and hopes and fears. I have to listen. And I have to do the same for my friend.

Take a long walk alone

Like many of you, I walked to and from school a lot growing up. Unless a freezing wind was blowing, I enjoyed those walks. They gave me a chance to process my day and brainstorm how I fit into the world.

As an adult, I don't do this as often. But when I do, I experience deep satisfaction from transcending a long distance under my own power. It clears my head and gives me the emotional space I need to push forward.

Watch your favorite "against-all-odds" movie

For me, it's the original Karate Kid. Or Rocky. Or both. (Not at the same time.)

This goes back to the point about storytelling. Our brains allow us to receive the same kind of boost from a fictional hero's triumph as what we'd feel ourselves in real life.

I find that it provides just the kind of spark I need to start gaining back my lost momentum.

Reaffirm your dream in writing

I'm always amazed to discover what I actually think instead of what I think I think. Writing down my thoughts, unedited, allows me to capture what's really going on in my mind (and in myheart). Nobody else has to see.

I release my thoughts and feelings from the prison of my mind and let them take shape in a way I can more easily understand. It's a better way to identify what I truly want.

With that knowledge, I then reaffirm those dreams or goals on the page. Then I put it all away in a secret place and loosen my control over the desired outcomes.

(Staying inspired, for me, requires having a mind free of many of its future-oriented concerns. I always know my dreams are available when I need to remember them.)

Make it bigger than you

I have a nasty, ugly, monster-mutant of an ego inside me that tries to make life all about him. The more I allow him to have expression, the less inspired or motivated I feel.

The world gets very small when it's just about me. In fact, it's suffocating. The only remedy is to step outside of my selfish concerns by caring about and doing good things for other people. I have to allow my dreams to morph a little for the service of the world beyond my narrow expression of "I."

I've found that the quickest way to experience a boost of inspiration is to help someone else solve a problem or surprise somebody with unexpected generosity. It can be something as simple as expressing gratitude to someone for the small ways he or she delights me.

Then I use that boost to help me imagine how my dreams and personal goals can have positive meaning or impact for other people and the earth that sustains me. Doing so feels good. It's the kind of feeling I want to have stick around.

For most of us, inspiration doesn't live long inside the hollow vacuum of greed and selfish accumulation of our individual desires. We are each a part of the world, not the world itself.

Establish your meaningful quest

When I was in the sixth grade, I co-wrote and illustrated three "epic" choose-your-own adventure books with my best friend.

The experience forced me to think about the unexpected pathways created by our decisions and the uncomfortable fact that our choices can never provide us with certainty. Anything can happen, no matter how safe a given path looks from the outset.

Being involved in the creation of such a story is exciting. Inspiring even.

Just as in a choose-your-own adventure book, life makes us the protagonists in our own stories. We might not get to choose every plot point or every ending, but we do often have a say in choosing a general direction or theme.

We get to co-write our own personal narratives. We get to be the heroes who don't give up in the face of lots of bad days or enormous obstacles or paths that have dead-ends. We get to do it all for more than just us. We get to try to save our corners of the world in our own special ways.

When I'm the hero of my story, I accept challenges more readily. I brave my fears more often. I care more about riding the adventure than dreaming (and stewing) about the outcome.

Ruthlessly curate your mentors

I struggle with this one. Shiny new gurus draw me into their shiny happy places all the time. If I'm not careful (which I'm often not), I soon feel like…well, you read the beginning of this post, right?

I have to remember that no blog or book or podcast or seminar is going to move me past my hang-ups. Personal development bloggers and life coaches can show me possible paths. But it's up to me to choose which one to walk.

Then I actually have to take action. I can't just keep accumulating new maps.

So it's important to be selective. If I want to stay inspired on my quest, then I have to acknowledge that my mind only hasspace for a few good mentors.

My mentors shouldn't just tell me what I want to hear. They should challenge me. They should help me deepen my narrative and push it further. And they shouldn't care whether or not I call them master or give them money or retweet their platitudes.

In my experience, the best mentors are the ones who make me laugh, not the ones who take themselves or anything else too seriously. I'm serious enough already.

I don't need more rules

I've got plenty of those. I need mentors who encourage me to play and explore and get dirty and scraped up. But they can't act all holier-than-thou if I choose not to.

Ultimately, my destination may not be the one I dream about. It's freeing to be OK with that.

I'm the hero in a story not yet told. It's being written now. Part of it is even in my own handwriting.

That inspires me.

What about you?

How do you make inspiration stick?

From my experience this is because of two reasons: The thought of what you plan to do appears too vast in your mind.

This creates a feeling that can be considered the opposite of motivation; overwhelm.

What you are planning to do is not associated enough to a compelling outcome. This occurs frequently if the outcome you are working towards is far into the future (5 year plan, what?)

I work with people who want to turn their ideas into reality.

The majority of times this will involve having to do something everyday to move them closer to their outcome. The worst expectation my clients can have is that they will feel motivated in order to do the work required.

Lets looks at other activities that you do most days;

• Get out of bed
• Browse the internet
• Brush your teeth
• Eat Food
• Watch TV

Let me ask you a question

Do any of the above activities require you to feel motivated before you do them? I doubt it.

So what is a more efficient way of ensuring you do the activities required to achieve your outcomes and become a highly productive superstar?

You want to create systems that reduce thinking time and are easy to start. Below is a 6 step process to help you begin creating a system for anything you intend on achieving;

1. Set a compelling outcome that is not too far into the future (within 6 months is a good start) and has you feeling excited about taking action. An example for a writer would be: “Have my current book completed in first draft by September”
2. What is the pivotal driver in creating the outcome? This is the most important factor required in order to move you closer towards the outcome. Example: “Write 10 pages a day.”
3. Create systems around these drivers – what does the process(es) look like? “An hour after I wake up, make a drink, sit down, turn the off button on my internet, open up word, take a deep breath, start writing." This part turns your outcome into concrete processes.
4. Be clear where your peak points are throughout the day. These are the times of the day when you find you work best. For some this is in the morning, while for others it may be in the evening. Example: “I work best an hour after I wake up.”
5. Schedule the time where you will perform the system and implement a 'time box' around it so there is a definitive end point for each period of time. “At 10AM I start and will set a timer for 40 minutes. I will then have a break for 30 minutes and then begin another 40 minutes. I will do no more than 3 work periods in a day."
6. Do it consistently until it becomes a natural process for you.

When you take out the need to feel motivated to do what is required to achieve your goal a weird phenomenon occurs; you actually do the work that you would do if you consciously felt motivated anyway.

Why?

Because motivation is a process that occurs outside of your awareness anyway, it is not meant to be thought about.

So if you have a goal and it gets you excited, start moving, start doing and let motivation take care of itself.

1. Sleep

“Sleep is the best meditation” -Dalai Lama

Sleep is a passive state, right? I mean, you aren’t exactly thinking about solving the theory of relativity while sleeping. Not much is going on in your mind.

Wrong.

Although your body is resting, your mind is actually very active during sleep.

You’ve probably heard that our brains have two hemispheres: the right side takes care of creative tasks and the left is the logical, problem solving, serious older sibling.

During waking hours, it’s true they work relatively independently. But surprisingly in sleep, they often join together to process information. Also, cortisol, a hormone which increases during sleep, breaks up your day’s memories into fragments, allowing your dreams to re-assemble them in bizarre but creative ways.

This is why we often go to bed still struggling to solve an issue, and then wake up with a brilliant but unexpected solution.

In fact, many famous scientists, poets and writers did their best work while sleeping.

So is sleep all it takes to be creative?

Nope.

People who are more creative during the day, are better able to use sleep for creative problem solving. So no, slacking off all day and then jumping into bed won’t make you the next Einstein.

Action: Before you go to bed, think of an issue you want to solve. This is called priming and may allow your brain to work on it while you sleep.

2. Experience different things

“If you want something you've never had you've got to do something you've never done” -Anonymous

Apple did not succeed just because they made good computers. They made innovative computers, that had amazing quality, beautiful fonts, clean minimalistic lines and intuitive user interfaces (to name a few).

How did Steve Jobs know to do that?

Steve Jobs did not finish college. But, he was constantly learning. After dropping out of formal classes, he took a calligraphy course. He studied eastern meditative practices which preach minimalism, travelled around Asia, used drugs, hung out with people from all kinds of backgrounds and interests.

Apple is the creative confluence of all of Steve Jobs' experiences.

Action: Expand your mind. Try different hobbies. If you always do sporty things, try learning a language or music. If you usually prefer intellectual things, try surfing or painting. Challenge yourself and always keep learning.

3. Polar opposites

“Creativity is just connecting things” -Steve Jobs

When Apple first released their first few computers, people were amazed by the beautiful fonts and the clean lines. The former he credited to calligraphy and the latter to minimalistic eastern practices.

The cool thing is though, he was able to connect the two seemingly disparate things.

Action: Look for novel ways to connect your dots. For e.g, if you are good at SEO and also love autobiographies and writing, how about a book on the life story of how a certain Mr.SEO goes from humble beginnings in his alternate world to taking over the internet?

4. Be a child

“Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up” –Pablo Picasso

Dary Zabelina and his buddies form South Dakota university got a bunch of undergrad folks together and gave them a task. But before they did the task, they divided the group in two. One did business as usual, the other had to imagine themselves literally as a 7 year old and solve the task from that view point.

Result: The second group did way better.

Kids are naturally good at bending the rules and thinking outside the box. Because they haven't yet been conditioned to even know what the box is. Because of that, they tend to use their senses more and experiment freely.

Action: When you are trying to solve a problem, try a 15 minute “think-like-a-kid” exercise. Or maybe even ask for help from your own child/student and be open to see what they come up with.

5. Beginners mind

“In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few. ” -Shunryu Suzuki

This is somewhat like being a child. But it’s even more than that. This is about learning to look at everyday routine things with a completely curious and open mind.

Like say you look at an apple. In the beginner’s mind, you don’t know that’s an apple. All you know is it’s a round red shiny object.

So you might touch it, smell it, roll it on the floor, try bouncing it. Experiment with it in ways that the “expert” mind would not.

When you approach things in this way, the world is open to re-interpretation, a new way of joining the dots.

Action: Try this classic exercise to get a feel of the beginner’s mind

6. Simplify and Focus

"If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of the mind!" -Chuang Tzu 

Most people tell us about getting rid of physical clutter, but what about mental clutter?

Many insanely creative people, had few physical belongings and few mental distractions, allowing them to focus, often with laser like intensity, on the project or task at hand.

This is hard to do in the modern world. We are surrounded by information overload and consumerism.

Mindfulness is a great way to gain clarity. Like wiping the snow or dust from the windshield of your car, you can suddenly see what is right in front of you.

Action: Practice mindfulness daily and it will help train your brain to empty itself of distractions even while you are in the midst of them.

7. Limit yourself

“The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one's self”. -Stravinsky

I used to think that the more “freedom” I had, the more creative I would be. But this is surprisingly not so. You see, when there is some constraint, your mind now has to look for unconventional ways to get around this constraint. And that’s how creativity flourishes.

Take improvised comedy for example. If comedians on stage could change the script freely, it would be too predictable.

The cool thing is, if your colleague on stage says that the stage is actually a space ship about to land on planet crazy town, you have to go along with that and come up with a witty response on the spot. That constraint is what makes it unique and fascinating.

Action: Next time you begin a new project, see if you might solve it more creatively by adding a constraint. Involve your team members and come up with a creative constraint that challenges all of you.

8. Use your senses

“When I say artist I mean the one who is building things … some with a brush – some with a shovel – some choose a pen.” -Jackson Pollock

Don’t think about doing, just do. Use your hands and senses as a way to ground yourself and reconnect with basic instincts. The closer to the earth, such as gardening, pottery, cooking, painting, the better.

At the office, use play doh or bounce a ball. President Obama often plays basketball with his chief of staff inside the white house and has said it helps him re-energize and re-focus. Use your body and your senses. They will take you back to basic things and it is usually from there that innovation springs.

Action: Go back to basics. When you feel stuck, take a break and do something sensory, such as playing ball, gardening or even doodling.

9. Rebel

"Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Robert Frost

Creative geniuses are often rebels. Most of them may not have flourished in traditional classrooms because they tend to question everything. They don’t take rote answers; they want their OWN experience of something before they believe it.

E.g: Einstein had long arguments with his teachers. Mother Teresa rebelled against the quiet life of the ‘Loreto sisters’ order and Buddha was enlightened but often asked that people question even his own teachings and experience their own truth.

Action: Question things. Don’t assume that because someone higher up said so, that is the only or best way to do something. Look at it from your own unique perspective. Try out various other solutions. AND maybe even, sleep on it?

What do you think?

How have you increased your creativity in the past?

Leave a comment below and let us know!

References:
Child’s play: facilitating the originality of creative output by a priming manipulation: Dary Zabelina and co.
Patricia stokes’ book: Creativity comes from constraints
Creativity and sleep: Shhh! Genius at work. Time magazine article by Jeffrey Kluger

Naturally, I should pair the two together and express my life philosophies in words.

This feeling began in December of 2011.

So what took me so long?

Fear.

I was scared and kept making excuses.

I never took the leap because I was afraid I’d be humiliated by sheer silence after pouring my heart out.

I was scared that I’d be wasting my time and end up not enjoying what I was doing. What if I said the wrong things?

It’s crazy because I clearly wanted to start. Every day I would picture myself typing away at the keyboard, pouring my life stories, bleeding honesty, and putting it all into one article to transition them into profound advice.

I envisioned the hours I would spend researching how to run a website, grow it, maintain it, and make it great. These were the images running through my head every night as I showered.

It made me smile to imagine people reading my writing. I would be making a difference and I would be creating something of value.

I never did anything about this feeling

Or at least I didn’t for the longest time. Over a year went by with me fantasizing about starting.

Then suddenly, I decided to start in early 2013. I took the first step and since then, my life has been changing for the better.

Here’s why.

Starting my website forced me to learn TONS of new skills. It just so happens they transitioned well into the real world and it allowed me to build up my résumé.  Armed with a résumé that now actually had words, I began to seek internship opportunities. I quickly secured three internships, which I’m still with today because I marketed myself as someone who is willing to learn.

These internships led to connections and tossed me into environments where entrepreneurs and technological wizards were common. Four months ago, I didn’t know a single person who knew what WordPress was, but now, I know people who have tons of experience and can work WordPress like it’s nothing.

Even more doors are opening for me now

Just recently, a company approached me and they actually want to pay me to write, which is something I already love doing. This all began because I decided to take one small chance.

Taking a chance taught me three things.

1. One step can change your life

Even if you think something will just be a hobby or it’ll have little to no effect on your life, it’s worth trying. You really have no idea how big of a snowball effect something can have.

Most people in your life probably want you to succeed.

If you keep at something or if you produce 100 small actions a YEAR, there is bound to be something that catches on to create more and more momentum in your life.

2. Inaction is the worst thing

What you need to realize is that fear of failure, rejection, or any other paralyzing attributes are normal. However, that doesn’t mean you get to sit around and do nothing about it.

Train yourself to believe that inaction is the worst thing ever. Think of it this way, if you fail, you don’t get the desired outcome. Nothing happens, besides maybe a hit to your ego.

Then remind yourself that if you don’t take action, the outcome is the same as failing. Nothing happens. So when you don’t take action, you automatically default into no results.

Guess what? At least when you take that leap of faith, you have a fighting chance. If you fail then you fail, but when you succeed, you’re going to feel amazing and reap the benefits.

3. You can learn so much

Chances are, you don’t know everything. I take that back, OF COURSE you don’t know everything. Life wouldn’t be as fun if you were omniscient.

If something feels like a lot of work or if it’s something that you know nothing about, take the effort in learning through others or teaching yourself. You’re going to become a smarter, more educated person and you may even be able to leverage your newfound knowledge like I did.

Do you really want to be stagnant and pass on opportunities because it will take a lot of work to learn?

No, of course not.

There is so much to learn, so much to do, so get out and explore the unknown.

Here's something I want to ask you: What is holding you back from taking a chance?

Leave a comment below with your answer.

Set the date in advance and stick to it

Conditions will never be just right to make that first run: the warm, cozy bed will always have increased gravity in the morning and there will always be something urgent to do after work.

So instead of waiting for the fabled “I feel like going for a run” moment, I have set the date two weeks in advance, marked it on the calendar and in my mind committed to it, no matter what.

When the day came, I was surprised that there was still snow outside in April, but for me there was no backing away.

Don’t worry about performance for the first few runs

There’s no doubt about it – starting to move after winter can be difficult. So for the first few runs it’s really not about achieving particular results but getting off our butts and into our running shoes.

To make sure I follow through I made it easy for myself: for the first few runs my goal was to just go out running, even if it meant running around the house for a minute. Interestingly, when the pressure is off, it becomes easier to perform and my first runs where rather satisfying.

Prepare equipment in advance

I still remember my first few tries to go out running last year: in the morning I would force myself to wake up early and then spend 15 minutes trying to find my shoes, choosing the right clothes and another 30 minutes setting the right playlist to listen to while running.

This was both a hassle and exhausting emotionally.

This year, the night before my first run I have set all the equipment next to my bed: smartphone with the playlist prepared, running shoes, clothes, bottled water. This way in the morning I had no time to talk myself out of running.

Plan your track

One thing that used to keep me from running in the past was that I wasn’t sure where to run after I leave the house as there are no proper tracks near my home.

So this year, the day before my first scheduled run, I spent an hour walking around and planning where to run next morning. Also, while walking I visualized running in these locations. This simple action removed a huge mental block and visualizing made me excited about the whole process.

Consider sharing this experience with a friend

I have to admit, for me running is a personal experience, almost like meditation so I prefer to do it alone. For some, it’s a social activity. And if you plan to run with a friend, a quick tip: schedule a meet up place and time the evening before and agree not to contact each other in the morning.

However, if you prefer to run solo, like me, I would highly recommend downloading a free app like Nike+ and joining their community of runners.

You’ll be able to log and track your runs and easily share your results. Everything’s more fun when it’s a game and maybe sharing your results will help motivate some of your friends to also pick up this amazing activity.

I hope you've found these tips as useful as they were to me.

So when is your first run this season?

No matter how frugal you learn to be you'll still need to buy food, pay rent, and put gas in your car to get to work.

In my opinion Andrea Whitmer at SoOverThis.com does the best job of illustrating this point in her post How Do People Survive on Minimum Wage?

Here, she tries to calculate whether or not it would be possible to live on $7.50 per hour (a whole 25 cents more than the minimum wage in the United States depending on the state).

Spoiler alert. She couldn't do it. Not even with a paltry $200 per month being budget for food. Needless to say cable, internet, and eating out wasn't an option either.

Common Signs There's Nothing Left to Cut

I've easily read over 100 articles on cutting costs to get out of debt in the last two years. This doesn't make me an expert on the topic of personal finance... far from it.

But I can say the advice provided in 95%+ of these articles is pretty much the same: cut costs to the bone. But what happens when you've already done all of the following:

• You've cut out coffee.
• You've dropped cable and internet.
• You don't eat out.
• Bring lunch to work.
• Clip coupons.
• You've sold stuff on CraigsList.

If you're only making minimum wage, you can cut out all of the "perks" listed above and still not get by. If this sounds familiar, now's the time to begin looking for ways to increase your income instead of looking for yet another amenity to remove from the expense column.

3 Ways to Increase Your Budget

1. Get a Part-Time Job: Although probably not the ideal solution, getting a part-time job on the weekends can quickly increase your budget by a few hundred bucks a month. I'd recommend starting your search in the service industry like waiting tables, bar tending, or parking cars. Part-time jobs that get tips will usually net you a lot more income than working an hourly job.

2. Find a Higher Paying Job: If you feel like you're under compensated at your current position, begin to monitor job listings in your industry on sites like Monster.com. Assuming you're qualified for the position, applying for and taking interviews for jobs with higher pay is a simple way to try to increase your income.

3. Start a Business: If you want to begin making some real money, starting a business could be the right path for you. While it will require more work up front before being cash-flow positive, starting a small business can be a great way to build an additional income stream.

The Bottom Line

As humans, we only have the ability to cut expenses so far. We need to eat. We need a safe place to live.

If you feel like you've reached a breaking point in terms of minimalist living, consider looking for ways to make your budget a little larger instead of always cutting back.

The Value of Focus

Remember the school experiment in which we used a lens to cause the convergence of the sun’s rays and watched in awe as a scrap of paper placed underneath caught fire? This, precisely, is what focus is about.

When the rays of the sun scatter everywhere, they do not have the capacity to generate enough heat but use a lens to focus the same rays and you get magical results.

Similarly, you may have the greatest ideas and the most brilliant of plans but unless you set your sights clearly on what you wish to achieve and follow through with focus, you will not reach your goals.

How to Develop Focus

Compared to motivation or perseverance, focus is often easier to develop. It does not require you to learn something new; rather, it involves a process of letting go of some of your habits that distract you from the most important things.

Here are a few ways in which you can develop focus.

1. Stop Doing Too Much

Think of all your activities throughout the day and list them out. Then look at each one individually and assess if you really need to be doing it. Where possible, delegate the task to someone else; if there are things you simply do as a matter of habit, but which do not contribute in any meaningful way, stop doing them.

Keeping up with news of your area of expertise or general situations in your area may be necessary; but is it really so important to regularly follow the gossip columns that detail the lives of celebrities?

If you have a full-time job, attend classes to pick up a new skill, volunteer for community work and take up a part-time job to augment your income, burnout is an inevitable outcome because you constantly have so much on your plate that it overwhelms you.

Rather, stop doing the things that are not an absolute necessity at the present moment, and you will find it easier to focus on those that are most important.

2. Prioritize 

Before you blindly jump into getting things done, pick the tasks that are most important. Sort out the items on your “to do” list and arrange them according to how urgent or important they are.

Prioritizing will help you avoid the activities that drain your time and energy. If you have set your aim on learning a new skill, give yourself a timeframe within which to complete it and put it as an important task on your list.

Cut out something that is not as important and you will find it easier to do what you need to do to achieve your goal.

3. Get Rid of Distractions

It takes very little to divert our mind from the task at hand – an e-mail from a friend, or an interesting article in the newspaper or even a simple conversation in the office can serve as a distraction.

Distractions tend to make you lose not just valuable time, but also your focus; so take steps to keep them away.

De-clutter your desk, your computer or your home and you are sure to find it easier to focus on the task on hand. If you have an important presentation to prepare, do not log on to your email and turn off notifications because the messages there will divert you from working on your project. Take off the headphones to cut out the music.

Announce to people that you are going to be busy and out of bounds for the next few hours and shut the door of your room. Turn off the television and maybe even your phone.

The Bottom Line

In today’s competitive world, we believe that multi-tasking is essential and we are obsessed with becoming “well-rounded” personalities.

While this may seem like a good thing, it has the potential to cause damage by draining you.

Instead, stick to one goal at a time, eliminate clutter and work on achieving your one goal before moving on to another one.

Take these steps to improve your focus and almost instantaneously, you will find your productivity soaring.

This is why it’s worth bothering about, because happiness adds to your perception and lends you perspective, always lending you a better, simpler way of looking at things.

We’re not setting out to be part of an inane, smiling, delusional cult of happiness here. I can’t think of anything worse or more irritating.

But if happiness feels like something you’d like to experience more of, here are 12 things happy people do differently that you can start with.

1. Practice gratitude

Being grateful and thankful doesn’t turn you into the kind of simpleton who would say “Thank you, I love ducks” right after being pushed into the boating lake. It does however, create thinking that tunes you in to the good things you have in your life rather than becoming more and more blasé about them.

Practicing gratitude focuses you on what life brings rather than what it doesn’t, and that’s where happiness comes from.

2. Prioritise nourishment

Nourishment is more than eating your vegetables and getting a decent night’s sleep. It’s about making sure your head, heart and body are kept topped up with the stuff they need not only to function, but to flourish.

If you’re not taking good care of yourself little else will matter.

3. Don’t pursue status

Your brain is wired not only to figure out where you sit in the professional and social pecking order against others, but to reinforce your position in that pecking order.

Yeah, we’re hardwired to be assholes sometimes.

When you get wrapped up in establishing or maintaining status, the moment your place in the hierarchy drops you’re going to feel pretty horrible, like you’ve screwed up, that you’re no good or that others are better than you.

Don’t get into the status game – there are no winners.

4. Separate success and specific outcomes

Your level of happiness is not dependent on reaching a goal or objective.

Your success and happiness have nothing to do with what happens, and everything to do with how you perceive your achievements, your value and how you’re engaging with your life.

Every time you make your success and happiness conditional on something happening, you’re missing point entirely.

5. Don’t reject or bury the bad

If you’re in the habit of brushing the bad stuff under the carpet, sooner or later you’re gonna trip up over that small hill that’s grown in the middle of the room and end up smashing your ego all over the place.

You can only ignore or shut out the bad stuff in life (and there will always be bad stuff in life) for so long.

Respect it. Integrate it. Welcome it. Learn from it. Accept it.

6. Stay out of the drama

Happy people don’t spend their time whining about how hard they’re having it, how everything’s going wrong, how everyone just needs to stop screwing everything up for you and how life would be so much easier if it wasn’t for everyone and everything they do.

Getting into all of the “he said she said” of the world will keep you down in the detail and drama and you’ll be excluding all the beautiful and extraordinary stuff that’s right there in front of you.

7. Strip away expectations

Inside that noggin of yours, your brain is doing its best to figure out what will happen next so that it can make sure you’ll be safe and sound.

So it starts creating expectations for how things will go, what you’ll do next and how you’ll do it. It creates expectations about what others will do and what that means for your world. It even creates expectations about what other people might expect of you, just so you can fit in, not draw attention and keep on staying safe, secure and certain in your environment.

Only, those same expectations will drastically limit your quality of life and resultant levels of confidence and happiness. So get rid of ‘em.

8. They know what makes them tick

It’s redundant to talk about happiness unless you know something about what makes you happy. So what are the things that make you tick – the stuff that matters to you enough for you to do something about?

You’ll experience more happiness from doing the things that foster meaning, flow and contribution, so doing a little leg work to see what makes you tick goes an extraordinarily long way.

9. Don’t fight against their environment

So many people waste time and energy flapping their wings against the bars of the cage they think they’re in, they never figure out a better way to use that same energy.

If you struggle against your environment, your environment will win. Instead, put in some effort to create an environment that’s congruent with what matters to you – an environment that brings what matters to life.

10. They’re connected

Feeling isolated is pretty darn sucky. It’s a bit like being alone in an attic while the zombie apocalypse happens in the world outside. You end up scared, stuck and listening out for sign of an undead brain-eater heading your way.

Okay, so it’s mainly the scared and stuck thing.

Feeling connected (to others, a project, a community, a family, a cause, etc.) gives you a sense of belonging, a sense that your life and your world are bigger than just you and that you’re part of a network that counts for something.

11. Notice the small things

I talk a lot about doing stuff that matters to you, making a difference and creating extraordinary change, and the temptation is to think that this is some big, grand, oh-so worthy endeavour.

Truth is, there’s wonder in the tiny things too. Holding hands. Sunlight through trees. A steamed-up bathroom.

The way someone smiles. That song you love. Squirrels playing in the park. A car letting you cross the street. The first page of a book. Laughing out loud.

The small things matter massively.

12. Leverage natural confidence

Natural confidence is being able to choose your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour. It’s knowing that you can get on, make choices and do stuff, and deal with whatever happens.

Natural confidence is freeing, simple and powerful, and it’s the quality that allows you to get out there and do what matters.

13. Know they don’t need to be happy all the time

Happy people don’t bank on feeling happy all the time. They know that it’s transitory, and they know that there are moments when it’s a choice.

Thinking that you need to be happy all the time or that you’re owed happiness will put you on the road towards Missingthepointcompletelyville.

Happiness is as much an intention – a precursor to a moment in time – as it is an outcome.

How are you with this whole happiness thing?

His best selling book, ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ was sweeping the business and self help community. Everyone wanted to make the shift from quantity to quality. And it all seemed to rest upon the character of their staff.

Tucked away in an airport hotel conference room, I gathered with staff members from a diverse background of organizations. That first morning was the toughest.

We were uncomfortable, and of course we were all sizing each other up and comparing. By mid day we were split into teams and began breaking the ice. When we got to the seventh principal, “Sharpen The Saw” it finally began to sink in. Our lives are a direct reflection of the preparation we make to live; we have to sharpen our saw!

Sun Tzu, author of the famed ‘Art of War’ said, “Even the finest sword plunged into salt water will eventually rust.” We all are born with an innate ability, quality or gift.

But what separates the average and ordinary from those who make history and leave legacies is the time invested to hone those skills. If you’ve ever worked with a dull tool you know exactly what I am talking about.

Try carving meat with a blunt knife or cutting down a tree branch with a dull axe. The duller the tool, the more strength is wasted. By staying sharp, we keep an edge that makes us better individuals. We perform tasks with a certain pride that speaks from the place of our noble purpose.

Here are a few ways to make sure you are staying sharp:

• Staying sharp starts with a mindset that is active: In a society encumbered with 24 hour access to everything in the world via the internet, it is very easy to get home and simply want to ‘veg’ out on the couch. But a mind in motion tends to stay in motion. What increases our success is when we active mentally. Reading, family interaction and listening to audio books are a great way to stay mentally limber.
• Staying sharp gets easier with the right company: Essentially we are who we connect with. Whether for good or bad, our environment plays a major role in our daily behavior. If you want to get sloppy and dull, hang with people who have no drive or goals. They will influence you to slow down and smell life’s roses. At their pace, you soon find you are behind in pursuit of your dreams. That’s why we must be around those that challenge us, provoke us to excellence to do and be our very best.
• Staying sharp won’t always be comfortable: If you think about it, sharpening a kitchen knife involved a clashing. It is the friction that does the sharpening. So we need to understand that sometimes to grow, a mentor, a friend or co worker may need to brush against us to create the friction. This friction is what causes our growth. We are better because others held us to a higher standard and expectation. We can’t conceive development without it.

It’s been a few years and jobs ago since that eye opening session.

But through the years of working with customers ranging from patients at a hospital, brides needing wedding consultations to clients needing interior design suggestions I have held onto Mr. Covey’s principles. In particular sharpen the saw.

It’s helped me embrace some tough situations because I knew the friction was only making me better.

With this truth, I hope your perspective get’s a good sharpening.

See you at the TOP!
Early Jackson

The idea therefore is to create a balance between the two, and you would eventually be surprised as to how one can positively influence the other.

Live by the work-life balance and you will never have to worry about one or the other. To start with, here are few tips from the most successful people put together for you to achieve the most out of both - your life and your enterprise:

Do what you love

As clichéd as it may sound, you really need to enjoy whatever it is that you are doing professionally. If you're leading a business, then apart from the general criteria, a successful businessman is someone who gets thrilled at every closure and strategizes to take the business to new heights. If you don’t feel burdened by your work, you are more likely to enjoy and be happy in your professional life.

Set goals

Aside from the main business objectives chalked out, you must set specific goals for yourself and your team. Goals should be short, medium, and long term. A goal is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- it motivates you to work harder. Also, having a goal gives you an idea of what to do and hence you do not waste a lot of time.

Delegate

‘It’s MY business and I will cater to every aspect of it’ is the worst mistake any professional can make. Whether you have a small scale business or are engaged in a job where you can get someone else to help you out - delegate!

First, this gives you more time to take care of the more important things, and second, when you delegate you're giving someone work in an area they are best in. Therefore your business significantly improves.

Avoid overtime

Working overtime may contribute in the short run, but you are going to wear yourself out. Staying holed up in the office during a weekend is a sign of a weak professional.

Take breaks, go on vacations, party on the weekends, take days off. Make sure you do have a life outside of work.

Focus on what’s important

How many times have you found yourself lacking focus in whatever it is that you're doing?  With business deals, money matters, employee issues, marketing changes, there are times when you just feel so stuffed up in the head that you just can't take the next step.

Relax, calm down, and write everything that is in your head on a piece of paper.

Now focus on what’s most important in this very moment, what is it that you must do now and what can be put off for later?

Remember, it is work and life, not work or life.

Here's how you can start overcoming fear:

1. Be aware of fear in your life. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to admit that you have it. Perhaps fear is your "normal," and that is quite a bit to overcome all at once.  Write down some aspects of your life where have fear.  Getting your fears down on paper is important, because trying to simply think them through never works.
2. Stare at fearless people.  Fill your brain with images of what you want your "future self" to look like.  Connect with as many role models as you can, whether in person, through a book, or online.  Use these examples as an energy source to combat your fear.
3. Be objective. Take an interest in investigating your fears. Ask yourself about what thoughts generate your fear, where you feel the fear, and how you react to it. Try to be an objective observer of your own life.
4. Be willing to look stupid. Remember:  Wayne Gretzky fell on his tail a ton; Itzhak Perlman has had horrible performances.  But once you are willing to risk the emotional pain of making mistakes, you will shed more fear than you ever imagined.  Know that making mistakes will help you obtain information you use to create the correct behaviors.  Everyone who has ever done something great has failed more than once.
5. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. Whenever you feel fear, instead try and feel grateful. I have been performing a lot of solos recently, and it is scary!  Instead of freaking out, I have decided to be grateful for the opportunity to communicate musically with so many people, and I know that they are there to genuinely listen to me play and root me on.
6. Seek out teachers. It's never too late to have a teacher; we are never done learning.  Seek out someone who scares you a little, not a polite person who makes you feel warm and fuzzy always.  Seek out someone who watches you closely, is brutally honest, and who gives clear directions on how you can get better at whatever scares you.
7. Share. How often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react?  Sharing helps, because you will realize that many people feel the same way as you do, and have stories to share as well.  Do you have a fear of success, or a fear of failure?  Sharing with someone can help you examine what you truly want from life, and where your fears come from.
8. Embrace struggle. Most of us instinctively avoid struggle, because it feels like failure, and that scares us.  But the term "no pain, no gain" holds true.  To develop our skills, it is a necessity that we struggle, so we must embrace it.  Once we struggle, fear slowly disintegrates. 
9. Read. My personal favorite. Reading a good book related to your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I constantly fill my world with a lot of motivational and inspirational books on and around the topic I’m dealing with.
10. Use visualization. Imagine yourself in a scary situation without fear. Watch people do things fearlessly that would normally freak you out.  Visualize yourself as that person.  Create a very clear picture of fearlessness in your mind.
11. Put things in perspective. Putting your negative thoughts in perspective is a huge way to overcome fear. In the big scheme of life, why are you afraid of something? While you are freaking out about something, life is moving on without you.  It helps to remember this sometimes.
12. Release control. Of course we want to be in control, but when we relinquish it we tend to free ourselves up.  Allow yourself to make mistakes.  After all, that's where the learning and growth really happens.  We learn from our failures, but to fail we need to release control.
13. Think about worst case. What’s the worst that could happen? I have crumbled on stage in front of hundreds of people.  My wife still loved me; I lived. Life goes on.
14. Look within. What is the root of your fear? Meditate on it. Look inside and ask yourself when the fear started. How far back does your fear go? Did you have an early failure that has stuck with you?  Explore it.  That's what life is all about.

Overcoming fear requires a growth mindset; an attitude that we can grow and change if we choose. Nothing is "locked in" forever; we can change.

It takes time and practice.

Hopefully the tips above will help you begin your journey to ditch fear.