Via terpsboy


I love it when I come across something like this, just a sudden laugh out loud.

UPDATE: the AR is sold.

It was mentioned to me today, that it had been a while since I had posted something. Although true, I have a hard time figuring out how it is any of his business.(J/K)

Anyway, I Had the perfect weekend from a sports perspective, see the following;

• My son won his soccer game
• My daughter won her soccer game
• The Tigers won, although they looked like shit doing it
• The Cowboys won, of course
• Both Tennessee and Ole Piss lost.

Wow, what a weekend, wish they could all be like that.

Just finished watching a nail biter between Mississippi State and the Tigers. Tigers won, but just barely. If the Tigers don't start getting their heads out of their asses, we will not go much farther in the Dance. Bad defense, bad free throw percentage, bad passes, we gotta lot a spainin' to do. I know this team has the talent to win it all, what I do not know is what the missing thing is. But it is missing.

I was checking my hit counts today and noticed a huge surge in the last few days. I looked it up, the Google bots have found my Kate Beckinsale nude experiment from last year. I am getting over 30 hits a day from that alone. I suppose I should have something of import to say to all those folks yearning to see Kate's goodies, But I can't come up with a thing.


For now I will leave with this....



HOW ABOUT THEM COWBOYS!!!!!!!

I am still here, I just don't have anyhting to say right now.

I think I am too busy waiting on football season to start.

I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade
.
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.

You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, some
one said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.

You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?

What year did Jesus think it was?

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.

Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

“No comment” is a comment.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!

Hooray for most things!

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Life is a zero sum game.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory

funny shit!

Via Terpsboy

I shouldn't laugh but this is right on the money.


Dear God:
Why didn't you save the school children at ?. ..

Moses Lake , Washington 2/2/96
Bethel , Alaska 2/19/97
Pearl , Mississippi 10/1/97
West Paducah , Kentucky 12/1/97
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97
Jonesboro , Arkansas 3/24/98
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98
Fayetteville , Tennessee 5/19/98
Springfield , Oregon 5/21/98
Richmond , Virginia 6/15/98
Littleton , Colorado 4/20/99
Taber , Alberta , Canada 5/28/99
Conyers , Georgia 5/20/99
Deming , New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson , Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee , California 3/ 5/01
El Cajon , California 3/22/01 and
Blacksburg, VA 4/16/07 ?

Sincerely,
Concerned Student


Dear Concerned Student:
Sorry, I am not allowed in schools.
Sincerely,
God

via Chris Byrne


I agree totally. If just one person had been allowed the right to defend themselves at VT, thing may have been alot different. I like this well though out and lucid argument. I wish I was half as able to make it as Chris is.

When I have gun questions here is where I go. I am flabbergasted that I have not added him to the blog roll yet. Don't get me wrong, Kim is great and Say Uncle is just as good, but nobody goes into more detail than Chris.

Say Uncle has a great round up of events

I am going to take a step back from this. My First reaction was, of course, horror. My next reaction was, see, those damn gun free zones don't do shit to stop gun violence. I ranted and raved at work about how the GFW have made it their business to deny those students the right to defend themselves and so forth. Upon further reflection I have decided that that is 100% wrong headed.

Now don't misunderstand me, if a CCP holder had happened to have been nearby things might have turned out different, Maybe. Upon reflection I realized that many of those kids were well under 21 and CCPs would be few and far between. So? What now? Where can I vent my considerable anger at this situation. Well I started thinking about my own family and in a few years I will have a child in college, where do todays events leave me?

I have come to one inescapable conclusion, Why were those children not protected?

Seems like a fair question. We put money and gold things in vaults with locks and guards. I am not saying lock up the kids but how about some access control, how about some quick response to situations, how about paying attention when somebody gets shot and not playing it down to something simple and easy to control. How come our most valuable item on the planet is openly available to slaughter? This question should ring louder than any other. Not more gun control, not more laws, not missed signs, but

who the f**k is protecting our children!!!!!!!!!!!

The families in Virgina are paying over $20000.00 per year to that institution and they cannot even defend against one man?? Unless more info comes to light in the next few days then I think VT should be held responsible for each and every death. The entire security apparatus should be scrapped and revamped. In fact I think campus security as a whole should be re-looked nation wide. We must protect our most valuable possessions.

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we ALREADY have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." - Thomas Jefferson


I did not bother to check any of the numbers or quotes but I totally agree with the sentiment.

I love this guys work.
I encourage you to buy his new book The good The spam and The ugly

He has one of the funniest writing styles I have read in a long time.

I also recommend his old cookbook; Eat what you want and die like a man.

It is one cookbook you should have in the den.

I was at the Al Chymia Shrine Circus this evening and I heard a young woman exclaim to her boyfriend/husband;

girl-can you believe what he makes those tigers and elephants do?

boyfriend/husband- He ain't MAKIN' them do shit, if those elephants did not want to do that stuff they could take that little stick from him and shove it up his ass and carry him around like the Olympic torch.

I nearly spit up my cotton candy.

Good point though.

Via Glenn Gun laws have the opposite effect in Britain

Anybody with half a brain could have predicted this. Of course, most of the people in power over there don't even have half a brain between them all. It is just like the Utah mall shooting. It creates a safe work environment for criminals. I carry business cards with me at all time that have a rebuttal to those pesky no firearms allowed signs. (cards)

Gun control means the ability to hit your target, period.

Yia Uncle

You Are 60% Republican

You aren't a full fledged Republican yet, but it's probably the party that fits you best.You probably consider yourself an independent Republican. You usually support the party, but you also think for yourself!

some of the questions were a bit loaded though.

Via The Hog

The last paragraph is the meat. I will excerpt here:

Oh, yeah. While you're having fun, remember that Christmas has something or other to do with that "Christ" guy. In a world where most religions see God or the gods as selfish, capricious jerks or apathetic administrators who don't care about human suffering, Christianity alone recognizes God as a person who loved us so much He came to earth in the form of a man and allowed Himself to be tortured to death by His jeering enemies so we could be free of the consequences of our own evil deeds.
A lot of religions require the sacrifice of human beings to please gods. Christianity's God sacrificed Himself for the benefit of human beings.
As end-of-the-year gifts go, that one is hard to top.

And there you have it.

I think Bryant Gumble is a poor excuse for Al Michaels. Chris Collinswoth, however, is pretty good.

Second thing, I roll over to my hit counter and HOLY SHITE!!, over 100 hits today alone. Thanks to SAY UNCLE for the link.

Most folks usually say something about if you like what you read here blah blah...

I do this totally for my own amusement. If something strikes me, ala Gumble, then I post, if not then well it may be a bit sparse here sometimes. So check back often as I am bound to come up with something witty eventually.

Go Cowboys
t3