i hate goodbyes.

it's one thing i've come to learn. but as much as i may despise them, i realise that they're something altogether necessary. like now.

in case you were wondering, though i know most of you have pretty much figured it out, the time has come to finally end this blog. it's been lots of fun and i've enjoyed every part of it. god only knows how much i've cherished the experience.

so thanks for sticking around; i hope you've enjoyed your stay. and yeah, i guess this is it.

goodbye.

x

1st june 2005 - 12th may 2009

remember that little dance performance i found myself involved in a few weeks ago? well, they actually recorded it for the dvd - and the clip can now be viewed on youtube.

feel free to snigger.

christmas was joyful.

i managed to fool santa once again this year and got myself some pretty nifty presents. was rather expecting the fat bastard to catch on, considering the amount of sordid deeds i had committed throughout the year. but instead of a bagful of coals, i'm now the recepient of some lovely gift vouchers as well as a pamper pack at a seaside spa resort - happy ending not included. i guess i'll have to pitch in the extra dollar or two.

as well as the sackful of presents were the three part feasts and gatherings with breakfast at mine, lunch at my brother's and dinner at my brother-in-law's. i ate so much that i had to have two naps to get me through: one before AND one after lunch.

this christmas was also more special than most since it was a firsts of many: the first time in a couple of years all of us celebrated together at home; the first time two families met each other; and the first time in which i wasn't the one to get absolutely "merry". see, miracles do happen at christmas time!

as for new year's eve, well, i'm not planning on anything too exciting. most likely, i'll be spending it at my brother-in-law's house, which often proves to be party central. i'm really hoping to get blindly drunk this year. been hitting the bottle since christmas eve and so far failing miserably from my efforts. i'd be totally ashamed if i wasn't seeing in the first day of the new year with my head in the toilet bowl and a pounding headache in the morning. i'd be letting down the team.

damn alcohol-resistant kidneys.

anyway, whatever you end up doing, here's hoping that you and yours have a fun and safe new year's eve celebrations. and may the coming year bring much joy, laughter and inordinant amount of booze.

...and all through the house, not a creature is stirring not even a mouse...

no, actually. that's a lie.

the house is, in fact, quite busy. mum's in the kitchen banging away at the pots and pans, madly preparing for our christmas day feast, while dad's somewhere outside, cleaning and tidying up the garden, ready to make a good impression with the jolly fat man and his reindeers. over in the next room, my sister is busier than an elf wrapping up last-minute christmas presents, and even the family dog is sniffing around excitedly around the christmas tree.

as for me, well, i've just finished putting up the last of the christmas decorations. this will be the first christmas at our home after a couple of years' absence (this time last year, we were all overseas on a family vacation) and so we've been making that little extra effort with yuletide preparations, decorations and even presents.

i don't think it's too much. do you?

i guess it's one of those things we take for granted these days, but having just come home from an evening of drinks and dinner with my friends, gemma and ingmar, i'm reminded of how much the internet has made the world a much friendlier, much smaller place.

it really shouldn't come as a big surprise considering that's how i met the two. online.

in fact, ingmar and i have long been blog buddies who have only recently taken the steps to meeting in person. this after reading and commenting on each other's blog for years! and it wasn't until we both joined social networking site, twitter, where we finally decided to take the plunge. that's also where we met little snarky pixie babe, gemma; herself, a blogger and a regular internet habitué.

and tonight was the culmination of numerous 140 character missives and online messages exchanged. the three of us finally getting together in real life. over beers and serves of pub grub, we got to know one another. it really was as pleasant as expected. and it seems that there are things still bound to amaze, in spite of the countless online conversations we've had.

having discussed artistic talents (ingmar is a visual artist, gemma is a musical artist, and i, a con-artist!), i asked gemma where she took her university studies.

"melbourne uni," she replied.

"how strange," i exclaimed, genuinely surprised. "so did i... what year?"

"oh, from 1997."

"me, too... which building?"

"the music one, right across from..."

"the science building!"

anyway, after we finished our collective squeeees, it turns out that we pretty much stomped the same grounds, at the same time, and guaranteed the possibility of having previously run into one another.

and to think, it took the internet - and almost ten years - before we finally got to know each other. it really is full of win!

with endless parties and get-togethers, not to mention that all-important festive season gift-shopping, the days leading up to christmas is certainly hectic and frenzied enough. you most certainly needn't add anything further to that busy social calendar. right?

wrong.

every year, big name music artists make their way downunder in december for stellar end-of-year sold-out performances - and this one is no different.

with two major concerts within three days, i watched alicia keys sing her way through a soulful performance on wednesday, while our very own, kylie, raised the roof on friday for an awe-inspiring show. it was a great way to usher what should be a banging summer party season.

i finally got around to doing some much-needed yuletide shopping yesterday. i don't normally leave my gift-buying so late into the season but with the days going faster than a group of fat chicks to the buffet table, i'm at least glad i've made a start.

i've decided that this year will be all about creativity. the creativity to make last my few dollars as possible but without compromising on my renowned gift-giving cred. you see, the credit crunch has hit hard - or, rather the interest on my credit card has! so, gone are the days of lavishing loved ones with multiple presents that are at least $50 in value each. this year, i've had to resort to actually putting more than the usual creative thought needed into my gift ideas.

here's but a few of the things i've come up with:

• little wine bottles and assortments of chocolates done up as 'alcohol and sweet' hampers for friends and colleagues;
• candid digital photos printed on nice glossy paper and housed in a beautiful frame as memorable and sentimental gift momentos;
• store vouchers presented creatively, such as a shoe voucher gift-wrapped in an empty shoebox;
• little parcels of themed presents, like a teapot filled with an assortment of different teabags in a beautifully wrapped gift box;
• and finally, engraved items of sentimental importance, such as an especially inscripted hammer for a couple who've recently moved into a new home

as you can see, most are relatively inexpensive which require only that little bit more of an effort. but when done right, such thoughtful parcels could potentially have more of an impact to the person receiving than something costly that would ultimately prove crass and impersonal.

so, have fun with your gift-giving this year - and don't be afraid to be different or unusual. not everything has to be the latest, the most fantastic nor the most expensive. i mean, even santa manages to gift wrap his coals for christmas.

just don't be giving me that for a present; i've been good this year.

at some point in my pre-pubescent years, i developed an anxiety-related condition which really affected my confidence and self-esteem when going through puberty. i really don't know how it all came about - fueled partly by body image, partly by sexuality? - but what i do remember is how debilitating it was when an attack occurred.

aside from the occasional foray into group singing, i avoided doing most things that involved public performance. the simple thoughts of all those eyes watching and judging were paralysing.

i guess now i've come a long way.

last saturday i stood behind the theatre curtains by the side of the stage, watching as the girls from our club's dance school perform their routine in front of the hundreds that were seated in the audience. it was the school's end of year concert and this particular performance by the senior group was the penultimate act for the night. it was meant to be the show stopper.

dressed in black 40s-inspired dresses, replete in tassels, and complete with headwear decorated in feathers, the girls sashayed and twisted their way through the jazzy vocal stylings of duffy's mercy. it was a funky, sexed-up number that had the crowd mesmerised. it looked amazing from the sidelines.

for the last couple of months, i've been rehearsing with the girls for this very routine. after years of simply being the school's door bitch, signing in and signing up dance students, i finally found myself a part of the ensemble. persistent requests from the school's dance principal - a friend - convinced me to bite the bullet and so after many weeks, there i found myself, at the sidelines, ready to make my stage debut.

and then it happened. as the girls pointed to the invisible person behind the curtains, so was my cue to join them. i slid across the floor towards the middle of the centre spotlight and did my thang. a step here, a twirl there and before you know it, it was all over. i couldn't really see the crowd beyond the bright lights but the numerous cat-calls, wolf-whistles and the occasional "go r*yan!" must have meant that they found our performance good. i felt pumped and exhilarated.

it was then i remembered that young chubby, painfully shy kid in high school and how much at this point he would have found himself absolutely petrified.

at least this time, i didn't need to change my pants.

today is exactly two weeks until christmas. are you ready? it's kinda scary, not to mention more than a little overwhelming, to think that we're now closing in on the end of the year. the final turn around the blocks; the finish line ready to be crossed. not that it's a race mind, just that at times it feels that way.

i grew up in a culture where christmas is celebrated with immense joy and anticipated even more. growing up, it wasn't uncommon to hear carols being sung and for ornaments to be seen displayed as early as september. in fact, as soon as august ends and the new month begins, seemingly it turns into the festive season overnight. it still happens even now.

for this reason, you wouldn't be surprised to know then that i am absolutely enamoured with this time of the year. while i might not be as fanatical as those people from back home, i still celebrate christmas with much gusto. that means decorations, gifts and carols. in fact, i love carols so much that sometimes i listen to them even when it isn't christmas. music helps me feel happy and nothing makes me happier than yuletide songs. for me, they embody the joyous spirit of the season.

what's unfortunate, however, is that not everyone feel the same way.

at work the other day, chatting to colleagues at reception, two ladies walk in waiting to pick up their daughters, our clients. they sit on the couches, the other side of the room, as carols are piped through in-house speakers. a playlist of songs that have been carefully cut from my own list of christmas music. over the sounds of saxophone, violin string and timpani bells, i hear the two talking. loudly.

lady #1: oh, i really hate carols.
lady #2: so do i. i hear it at work all day and it gets very annoying.
lady #1: i can't believe how people can stand listening to it.

my colleague gives me a quizzical look. she knows what i'm thinking.

lady #2: well, they're not too bad, i guess...

a redemption?

lady #2: ...but really, it's just too early to play them. a day or two maybe, or even just on christmas day, but definitely not two weeks before.

the other starts to reply but by this point, i no longer hear her. the reason? i turn the music up so loud that not only does it drown out their whining voices but neither of them can here the other speak. they turn to reception to see what's happened.

and there i am, standing with my hand clearly on the audio system's volume dial, smiling and mouthing the words, "merry christmas, bitches."

i really hope they got that last part.

two weeks since my last post and i finally find the time to sit and write down my thoughts. honestly, it’s been absolute chaos. one minute it’s november – surprised that i’m again celebrating another birthday – and next, it’s well into december, with christmas only a few weeks away. it’s madness.

in any case, so much of what i’ve been doing lately is just that. doing. with hardly any time for introspection or even the most momentary of reflection, the result has been a dire stretch of writer’s block. seriously, can someone come and pimp their muse over my way?

driving to the studio early sunday morning for another day of filming, i heard on the radio a body+soul expert talk about the practice of “slowing down”. it sounds a lot like new-age bs, and on the surface it does seem that way, but the concept is not without merit. the practice involves consciously slowing things down not only in the way one acts, moves and speaks, but also in the way one thinks. it’s the mental equivalent of a holiday... or the childhood equivalent of the time-out. either way, it's meant to prevent the likelihood of a burn-out. and that’s what really hit home for me.

i’ve been doing way too much of everything that i’ve barely had any time to think, let alone to just be. i feel i’m inching ever so closely to that, to fizzling out, that even the tiniest hint of inspiration has been eluding me. it’s been frustrating to say the least.

my point? you know what, i really don’t know if i even have one, nor i feel like a should. i guess i’m just glad that i’ve finally had the time to sit and update... and have back a small semblance of cohesive thought. it’s a start – and hopefully something that’ll last.

the best and worst part of the weekend was the surprise my mum decided to pull on me. i should have expected that she was up to something.

to say that this year has flown would be an understatement in the likes of saying that the london eye is a mere ferris wheel, or that amy winehouse has a slight substance abuse problem. the speed at which the days have passed have been at times quiet overwhelming. after all, it only seemed like yesterday when i was getting ready to leave for my overseas sojourn, eager to celebrate for the first time in a very long time my birthday with family back home. i can't believe how quickly the twelve months have flown.

on sunday, my family and i began my birthday celebrations with the typically frenetic popular chinese experience of yumcha. over serves of delicious dumplings, chinese tea and mango puddings, we spent the kind of togetherness that i've been sorely missing over the last few weeks. i didn't realise how much i've craved their company.

later that day, i headed to the radio station for our late evening broadcast. being so close to midnight on a sunday makes our show a little hard to be accessible to the usual gaggle of on-air callers. so it came as a nice surprise to hear the otherwise silent phone ring. when the call was patched through and the caller was introduced, i couldn't believe who it was on the other line. it turned out to be mum!

seldom does she listen to our show and never before had she rung, but there she was speaking with the whole crew. the reason? she wanted to pass on her birthday greets live on-air; a surprise set-up that she'd organised with the rest of the broadcasters. i turned a shade of crimson very quickly. i found it incredibly touching but also absolutely embarrassing.

i have no qualms with expressing my love to friends and family nor do i have any problems with passing on my praises to others, but when it comes to the same attention being heaped on me, i get extremely uncomfortable. i don't know why that is exactly. i can certainly theorise a number of reasons, but it really just boils down to one thing: not wanting the spotlight to be focused on me (i know, don't be shocked).

in any case, mum's surprise call wrapped up a wonderful day spent with family and friends. it also sets up the time ahead for more of the same; times that may have its embarrassing moments but one that will surely be memorable.

i can't believe my birthday has finally come around again.

sitting outside in the late afternoon sun, a bunch of us had walked down to the nearby pub for a few drinks after our last tv show taping on sunday. with me were five other crew members - all girls - as well as our male producer. post-filming debrief talk turned to casual chit-chat until my producer, seated next to me, asked out loud a question that i wasn't prepared for.

"so r*yan, apart from the community newspaper, don't you also write for another publication? a gay and lesbian one?"

the table went quiet and all eyes turned to me. i gulped. but before i could answer his question, one of the girls fired out another.

"are you gay?"

well, no time like the present. "yes. yes, i am."

"oh...," came her reply.

since joining the community tv crew as the newest host, i have felt a little unsure about saying anything regarding my sexuality. although not something that i feel i need to do at all, i have found from experience that disclosure often makes forming new personal relationships a little easier. i am able to be comfortable to be who i am, to say the things that i am wont to say as well as behave in the way that comes naturally. while not your hot pink-coloured garden variety of flaming queer, my mannerisms do lend themselves to speculation. so, i'd rather be up-front than vague. coming out prevents chinese whispers.

and i would have mentioned something much earlier if it weren't for a couple of things that has struck me during the time i've spent with the crew. for one, the use of the word "gay" to describe things that are lame, bad and even weird occurs with surprising regularity. the occasional discussion on alternative sexualities can sometimes turn into juvenile jokes and jeers. and not to mention the testosterone-fueled innuendos that fly between the male members.

i'm only a few years older when compared to the rest of the group, and i'd like to think that i can get along with the best of them, but sometimes i feel like a right-royal old prude when we're all together. especially when they do any of the things i've mentioned. is this really what the younger generation is like?

hence the reason why i have not yet said anything about myself - until a few months later when the question had finally been asked.

"yes, i'm gay," i repeated.

"so...," she started to say, "that makes three people on this table!"

three? it came as a real surprise. here i was thinking that i was surrounded with nice, but ignorant, straight young people. had no clue that amongst the midst were other queers!

"actually," cut in another, "make that three gays and a bisexual."

heads swivelled.

"yes, i'm bi," admitted the other girl sheepishly, "but i'm not really out."

and so began spirited discussions that covered anything and everything queer, including personal stories and interesting experiences. even the remaining heterosexuals present put their two cents in. it was well into the evening by the time i remembered to check the time.

"so, i have a question," i asked when finally a lull in the conversation occurred. "what's with the gay jokes?"

"actually, that sort of annoyed me too," answered one of the girls.

"so, why not say something?"

"well, i know it's stupid but it's nothing that's malicious - plus i didn't want to say anything. you know, because i didn't know if there were anyone else getting offended by it."

i could appreciate the reasoning even if it was questionable.

"now that there are others, i'll speak up next time," she continued.

"or...," i said with a glint in my eye, "we can have some fun with it."

at the next taping, the girls are bringing in toys. i'm bringing a bottle of lube. see, coming out not only helps form wonderful new relationships, it's also a great leveler.

following on my post the other day on singing, i was sent this video by a friend. it's a star wars a capella tribute to composer john williams. while the guy doesn't actually sing the songs (he mimes the words, which are actually sung by an a cappella comedy group called moosebutter), the video is still full of win. see, that's geek-speak for awesome. no wonder, i liked this clip. enjoy!

in high school, i belonged to an a capella singing group as part of our year level's music program. i was the only boy in a group of eight girls and so by default had the part of singing baritone. so, while the girls were having fun harmonising and layering with their lyrics, i was stuck with repeatedly crooning phrases and words like "dum de dum, "dub dub doo" and even "bom bom boo" in the most deepest voice i can muster. i felt embarrassed from having to sing something that sounded so stupid and nonsensical.

for the end-of-year performance, we settled on singing boyz II men's late 90s classic, end of the road. it was a pretty easy decision considering how popular the song was back then but at the same time a dicey choice for the very same reason. if we didn't hit the song just right, we'd be laughed at and crucified.

several months of hour-long rehearsals and the time had finally come. up on stage, in front of the whole student faculty, we lined up. i'm pretty sure that it was all very obvious to everyone how nervous we all were. sixteen year olds, front and centre for all to see, about to do something most of our peers would have thought completely daggy and lame. i felt particularly anxious seeing that i had no other line for the entire song except for my constant "shoo dup, shoo dups". still, the time had come to suck it up and perform.

aside from a couple of stuff-ups in the beginning, mainly due to nervous tension, we performed pretty well. we were in tune almost the whole time and even my deep voice dub-dub-dubbing worked out nicely. i guess the crowd's applause and wolf-whistles said it all.

after the show, friends of the group came over to congratulate us. they mentioned how nice we all sounded. even our singing teacher heaped his praises. then one boy, a rather cute-looking one, turned to me in front of the group and said rather loudly, "i especially liked how r*yan did that deep thing with his voice. it reminded me of that singer. the black gay one. you know, marvin something..."

"marvin gaye, you mean?," i asked.

"yeah, him." he replied. "but it doesn't matter if he's a poof. he still sounded good. just like you."

oh, if he only knew.

i spent most of the weekend helping my brother move. he finally got the keys to his new place on friday and we've been busy transforming it into a homely palace. it's been exhausting but fun work - and i'm sure he really appreciated having everyone together at his place.

my brother and his partner are probably two of the most responsible young adults that i know. both are the same age - which puts them about 8 years younger than i am - and yet they have achieved more in terms of wealth and security than either me or most of my peers have so far or ever would. i really do admire the guts and determination that they both possess and it's safe to say that i'm quite rightly chuffed and proud.

long-time readers of this blog and those who know me personally would be familiar with the tumultuous relationship i've had with my younger brother, especially during his later teenage years when all we seemed to do was butt heads. it was a rebellious phase coupled by different personality traits that culminated in him moving out under the worst of circumstances - and there followed more than six months of dead silence when neither the two of us spoke. i often wonder how difficult that time had been for him.

years later, we've patched up our differences - and exchanged plenty of words along the way; some bad, some terse, but on the whole, all good.

taking a much-earned lunch break during sunday's effort, the whole family gathered around the table in my brother's new dining room. since it was going to be the first time that a meal would be shared in his home, i suggested having a thanksgiving prayer before we started to commemorate the special occasion. he must have been taken by surprise since we hardly ever do such things that my brother declined to lead. i wondered why but when asked, he simply shook his head. my sister volunteered instead.

after it was over and everyone got busy piling up their plates, i saw my brother dab quickly at his eyes. when he saw me looking, he smiled that sheepish smile that has been his trait since childhood.

i realised then why he had refused, why my little brother chose to remain quiet. not because he didn't have the right words to say. nor was he too shy to say them. he isn't the type.

no, the reason why my little brother was speechless is because, at times, words can simply be too much. smiles are more than enough.

for all the controversy that seems to follow him, snoop dogg is hardly the unintelligible party boy thug that he is often portrayed. in fact, the american rapper is opinionated, considerate and quite eloquent in his unique street-smart way.

when asked in an interview about his thoughts on the possibility that america will soon have its very first black president, snoops’ response was not only painfully honest but surprising as well.

he recalled, as a young child, being forced to lie about his future aspirations of wanting to be the leader of the country. he was afraid of the ridicule that would ensue from what was then a seemingly absurd idea. instead he had answered what seemed to him more plausible: a janitor when he grew up. but recent changes in the political climate in his country, heralded by the election campaign of a once-unlikely presidential candidate, have given snoop cause to be hopeful. not so much for himself, but for his own children. that one day when similarly asked, both his sons would be empowered to give the answer that he once shamefully denied.

because, of course, such thing is now indeed possible.

the appointment of senator barack obama as the president of the united states of america is a significant point in history. the symbolism and precedent that it sets is something that isn’t lost on anybody.

here is a man, raised in poverty, who through hard work, perseverance and a good dose of faith and ability has reached and broken through the highest of all glass ceilings. a hundred and fifty years of history carried on his shoulders – an event that many firmly believed they would never see in their lifetime. it’s no wonder hundreds of thousands danced in the streets.

but in a country now rejoicing a seemingly all-conquering wave of possibility and change, our american gay brothers and lesbian sisters are once again left bereft of joy and filled with uncertainty.

on the same day the world witnessed president obama elected into office, the western state of california also saw a different kind of election; minor in comparison but profound in consequence nonetheless. californian constituents entered the polling booths to vote on proposition 8, an amendment to their constitution poised to ban and make illegal all same-sex marriages in the state. sadly, it has been passed with the narrowest of margins, much to the disappointment of opponents and the gay and lesbian locals who would be ultimately affected. it is a disheartening, if not ironic, outcome.

but perhaps all is not lost. despite the disappointing backward step from a once-markedly progressive march, there is hope yet of cresting the forward surge of change that is bound to sweep the nation. that perhaps in our own lifetime, in our own history, we can finally see the shattering of our very own ceiling: that of full recognition and equality. after all, there is something quite promising and heartening when the newly elected president of the free world finally addressed the nation – a thank you speech – and included a gesture to a group so rarely acknowledged in such light, the gays.

that, in itself, is most definitely a symbolic precedent.

halloween was amazing! my friend, jug, and i went to not one, but two dress up parties and both were pretty great.

i've been excited about halloween all week. it's a holiday that appeals to my somewhat morbid sensibilities and feeds into my fascination of all things spooky and ghoulish. what's more, it's the best excuse to get kitted up - and you and i know that always prove to be lots of fun.

jug came as darth maul, or darth dildious as i knicknamed him, the jedi from star wars. he had his whole face painted in that evil-looking black and red markings and even bought a flashing lightsaber to complete the whole look. when he turned up at my door, i think he scared the little kiddies who were there trick or treating. obviously, he was pretty convincing.

as for me, i dressed up as a dark angel. i went and bought myself a pair of black angel wings earlier in the week and even stitched on some extra feathers to make it more badass. on the day, i enlisted the help of my sister (surprising as it sounds, i have no clue about make-up) and i soon had a pair of dark eyes that pete wertz would envy. i thought i looked pretty gothic-like and was even impressed at how it all turned out... until i got to the first party and a guy who was dressed as a trash bag called me 'pigeon boy'. i should have pooped on his garbage bag-lined head.

anyway, instead of getting all precious and pissy about the whole thing (which yes, i do sometimes), i decided to run with the bird reference instead.

so without further ado, i present to you the very first issue of...

the first time i heard this song, i was four years old. dad had just returned from america and brought with him a heap load of stuff from the states. michael jackson's new album, thriller, was one of them.

at the time, michael was *the* ultimate pop star and his latest release was the thing to have. of course, no one knew back then that years later it was gonna be one of the world's highest ever selling. or that michael would become far scarier than the character he portrays on the video. nope, the only thing people cared about was how cool this song was.

dad warned me not to listen but because i was such an obedient child, i of course didn't listen to him. too excited to find out what the whole fuss was about, i took the walkman and the brand new cassette tape and snuck it into my room. there i proceeded to hear the song for the very first time.

by the time the final monologue had played out and vincent price had done his maniacal laugh, i'd dropped the walkman and run screaming for mum.

i also wet my pants.

i'm not banned from listening to this song anymore and i've grown to really like it - i think it's one of the best song and music video ever made - but i still can't help but feel like going to the toilet every time i hear it.

picture it: sydney, early weekend morning. i watch from the hotel room balcony as a steady stream of people make their way down oxford street to join the large throng that has already gathered in hyde park and surrounding areas.

from where i'm standing, my eyes take in a sea of bodies. there must be tens of thousands of them down below. a kaleidoscope of individuals, some are costumed simply in feathers and wings while others are even more creatively decorated. a few brave souls are clad in nothing more than body paint. most, though, are dressed appropriately for the occasion. short running shorts, skin tight lycra and comfortable runners that have seen their fair share of kilometres of pavement.

but this isn't mardi gras. it isn't even a gay and lesbian event. it is, however, another popular sydney gathering known world over. it's the city2surf fun run.

it's unusual to see the areas surrounding oxford street barricaded and not catch glimpses of the fantastically flamboyant floats usually lined one after the other. or the hundreds of bright pink coloured banners and rainbow flags being waved with so much pride. instead, there are groups of athletes, casual runners and a plague of breeders with prams. running bibs decorate one and all.

and amongst this chaos is my friend, scott. here especially for the event and recently 'out', scott has flown over the border as part of a small contingent fronting up on behalf of a running group in melbourne. a club that is made up of gay, lesbian and queer-friendly runners, it is an activity social club whose sexuality is a uniting factor but with a main interest centred firmly on pounding the asphalt. it is one of many in a trend of associations that largely focuses on specific activities and not solely on the sexuality of its participants.

"i initially found out about gay sporting clubs at my first melbourne pride march," says scott when quizzed on how he got started. "i had always been into sport so i thought i would give it a go. i went to one of their saturday morning social runs and i've been going along ever since."

while most individuals seeking initial contact with the community will approach support groups, such as those facilitated by organisations like the victorian AIDS council, guys like scott have taken a different course altogether. although similarity in sexuality helps, to them a common interest seems more paramount – and in scott's case, that's sport: "the best thing about sport is you can socialise while doing it, which opens up more avenues for conversations and getting to know people."

scanning the community contacts list on any gay press reveals at least a dozen other 'common interest' gay groups. from film buffs and 4wd enthusiasts to tennis and rugby supporters, even one for board game addicts. you name it, and more than likely it exists.

so does this mean such groups provide more of a support than actual support groups?

"no, not really," scott says. "support groups are still vital parts of the community. activity social groups simply provide another facet – a variety – for an already varied kind of community."

october is about to wrap up and that means halloween is only around the corner.

while it's never really been a big thing here in australia, i've always loved the thought of celebrating all hallow's eve. i guess it appeals to my love for things horror and supernatural. though i've never actually been out trick or treating myself nor carved my very own jack o'lantern like they do in america, i can appreciate the fun the whole thing brings.

which is why i'm really looking forward to this year's celebrations.

yours truly has been invited to no less than three separate halloween parties - and all are dress-ups. so excited in fact that i even have my costume already worked out. i won't reveal what it will be just yet but let me say that i've never been this excited to be carrying something on my back. i'm even splashing out on make-up. for a guy that doesn't even know, let alone like, having powder done on his face, that's a leap.

now, my only dilemma is how to pace myself for the evening. as with all great parties, they'll surely be a great number of (free) booze. i really don't want to turn up at the last shindig only to start bobbing for more than apples...